Sorry, guys. I hadn't realized that the bots on this site don't really understand my word processor's italics and punctuation, etc. Fixing it now. I wanted to let you guys know I really appreciate your reviews! They mean a lot to me. And don't worry, I'm not just doing episodes from Marshall's point of view. I have my own original plots that will follow. Stay with me here!

How I came to be friends with Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat is still a mystery. I don't really know why they're friends with me, considering how I met them.

"And as they waded through the carnage, the vampire SMASHED THEIR SKULLS! Just for the fun of it!"

Oh, what's this? Someone telling stories about vampires? Now that's always a good laugh, considering people usually get everything wrong. But it's not their fault. Usually their misinformation comes from vampires themselves. The scarier we are, the less likely we have to worry about other races bothering us or trying to make friends.

"NO WAY." So two little girls had moved into my house while I was away.

"Yes, way, it did!" Floating just beneath the window, I pressed a pointed ear to the wood to listen better. "The vampire hunched over its victims, and breathed their vaporized bloOoOod miiiisssst~!"

The voice telling the story made a weird sound, like that of a troll calling for its mother, and its companion let out an annoyed, "Aw, jeez! Cake, is this stuff you're saying true? Or are you just trying to mess me up? You have to be honest!"

Heck, maybe it was true. It wasn't me, but I couldn't speak for all vampires.

"Oh, girl, it's true. I heard it through a reliable source."

"Reliable, huh? Reliable…?" There was a short pause. "Rats…"

"Yeah! Some say it haunted this very tree…"

"This tree?!"

Alright, now that was a lie. As far as I knew, I was the only vampire to ever live in that tree house, and I would have remembered a crazy night like that. It was highly unlikely another vampire had moved in, though these two dolls had at some point. I wonder if I forgot to lock the door when I left…

"GoOoOod niiiiight~!"

"Cake!"

"OoOoO~!"

"You're full of it, Cake!"

Again, that strange whale-troll noise came from the first voice I had heard. Weird bunch of creatures holed up in my house. I really needed to do some cleaning and kick them out. And what better way than to terrorize them for a bit of fun while I'm at it?

It started to rain, and a tree branch began to tap on the window to the room where the bunny-creature was sleeping. Floating up a bit more to peek my head over the sill and get a good look at her for the first time, I followed the branch's lead and tapped out my own little hello.

"Huh?" Lightning struck and my face was illuminated by the flash of light, which startled the creature into a screaming fit. The little bunny tumbled off her bed and onto the ground, disappearing for the moment.

I followed the voices and moved to the kitchen window, observing the rabbit and cat discuss with each other. "Relax, girl! I made that up! I was trying to scare you—!" Throwing the window open quickly, then ducking out of sight before I could be spotted, I heard the feline's own scream for the first time. Man, this was too easy.

"No one's outside," the rabbit tried to assure her roommate, closing the window just as I entered the room through another while her back was turned and the cat was still having a heart attack. "It was just the wind, scaredy cat!"

"I wasn't scared! I was singing!" With a huff, the sassy kitty pulled herself back on her feet, arms crossed over her chest. "I was singing my scream song." She demonstrated with a few more short screams, and it took everything in me not to hiss in pain.

"You're a total wuss, man."

Growing bored, I decided to finally make my entrance, tossing my crimson duffel bag from the ceiling and watching it as it almost hit the bunny girl on the way down. Both screamed and the rabbit clutched her flashlight tight, turning it on and shining it in my eyes.

With a hiss, I followed them as they fell backwards onto their couch and swiftly joined them, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders as I took the spot in the middle. "Hey, ladies. Mind if I join you?" They were shaking and I couldn't help but smirk, a toothy smile slowly forming to reveal my sharp fangs. "I'm Marshall Lee, the Vampire King."

"Are you gonna smash my skull!? Or eat my blood, sir!?" Bunny asked, shaking beneath my arm, paralyzed with fear.

"Please don't suck our blood!" Her equally terrified friend pleaded, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Ladies, ladies~" I cooed, glancing back and forth between them both. "I'm not gonna do that!"

With a snap of my fingers, the lights in the room flickered on. "So…You don't suck blood?"

"Mm…Sometimes I do. But it's not the blood I like. It's the color. I eat shades of red." Grabbing the bunny girl's chin, I pulled her face closer. To be honest, no color was better tasting than blood's. "Why? Wanna know what it's like~?"

"Golly!"

I almost spit out the strawberry's red I was snacking on. Who still even says that? But I laughed and stuffed the colorless strawberry into the girl's mouth instead, amazed as her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. Now that was interesting. Was this girl already falling for my devilish good looks?

