Chapter 4
After her last question had left Mattaki struggling for an easy answer the cave had grown quiet; Kagome herself simply thought that he was thinking about her question – not that he was thinking about how to get around it. She had become oddly drowsy staring at the fire in the silence when he startled her out of her daze with his answer.
"I have no major ambitions to go out and conquer the world, little one. I am content with what we have been doing, although I did wish to ascertain whether you would be amenable to returning to my estate and staying for a good long while after we have finished here. I find that of all things missed while dozing in death's arms, home was the one thing I wanted to return to and yet could not do more than dream of doing so." He sighed, flicking a glance at her fire-lit countenance. "As things are now it is your home, too. What you thought to find by traveling is really behind us and waiting for our return."
Startled at his words Kagome at first thought to demur. How could she claim his home as hers? But then she thought about it and realized that he was right. For if she were to deny him that, the opening of his home to her, then she would be denying him his home as well, since he was bound to her. She really hadn't realized that because he was unable to ever leave her he would be subject to follow wherever she went, and if she went wandering all over Japan in search of a place to live, then she would in effect be making him just as homeless as she was, and all for naught. So it was the least she could do, to agree and make her home within his estate so that he could enjoy being home on a more or less permanent basis.
It wasn't as if she had any other place to go, and since he had a home here he would be her anchor – what held her here and gave her a place to belong.
"Okay," she finally said softly. "Once I've made sure that none of these evil things here have any way to be contaminated by Naraku's remaining flesh, we can go... home." She felt cold saying that word; her true home was lost to her now, and would be forever.
Pleased, he breathed an inward sigh of relief that she had given in to him on that; there really was no point in her wandering the lands looking for a place to belong when in truth she already had one – with him.
Setting that subject aside he reached inside his pack and pulled out his food, taking a big chunk out of the dried meat. After chewing and swallowing, he asked, "What is it that you fear happening here that you wish to make sure cannot happen, exactly? This Naraku you all fought is truly dead, ne?"
Kagome nodded; following his actions she pulled out her own food and began to slowly nibble on her rations. After a moment she said, "Naraku was a master at planning. If one scheme failed he always had another iron in the fire. I just want to make sure that the flesh he left behind here inside the mountain is truly gone, so that nothing else can come in contact with it and possibly provide new life to the spider through possession. Even though there is no longer a Shikon for him to chase, still, he would definitely want revenge on those that had defeated him. I don't want Sango and Miroku to suffer any more sorrow. They've dealt with enough, they don't need a resurrected Naraku to come after them for vengeance and spoil the lives they are trying to rebuild from the ruins."
It is funny how she does not think of herself at a time like this, only what a resurrected enemy could do to her friends.
"You are not worried for yourself?" he asked, curious.
Her answer caught him off-guard and made him chuckle, because of course she was right.
"Of course not!" she denied, looking at him strangely. "You're here, ne? Naraku would be no sort of opponent for you. Why should I fear?"
"Of course you are right," he said, echoing her own words as he chuckled. "And while he might not be as powerful as he was with shards of the jewel, still he would no doubt wreak havoc on the countryside. I wish for some peace and quiet, and it is obvious that I would not get any were this being to be returned to life."
"That's an understatement," she nodded. "And of course he would not dare to go after Sesshoumaru, since without the jewel Naraku is relatively powerless, so he wouldn't need to worry about any return of the spider. But that baka didn't often actually confront us directly, anyway, and that's what took so long to catch him. He always used others while he remained hidden."
"Hm. A true spider, then. For that is their way – he was merely following his nature. Very few spiders are actually aggressive in their own right. They usually hide and trap their victims." Mattaki glanced at her and noticed her heavy lids; looking back towards the entrance to the cave he took note of the steady rain, and was pretty certain it would last through most of the night. "Go to sleep, Kagome – I will keep watch though it's unlikely that anything dangerous would be out and about in this. You obviously need sleep, my dear, and I would hate to see you doze off and fall into the fire. Do not fear, for I will allow nothing to harm you, little one," he finished softly.
She nodded, indeed very tired and not inclined to argue with him. She shook her sleeping bag out and crawled inside obediently, then settled herself comfortably. "Goodnight, Mattaki," she whispered, knowing he would hear, and her eyes fell shut as he returned her words.
Yes, goodnight, little one. And hopefully soon it will be a better night, when I can curl up in the bedding with you and follow you into sleep.
Mattaki watched her sleep for a good, long time that night. She was becoming a driving need, slowly but surely. He had already figured out that he would eventually come to love her, if for no other reason than being bound together and always with one another. Even if it had been a love born of closeness rather than passion, a love that was not the same as being in love, as he had learned the difference with Izayoi and Satori, it would still be love.
