"Morning, Sae," I greeted as I hopped down the last step of the staircase. The old woman looked up from the dish towel she was wringing between her fingers.

"Morning, girl." Her smile was warm and her eyes were understanding. But there was something else that I saw in those gray eyes that I didn't like. Pity.

I didn't even mutter a goodbye when I grabbed my bow from the closet and walked out into the brisk morning spring air. Sae was used to it by now. My routine had become a part of her own. I still couldn't explain to myself why I brought my bow. I never hunted. I just sat out beneath the willow next to my lake, thinking, pondering. And sometimes even, although I hate to admit it, crying.

It was difficult, walking through the graveyard that was once my home. The dust and the ash never seemed to settle, even though it had been months since the bombing. Maybe even over a year by now. I kept no sense of time. I walked briskly, as I did every day, with my eyes high towards the sky so that if I wanted to, I could pretend that I was just walking to the Hob to trade a few squirrel hides that Gale and I had skinned. I could pretend that it was just a warm summer day and Prim was by the fence, milking Lady so that she could prepare some cheese for dinner, and mother was in our little house in the Seam, sorting through her collection of herbs.

But I couldn't. My creativity and imagination gets used up each night by my vivid nightmares. Besides, it didn't help to live in the past. Out of all of the things that Dr. Aurelius has told me over our scheduled phone calls, that was the one thing that stuck out to me. It was the one thing that I considered that he was right about.

I had finally reached the fence opening that Gale and I had slid beneath so many times to gather food for our families. I was about to crawl under when, "Hey, Katniss."

I looked up and directly into the eyes of the one person that I had ached to see. "Peeta?" I don't know why I asked because it was obviously him. If I couldn't imagine District 12 the way that it was way back when, then I certainly didn't believe that I could imagine Peeta and every exact detail of him.

"What are you doing here?" I didn't mean for it to sound like an accusation but I could see that it bothered him as he looked down.

"I was just out for a walk." He explained, lifting his shoulders up and letting them fall in a slight shrug.

"A walk in the forest?" He just nodded. "What made you want to take a stroll through the woods?" He raised his gaze to meet mine again.

"I don't know. You would always talk about how beautiful it was. How peaceful. I guess I just wanted to see if it was really all that you cracked it up to be," He smirked and ducked underneath the fence opening. I stepped back to let him through.

There was a moments silence before I spoke again. I hadn't seen him in so long and I didn't want to waste the few minutes that I would get to speak to him.

"How've you been?" I asked, looking him over. He still looked too thin.

"Better." He assured me, stopping to look down at my own state. I knew he wasn't just talking about his physical appearance. "How have you been?" There was genuine concern in his voice.

"I'm surviving." It was honest enough, I suppose. I was doing well enough to get by. His eyebrows pulled together slightly.

"You look like hell, Katniss." His voice was softer when he spoke. I nodded. I'm sure I did. I don't think anybody could look halfway decent when they don't sleep or hardly eat.

"You know, that's the nicest thing anybody's said to me in a long time." That got a smile out of him.

I realized how much I had missed seeing that, although it wasn't quite the same. I wished he would just get over what happened and come around more.

"Maybe if you hung around more, I wouldn't be so bad off." I said and instantly regretted it. His smile fell and guilt replaced his expression.

"You know why I haven't, Katniss." He said.

"I do know why. But it was once, Peeta. That was the first time in months that you had an attack that bad."

"And it could happen again," He said a little louder. "Katniss, I tried to strangle you. Do you think I want to hurt you?"

"Peeta, I know you don't want to hurt me. It hurts not seeing you, though. I miss you," The words escaped my mouth. Realizing that it may have been too much, I recovered. "You're my only friend, Peeta."

He was shaking his head. "That's not true, Katniss. What about Sae? And Haymitch?"

I laughed once, humorlessly. "Yeah, because Haymitch and I really hit it off. Don't know what I'd do without him." The sarcasm in my voice was like venom. I liked Haymitch, I really did. And maybe he was my friend. But he and I were so much alike that we butted heads every time we were in the presence of one another.

There was a brief silence, both of us considering the other's side.

"Look, you don't have to come over at nights. You don't have to come over for dinner. But please don't shut me out completely." I pleaded. I wasn't one for begging, but he had to realize that I was still recovering too. And I couldn't do it without him.

He tried to avert his eyes, avoid looking into mine. But even without looking at me, he could hear the desperation in my voice.

"Alright, Katniss." He sighed in defeat. "But it won't be like before. Not until I'm sure that I won't lose it again."

He and I both knew that he would lose it again, whether it was just a simple passing episode where he had to leave the room for a minute or one like the last one. What he really meant was, "Not until I'm sure that I can control it." And I didn't know how possible that was either. But it was good enough for me.

"It doesn't have to be like before. Just as long as we can spend a little time together. I could use a little something extra in my routine," I said with a smile.

The smile returned to his face. "I was just going to look over some of my old paintings. Dr. Aurelius sent them in this morning. Said it would be good to try and tell which of them are real and which of them aren't." He paused for a moment before continuing hesitantly. "You want to come with me?"

Even if he had asked me to help him bake or paint some tiny cupcake with a frosted flower, I would have said yes. Anything to drag myself out of my current state of despair and get back into my life with Peeta. "I'd love to," I told him, setting my bow down at the edge of the fence and trusting that it would still be waiting there for me tomorrow.

After all, tomorrow would be a new day. And as Dr. Aurelius' voice claimed through the phone, "We can't live for the past."