Chapter 16

"Come to me, my love. Give yourself over to me."

Kagome froze for several seconds when he said that, his hand held out to her. This was it – if she went to him and put her hand in his, she was giving herself to him... forever. Am I really ready for this? she thought once more, an almost panicky feeling overtaking her.

But then she looked up from his hand into his eyes, and what she saw there... compassion, love, understanding, passion... only firmed her determination. Yes, she was ready to become a woman. She was ready to give herself to him. But she realized in that moment that just because she was ready and determined to do this, did not mean that there was no fear.

Because there was. And it was then that she realized that there would be until she was his. Once she was no longer a virgin, once she knew what to expect, the fear would be gone.

With that understanding she stepped forward and put her hand in his, and smiled shakily in return of his wide, happy smile.

"I will not hurt you, Kagome," he whispered as he pulled her close, trying to soothe her shivering with his warmth as he held her, not really doing anything else at that moment but calming her.

She nodded against his chest. "I know. It's just... a fear of the unknown. I'll be okay," she replied softly.

He tilted his head thoughtfully for a moment, and then used one finger to angle her chin up so he could look into her eyes. He studied her shadowed gaze for several seconds, and then his eyes lowered. He stared at her mouth with a growing intensity that only made her shiver more.

Kagome stiffened as he lowered his head further to touch her lips, but the moment his mouth met her own she moaned and went limp against him, opening immediately to his searching tongue.

If she hadn't been being held up by Mattaki already she would have fallen flat on her face, because the kiss she was getting was definitely sinful. And like the smoothest chocolate, it was addictive. As his tongue slid against hers she moaned again at the sweetness of it, and he responded by deepening the kiss.

Within moments her fear was gone, pushed to the back of her mind by what he was doing to her. It was unlike anything she'd ever experienced, though admittedly her experiences were quite limited.

Withdrawing just a bit to let her breath he captured her bottom lip between his teeth and tugged at it, rubbing it with his tongue and teeth before releasing it in a highly sensitized and swollen state. Her heartbeat quickened into a full-blown gallop when he repeated his actions, and by the time he'd done the same to her top lip she felt as if she were on fire.

A soft groan escaped her throat when the tenor of his kisses changed again, one hand sweeping up her back and into her hair as he took full possession of her lips once more, sending his tongue stabbing deep into her mouth and curling against her own tongue with delicious eroticism. The other hand moved down, slowly untying the obi holding her pretty kimono closed while she was distracted.

For minutes on end he kissed her, not making any further moves to deepen the intimacy after her obi fell away, simply letting her kimono and yukata fall open on their own. That fact allowed her to let go of the last of her fear as it was replaced by a yearning desire to know more – to know Mattaki as a male – to know him in a way she had never known another. A way she would never know another.

Finally, quite a while after he'd first tugged her into his embrace Mattaki swept her up into his arms and strode over to his futon, laying her down gently after letting her clothes fall to the floor. He brushed his fingers through her bangs, an adoring expression on his face as she blushed, before moving over her to lay on the other side of her, his head held up on an elbow as he gazed down at her. She was completely held by his expression, unable to look away from the need in his eyes despite her embarrassment at being naked save for her panties – need which she knew was mirrored by her own expression.

She could feel her body responding to the look in his eyes, her breasts tightening painfully – so painfully that she lifted bewildered hands to them to feel the nipples tight and furled against her palms. She looked down, confused, only to have her gaze almost yanked back up to Mattaki at his agonized voice saying, "Don't," and his own hand coming up suddenly to grab both her wrists and pull them up and over her head.

She was stunned to see the desperation in his eyes as he fought for control, especially when his action of pulling her wrists over her head had the effect of forcing her breasts higher, the nipples right before his eyes and practically begging to be touched and tasted.

"I want you so badly, itoshii, that I can barely keep from throwing all caution to the wind and simply taking you," he groaned painfully. "However, this is your first time and I will not hurt you. But please," his eyes fell closed as he fought himself, "if you have any pity for me do not do such things, for it weakens my control. For this first time, just relax and allow me to pleasure you."

She was unable to do anything more than nod in agreement, not wanting to see him in pain as he so obviously was at that moment in time. A slight whimpering sound escaped her as she did, causing his eyes to pop open again. She was trapped in the molten gold the moment they did, and she watched, fascinated, as a small amount of crimson leached into them at her capitulation.