No time to play around though. I was tired. "I'm exhausted, actually," I thought aloud, floating up from the couch and to my duffel bag, brushing some hair out of my face before rummaging through it. "I've been traveling all over the land of Aaa. And I've seen some stuff that would really make you say 'like what'."

"Like what?"

"I found a school of goldfish beasts, and I fooled around in the Fire Kingdom." With some very hot ladies, of course. The larger of my two little guests let out a noise of wonder as I floated back over to take a seat beside her. "Oh, and check these out."

"Nuts?" Indeed, I held about 5 walnuts in my hand.

Giving them a squeeze, I replied, "Oh, these aren't just ordinary nuts." When I opened my palm, the nuts had become different colors and shapes; each was a unique organism, and walked up my arm, around my neck, and down my other arm.

"You're wonderful!" the humanoid girl commented, laughing a bit. The compliment took me a bit by surprise, but her friend's response didn't.

"Yeah, uh…Thank you for not sucking our blood." Typical, but they better be thankful.

"You guys seem cool too," I replied, though it wasn't as heartfelt as it could have been. "But as you can imagine, I'm really tired," I explained, wrapping my arms around them again. "So you two should probably get going…Unless one of you plans on sharing your bed with a vampire."

"…What?!"

"Look." With a sigh, I pointed at a picture hanging on the wall to reveal the 'ML' I had carved into the trunk of the tree when I first moved in. "ML for Marshall Lee."

"Oh, girl…"

"I carved it in this tree years ago, long before you two ladies started settling here," I explained, trying not to let my temper get the best of me. I grabbed each tighter and flew them out of my home into the rain, setting them down just outside my door. "But seriously, ladies. Thanks for keeping the place warm for me. Really great! Thanks. Goodnight~!"

And that was it. I left them, floating back into my old house through a window and claiming it as mine once again. There was no room for sharing no matter how much I joked. This house was mine and they were just intruders. I'd have nothing to do with them from now on.

The rabbit beat the door a few more times, screaming things like, "Get down here, mister! Fight me!" As if I'd waste the time and effort.

Maybe it seemed cold-hearted, but in my defense, I threw them a few of their things I wasn't interested in. A hammered dulcimer, a blanket, a pillow, and a jelly donut (the red now eaten away by me). The latter hit the rabbit square in the face, and I couldn't help but laugh at their pathetic forms out in the rain.

Better to just stay away from me.

I'm not mean. At least, not really. I don't think I am. I'm a thousand years old and sometimes I just lose track of my moral code. I'm almost human that way.

Unless it's totally lame like most of Lumpy Space Prince's parties, I almost never miss a good time. I may not be interested in making friends, but partying with strangers is like having a one-night stand with a chick. Just the friend version. They're my bros while we party, but by tomorrow, I could drain the red from them and not even care.

So when I heard about an awesome house party in this killer cave near the Ice Kingdom, I was pretty excited to go. The location was familiar to me anyway. I had claimed it for my own awhile back when I was into living with bats in caves and junk. Every vampire has that phase.

But when I crashed the party, it was the rabbit girl and her cat companion again.

Mixing in with the crowd, I danced my way over to her. She wasn't the best dancer, but she was free. She was putting her heart into each move and you could tell she was a chick who liked to dance. Grabbing her hand, I spun her and pulled her to me, watching with delight as her face turned to shock and her eyes widened. "Hey, Fionna." And that blush on her cheeks was the cherry on top.

Cake gasped and stopped playing her hammered dulcimer, her tail standing on end and frizzing out as she whispered, "He's back!"

"Pretty awesome party you got goin' on," I complimented, still having a hold on her.

But the blonde shoved me away and pointed an accusatory finger at me, demanding to know what I wanted. Her anger was almost as enjoyable as her shock.

"Oh, I just wanna show you something~!" I replied, backing away toward one of the chinese lanterns hung up in the cave. Beneath it was a rock settled suspiciously on top of another too perfectly. As I lifted it, the initials 'ML' once again made themselves apparent. "This cave belongs to me!"

"What?!" the girl screamed, the shock even greater than before.

With a sigh, I swept my bangs out of my face. "Thanks for fixing the place up for me."

"You can't take our home twice!"

Hooking my axe bass up to a speaker, I strummed a few notes and mocked her, singing, "Yes, I caAaAaAn~!"

To my surprise, the girl let out a scream and threw her fists in the air. "IT'S VAMPIRE FIGHTING TIME!"

But Cake held her back, and the two squabbled over whether or not to fight me. Personally, I'd rather avoid the trouble, but I was confident I'd win either way.

Nowadays, I'm not so sure. Fionna really is strong. I'd love to challenge her for real some day, but I know she'd take it as a joke and go easy on me because she'd be afraid to hurt me. She has issues about hurting her friends.

