Chapter 11

"You...love... Kagome?" Inuyasha asked, a peculiar intensity in his voice though he didn't turn around for the others to catch a glimpse of his face.

"Is that so hard to believe?" Mattaki asked curiously, not able to understand his son's seeming incredulity. What was the big deal?

"That ain't why I'm askin'." His shoulders hunched, but he still refused to turn around. "Keh. I want to make sure that she gets treated right – like I didn't do. I owe her a lot, and while I ain't gonna pretend I'm happy about this I also ain't got no right to say anything about it – unless you weren't bein' honest with her."

Kagome, who was still reeling from Mattaki's disclosure barely noticed what was being said – until she heard what Inuyasha's response to his father's question was, and then her eyes softened when she took in his words. However, knowing that he probably wouldn't react well if she were to say anything about it in front of everyone she kept quiet, and let he and his father talk it out.

She would talk to him later.

"One thing you will find is that I do not lie. I do not see the purpose. And I would most definitely not lie about something like this – there would be no point," Mattaki replied, his voice still calm and easy. "But I cannot help but wonder why you do not like 'this', as you say."

The hanyou tensed, his ears flickering as he tried to stretch out the tension in his shoulders after a loaded moment. He shrugged. "I dunno why. I just don't. But I guess I'll get used to it. Not like I've got a choice, eh?" When it stayed silent he shoved his arms in his sleeves and then glanced over his shoulder at the three, his expression dark but oddly calm. "Keh. We should keep moving," he said as he proceeded to do just that, not waiting for anyone to say anything else. It was clear he didn't want to talk about the subject any further, and after a moment the others followed along behind, letting him get a little ahead as he seemed to want to do.

It was quiet for a while, even Shippo just enjoying the day and the ride he was getting on Mattaki's shoulder. Besides, he was content. He knew that his adoptive mother would forever be taken care of now – her days of misery at Inuyasha's side were completely over.

It was about time, if you asked him.

Mattaki was becoming a little curious as time went on and Kagome still did not say anything about his confession. He was not worried that she would turn him away, but it was certainly a Kagome move to hide her head in the sand when something was said that she didn't know how to handle. He chuckled inwardly at her propensity for blushing and knew that if he brought up his statement she would instantly flush a deep cranberry color across her cheeks that would then move down her neck and even further. One of these days, he mused to himself, I'm going to make her blush while she's undressed just so I can see how far down that blush goes.

The naughty thought had his body instantly at attention, and he sighed quietly as he discreetly tried to adjust himself. Males were cursed with painful and highly visible signs of arousal, and it made walking and even sitting difficult, if not almost impossible. He pulled out carefully selected desire numbing mental pictures, and after a while he was able to walk more normally again, his stride evening out once more.

Kagome, of course, had no idea what was running through Mattaki's head, for her own thoughts were running around in circles screaming their heads off. She couldn't think with any coherency whatsoever, the only thing able to make itself heard over the screaming being... He... what?

Finally, after a good hour of silence Mattaki sighed and glanced down at his side to the young woman that walked there as though she always had. It felt so right to have her there, as though with her presence everything that was important in his life had finally fallen into place. He knew that he never wanted to be separated from her again – no one else would ever fit in that place by his side as perfectly as she did. They couldn't.

"Did my words really shock you so greatly, Kagome? You already knew that this was the direction we were heading in. So why are you so stunned?" he asked quietly after sending Shippo to float on ahead a little ways – though he exhorted him to stay near Inuyasha and not get too far ahead.

Flinching a little at the subject she'd known was coming sooner or later, Kagome flushed just as Mattaki had known she would and refused to look up. She didn't know why she was so embarrassed but she was, and she couldn't seem to help it. But she had to admit... it was far better to be embarrassed at a declaration of love than to have that feeling for someone oneself and be rebuffed, like she had been with Inuyasha. And even though she'd long since realized that it hadn't been real love, still... there was no denying that it was a very painful thing to be rejected. At least she did not have to fear such a fate with Mattaki.

