A/N Another Hearts of Camelot drabble! I'm going to try and write some longer fics for this series soon. :)
Summary: There were a thousand times when the moment was almost right to tell you.
There were a thousand times when the moment was almost right to tell you. I opened my mouth and stared at your profile as you looked for danger, or at your back as you tended some task, or at the lashes on your cheeks as you watched the ground – but I always closed it again, saying something stupid or inane or saying nothing at all because there was weight to these moments, when we were almost on the edge of something that could change everything, forever.
I am not brave enough to break it, that silence. I hope you will forgive me this.
It will tear us apart in a thousand ways, to look our lies and secrets and deceptions in the face of them, to confront them and lay them bare. I do not think we can survive as we are once we look at each other and know everything the other has done, and is, and has always known. Without that buffer between us, I think the violence of our differences and our loyalty and our need will rip us to shreds. I am not proud of what I have learned of myself: I would rather you live my untruth here beside me than your truth somewhere else.
A thousand lies are in the silences between us. And we descend once again into darkness with nothing (and everything) left to say.