Chapter 8: crushed
Disclaimer: I do not own the hunger games trilogy.
That kiss... it left me wanting more. Loving him more. Hoping more. Thinking that maybe he actually did love me back.
But those silly dreams were crushed the next day. He wouldn't speak to me. Would hardly look at me. Tried his best to not even be in the same room as me.
I think about how he's been treating me these last few days and hate him. I think about that kiss and love him. How can I hate and love him at the same time?
I guess commitment and love just isn't his personality. Instead, he likes to flirt with different girls, mess with different girls, make-out with different girls. Even sleep with different girls. I guess I'm just one of those girls.
These thoughts make me sad, angry and jealous at the same time. Things would be so much simpler if he just loved me back. He's such an arse; he never thinks if other peoples feelings, we are below him. Why can't I love someone else? Anyone can see Daisy and Thom are perfect for each other. They both love each other, if they admit it or not, you can see it in their eyes as they look at each other, think about each other, talk about each other.
I think I should tell someone, but who? I can't tell a boy, all the guys I know are friends with Finn. I can't tell Layla because her and Finn are too alike. Daisy and Petal are his sisters. And Lavinia will just make a sarcastic remark.
"Lily!"
"Huh?" I've zoned out for the best part of the music lesson, thinking about that kiss and Finn and other confusing topics. Luckily, the teacher is nice.
"You need to stop zoning out. I won't be so kind next time," the teacher says, his brown eyes twinkling. He always says this, but I know he wont. He seems to have a soft spot for me.
"Sorry sir!" I say brightly. He reminds me of Cinna; creative, laid-back, kind.
"It's fine. Lavinia, tell Lily what we're doing please"
He walks away to chat to some other guys in our class.
"So, we have to sing a song to perform next lesson. And some lucky people have to sing it at the end of this lesson." I know Mr Bremmings will pick on me; its his way of showing us who's boss. I don't mind though, I'll need to start practicing for Layla's party anyway.
"So class, I hope you have had fun today. I want Lily to perform and then I'll take volunteers, ok?"
Everybody looks my way as I make my way towards the mike at the front of the classroom.
"What song are you doing?" Mr Bremmings whispers in my ear.
"Jar of Hearts" I whisper back before taking my place in from of the mike. I look around and see Layla, who is smiling encouragingly, Daisy, who is staring into space, Petal, who is trying to get her attention, and Finn, who is glaring at his desk. But I know that by the end of the song he should be looking at me, and me at him. I hope he gets the message.
"No, I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I've learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time
It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?"
Finns eyes, wide and glistening wet, and glued to mine. I look down first, because I hate the fact I might have hurt him. I needed to get a point across though, and he wouldn't talk to me.
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