SQSA MEETING—1-26-2013

Granny: Hey everyone! I hope you're all doing well! I think this meeting will be especially insightful, because we have a new addition to our team. August, we are so glad to have you. *beams at him*

August: Thank you Granny. I am glad to be here-

Leroy: Dude, what happened to your face?

Ruby: Regina punched him, because he kissed Emma.

Leroy: Oh. How did Regina justify that?

August: She said she didn't want Henry to see any PDA, and that it was inappropriate behavior.

Mary Margaret: Well, she kind of has a point. Why did you kiss my daughter anyway?

August: To see how Regina would react. DUH.

James: Oh…so you basically sacrificed yourself for our cause? You are one brave man. And just out of curiosity, where have you been?

August: Um, well, I—my body took a while to turn back to, you know, skin. Especially one part.

Leroy: *snorts* He means he had a wooden boner that wouldn't go down.

August: *glares at Leroy* Thanks, man. You're a real good friend. I told you that in confidence, damn it!

Belle: GUYS GUYS GUYS! I have some news...I was walking home from the library last night, and I walked past the Queen's house. Emma was standing on her porch. I heard them fighting, then I saw—I SAW EMMA KISS HER!

James: SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

Ruby: I swear to God, Belle, if you are screwing with us…

Belle: I'm not, I swear on my mother's grave.

Granny: Okay, give me a second to stop hyperventilating because of this new development. Well, this certainly changes things. I mean, we still have our work cut out for us, but this will give us somewhere to start from.

Mary Margaret: If I know Emma, she probably freaked out and ran away. She's a total commitment phobe.

Leroy: So what are we supposed to do with this?

Belle: Um, as a side note, I think we have a problem. I lost my flashdrive…I think it disconnected from my lap top when I dropped it last night outside of Regina's house. If I don't get it—

Ruby: Relax, Belle, you can go look for it tomorrow. For now can we just focus on the fact that EMMA KISSED REGINA?

August: *smiles* I knew I shipped them for a reason.

Granny: Speaking of that, we haven't got around to you yet, August. Would you mind telling the group when you started shipping Emma and Regina?

August: Sure. *gets up* I guess it started when I was in the diner with Emma one day, and Regina was sitting by the window. I walked over to Emma, and started talking to her, but she totally ignored me, and just kept staring at Regina. I even made up some stupid story about a bullfighter I met in Pamplona, but she just kept looking at Regina like she wanted to eat her whole. That was the moment my eyes opened. I ship them so hard my heart hurts. *eyes start to tear up* I'm sorry, this is just so hard for me.

Granny: *clutches at her heart* That was beautiful.

Leroy: Yeah, real emotional stuff. Honestly, the only reason I ship them is because I want to know how Regina is in bed. I figure Emma could give me some juicy details.

Mary Margaret: Do you want me to neuter you? Because I will.

Granny: Leroy, I'll kick you out like I did Whale if you make another comment like that.

Leroy: Fine, I'm sorry, I was just trying to be honest. Isn't that what support groups are for?

Ruby: This isn't just a support group, it's a club working to get Emma and Regina together. Now, we really need to formulate a plan of attack.

James: You make it sound like we're going to war.

Mary Margaret: We kind of are. It's just this time, we're not fighting against Regina, but for her.

August: Let's do this.

Leroy: Wait, guys, I want to show you something. *clears throat* Ah piddy da foo that messes with swan queen! Ah doo! Ah doo!

Belle: What was that? Because what I just typed makes absolutely no sense.

Leroy: That was my Mr. T impression.

James: Damn, that was good.

Ruby: Yeah, that really was…now do the terminator!

Granny: *grumbles* Why the hell did I even bother starting this group? CAN'T YOU PEOPLE FOCUS FOR TWO SECONDS?

August: Yeah, come on, everyone. I didn't get this shiner so we could sit here and do nothing. We need a plan. Maybe…maybe we could talk to Henry?

