Janice heard Mick's heavy footfall on the stairs and desperately swiped at her eyes in a bid to tidy herself up. He knocked gently on the door and spoke to her through it.

"Jan…you okay? You've been up 'ere fer twenty minutes." He sounded concerned, of course he would, and it added to her guilt.

"I'm fine Mick, must 'ave been something I ate. I'll be down in a bit."

"Alright love, take yer time yeah?" Janice listened as he went back downstairs and overheard Michael asking if she was okay. She cleaned herself up as best she could and took a long hard look at herself in the mirror. This was the life she had before she met Caroline and it was the one she was always destined for. Janice took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door, ready to re-join her family physically and emotionally for the first time in months.

"Mam! Are you alright now?" Michael asked as he took her hand and guided her gently to the sofa. Mick walked in from the kitchen as he dried his hands on a tea towel.

"Do you want a cuppa love?" Janice nodded and nearly wept at the kindness she saw in Mick's eyes. He loved her so much that he had allowed her to carry on her affair with Caroline. She wasn't honestly sure she would have done the same in his position and she knew that she was lucky to have him. He ducked back into the kitchen to put the kettle on and Michael snuggled up to his mum in an effort to comfort her. Janice stroked his downy hair and placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

"So what do yer think it was?" Janice looked up in confusion at her husband, her mind having temporarily wandered off.

"Sorry?"

"Whatever you ate? Caroline take yer to a fancy restaurant?" Janice's heart clenched at the sound of her lover's name, but she knew that she couldn't avoid talking about the American forever. Mick's words hadn't even been unkind, he knew that he couldn't compete with the sorts of places Caroline could afford and that were available to her in London. God, how much more kindness could Janice stand from her husband?

"Yeah, something like that." Mick came out of the kitchen with two mugs of tea in his hand a moment later and sat in the armchair opposite. They passed the rest of the evening as a family, catching up with each other and Michael sat down with his mum to do his homework. Janice retired to bed early without any dinner and left Mick and Michael to finish watching TV together.

Mick slipped into bed beside Janice and turned over to go to sleep. An arm worked its way around his waist and the attached hand and fingers tangled in his chest hair.

"Mick?"

"I thought you were asleep. You feeling better?" The question was ignored; Janice didn't think she'd ever feel better again after today's events.

"Make love to me Mick." The request shocked Mick and not only because Janice had been so unwell earlier that evening. She had never wanted him to touch her so soon after spending the weekend with Caroline. In fact it usually took days, more like a week before they resumed their usual sexual relations. And even then that had been tapering off for months now.

"Are you sure?" Mick turned over to face his wife and took her face in his hands. She nodded in the darkness and he kissed her soundly on the lips.

"Thank Christ! I'm absolutely bloody gagging for it!" It wasn't quite the romantic reaction Janice had hoped to receive but at least he was going to oblige. He lifted her nightdress up from her thighs and over her head and marvelled at her soft curves. He showed his appreciation by suckling on her ample breasts and the blood immediately rushed to his groin as the dusky nipples swelled in his mouth. His hands roamed roughly over Janice's backside, eventually pulling her knickers down and off before taking his own boxer shorts off. His semi-erect cock bobbed free and he sighed in relief.

"Pass us a johnny love." Janice reached into her bedside cabinet and scrabbled to find a condom in amongst her other personal things. Her hand stumbled across a silken box which contained a number of trinkets she had collected over the last few months from her time with Caroline and she barely concealed her gasp at the pain she felt upon finding it. Fortunately Mick had mistaken it for her excitement and gave her backside a gentle slap. Despite being on the pill, ever since Janice had become sexually intimate with Caroline she had suggested they use condoms whenever they had sex just as a precaution. She had been thinking more of Caroline than either of them. Mick heard the foil packet as it was ripped open and he leaned over Janice to kiss her. He used his lips to caress her neck as she reached between them to grasp his cock. She pumped the organ lightly until she felt it swell further. She took out the condom and slipped it on over his cock, hearing his groan at the tightness of the sensation. Mick worked his hand down his wife's body until he reached her entrance, experimentally running a finger along her folds before dipping a finger inside. He pulsed his fingers in and out until he felt her slick wetness.

"You ready?" He asked, aware that Janice had been unusually quiet. She breathed out a yes and Mick took that as his cue to sit back on his haunches. He grabbed a pillow from his side of the bed and placed it under Janice's hips. He took himself in hand and guided his cock slowly towards her entrance. Once he had teased his way in he gave Janice a few moments to grow accustomed to his girth. They kissed but Mick could see that his wife had been fairly passive since the start of it.

"Are you sure you're well enough love? We can stop now if you want." Not that Mick had much intention of stopping now, not when he was this close to getting his rocks off.

"I'm fine. Just get on with it." Mick was definitely not convinced Janice was completely up for this but then she squeezed his aching member with her internal muscles and all sense of doubt was temporarily removed. For a while they seemed to build up the rhythm together and then Mick needed more than Janice seemed willing to give. He leaned over her on his knees and held onto her hips to steady himself as he thrust harder and faster. It didn't take long for him to climax inside of her.