But he had begun to suspect that he had no need to think that such was what he would feel for her; for it was indeed a passionate emotion that she was slowly breathing to life within him. He knew that as he had fallen for Izayoi, he would come to be in love with her very soon – he was already halfway there as it was. And all he could do was curse his son and thank him in equal measure, because without his foolish insistence on following the past into its grave, he would never have been given the chance to know and love the little enigma named Kagome - but if his son had not done what he had Kagome would not have a damaged heart, either.
She was so soft, so gentle, and always looking out for others. Even after what his son had done to her she could not find it in herself to hate or turn against him; she had even gone so far as to make sure that the place he disappeared from light and life was given a marker, so that he wouldn't be forgotten.
And she had grieved over that marker, even praying to the kami and asking for lenience in the sentence she was sure he would have been given. For forgiveness of his mistakes. Mattaki didn't have the heart to tell her that it was unlikely he would be given that forgiveness – to do so would only break her heart anew, and he didn't want to ever do that for she had such a tender and giving one that should never have known the feel of so much pain in the first place. While the thought that his son had thrown his existence away for nothing saddened him, it was a distant sadness, a sadness of conceptualization. He was sad because it was his son, but he hadn't known Inuyasha and so it wasn't a sadness based on knowledge of loss. It was different for her, because it was a sadness of direct loss of someone she had known and loved, and it had damaged her gentle heart quite deeply.
On top of her loving heart she was more intelligent than anyone he'd ever known; it wasn't just that she knew a great deal due to her birth in a far distant era and being schooled in their knowledge, but that she had a native intelligence that was very high. He could look forward to many interesting debates and conversations with her that he wouldn't have been able to have with anyone else that existed. Even Izayoi, as sweet and loving as she had been, had been of no more than average intelligence and had no more knowledge of things than anyone in his time did. He had loved her, yes, but she had never been his equal in all the ways that Kagome truly was.
Underneath the fog of grief and despair that she had lingered under since he had known her he could see faint signs of a wonderful sense of humor, and the fact that it really took very little to make her happy. She was nothing like the spoiled hime of his era and social strata, and that fact pleased him immensely – he absolutely despised the capricious and greedy bitches of the inuyoukai clan – indeed, of youkai blood period, and had never had any use for them other than to use those who offered for the bodily release they promised. Once he'd married his Izayoi, of course, those assignations had ceased, for he was quite happy to stick to one female – more than that was asking for trouble, as he'd seen far too many times in his life.
Yes, Kagome was completely unlike any female he'd ever known, and it was really a foregone conclusion that she would be a temptation he would not be able to resist, just as Sesshoumaru had indicated. He was quite certain the kami had known just what they were doing when they attached him to her as they had, but unlike Sesshoumaru who would have fought the link on principal, he was not so inclined to bite off his nose to spite his face. The kami had pretty much dropped the perfect little female right into his lap, and he was disinclined to refuse the gift.
To top off all her attributes was her comely face and figure. She did not necessarily look like Izayoi, but their forms were somewhat similar, and frankly she was exactly what he happened to find attractive. Long, silky ebony hair waving down her back with life rather than the dead straight locks most Japanese females had, presided over a fair face with beautiful blue eyes that were close to what his mother had – if they had just a hint more purple they would almost be exact. A cute, tiny nose cast its shadow above full, sweetly bowed rosy lips – lips that were quite simply made for kissing.
And despite her fear that her body would be too flawed to match up to what he was used to, he couldn't say he saw what she did because he'd been quite turned on by what he'd seen that night in his baths, and just the thought had blood flowing to parts that were not useful at this time and only caused him pain. Like now, he thought ruefully, gritting his teeth and willing the blood in his body to avoid the place it was determined to flow to. But he couldn't help his reaction to her – it was simply the way of things when a male found a female he wanted.
He definitely wanted Kagome. A long, slender neck set into graceful yet strong shoulders and arms, no doubt the product of long practice with her chosen weapon. Rounded bosom and a dainty waist set atop beautifully curved hips and finished off by long, long legs and tiny, delicate feet – he was sure the sole would fit neatly right into the palm of his hand. And her scent was just wonderful. He inhaled deeply at the thought, a smile creasing his cheeks at the way it fed his need. She smelled of life, of exuberance, of happiness beneath her current sorrow, and he knew that very soon now her subconscious would begin to push the grief away and heal her, returning her to her normal happy frame of mind.
He could smell it.
It would be then, he decided, that he would begin to truly court her. He was certain that by the time they finished this duty she felt she must and returned home she would be ready. But nonetheless he would go slowly, taking his time to make sure that he discharged perfectly what he had begun to see as his ultimate duty – protecting her fragile heart. He never wanted to see such heartbreak and sadness in her beautiful eyes again, and especially not over anything he had done.