She drew in a deep breath and forced herself to meet his inquisitive gaze. "Yes, it did shock me. I know... that we've been courting but... for you to just come out and say such a thing, especially to someone else... I guess I feel cheated, in a way. You didn't even tell me first – it was like finding out in some backhanded fashion. Like the whole thing was no big deal."

He looked surprised at her words, and then what she was saying broke over him and he sighed, suddenly feeling badly. It hadn't occurred to him when he was facing Inuyasha that she would feel so about it though looking at it now, in hindsight, he should have realized. He should have taken her aside in private and told her how he felt before ever speaking of it to another.

In his defense, however, he was so comfortable with that feeling - because it was something he'd felt for some time, now. It almost felt like something that had been a part of his reality for years rather than mere months, and he'd simply forgotten that he'd not actually told her how he felt in so many words – in some ways, her surprise was surprising him. How could she not know how he felt? He may not have said it outright, but he showed it all the time – and he had called her 'my love' quite a few times. Did she think that he said it without actually meaning it?

"I had not thought of it from that viewpoint, Kagome, and I am sorry. For me, the knowledge of those emotions is comfortable and feels as though I have felt this way for years – it does not feel like a new circumstance. But I was not trying to make you feel as though you lost out on hearing of my feelings from me in a more private setting. Can you forgive me?" he asked, his sincerity shining through, and Kagome shrugged after a moment, looking away.

"It's not like being angry will change it," she sighed. "What's done is done."

"I am confused, though, I must admit," he said after a moment. "I have called you 'my love' many times – did you not take me seriously?"

She shook her head, her eyes now firmly on her feet as they walked along. "Well... I mean, I just took it as a casual endearment, you know, like 'dear', or something like that. Not as in strictly 'my love'."

"Casual endearment?" he asked, taken aback. "What is casual about loving someone? I must confess, I really do not understand now. Do humans speak so to each other, saying such things without really meaning them? I would never call someone 'my love' that wasn't. It seems to me that is the same as lying."

Kagome blinked, then swung an odd look his way. "Do youkai take everything so seriously?" she asked.

"Do humans take everything so casually?" he returned, and watched as she stared blankly at him. He let out an exasperated breath. "I would never use such an endearment to one that I didn't love, Kagome. It would be a lie if I claimed to love someone, and yet did not. Yes, youkai take such things seriously. To play with a youkai's emotions is not a good thing - we are primal beings, and we feel emotions differently than humans. In some ways we feel them more intensely, because they engage every part of what makes us youkai. I would not want to have a person call me 'my love' and not mean it seriously."

"Oh." Kagome looked down at her feet again, watching the little tendrils of dust that poofed up as she walked idly, her mind dwelling on what he'd just told her. "That would explain why youkai are always so intense," she murmured.

"Yes. Intense. It is a good word to describe the youkai. We live intensely, and feel intensely. If we feel something we feel it strongly, passionately. Never could our passions be described as minor, weak, or soft." His eyes flashed. "I will tell you now, when it is only for your ears to hear – I love you, Kagome. And it is not a soft love. It is not an easy feeling. It is strong and passionate, red and full of fire. It calls to my blood, you call to my blood. And once something inspires a youkai's desires in such a manner we do not give it up. I will not let you escape from me, my love," he said deliberately, drawing her gaze up again as it locked with his. "Not ever."

Kagome could feel her own blood rising at what he'd just said and from the heated and hungry look in his eyes as they pinned her. She was flushed deeply, a visible effect of his words, but there was a less visible effect, as well, and as Mattaki scented her shy desire his eyes once again flashed and he had to forcibly clench his fists to keep his hands to himself – he wanted nothing more in that moment than to grab her up and run off with her. He had an excellent memory, and he hadn't forgotten one detail of what she looked like without clothing – he wanted to see her that way again. Naked – only this time naked and in the throes of passion. He lived for that day, and it was coming soon. Very soon, from the scent curling off her body and threatening to destroy every last trace of his control. But it could never be soon enough for him, because he had been wanting her for weeks upon weeks now.

