A/N: This continues with Eric's own thoughts and ideas. Goes from the same idea as the first chapter, in fact, it uses a lot of the phrases from that chapter. It ends up going in a complete circle.

Disclaimer: I own diddly.

Warnings: Big huge plot bunny of doom. Oh and cliffhanger.

Chapter Eleven: Resolver (To Resolve)

Eric had been staring at the door that had been her exit for what had felt like an eternity. Seconds felt as if years, minutes as millennia as he took in a shaky breath at the glimpse of his clock. Twelve, it blinked at him, a half hour had passed and still no word. With as light of traffic there was at Midnight, she should be home by now, right?

He couldn't dare to think about it, the what-ifs. He couldn't imagine what those would even be, not now. Perhaps she had already gotten home and just fell asleep, not remembering her promise to him. Yea, that seemed logical; in fact she looked like she was half asleep when she left. He took another breath and fiddled with the pocket that had held his cell phone, only to find it irritatingly mute.

Just a buzz, a twinkle, a ring and his unease would be abated, placated. A grumble of dissatisfaction came as the object still didn't sound, at which he rested his hand on the armrest of the chair. His heart hammered away in his chest as if a hummingbird in mid-flight, fast and uncontrolled. He had to clear his mind of all the things that caused him to doubt Calleigh- his Calleigh- was safe. At this thought he wondered why he had wished for one night and only one.

He didn't truly want one night, singular and lone, but every night. He grunted at his own nature at realizing his selfishness, he didn't deserve to have her- he reminded himself that every day since he'd left- but he wanted her. No, wanted wasn't the word- not after tonight. He realized with little forethought or reflection that he needed her. He needed her to be his Angel, his shelter. He needed her forever; he couldn't ever not love her.

Loving her, however, meant that he put her at risk, so selfish he was to even thinking that he deserved another chance. But as much as it tore him to give her up, he had to. Not just for her, but for himself. For what would he do without her? How would he even know what to do at all? The thought of losing her made his heart and soul ache but he needed to face reality.

Illusion was not something he could surrender himself to, he couldn't afford to fall into that rabbit-hole. But he wanted, nay- needed, to keep some grander façade in the corners of his mind, if only for the sake of reminding himself what he could not have. No matter how much he had admitted that she was both his strength and his bane; his Angel and his Succubus; his heaven and his hell; his savior and his damnation he could not fathom being without both aspects of who she was but could also never truly have her as his own. It tore at him just to think about it that way.

There were too many walls, too many barriers, and too many enemies for them to ever really have what they wanted. But the question remained in his mind's eye- did she want what he wanted? He knew he could never imagine his life without Calleigh in it, but did she think the same about him? Did she lie awake at night wanting him there beside her like he did? Or was he just a friend, a colleague?

After all, didn't she also treat Horatio with the same respect and dignity that she had treated him? In the basal parts of his mind he saw no difference between the two behaviors. And so, he could never think she loved him that way. But he loved her, with every fiber of his being, every piece of his essence, and every corner of his soul. In every way imaginable, he needed her, she completed him. But he could never, in a million lifetimes, fathom her thinking the same. Resolving himself to the sad truth left him empty, alone. He couldn't face the gravity of it all right now, but he had to at some point.

He glowered at the clock; the offending glow reading only a few minutes had passed since his reflection had begun. He could easily spend the rest of eternity thinking about her, wanting her, needing her. He took another breath and put his hand to the pocket that held his cell phone again. This time the fingers slipped into the awaiting pocket and pulled out the device.

His hand shook as he mentally steeled himself, staring down at the object as if it was foreign to him. He had to think of the right words to say, after all- he knew what he felt but was not so sure about what Calleigh felt. He had to ask her, in some form or another, in order to get his true answer. To save him from the constant wondering and hoping about a fate that he never really deserved.

A few seconds seemed as eons as he tried to bring his head around what his heart was pounding in his ear. He loved her, end of story, but truly- it was but the beginning. He took another deep breath and released it then spoke to himself in a practiced tone "Calleigh, I need to tell you…" His voice broke as he got to the last word, it sounded too rehearsed and professional. "No, that's not right." Shaking his head in defeat he considered, if only for a brief moment, throwing the phone across the room. Instead he gripped it tighter, as if it was the only lifeline he had. At the tightening of his grasp, the phone began to vibrate in-between his fingers then his ringtone began to sound. He loosened his fingers enough to see the number. Recognizing it, he answered the call with a simple press of the button. "Yea, it's Eric…"

Secondary A/N: And there's the cliffhanger. Shorter than the other chapters because of the lack of dialog (again). But it gives a lot of reflection onto the original credo of this fic. Also, I rather like the idea of him trying to call her, it sets the mood for the next chapter… And it's going to be fun (relatively) to write.