The night passed slowly in that manner, Kagome sleeping, and Mattaki watching over her. Just after the moon would have passed its zenith in the night sky the rain slowed and then finally stopped, and before long the clouds began to break up. He stepped to the entrance of the cave and studied the surrounding landscape with an appreciative yet wary eye, well aware of the creeping evils that the moon hid with such sweetly beckoning light.
But none dared approach the cave that hid such a tempting sweet piece as the little miko – not with the strength of the youkai that guarded her. No, she could sleep right in the midst of them with no fear, for not a one would ever dare challenge the one that guarded her. No matter where one was on the food chain, there was always someone higher – until you came to the top of the food chain and found Mattaki. His golden eyes flared crimson in needless warning, and all the watching things cowered and then fled back to hide in their dark, deep holes. Once the landscape was clear and peaceful again Mattaki went back inside and stirred the fire, allowing himself to doze a little in the early hours before the morning, Kagome's animated, beautiful face entertaining him in his dreams as she had not yet done while waking.
It was only a matter of time, though, and Mattaki was a patient male.
She would come to him soon enough.
~oOo~
A few cheerful warbles of birdsong erupted just past the entrance to the cave and Kagome stirred, her body waking early as she was used to from so much time spent chasing the spider hanyou that had ruined so many lives. Sleeping in was not a concept that Inuyasha understood, since he didn't really even bother to sleep in the first place. It was rare that he truly succumbed to sleep, and the rest of them got used to getting little, which was why they had all learned to fall asleep early so that they would at least be able to compensate.
The bright sunlight streaming into the cave and the cheerful chirping gave Kagome a warm feeling, despite being so close to Mt. Hakurei, as they were standing amidst the foothills leading to the mountain itself. Still, with the day that looked to be forming Kagome couldn't find it in herself to worry about darkness and fear – or even sadness and defeat.
She looked around the cave as she sat up, a little surprised to find no sign of Mattaki. Taking the chance for what it was worth she hurriedly stood and dressed herself, just finishing before she felt his youki returning. She stuffed her used clothing in her bag just as he entered the cave, a smile lighting his face when he saw her.
"Good! I am pleased to see you awake and so lively," he said cheerfully. "It is a beautiful day with no clouds in sight – a perfect day to do what you are wanting to do. I took it upon myself to reconnoiter, and found several seeming entrances into the mountain. A couple went only so far and then were blocked off, but there were three that are open and seem to go quite deep into the mountain, though I'm not sure just how deep, you understand, since I didn't go inside. Still, those three areas do indeed have dark dwellers and they will like not the sunlight, meaning they will remain within the mountain."
Kagome frowned, trying to remember exactly where the passage that they had entered the mountain was at – the one they'd exited from during its collapse had been completely blocked, but the one they'd come in from might well have survived, being a vent fissure and containing strong walls that may have held through the mountain's convulsions.
"There was one," she began, still frowning and deep in thought, "that was where we entered when we went after Naraku. It was an ancient thermal vent from when the mountain was still an active volcano, and might well have withstood the earthquake generated by Naraku in an attempt to bury us there." She was still looking back through her memory and hadn't noticed his questioning look at some of her terms, and he decided to ask later. He understood enough..."It was a fairly straight, deep passage, heading straight down into the mountain, with a winding, somewhat narrow pathway up to it. Did you see that one? That's where I'd like to try first, if possible."
"I believe I know which one you are speaking of. There are two that are similar to each other and what you speak of, so we will start with the nearest one. However, we will eat first, as I think it will be a long day and you will need the sustenance, little one."
Nodding easily because she knew he was right she sat down and dug through her pack, taking out a couple of oranges and peeling them expertly. She almost moaned at the sweet, juicy taste and her eyes fell closed in enjoyment, meaning she didn't notice Mattaki's suddenly arrested look as he heard her little moan and caught her rather erotic enjoyment of the fruit. It made his groin ache – again. It was becoming a rather constant event and he sighed inwardly yet again, discreetly adjusting himself while she was not looking.
Forcibly pulling his mind away from certain body parts he took in his own dried meat, his needs very different than her own. When sated, he took a good, long pull of his refreshed waterskin and gestured at hers where he had set it next to her.
"Surprisingly, for its nearness to the spoiled holy mountain the river outside the cave has crystal clear, cold water that quenches thirst quite nicely," he said, smiling at her a little. "I took the liberty of filling your waterskin and the extra I carry, just in case we are inside the mountain longer than we hope to be."