It had been a difficult wait, and the waiting wasn't getting any easier as time went on.

Blood boiling softly in her veins with desire Kagome turned her gaze back to the ground, fighting through the haze that his words and his expression had encouraged. Desire aside, he had just let her know in no uncertain terms that he loved her and he would never let her go. And while that was a balm to her wounded soul in some ways, it was a bit frightening, as well. It also left her having to decide how she felt in return.

She was attracted, she knew this. And she no longer even wanted to deny it. But was she in love... with him? She wasn't certain, and she didn't want to say such a thing unless she meant it with every beat of her heart. Was she falling in love with him? Yes. She knew it. She just hadn't really thought about it, hadn't taken the knowledge out and looked at it in the light of day until now. After all, they were courting each other, basically dating in her modern day terminology, and this last month had been a slow, easy progression - in her eyes, anyway. She hadn't been pushing herself towards him, she had just been letting herself fall slow and easy.

But his words were making her feel guilty, because she wasn't certain she was ready to return them and that fact made her feel badly. She didn't want him to think she was refusing or rebuffing him, because she most certainly wasn't. So how to get that across without hurting or upsetting him?

"I am not waiting for you to return my words to me, Kagome, if you are worried about that. I did not tell you I loved you to get you to reciprocate, you know. I said it because it is true." He looked at her out of the corner of one eye as she peeked up at him, flabbergasted at his seemingly easy reading of her. "I do not want you to tell me you love me until you do, and I am perfectly willing to wait for you to do so." He shrugged tightly at her suspicious look. "Oh, I am not going to lie and say it is easy, because it isn't. I want you terribly – but I am still willing to wait. So do not feel pressured to tell me of your feelings until you actually have them for me, alright?"

"It's not that I don't have any feelings for you, Mattaki," she said finally, her cheeks, from what he could see, glowingly red again.

"I know, Kagome," he said warmly, smiling down at her now. "As I said, be calm. Just because I love you, does not mean I expect you to love me right away. We are still courting, are we not? Let it come as it will, little one. Do not force it."

She sighed, relieved that he seemed to understand where she was at and not feel hurt or rejected because she wasn't able to return those words and be sure she meant them – yet. Though she knew for a fact it was only a matter of time until she could, so it wasn't as though Mattaki was waiting in vain.

The rest of the day passed by pleasantly enough, and it wasn't until after dinner that night that Kagome had a chance to talk to Inuyasha. But before she could come up with a way to get the hanyou alone and talk to him without him going ballistic, he cornered her and asked to talk to her. He ignored the sharp look his father shot him, holding out a hand to help her to her feet as she looked at him with caution in her eyes.

He didn't let her know it by word or by deed but that caution hurt, though he knew he deserved it – he hadn't ever treated her very well, so how was she to know that he wasn't going to cut loose and yell at her, cursing at her and calling her names?

She had trusted him once. It was his own fault for screwing that up. So it was going to be up to him to gain her trust once more. Of course, he mused sourly, trying to keep from throwing up his dinner while watching his father courting the woman who'd once loved him was going to make that difficult, especially trying to keep the acid that he wanted to spit at his father inside – he'd never been very good at controlling his temper, after all. He suspected he was going to get all sorts of practice at it now, though.

Coming to a halt in a small dell he turned to face Kagome as she came out of the trees behind him and moved to the center of the little hollow to sit on the low hilltop and watch the last of the late-blooming flowers wave in the occasional breeze.

After a moment he sighed and moved to sit near her, ignoring how she stiffened as though waiting for him to unleash on her.

"Relax, K'gome, I ain't gonna jump on ya for nothin'," he said gruffly as he folded his arms into his sleeves. He inhaled deeply and then let it out slowly at her still cautious glance, and shook his head. "I just..." he trailed off, his hands gripping his arms inside his sleeves so hard he was beginning to draw blood. This was harder than he'd thought it'd be, apologizing, though of course it would be – he'd almost never done it before.

