A/N: SO sorry for not updating. I needed some time to think about this chapter, but I'm glad it turned out the way it did. This chapter deals exclusively with Hephaistion and Heshaylae and their family, just letting you know that.

Don't own them, never will, original characters are mine, haven't we been through this already?

Chapter 12

When the sun rose, I awakened and immediately departed. I did not wait for Heshaylae or Arties and Media to awaken to say goodbye. As of today I did not know if I would come home, or even remember where my home was for that matter.

Almost as quickly as I had left my home, I arrived at the home of Aristander, the seer who had aided Alexander on many of his quests.

"I do not think this is a wise decision…" Aristander answered whence I had arrived and sat with him.

"I have not asked anything yet," I told him, quite confused.

"You forget, Hephaistion, I am a seer. I can see things that you cannot." Aristander answered. "You come to me because you wish to forget your past."

"Tis too painful to remember," I answered, not daring to look the man in the eye.

"If you wish me to erase your memory, Hephaistion, you forget all…" Aristander pleaded. "You will forget Heshaylae, and your children, Cassander as well."

"I only wish to forget Alexander," I reasoned. "My family, I wish I could have stayed in Macedonia and taken care of them instead of fighting useless wars to reach the end of the Earth." I drew in air. "I do not wish to forget Cassander either."

"I cannot erase parts, Hephaistion," he told me. "You cannot blame yourself for what Alexander has done," Aristander tilted my head so that I may look him in the face. "If I were to erase your memory you would not know who you are." Aristander mused. "You must go home, and replace the awful memories of Alexander with those of your family."

Aristander forced me to look at him. I suppose he did not want me to forget what he was telling me. "I will not do what you ask of me, Hephaistion, son of Amyntor, I will not let you forget what has happened…"

I looked at him, a confused look on my face.

"It has shaped who you have become…" he told me. I opened my mouth to protest. "I know, I know you do not like what is happening to you, the type of person you are becoming, but you are not an animal."

My mouth closed. Making a mark of an 'X' on my forehead, Aristander let me get up. "Go home to Heshaylae, Hephaistion."

I nodded, mounted my steed, and made my way home.

Dismounting, Heshaylae ran toward me. "Where did you go?"

Opening my mouth, I did not expect a backhand to the cheek. "Arties and Media were about to form a search party! They were even considering marching to the castle and asking Olympias for her aid!" I saw fire in her eyes. This was the first time I remember Heshaylae being angry with me. "Oh how I despise that woman, but I was willing, Hephaistion! I was willing to send my children to that vile snake of a woman to find you!"

My hand went to my cheek as I saw the tears form in her eyes. She shrunk away from me as if I would poison her if she came close.

"Don't you see, Hephaistion…" she begged of me as my hand dropped to my side. "Whatever Alexander has done to you, I have tried to mend, but it is not enough..." she choked on her words. "Will it ever be enough?"

I could not answer. I did not know how. The look in Heshaylae's eyes was enough to bring me to my knees. The hurt and fear mixed with relief made me cringe. She wanted to kill me, I had wronged her. A million and one words and a round trip from Hades would not have set things right.

"In time, Shaye, in time," I promised her. "Tis very difficult to undo fourteen years of abuse."

"Fourteen?" her eyes marred with tears. "Oh Phai…" she whispered. "What did he do to you?"

I took her by the hands and led her to the sitting room couch. Not letting go, my fingers intertwined with hers. The memory of the first time I realized I meant nothing to Alexander came flooding back into my memory.

We were in Babylon, being welcomed by the court that had belonged to Darius. I look over at the boy standing with his head down, as though he was paying respect to Alexander.

I saw him, and Alexander… he too, was not blind. He saw the same thing I saw. He just saw it in a different light.

That night Alexander took the boy back to his chambers. The noise and rumours I heard afterward… it disgusted me. If Alexander was having sex with Bagoas, I think they said his name was, I may as well have slit my wrists right there.

The next day I saw the same boy again, this time sitting next to Alexander. I wanted to vomit. The look of contempt of the Persian whore's face made me what to take a knife to him.

"Hephaistion," I heard in my ear. "Jealous of the young Persian, are you?"

"You could only wish," I sneered. Cassander had always tried to get a rise out of me, but I never gave him that satisfaction.

"I know you are," Cassander hissed in my ear again. "You're jealous because a eunuch has taken your place in Alexander's bed…"

I felt my fingers curl into a fist. I was so very close to turning around and splitting Cassander's lip open, but I did not. I considered myself to be quite controlled when it came to my emotions.

Finally, when Alexander reached over and kissed the boy again, I got up and left the room as quickly as was humanly possible. Alexander, blind to what was right in front of him, did not notice that I had left, and I had no intention of letting him know.

"Continually he came back to my bed, begging forgiveness; that he did indeed love me, but by the end I had had enough. I had lain with Cassander the night before I left, and I did not look back."

Shaye now had tears in her eyes. "Oh Phai…" She let go of my hand and wiped her eye. "I'm sorry…"

"What are you sorry for?" I asked her, moving a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You did nothing."

"I did nothing when I should have done something!" she insisted. "I should have gone with you on the campaigns…"

"And expose Arties and Media to such horrors that I have witnessed?" I asked her. "You are not thinking, Heshaylae, to expose them to such things would tear me apart, I could not live with myself." I took her in my arms. "No, Shaye, you did the right thing by staying here."

I felt her stiff shoulders soften into my embrace, and I held her. I held her until her shoulders heaved, and she sobbed. All the pain I had caused her was being washed away. When she was finally able to stop herself, her eyes closed, and she fell asleep in my arms.