Kagome took a pull of hers and had to agree, to be so close to a spoiled place, the river was clear and strangely pure. It felt good going down her throat, as had the oranges – she hadn't noticed the little things like that for weeks now... ever since... well, it was better not to think of all that since it was over and done; it was time to put it away and look ahead, and her enjoyment of her breakfast was a sign of her mind telling her just that.
She was not inclined to argue.
It felt too good to feel alive again, and since the past was dead and gone there was no point in trying to bury herself with it – she couldn't revive it, and to throw herself away after it would be the same mistake Inuyasha had made. She wasn't so foolish. She was still alive, and it was time to put her grief away and begin living again.
So she smiled back at the inuyoukai, who was a bit startled at the brilliance of it; he had not 'til that moment seen a true smile from her, and it was dazzling. He blinked, her voice breaking him from his daze.
"You're right – it's strange, but I've seen stranger, and I'm not going to argue the point. The water tastes wonderful and so did the oranges, and I think with that I am ready to go whenever you are," she said, her smile dimming not a bit, though it got a little smaller. "If any day boded well to face such a haunted place as this I think this is it, and I'm glad I'm facing it with you."
Trying to bring his mind back to business from the glory of that smile, Mattaki cleared his throat and smiled in return, nodding agreeably though in truth he had not one idea what she'd said. He'd been too caught up in her glorious smile and the sparkle in her eyes that he had never seen before to even notice that she was speaking.
Oblivious to Mattaki's attraction to her she shouldered her pack and waited as he took up his, as well, and then followed quietly along behind him as he led her towards the first of the three entrances he'd found.
It took them about two hours, but they were finally able to rule that one out as it became choked with debris about halfway into the mountain, and there was little chance anything would be getting in through there. Thankfully, whatever creature was using the passage as its lair simply slithered away into a small side chamber, refusing to face the powerful being walking inside its domain.
They weren't so lucky at the second entrance. This one looked like the one from Kagome's memory, and from what Mattaki could tell, was home to several evil critters. Not that they would pose any problem for him, mind, but he cautioned Kagome to stay right beside him and not to allow herself to be separated from him no matter what.
He didn't need to tell her twice, and she shivered at the feel of the dark passageway down into the bowel of the mountain.
Taking a look up at the sky he estimated that they had about twelve more hours of daylight, as it was high summer and the days were longer. That should be more than long enough for them to go in, make sure that nothing was growing underneath Mt. Hakurei that could be a problem later on down the line, and then come back out. They should even be able to make it back to the cave for shelter again – but then again, since there was no point in sticking around he could just fly them home.
Nodding to himself he took Kagome's hand, a smile for that jolt of attraction and her still surprised hiss when she felt it crossing his lips as he entered the cavern, slowly allowing his youki to rise within him so as to provide enough light for them to see by. He didn't let go of her hand, and he could see her look up at him with a little confusion and apprehension, which he ignored, and after a few minutes she relaxed, letting him lead her wherever he wanted as she studied the passageway closely.
It didn't take long for her to come across evidence that at least some members of their group had, indeed, been here – the characteristic grooves of the windscar carved the floor of the passageway, and at the end she could see the remains of one of their opponents – after tugging Mattaki over to it, she could see that it was the remains of Jakotsu, that weird gay mercenary that had tried to kill Inuyasha. There wasn't much left but his sword and a bit of his yukata, but that made him easily identifiable. When she told Mattaki of its capabilities he looked intrigued and decided to take it. No evil will still left in it from its former master would ever be strong enough to overtake Mattaki, and sure enough, when he pulled it from the rubble it flared slightly, trying to entice its new bearer to evil. Mattaki simply overwhelmed it, then snuffed out the little bits of its former owner's evil mind, basically cleansing the sword.
Kagome watched with a bit of trepidation. Not that she was worried that the sword would be able to take him over, but she didn't really want to be traveling around with an evil sword whispering all sorts of nasty things in her ears. She had hated Sou'unga for just that – because she'd been able to hear it, and it was truly vile and deplorably evil.
But whatever Mattaki did to this sword once he held it, it went from evil to neutral very fast, and after looking it over with a critical eye he slid it into his sash to bump intimately against Tessaiga and his new sword. After looking the scene of the battle over Mattaki once again took her hand, which she'd withdrawn when he'd gone to pick up the – formerly evil – weapon, and they continued on downwards, both keeping a close eye on their surroundings.
Though the place felt evil and sickened neither felt anything on a par with Naraku's malice, which Kagome took as a hopeful sign that nothing of Naraku's discarded flesh had survived to infect anything else. But she wasn't certain enough to turn back, even though she hated being where she was with everything within her, she wasn't willing to leave even the slightest chance that Naraku could return behind.
