Chapter 3: Confusing Contemplations

[3 weeks ago, give or take]

"Good news, you get a car when you get out, and a baby, congratulations," said Loretta.

The words continued to echo in Emma's mind as she was left alone in her cell. She looked down on the pee stick. Emma hated that her guard had congratulated her. Why would there be cause for such a word because she suddenly found herself with life inside her? If her situation had been different then sure congratulations would have been okay but the word was meaningless.

Emma felt numb to everything. There was no hatred, no despise, no anger. Her feelings were as bare as the gray wall in the room. Nothing. Nothing but a blue positive on the stick that indicated one thing.

Pregnant.

Emma could feel her heart begin to race. When one second there was nothing now there was everything. Emma thought back to the moment it was created. She and Neal had waited for a family to leave a hotel room and they had taken it for ten minutes.

Growing up Emma had heard the fairytales, had heard about true love but never believed in any of it until she met Neal. It wasn't exactly love at first sight when they met but it was something and in a short time Emma had considered the possibility that maybe true love did exist.

Their life had been planned out by chance, Emma pointing to a spot on a map to indicate their new home. At seventeen she had been more than ready to settle down and start a life with the man she loved.

She hadn't expected to start a life, and an actual one at that; not like this. Had Neal not done what he did then maybe she could've considered the possibility of being a mom. At least she wouldn't have to go through it alone, they could do it together.

Emma again looked down at the pregnancy test and at her abdomen. She hated the life inside her. It was a reminder of all that she had lost: her boyfriend, her future, her freedom. And she hated Neal. He had left a piece of himself within her. It had happened once but sometimes that's all it took.

The car she could deal with, at least she wouldn't have to see those things for a while but this? To be reminded of the pain he had caused her for the next nine months seemed like a nightmare. Legally Emma still had eight weeks to decide if she wanted to keep it or not, having just found out about her pregnancy in her second month.

The thought of being pregnant hadn't occurred to her until the nurse in the infirmary had plainly given her a test after her second missed period. Emma had gone through several missed periods since puberty and despite the reasons for them she considered them a natural part of her life since it wasn't the most normal or the most stable.

It wasn't like that at all as she came to find. The blue positive staring at her as if to remind her that yes it's true.

Emma's hatred was not only on the thing inside her or on Neal. She carried some of the blame too. At the time making love to Neal had been the best thing to happen to her next to actually being in love. She had fooled around with other guys before but she had never let herself go all the way like she did with Neal. In a lot of ways he was her first: first serious relationship, first love, first person to have genuine sex with. She had trusted him more than she had ever trusted anyone in her pathetic life. She hated herself for all of it. She hated that she had agreed not to use a condom that afternoon. That's how deep her trust ran and now she was paying the price for it.

Emma couldn't take the blue positive staring at her, mocking her. She threw it across her cell. Her eyes began to blur as tears flowed but she made no noise.

Eight weeks was all she had left to decide and even that did not seem like enough time. After that her fate would be decided for her if she couldn't make the decision herself.