Once Mick had pulled out and dealt with the spent condom he snuggled up to Janice and attempted to lavish her body with attention. She meet his kisses with her lips but the rest of her remained still, even as he touched her entrance with his fingers once again in order to finish her off. She brushed his efforts aside and sat up to get out of bed.

"Jan, you didn't..." No, she hadn't climaxed and she had very little interest in doing so. Janice picked up her nightie and slipped it on over her head on her way to the bathroom.

"It's fine Mick, I'm just tired and a bit delicate at the moment." Mick pulled on his boxers and tidied up the bed whilst he waited for Janice to come back.

Janice sat on the loo long after it was necessary, deep in thought about what had just happened. She had desperately wanted to feel something by sleeping with Mick instead of this incredible numbness that seemed to fill her entire being. All her insides felt like lead and her body didn't feel like her own. She had wanted to try to slip back into her old life, to be the wife and mother she felt she ought to be and to block out her memories of Caroline. But she had ruined herself and caused the connection she once had with Mick to be broken forevermore. Now she was stuck in this limbo world, unable to have the one she wanted and no longer in love with the one she was with. Janice returned to her bedroom and internally sighed in relief that Mick had sorted out the bed sheets. She climbed into bed, facing away from Mick and pillowed her head on her hands. Several hot tears fell silently down her cheeks as she wondered what in the hell she had done.

The next morning Janice slept in and was grateful that Mick had been perceptive enough to sort Michael out and got him ready for school. Michael came up to kiss her goodbye and handed her a cup of tea as she sat up to receive it. Mick hung back for a few moments and waited until Michael was at the front door, ready and waiting for his lift.

"Janice…I'm so, so sorry. If I forced you to…you know…last night I'll never forgive meself." Mick looked so pitifully sorry and crushed about the whole thing. Janice felt more than lousy as the guilt turned into a great big bloody stone inside of her. She took hold of his hand and tried to give him her best reassuring smile.

"Of course you didn't love; I was just a bit under the weather. I'll be alright in a few days. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise yer." He visibly relaxed, but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He knew there was more to it than that but he let it go for the time being.

Several days later Janice was no further on in dealing with her feelings about Caroline, Mick and this entire situation. They had not spoken about the night she had come back from London even though Janice had moved herself in Telle's old bedroom. Whether Mick didn't know how to broach the subject or that he simply accepted it Janice wasn't sure. Michael appeared to have sensed something was wrong as he had become clingy and protective of her all of a sudden. He had always been a daddy's boy and normally sought comfort from Mick when required.

Janice sat on the settee reading a book with Michael pressed into her side watching the telly. Mick was in the kitchen cooking his infamous spaghetti bolognaise.

"Mam, can we go and see Auntie Caroline in the summer holidays?" It was the question she'd been dreading since she had come back from London. She put the book to one side and turned to face her son.

"I'm afraid not sweetheart."

"Why not? I were good last time weren't I?" Janice smiled sadly at the lad and another chunk of guilt settled itself inside of her. She was going to have to break his heart.

"Caroline and I are no longer friends, so I won't be going to London to see her anymore."

"She's still my friend though isn't she? I can visit her on me own?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that love. Best you forget about 'er and make some friends yer own age." Michael looked crestfallen and stomped of upstairs in tears before Janice could stop him. Janice heard him call out 'I hate you' from halfway up, but she let it go to give him time to calm down.

"What happened love?" Mick asked from the kitchen doorway having heard the entire exchange.

"Nothing, it's over."

"I'm sorry. I liked Caroline, I thought she did yer some good." Janice looked at her husband incredulously.

"Yer what?" Mick came and sat down on the settee beside her and took her hands in his.

"Just that it was good to see you with a friend and you've seemed more confident since you met her." Again, Janice could see no malice in his eyes and he seemed to be genuinely sorry. She felt yet another piece of guilt join the rest of the solid mass in her gut.

"Yeah, well...it doesn't matter anymore. We can get back to normal, forget it happened at all." Mick leaned forward and kissed Janice on the forehead.

"It will be good to get back to normal. In fact I've been wanting to talk to you about that. Yer mother called earlier to invite us out to see her and Mel in a few weeks, as soon as Michael finishes school of course. I think we could all do with a holiday." Janice felt lightheaded and was grateful that she was already sitting down. Going back to Benidorm was the last thing in the world she wanted to do. Of course she wanted to see her mum, but it was also where she met Caroline and she didn't think she'd be able to cope with the bittersweet memories of that particular holiday so soon after saying her final goodbye to the American. But Caroline was now consigned to the past and Janice had to make an effort to get one with her life. She swallowed down her feelings and cupped Mick's cheek, giving it a gentle pat.

"Yeah, sounds like a...great idea...just what we need." Mick certainly hoped so. He thought that maybe once Janice had a chance to relax away from home she might move back into their bedroom and things could really get back to normal. Janice felt like she was going to split into two. Her heart beat wildly in her chest with panic about going back and the strain of keeping up the pretence that everything was fine. She wanted to curl up underneath that giant rock of guilt weighing her down and never have to emerge from it again.