They had been traveling for some hours when they finally made it to the center of the mountain, the once closed mouth of the mountain surprisingly semi-open now. There was weak sunlight filtering through a gaping hole on the western half of the plug of magma that had cooled and blocked the mouth of the mountain from daylight for so many thousands of years, and that actually made Kagome feel better.
They'd found the hard way that Naraku's discarded flesh didn't do well in sunlight, and as Kagome looked downward to the area that all his cast off, pale flesh had rested in clumps, she couldn't see that any had survived. Still...
She tugged at Mattaki's hand, and when he looked at her, she pointed down. "That's where all his flesh was left behind when he took on his new body. Will you take me down there so we may make sure that none survives?" she asked.
Mattaki didn't answer immediately; instead, he used every sense he possessed to study the ruined throat of the mountain they were in. And as far as he was able to sense there was nothing dangerous here, so he pulled her against him, situating her carefully against his armor so that she wouldn't be hurt by the hard spikes jutting out from it. He wrapped his pelt around her and stepped off the cliff they were on, floating them gently down to the bottom and carefully setting down on an old lava flow that was just above the level of the odd-looking ground that Kagome claimed had once held Naraku's flesh.
"I would like to know why the rock looks so, there. I've never seen such," he murmured, looking around cautiously.
"That's the remains of his flesh," Kagome answered a bit abstractedly as she closely studied the entire ground area. It appeared that all of the clumps of disgusting, greasy flesh had basically turned to stone. Crouching down, she picked up a stone and threw it towards the furthest corner – the one corner that was apparently never in range of any sunlight; she almost fell over and shrieked as those pieces rippled angrily at the impact. It seemed that some little bit of Naraku did, indeed, still exist. She stood up and eyed them grimly as they wavered in form, though they didn't change into anything recognizable and didn't move other than the rippling motion they'd made.
"Well, it seems it was a good idea to come here and make sure, because those pieces over there are still active, and if they ever get ahold of anything living I can almost bet that they'd eventually take over, creating Naraku all over again. He stored his memories in his flesh as well as his mind, and even pieces he'd discarded before had still contained his memories and personality.
"What will you do to destroy them?" Mattaki asked, his nose wrinkling in disgust – before Kagome had thrown the rock there had been no scent of anything odd or bad, but as soon as those pieces of flesh had moved a very light but disgusting odor had reached his sensitive nose.
"Oh, that's not hard. All I have to do is purify them." She dropped her pack at her feet and took her bow from over her shoulder, drawing an arrow from her quiver and nocking it with a businesslike stillness on her usually mobile face.
He watched in fascination as she allowed her reiki out to infuse the arrow with a brilliant pink glow, and just when it was getting too bright to look at she released, the arrow streaking towards the now writhing pieces of flesh on the same path the rock had taken.
It hit with a rather large explosion, and Mattaki pulled her into him and turned her away to protect her from any shrapnel or flying debris, closing his own eyes until most of the noise and commotion had passed.
When it had, he felt Kagome begin to pull away from him and he looked over to where the flesh had been only to find nothing left, just clean rock – the original rock of the mountain itself.
He looked down when he felt Kagome sigh, feeling the little bit of sadness that tainted her aura. "What's wrong, Kagome? Are you not happy to finish off the last of your nemesis?" he asked, a little confused at her reaction.
Kagome shrugged, still staring down at the now bare rock with that same sadness, and then he thought that maybe he understood. This was the end. It was over. Every bit of the quest that she had devoted her life to completing was finished, and it was now time to put it all away and move on. To truly say goodbye. But he was heartened to notice that while she seemingly felt a bit saddened, the grief and depression that had dimmed her naturally bright aura had not returned.
After a few minutes spent quietly looking the area over, Kagome seemingly put it aside and finally looked up at him. "I'm ready to go whenever you are, Mattaki. Let's go home."
He smiled delightedly at her. "I would be most happy to oblige," he said, waiting for her to gather her things together and then lifting into the air again. But this time he bypassed the corridor they'd come in through and lifted them straight up and over the lip of the old volcano, right into the still bright sunlight of early afternoon.
"I hope you do not mind, but I would like to simply fly us home. It will only take a few hours," he said, "rather than a few days. Unless there was some reason that you wished to walk?"
She shook her head. "No... I'm good. Everything that I needed to do is done. I guess... I'm free now, to find another path in life. So if you want to fly home, that's fine. In fact, a nice hot soak sounds lovely," she smiled up at him, almost making him lose himself in her eyes and forget to pay attention to what he was doing. He would have been most amused to hear that he was thinking along the same lines that she had about him – that smile was dangerous. Perhaps they should both agree not to smile at each other under certain circumstances.
Those hours spent flying were the most enjoyable hours Mattaki had ever had while engaged in the familiar activity. For never before had he had a beautiful, personable female held close as the wind flowed past him, forcing him to hold her even closer and wrap his pelt around her. It was exhilarating.