"Okay, Marshall Lee! I'm gonna let you keep this cave!" I almost snorted with laughter. As if she had any authority. "But only because Cake is my home, and she's way better than all your homes combined!"

"You know…You're right," I agreed with a smirk, my fangs peaking out from my lips. "I guess I'll take her too!"

"What?!"

The cat screamed and hissed as I grabbed her. "I'll bite her a little," I threatened as she flailed. "Maybe turn her into a zombie."

For the record, I still don't know how to do that unless I actually kill someone first. Shame, really.

"No!"

"Let go of Cake!" Fionna screamed, more angry than I've ever seen her.

"Make me!" I hissed, only to be surprised when the blonde slapped her sister out of my hands.

"You okay, dude?" she asked, clutching her beloved feline to her chest and checking for bite marks.

But I was angry myself now. It had been years since anyone stood up to me like that. With a hiss, I started to transform myself into a giant bat with terrible, leathery black wings. "NOBODY. MAKES ME LET GO OF CAKE!"

I never thought I'd ever be fighting over a cat, but there I was.

"I'm not scared of you!" By the way she practically jumped into my grasp, I can attest that she wasn't. She was just stupid.

"You're pathetic, good little girl!" I laughed, tossing her up in the air with my giant claws a few times before batting her away with the back of my hand into the hard rock of the cave.

But she didn't stay down for long. "You're pathetic!" she shouted, hacking an unexpected loogie in my face. That crap nearly got in my eye.

As I twitched with anger, the girl wasted no time. She might have actually landed a hit on me if she hadn't yelled out, "get ready for an uppercut and die" beforehand.

"Make me." Like a responsible, older male, I gave the little girl a slap on the bottom as she leaped through the air. It blocked her attack and I got to touch her butt for the first time without seeming like a total pervert.

Not that there were other times I touched her butt, I mean. I don't think about Fionna's butt like that. Just, sometimes…You know, you get curious about your friend's butt. Who doesn't?

Tossing her back down onto the ground, I loomed over her, making stereotypical vampire noises that we don't ever actually make, but people seem to think we do anyway. It's sort of become a joke to us now and we just do it sometimes anyway. I don't even know.

"YOUR BLOOD IS MINE!" But before I could sink my fangs into her pretty pink cheeks, I had a different set of cheeks in my mouth. Cake had attacked me, and in my frantic defense, my teeth sunk into her furry ass.

Let me tell you that's not an experience I want to repeat.

But the red was gone from the feline now, and I tossed her limp body aside, looking to claim my real prize. At the sight of her shriveled companion, Fionna let out a piercing scream and lunged at me. I caught her in my claws again, but this time my face got a bit too close and she managed to clobber me in my bat nose good with her fist.

"Ow!" Bat noses are sensitive, man. "That actually hurt, Fionna…" Feigning injury at first, but soon I only laughed louder and wilder. I hadn't had to fight like this in awhile. It actually felt pretty good.

With a final shriek, I shrunk back down into my original form and held the blondie in my arms, placing a quick kiss to her cheek as I set her down on the cave floor.

That lovely, lovely shade of red. It was the first time I ever saw it as a result of my flirtations.

I'm not in love with Fionna, but I'll admit I'm in love with the shade of red she produces. It's priceless. I want to drink it more than another other type of blood.

"W-why didn't you just kill me…?" she asked, still confused.

I tuned my bass a bit and explained cheerfully, "Because that was fun! I haven't fought like that in years. Thanks, Fionna." I played a few notes, in a better mood than I had been in a long time.

"Fionna!" Cake came running over, apparently having recovered from the butt-biting incident. As for me, I knew I'd have cat hair in my mouth for the next few days. Bleghck.

"Aren't you dead?!"

"Nah, baby. Before he bit me I managed to shrink all my blood and guts over my thumb. See?" So that's why there wasn't even a single taste of fresh red in my mouth after that accident.

Coughing a bit to interrupt them, I interjected, "You two are pretty hardcore. I can appreciate that."

Anxiously, the two clung to each other and watched me carefully. "S-so…Does that mean we can have our old house back…?"

"Yeah, keep it!" Putting on a scary face, I struck another chord and added, "As a gift from me!"

With a hiss, I managed to scare them out of the cave and send them running home.

And that's how I became friends with Fionna and Cake. I don't think that's how most friendships work, but that's how ours did. To be honest, I didn't consider myself their friend after that. I still don't know how it happened, but it did. Friendship isn't an easy thing to explain. It's probably even harder when you're a little screwy like me.

I'm not exactly good at keeping friends for long periods of time. Sometimes I wonder when Fionna and Cake will just be strangers to me again.

I'd better leave before they get old.