Granny: I don't want to scar the kid for life. We'd have to be subtle about it.

Ruby: I can talk to him. I think he kind of has a crush on me. Which would be adorable, if Henry was a dog person.

Sunday—Belle

Belle parked her car quite a ways from Regina's house—just to be safe. She tried to be casual, and not draw attention to herself, as she bent down by Regina's gate and searched the bushes, looking for her flash drive. She'd have to find it…the last two meetings of SQSA were saved on there, and she didn't want anyone else to find it—especially Regina. That would be horrible. She looked for a good fifteen minutes, practically ripping the leaves apart. She didn't notice a shadow come over her, and she shot up like a bullet when she heard a cold voice.

"Hello, Belle. Mind telling me why you're digging through my hedges?" Regina leaned on the gate, looking every bit in control. It made Belle almost wet herself.

"Um…I—I was j-just admiring the beautiful plants…" Belle breathed. "I'll be going now."

"I think that would be best." Regina smirked and strutted back down the walk.

Belle slunk away, knowing that she was so screwed. Her flash drive was probably sucked into a magical vortex, never to be found again. She just hoped Regina didn't have it.

Monday—August

August walked over to where Emma was sitting, knowing his apology would probably be flung back in his face. She was bent over the desk, actually doing paperwork. He smirked. Something had to be on Emma's mind for her to be doing something as mind-numbing as that.

When she noticed him, she rolled her eyes. "Here to make out with me again?" She bit out the words.

August slumped his shoulders. "I deserved that. I actually came to apologize. I shouldn't have kissed you, I was out of line. And I know it's not me you're into."

"You're damn right you—wait, what?" Emma, in true Emma fashion, frowned, like she had no idea what August was getting at. He liked Emma, as a friend, but in all honesty, sometimes she was a little slow on the uptake.

"No, hey, it's cool. I think it's hot that you swing both ways."

"Can you tell me what the hell you're talking about?"

August just smirked and leaned close to her. "I think you already know. Just give it some thought." He walked out of the office, a grumbling Emma in his wake.

Wednesday—Ruby

Ruby pulled on her apron, preparing for the afternoon rush…usually at around 3, the school kids would come in troves to the diner, most of them wanting ice cream. Henry was no exception. Ruby watched as he pushed the door to the diner open, and smiled when he caught her eye.

"Hey, Henry, how was school?"

Henry shrugged. "It was okay. Mary Margaret keeps trying to teach us things not in the lesson plan though. Like how to shoot and skin a deer, or she shows us maps of the Enchanted Forest, which only makes all the kids homesick."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, you are home. Storybrooke is your home, and we're all here for you."

"Yeah, I guess I just wish I hadn't missed out."

"Oh, trust me, you didn't. Our world doesn't have lap tops, toilets or cell phones. Not to mention game boys. Are you sure you want to live in a world like that?"

Henry shook his head.

Ruby laughed. "I thought so. Henry, you have it good here. You have two moms who love you, and would do anything for you."

"I just wish I knew why they fought so much."

"Oh, I have a few thoughts." Ruby smirked, almost evilly. "Listen, Snow and Charming are going to a meeting next Saturday. Maybe if you asked, they could bring you too."

Henry looked confused. "But why—"

"Sorry, that's all I can say. See you later, Henry!" Ruby disappeared in the back of the diner and hoped that she sparked the kid's curiosity just enough.

Thursday—Regina and Emma

Regina looked at her watch. Miss Swan should be here by now. She fingered the little device in her left hand, knowing she couldn't lose it. She had found it in the hedges in her front yard, and consequently, some of the material on it was quite appalling. Regina didn't really want to talk to the blonde, 6 days after said woman practically frenched her on her porch and then ran away—but this whole ordeal involved her. So she had left a message at the Sherriff's office, telling her to meet her at Barrow's park, which was where Henry's castle used to stand.