On top of that, she was indeed showing signs that she was ready to let go of the pain of the past. It had been some weeks now, and you couldn't grieve forever. Most humans, he was aware, grieved for long periods of time. It seemed that Kagome was different. Her mind refused to linger on the pain of the past, and even though she would always remember and a part of her would always feel that grief, the rest of her would move on, returning to life and the enjoyment of it. She just could not shut herself away from life – for as miko she was life in its purest form.
He was pleased with that, he couldn't deny it. For while she felt the burn of attraction for him every time they touched, she did not appear to realize that he also felt it. She hadn't realized that it was reciprocal.
So far he had refrained from enlightening her, in deference to and respect of her grief. Now he could look forward to doing just that – and then taking the first steps in the courting dance between a couple that was already bound together forever. This vow of protection they'd been bound by was basically a mating bond, in truth – the only thing missing was the intimacy.
And if he had anything to say about it, that wouldn't be long in coming.
He looked down, his eyes soft on the little baggage in his arms and smiled pensively. As terrible as it seemed, he almost wanted to thank the son he'd never known for being a blind fool. And though it was a terrible thing to think, he couldn't help but feel that way. Because if his son hadn't been lacking honor, he wouldn't have been allowed to live again and find the woman who was going to be the love of his life.
Though he had loved Izayoi very much, she wasn't as perfect for him as Kagome was. She had been beautiful, kind, and loving, and she had taught him how it felt to be in love. And he was thankful for that – for it meant that when he finally did meet someone who was perfect for him he would recognize the feeling for what it was, and not pass it by out of ignorance.
Omoikane-kami-sama must have had a hand in making sure that he was resurrected to shelter Kagome. He must have, for in this solution to their problem with Kagome being left unprotected there showed great wisdom – and after all, was he not the kami of wisdom and knowledge? It solved several problems all at once, actually – protection for their 'daughter' as they'd named her, giving her a companion that would be with her forever so that she would never be alone... and with the added benefit that this companion was the one and only one from this era – or close enough – that would be unable to resist such a one as her.
Most males in this time period would find her far too outspoken and disrespectful in her manner, and with so much knowledge and intelligence she would intimidate them. She would inevitably have ended up alone, for they would have either put her on a pedestal and worshiped her as a minor-kami, which she technically could be considered, or conversely have called her a dark miko in league with Sosa or other dark powers and put her to death.
But he – oh he would find her fascinating, beautiful, intelligent, and perfect, if it came down to that. He would worship her, but it would be in a different way than any other – it would be in a way that she could reciprocate, a way that only true lovers could worship each other.
And they would never have to fear losing each other – for while normal youkai could be killed, he could not. It was part and parcel of protecting her – he couldn't protect her if he was dead. And so the kami had made him just as immortal as she now was, and they would face down eternity together...
With a love that was just as eternal. He knew it... now how to tell her the same?
Kagome, enjoying the flight though she was could not help the hollow feeling that had invaded her insides. Now that her last self-imposed task was finished, what would she do?
She hadn't really thought about it until now with the fugue that she had been in, but the fact that she was now eternal was suddenly very frightening; to watch everyone you know and love fade away through time until you didn't even remember them for the passage of millenia dimming the past in your mind? How could she possibly withstand that? To be alone... and never find love? For what man would love a woman who would never age, never die? She would be shied away from, feared, and would spend eternity alone. Her heart pounded with fear and she clutched her chest in pain...
And then everything stopped. For it wasn't true, was it? For the first time since the moment Inuyasha had forsaken her she stopped and took a look at what the gods had done – they had given her not only a companion, but one who was now as eternal as she was. And she knew herself well – she was already attracted to him, found him honorable and intelligent and so damn caring that it took her breath away – she knew that she would love him. How could she not? She knew herself too well – she loved far too easily. And not only was he perfect – in her eyes, anyway – but he would also be the only one who would not leave her as the sands of time slipped through her fingers. With such perfection and proximity, it was a certainty.
That realization pushed the fear back and her heartbeat slowed; but the thought also came to her then that there was no guarantee that he would feel the same. In fact, why would he? She was nothing special, and Inuyasha had hammered that knowledge into her psyche indelibly – for who could love someone so plain and ordinary? He would probably come to feel a passing affection for her, probably as one would feel for a grown child. And she could never hold him to her side using the vow as an excuse... he had said once that if he found love again he would embrace it, and she had to let him know now that she would never stand in his way should he find someone to love. She would simply fade into the background and bury herself and her heart in a dusty, unused corner of the mansion.
It seemed that to fade into the background was her fate in life. That thought wrenched a desperately unhappy chuckle from her throat. How ironic.
