A/N: I finally updated this story! This chapter is very emotional and raw, as Hephaistion is speaking from a father's point of view, hi feelings about how his father treated him, and how he feels toward his own children.

Reviews always welcome.

Chapter 13

Alexander had just commissioned myself, Nearchus, and Cassander to his chambers. I knew not what he wanted, but I had just come from home, stunned with the news that I was to be a father. Heshaylae had just come to me with the news, but then I had been summoned. As I left to heed my king, I heard her retching into a bowl placed by the bed as she held her own hair back.

"I promise I shall be home within a few hours, Shaye," I told her.

"I hate you," she whispered before retching once again. "As long as I live I shan't ever do this again…"

"Make love or become pregnant?" I quipped.

"You really are not funny," she rasped, raising herself back up and laying on her back once again. "Just go, Phai, I will see you in a few hours…" I turned and heard a faint 'I love you' escape her lips before she closed her eyes.

I glanced back at her once more as I went out the door and walked the distance from my home to where I was to meet Alexander. Jogging as I got there, I received a glare from Alexander and Cassander.

"I apologize," I answered. "Heshaylae was very ill this morning…"

Cassander smirked at me. "Is she with child?"

I said nothing.

"She is, isn't she?" Cassander pressed me, "why else would you have put off such a meeting unless the woman you slept with was with child?"

Again, I said nothing. My eyes diverted over to Alexander, who only stood there, clenching his teeth together. Now he would understand how it felt to be ignored.

I turned from Cassander, as a way to ignore him. I wanted nothing more than to give him a bruised eye, but I clenched my fists.

It wasn't long until Alexander had dismissed the two of them and kept me behind. The look in his eyes took me he wanted answers.

Answers for what? I had been late for this meeting and Heshaylae was with child… simple as that!

"So…" Alexander paced in front of me, as though I were one of his soldiers. I was not. I was a general in his army. I deserved respect.

"What?" I replied.

"Your whore is with child?"

That made my blood boil. "Says the man who refuses to marry and leave an heir, even when his kingdom is at risk." I placed my hands on his shoulders as forcefully as I could. "She is not a whore. I did not take her as my whore." My eyes bore into his. "She is to bear my son, and she deserves respect."

"And if she bears you a daughter?" Alexander's eyes blazed.

"Just as well," I answered. "And, when the time comes for her to court and marry, with every suitor that comes to call I shall be at the door with my spear in hand."

Alexander chuckled despite himself. "The sex is not even determined and already you speak as though you are a father."

"I shall be soon," I enveloped him. "Lay a hand on my daughter and I shall have to stab you."

He chuckled again.

I was speaking as a parent. I did not have any children yet, and already I was speaking as a father.

My mind flashed back to the present, where Heshaylae is still asleep in my arms. She looks so peaceful I can only wonder how many times she has fallen asleep without me by her side. I feel horrible for all the times I could not protect her.

I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes. I feel a single tear run down my cheek. It was my fault that my children think me a sod; it is my fault that Shaye is so angry; it is my fault that I had not been there to protect them. Plenty of men stayed behind and took jobs in the city, why could I not be one of them? Why did I have to go off and fight with Alexander, a man I so desperately hated?

Oh yes, there was a time when I loved him, do not doubt it. Now as he is dead, I am glad. It is still hard for me to fathom that I am no longer under Alexander's command; that I may live my own life as I please. My children still see me as someone who may very well decide to leave and ne'er return.

I made a vow to myself that I shan't ever do that to them. They have spent seven years without me… I do not know them, and they do not know me. They mean so much to me; and I need to let them know that I am never going to leave them. I shan't walk out and leave their mother to fend for them alone. Whatever wages I earned while away I sent back to Heshaylae, so Arties and Media would never want for anything.

But then I realized that they did want for something. It was not money, nor fame, nor toys, they wanted me. Their father. And I was not there.

There was nothing I could ever say or do to make up for something so horrific. I knew the pain of not having a father around to hold you when things were tough, and I'd promised to never do the same.

I'd failed.

I was going to do what my father never did. I cradled Shaye in my arms and carried her to the bed. Kissing her cheek, he pulled a blanket over her and went to say goodnight to my children.

Arties and Media shared a bedchamber. It would be this way until they were too old to do so. Each tucked into their beds, I kissed first the forehead of Media, and then of Arties. I looked back on them as I closed their curtains.

Just before I closed their curtains fully, I noticed a figure coming toward the house. To keep them safe, I shut their curtains and went out to the front of the house.

There, standing in my doorway, was none other than Cassander.