"You just what, Inuyasha?" came Kagome's soft voice a moment later, and he let out another deep breath then, resigned to feeling terribly awkward. Maybe things would never be patched up fully between them – maybe too much water had passed under the bridge. But he had to try – he owed her that much.

"I wanted to say I'm... sorry," he finally managed to get out through a tight throat. "For... everything. I probably couldn't list everything even if I tried, since I was such an ass for so long... but most of all I'm sorry for what happened after the fight with Naraku. I know... there's no excuse for what I did, but there was a reason and you should know what happened. When I left you all I wasn't planning on not comin' back. I wanted to tell Kikyou she was free now so she could move on. And I honestly hadn't realized that you were hurt as badly as you were. But when she got me alone, she... once again pressed me to go to hell with her, reminding me that I'd promised." He sighed after a moment, defeated. "You... were right. She was just being vindictive for no reason. But... I think she used a glamour on me or somethin' 'cause it was suddenly hard to think, and I didn't remember anything but her. Next thing I know I'm alone in the underworld bein' chewed out for leavin' you behind, Kikyou nowhere in sight."

Kagome was silent for a while as she took all that in, and though nothing could make things the same between them as they once had been, it did ease her heart a bit – knowing that he hadn't intended to just leave them as he had. That it was mostly Kikyou's doing. She could forgive and move on, letting the hurt she'd felt go. It was all in the past, and Inuyasha was alive again with a second chance to live. Hopefully he'd take this chance and run with it, not forsaking the future for some twisted vision of the past.

She folded her arms atop her knees and laid her head down on her arms, her eyes drifting closed for a moment as she said a prayer to the kami for her friend. After a few seconds she said, "I wish I could tell you why Kikyou did what she did. But I can't – and I can't understand the sheer hatred that such an act would take. I guess that's an answer neither of us will ever have. But... I'm glad you told me what really happened, and I hope that the past is finally a closed door for you. You have a chance at a whole new future, Inuyasha – and I pray to the kami that you take it and all it can offer you. Like a second chance to know your father."

Inuyasha stiffened at mention of his sire. "Keh. I don't know 'bout that. Give it a few years and maybe thing's'll be different. But as for everything else – what choice do I have? Everything's different now. Naraku's gone and for the first time in years I'm... free. Well, sort of," he finished, casting a sour look back through the trees at the barely visible flickering of the firelight. "I will be once the old man has had his fill of torturin' me."

Rolling her eyes, Kagome reflected that it had been too much to hope that the irascible hanyou had changed that much. But at least he'd gotten a start on that.

"Your father isn't that bad, Inuyasha, and you know it. Most of what's happened so far you've brought on yourself. And you can't say you haven't benefited already from having him in your life, even if only from his training. You've gotten markedly better with your sword," she returned dryly.

"Keh! Wasn't bad with it before!" he snapped defensively. "Was good enough to protect your ass and take a lot of chunks out of Naraku, wasn't I?"

"Didn't say you weren't. Just that you're getting better. And after all-" she cast an amused glance at the hanyou out of sparkling blue eyes, "-the better you get, the closer you'll get to beating Sesshoumaru, right?" She knew that wasn't happening, but if it encouraged the sometimes lazy Inuyasha into putting more effort into his training...

He blinked and then slowly grinned, one fang peeking out from under his lip. "You know... you might be onto somethin' there, wench. It'd be worth it to be able to bring that ass down a peg – or ten."

Kagome giggled at the mental picture, though she was pretty certain that no one would be 'bringing him down a peg or ten' except his father. Mattaki was probably the only one on Earth that was stronger than Sesshoumaru. He was older and knew a lot more about swordplay – he'd been doing it for far longer than the younger daiyoukai. Experience counted for a great deal, after all.