They were coming in to land at the estate when Mattaki heard that broken sound from her, and it hurt to hear such from someone as lovely, inside and out, as she was. He had originally been aiming for the courtyard, but now he turned and landed instead in the gardens, far from anyone else, far from interruption.
He held her until she was steady on her feet and then reluctantly let go, watching with a concerned frown as she stepped away and looked down, rubbing her arms as though cold.
"Is something wrong, Kagome?" he finally asked, since she did not seem inclined to speak though it felt like she had something she needed to say.
"Oh, ano, I was just thinking, I guess. Now that's done I kind of feel empty, you know? I suddenly find that I have eternity to play with – but what will I do with it? Humans weren't meant for forever," she sighed sadly. "Our minds weren't made to understand forever, it's a concept that's beyond our comprehension. But..." she trailed off at his understanding look for a moment, and then cleared her throat and continued bravely, "I just wanted to say that even though you got stuck babysitting me, I don't want you to feel tied down in any way. I'll stay quietly out of the way, and if you find someone, you know, that you'd like to be with, I won't get in the way."
There were two layers of fear in her statement. First off, she was wondering what one does with forever on their hands. And it was a good question, but it wasn't one he could answer, because even though youkai were very long lived barring combat or other injuries, they weren't normally eternal. It was something they'd find out together. The second fear, however...
"There is no need for you to think of hiding yourself away in some quiet corner of the estate, Kagome," he said, a small smile on his face. "For while I will not deny that I am eager for love to come to me, in truth it already partially has, though not in the form of some stranger. Did you not think I would come to love you? It will happen sooner or later, and probably sooner, as I'm already halfway there." He eyed her confounded look with sad eyes. "Did my son abuse your heart so badly that he made you think yourself unlovable? Rid your mind of that fear, Kagome." He paused, then said, "Did you know that the way we are bound together is just like the mating bonds of youkai? We bind ourselves together through life. Is that not what the gods have done for us?"
At that, Kagome's face crumpled as she thought that she understood what he was saying. "But that's not what I want, Mattaki," she whispered miserably. "You don't have to take me because you feel that you're basically stuck with me. I would never force you to take me as a, a mate," she choked out, "just because I'm going to be around forever. My presence doesn't rule out you finding someone else, you know."
"Even were that my reasoning, Kagome, do you really think I would want to take someone else as a mate that I would only have to watch die, since they would not be immortal as I now am?" he asked. When she didn't respond to his query, seemingly still too stunned, he continued. "But even though it does seem that we are being forced to be together as a last resort, that isn't how I see it. You are perfect for me. You couldn't be any more perfect for me than if the kami had taken orders from me and made you to my specifications. I think that the kami – or at least some of them," he chuckled, "knew that we would be perfect for each other, and that was the true reason they brought me back rather than binding you to Sesshoumaru. But even if that is not so, that does not change that I think you are perfect."
Eyes huge in her little face, Kagome stared at him. Perfect? How was that possible? If even Inuyasha couldn't find anything in her worth loving, why would this truly perfect youkai do so?
"Ano... perfect?" she squeaked. "You can't mea-"
"But I do," he cut her off. "Your intelligence, your knowledge - while others would be intimidated by your mind, I am not. I am probably the only one, with the possible exception of my son, who would not be in this era or I think many more, until we get to your own. The conversations we will have! My blood heats just at the thought. Your gentle heart makes me want to protect it just as fiercely as I will protect your body. And speaking of bodies... you are beautiful, Kagome. In some ways one of the most beautiful women I've ever known, because your open heart so caring towards all makes you glow, little one."
She shook her head, amazed at his words. Everything that she thought about herself was diametrically opposed to what he was saying. She just couldn't believe...
He interrupted her negative thoughts, not allowing her to get started, for he knew they would only degenerate into blacker thoughts than ever if he did.
"I will risk your anger, little one, in admitting something. But I need to tell you what I think of you – how attractive I think you. When we were here the first time – and you were soaking in the bath? You fell asleep, and I did not know you were there." He eyed her rapidly reddening cheeks. "I very much adored what I saw, though it was unintentional. I would never deliberately violate your privacy, you know. But it happened, and what I saw... I had a very difficult time that night containing my desire."
Cheeks still red, Kagome couldn't really get angry at him. It wasn't his fault she'd fallen asleep in the hot water. But that he liked what he'd seen... "But it's probably only since it has been awhile-" she blushed even harder and squirmed uncomfortably under his interested gaze, "-since you've, you know, been with someone. I'm sure if you looked around you could find someone that would be glad to be with you... someone more suited to you – like another youkai female."