Emma cleared her throat, alerting Regina to her presence. Regina turned and assessed the blonde's appearance. Her clothes were disheveled, her hair frumped. Clearly she hadn't been sleeping. Serves her right. She hated what Emma had to her. She'd kissed her, making her let down her defenses, for a brief moment, then ran away, like a scared little girl. She was so frustrating!

"Why did you want to meet?" Emma kept her distance, like she was afraid if she got too close, she would catch a disease or something.

Regina held up the device. "I think there is something on this device that would interest you, Miss Swan." Regina pulled a lap top out of the bag she had slung over her shoulder, and connected the flash drive to it. She opened the document labeled SQSA MEETING # 1 and let Emma read it.

The blonde's face went from shocked to scandalized. "What the fuck? People want us to be…and my parents are in on it? What?

"I believe you can read silently, Miss Swan. Yes, apparently there are people in this town who believe we should be romantically involved."

"This is crazy!" Emma stepped away from Regina and started pacing like a maniac.

"Trust me, I know. The idea of us together is absurd."

"Totally!"

" Completely unfathomable."

"I mean, I hate you."

"I hate you too."

"Right."

Both women stopped and looked at each other for a moment, as if they knew everything they had just said was a crock of shit. They could tell, even though the words failed to come. They were both so good at keeping up a charade, when in reality, so many people put pressure on them to be who they were. Regina was expected to be an Evil Queen, a terrorist of hearts, a terrible person. Emma, in contrast, was the hero, the one who would destroy evil and blah blah blah. It didn't seem to occur to people who wrote these fairytales that the people in these stories were more complex, more human than they gave them credit for. And if Emma was the savior, where the fuck were the happy endings Henry talked so much about?

Emma broke the silence. "So what do we do about this?"

"I suppose we should find out where they're meeting and ask them who the hell they think they are, prying into our private lives like this. From the looks of it, this 'support group' was Mrs. Lucas' idea. I say we go over to the diner and make her talk."

Emma actually smiled. "I know you think the direct approach is best, but why don't we ask Henry? I'm sure he's got some clue. It looks like one of this 'group's' strategies was to get him on their side."

"Good idea." Regina never thought she'd give a compliment to the woman standing before her, but there it was. The awkwardness became unbearable, and Emma pulled at her jacket, just so she had something to do with her hands.

"Allright…I guess I'll talk to Henry, and call you if he tells me anything." Emma started walking back to the parking lot.

"Wait, Miss Swan…" Regina called. "Could I come with you?"

Friday—Henry

Henry twitched like mad. He was so nervous. He had no idea why, but he felt like he was being questioned like Snow White had been when his mom framed her for Katherine's murder—which hadn't turned out to be a murder at all. Just like Archie. Talk about confusing.

Emma leaned down to Henry's eye level. They were in Snow's apartment, but Charming and Snow were nowhere to be found. Emma took that opportunity to invite Regina over, and the former queen was standing there, patting Henry's shoulder gently, which only added to his nerves.

"Am I in trouble?" Henry bit his nails.

Regina smiled. "No, sweetie, we just wanted to ask you a few questions."

Emma sat on the stool to his right. "Have you noticed anyone acting weird lately? Like, I don't know, Ruby or Mary Margaret?"

Henry scrunched up his face in thought. "Well…on Wednesday, Ruby wanted me to come to this meeting on Saturday…and come to think of it, a couple weeks ago, I went to the gym and found a lot of people there, just sitting talking about recipes."

Emma nodded. "Recipes, huh?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"We'd like to go to the meeting too, if that's okay." Regina spoke softly, and to her surprise, Henry turned to her and smiled.

"That'd be cool! But if the meeting is boring, I'll probably leave early."

Regina wrapped her arm around Henry. "Trust me, dear, if I have anything to say about it, the last thing this meeting will be is boring."

Emma watched Regina leave, a hole growing bigger and bigger in the pit of her stomach. She was 99 percent sure that Regina would end up killing all of these 'Swan Queen shippers.'