It fell quiet after that, and after a while Kagome yawned sleepily and decided it was time to head back – she was ready for her bed, to prepare for another long day of walking tomorrow. One thing she had to admit, even if only to herself as Inuyasha quietly escorted her back to camp, was that she didn't miss the days of forced travel all over their native island in pursuit of Naraku and those damn shards of the sacred jewel. Walking was one thing – but having to do it day in and day out with no breaks in all sorts of weather? Nope... she didn't miss it at all.

She also didn't miss Mattaki's sharp glance upon their return – or the fact that a certain tension in his shoulders released when they returned in such a peaceful manner, and she had to smile inwardly at his overprotective streak – in some ways Inuyasha was just like his father.

With a reassuring smile in his direction she patted another yawn and set about getting her bedding ready, then slipped behind a tree and changed for the night before tossing her pack next to her sleeping bag and climbing inside and zipping herself in – it was the tag end of summer, and the much cooler nights reflected that. But she would be warm enough inside her bag, and with a quiet, "Good Night," to the occupants of the camp that were still awake she closed her eyes and allowed herself to drop quickly into a deep, restful sleep, for the first time since Inuyasha had disappeared with Kikyou feeling completely at peace.

Mattaki wasn't certain what the two had talked about though he had his suspicions, but he was terribly glad to see that dark sliver that had been visible in her eyes since he'd met her finally gone, and her spirit at ease.

"I'm glad you spoke to her," he said softly so as not to wake her, knowing that his son would hear him. "She needed to know what had happened so she could put it behind her."

"Keh. Didn't do it for your thanks, old man. Did it because I owe it to her. And then some," a surly voice returned. "But... you're welcome."

Eyes widening just slightly at Inuyasha's last soft words Mattaki smiled inwardly after a moment, the hope that maybe someday his son would allow him close rising inside again. It wasn't much, most wouldn't think anything of what his son had just said, but for Inuyasha to acknowledge his thanks at all was a minor miracle.

Camp fell silent after that as the two got lost in their own thoughts, and slowly the wheel of heaven moved past, neither moving again save Mattaki getting up once in the early morning hours to build the fire back up. He glanced at the sleeping Shippo and Kagome with a soft smile as he did so – it was getting cool, and it wouldn't do to let the fire go out completely.

He caught a flash of crimson as he sat back down and his gaze moved up only to see his son with his arms crossed and eyes closed, though he knew quite well the boy was not really sleeping, merely dozing – his ears were tracking his movements perfectly, and it was only his familiarity that had allowed Inuyasha to remain in his half-asleep state. If he had been a stranger creeping up on them the hanyou would have been fully awake in milli-seconds.

He is definitely strong for a hanyou, the daiyoukai sighed. He wouldn't have survived if he hadn't been. I wonder... how many times in his two hundred years has he truly slept a normal sleep? Probably no more than a handful. I regret that his early years were so terrible, though I cannot help but be proud that he survived. I can't even imagine the things he's been through. Maybe someday he'll actually tell me about some of those years he was alone. While I cannot take them away, perhaps sharing them will ease some of the burden from his own shoulders.

Mattaki spent the rest of the hours in the dark in a thoughtful, subdued state, his thoughts wandering far and wide and covering both his son and the woman he was in love with, as well. While her life had been very different it had not been easy, especially once she'd landed here in the distant past – and even more difficult after she'd lost her way home and her entire family to time's distant shores.

The only positive thing he could find in the situation was that she would eventually be able to see her family again – he wasn't sure if she'd really considered that part of her circumstances yet. Her basic immortality guaranteed that she would be alive when her era once more came around. Though he could already foresee the difficulty she would have in the twenty years or so leading up to the day the well closed. He would probably have to stay on top of the situation to make sure she didn't make contact before it was time.

By the time daylight came the daiyoukai was quite happy to see the sun, his thoughts of the night before somewhat dark and depressing. Thoughts of his little female missing her family for so many centuries, only to find them again for a few short years and then lose them permanently to death poked hard at his heart and left him aching for her. But he was positive such things hadn't yet occurred to her, and he wasn't about to bring them up. She'd already spent enough time this year grieving – there was no sense in bringing on even more grief with such pointless thoughts as he'd had during the night.