He blinked. "I think you mistake me for my son, Kagome. Sesshoumaru is the one that cares whether a prospective attachment is youkai or not. But I will admit that after I saw you that way I considered doing so. After all, you were still grieving, and it's not as if you would have welcomed any advances on my part. But... I could not. Because it was not just release I sought from any available female. It was you that I desired, and I consider it dishonorable to take desire for one woman out on another. Not that I could have, anyway – the thought of taking another to my bed left me cold, my body asleep once more. So I chose to wait. For you."
Despite the fact that she was literally squirming with embarrassment over even having this conversation, and couldn't understand at all why he would find her so attractive, it did ease her fear. At least a little... "Even so," she murmured, "you may change your mind one day. Grow tired of me. After all, forever's a long time."
He minced no words. "And the same could be said of you. You may one day tire of me, too, ne?"
"Oh, but I wouldn't!" she blurted, slapping her hand over her mouth and looking surprised that had come out. And then she sighed and let it drop, shrugging awkwardly. "No, I wouldn't do that. I... guess I don't have the same gene that males do... always looking for the new and exciting. The next big thing. I want the stable, the familiar. So being with one person..." she blushed, then finished softly, "well, that's all I could ever want."
"And can you not trust me to know myself as well, Kagome? I know that you have not had a very good time with your first foray into adult love, but I am not my son, and I'm a great deal older than he. I know myself and what I want quite clearly."
Raising a hand to grip her elbow she smiled a little and turned to stare out over the darkening garden as dusk approached, and then lowered her head and nodded. "Hai. You're right. You are not Inuyasha and I should not expect you to act as he did. I'm... sorry."
He nodded as he watched her, so bashful and shy, and he couldn't help but chuckle; he knew that in the decades to come he would look back on these first days with her with fond remembrance for her blushes and difficulty in meeting his eye. She would change, he knew, as the years went by and she healed and found her confidence. And that would be very attractive to him, but he would always remember her as she was now – sweet and uncertain and oh, so very afraid to gift her heart to him, and yet willing to try. The days of her baby steps as she slowly learned to trust him, to love him, to let go. The days of their courtship.
Sighing, he smiled ruefully at her. "Well, I am glad that we have gotten that over with. Are you ready to go in and perhaps soak in some hot water while I take care of making sure that dinner is readied?"
She looked up at him. "Sure," she shrugged. A frown furrowed her brow. "Anyway, I wanted to ask before and forgot... where did that oddly sweet smelling hot spring come from, anyway? This really isn't the area that those kind of things are found."
"Eh? Oh, the hot spring? Well, I made it myself, of course," he replied as he escorted her still blushing form inside.
She blinked. "Made?"
"Yes. It's not really very difficult."
"Oh... yeah, I remember now, even Jaken made one once. I forgot about that."
"Jaken? Why would my son's little rat be making hot springs?" Mattaki asked as they entered a side door into the main part of the shiro.
Kagome giggled at the memory, a little sadly. "Oh, it was his idea to steal Tessaiga to give it to Sesshoumaru. That was back when he was still set on getting it from Inuyasha."
"How did creating a hot spring help him attempt to steal the sword?" he asked, a little confused.
"Well, while Inuyasha and Miroku were soaking the plan was for Jaken to sneak in and grab it, then run like hell."
"Ah. You know, I really should have a word with Sesshoumaru about all of that. Did he really keep trying to get the sword from Inuyasha, even after his first failure?" he asked.
"Oh, yes. He tried for a while. But I think the whole idea of Inuyasha going under to his youkai blood and losing it rather scared him, so he decided after a time to let it alone," she replied absently as they neared her door, her thoughts already on her bath. It had, after all, been a long day... especially emotionally.
Mattaki chuckled inwardly to himself at her blatant desire for hot water. She loved water more than anyone he knew. Leading her to her door, he slid it open and then placed a hand on her arm.
"I will send in a servant to let you know when dinner is ready."
She nodded and started to turn, but Mattaki pulled her back and gently lowered his head down to hers, smiling a little at her suddenly wide eyes and instantly red cheeks. But he didn't stop, and that was how Kagome lost her first kiss to Mattaki - with wide eyes meeting the laughter and soft affection in his before they drifted shut at the soft press of lips, and the lingering pressure as he rubbed gently along hers for several seconds before pressing again, his lips just slightly opened to nip at her bottom lip. She gasped at the feel but he didn't press, lifting his head though his instincts screamed at him, to smile softly at her. She tasted just as sweet as she looked. With a reluctant sigh he turned her stunned form around and then gave her a little push.
"I will see you in a little while, Kagome, but in the meantime enjoy your bath."
With that he walked away, leaving a stunned little miko behind him.
A little premature, perhaps, but oh, so worth it...