As the sun rose over the horizon bringing with it life-giving light and warmth Mattaki rose and went after a bath downstream from camp, knowing that it would still be some little time yet before Kagome woke, and that Inuyasha was capable of keeping the camp secure until he returned. Of course, he wasn't going far just in case, though there appeared to be nothing dangerous for miles he wasn't willing to take that chance – not after what Kagome had done the day before.

He still couldn't believe her actions in rushing headlong into danger with absolutely no thought whatsoever – he couldn't help but wonder if she had always been that way. Perhaps he should ask his son if this was a normal thing for her, but somehow he was already sure it was. That thoughtless move of hers had been too... practiced for it not to be.

A short time later, bathed and cool and feeling much better he moved through the trees back to their camp, smiling as he heard Kagome's soft humming as she put a small pot of water on to boil for their morning tea. He came to a halt behind her, watching her go about her morning chores as his thoughts digressed to what had happened yesterday and her stunned reaction to his declaration. He still felt badly that he had not thought to take her aside and tell her of his feelings in a private setting – he knew that females liked that sort of thing, calling it romantic, and he wanted to kick his own ass for forgetting such a basic fact about the fairer sex. She'd felt cheated, and he felt as though he really had cheated her of that pleasure of hearing his feelings from him in a sweet and memorable way.

Perhaps there was still a way to at least somewhat make it up to her? He would have to spend some time thinking on that, he decided. It would make her happy, and that was all he needed to make the extra effort completely worthwhile.

Hearing her speak his name in tones of concern centered his attention on her once more and he smiled again after a moment and reassured her that he was fine, merely thinking on a matter of some importance.

She nodded, accepting his words without further comment, and then something seemed to come to her and she asked him what he had been thinking of yesterday when they had entered Kaede's hut after the attack. She reminded him that he'd told her he'd tell her later when she'd asked, and that prompt brought his thoughts of that moment back. He looked around to see where Inuyasha was but could not see him; wanting to be certain he was not within hearing distance, he asked Kagome the boy's whereabouts.

"Inuyasha? Oh, he went to take a morning rinse," she said dismissively, obviously very eager to hear what he'd been thinking.

He nodded, scenting the air to be sure, but the boy was nowhere nearby so he went ahead and told her of his thoughts yesterday on Sesshoumaru possibly coming to visit at some point during the winter, and of the probability that his two sons would fight. "I was thinking that perhaps I should spend the next hundred years or so teaching them to behave decently towards each other in polite company," he said wryly, enjoying Kagome's openly happy laugh of agreement.

"Yeah, it would probably take that long," she giggled, giggling some more at the face Shippo made as he agreed, as well.

"More like two hundred," the kit quipped, and the three laughed as one, each one being highly entertained by certain amusing mental pictures of the two straining themselves to be polite.

Inuyasha returned shortly to a suspiciously grinning group of people, but after staring at them all with narrowed eyes for several seconds, he "Feh'd" and kept to himself after that, eating his breakfast and drinking his tea quietly.

It was just as they were waiting for Mattaki to return from visiting the bushes so that they could head out that another disaster struck – this one in the form of a whirlwind of dust that appeared over a small rise in the road and headed right for Kagome.

Staring in surprise at the dusty wolf that appeared out of it, who was already grasping at her hands before she could even blink, Kagome blurted out a shocked "Kouga!" just as the wolf seemed to inhale deeply and then let out an irate growl.

"Why the hell does my woman smell so strongly of some overbred prissy dog, Inutrasha?" he snarled at his most despised rival.

A deafening and dangerous silence fell as Kagome desperately tried to yank her hands away from an angered ookami who was refusing to let go.

She hadn't managed to move her hands an inch when Mattaki stepped back out of the trees and onto the road, and suddenly she was very, very afraid.

Kouga was going to die.