"Good girl," he rumbled, pleased as she submitted to him without argument.

He held her gaze for several long seconds, and then just when she was about to whimper again, her body so sensitive and practically in pain from her need, he lowered his head and took a tiny, furled nipple between his lips. He nibbled on it as she cried out and then sucked on it as her voice, beginning to beg, echoed in his ears.

Kagome was oblivious to everything but the dark excitement possessing her as she was propelled from one mind-blowing experience to the next as Mattaki practically devoured her; never in her life had she experienced such sweet torment.

Mattaki's hands had by now joined in the fray, one hand moving up to caress the other breast, the other stroking over her tensed belly and around to explore the tantalizing curve of her waist, hip, and thigh as he slipped her panties down, slowly caressing them off of her body. And for endless more minutes after they were off he explored, yet never allowing his hands to move to the one place that was by now weeping with its need for his attention.

Squirming beneath his torturous caresses, Kagome actually whined as more heat surged into that shadowed place between her thighs, a wet feeling following behind. She clenched her thighs trying to soothe the painful ache that Mattaki seemed to be ignoring, and soon was pleading with him for some form of relief – he knew what she needed, though she did not, and she knew it.

"Please, Mattaki," she finally cried, tears beginning to run down her cheeks as she twisted into his hands, trying to get them to move to where she so desperately needed them to be.

Mind already fragmented by that scent that was calling to him and spinning fire through his very blood Mattaki growled - a guttural sound that only stoked Kagome's passions higher - and gave in, one hand sliding down her taut belly to slip through the tiny patch of curls that rested just above her womanhood. She gasped with delight as his calloused finger found her pearl and slid across it, a keening sound issuing from her at the shocking surge of pleasure that one little touch sent through her entire body, and she arched into his touch, needing more – much more.

The daiyoukai let go her wrists as he moved down her body, all too ready to give her that more she needed. The beautiful whimpering sound she gave off as he deserted her breasts entirely and settled himself between her legs only made him even needier for her, and when he responded by putting his mouth where his finger had just been Kagome went wild, bucking up into him and gasping in shocked delight.

It was like nothing she'd ever experienced, and not even anything she'd ever heard back in her era about this act could have ever prepared her for having it done to her. As his lips closed over that tiny, sensitive bead, her lungs collapsed and she went limp, unable to draw a breath or even move as every muscle in her body froze and white light burst into her mind, leaving her totally unable to even think.

She could feel every little twitch, every move he made against her sex with his eager tongue, and it was most definitely eager – Mattaki made no effort to hide his enjoyment of what he was doing, growling, panting, and even purring as he first flicked the tip of his tongue over her pearl, and then sucked it softly into his mouth.

Her untutored, unpracticed reactions to what he was doing were enough to fry his mind, her obvious enjoyment feeding his own until he couldn't tell where her enjoyment ended and his own began. And that was what told him that he was doing it right, because that was exactly how it should be. She just tasted so good, though, that all he wanted to do was concentrate on her pleasure.

Her scent had always pleased him, teasing him with how much stronger and more tantalizing it would be if she were in the throes of passion, and now that she was he could barely hold himself back from just devouring her. Already the room resounded with the sounds of his own pleasure as they overpowered hers, growls, snarls, and the almost bestial sounds of him feasting upon her all-too-willing body. He relished in her, and it was only enticing her own pleasure as she became more certain that he was enjoying himself. His pleasure made her able to accept her own without question.

Becoming frantic at the tightening of her body and needing release, Kagome thrashed her head from side to side and called to her lover, begging him to send her over the edge; the coil was already so tight within her that she almost felt as if she were about to break as one wicked hand made its way back up her body to her breasts.

That was all it took; the moment he took it between his fingers and rolled the tip harshly, his mouth doing the same thing to her pearl, she exploded, crying out his name in shocked ecstasy as she was abruptly picked up and tossed over the edge into her very first orgasm. On and on it went, the pleasure rolling through her like waves as he gentled her just a little, letting go her breast and letting up on the intensity he had been using his tongue with. She slumped as she finally began to come back down from the heights, sobbing weakly as her mind tried to cope with the surfeit of pleasure he'd given her.

But Mattaki didn't stop there.

Kagome lost count of the amount of times he made her come, one instance blending in to another as he just continued devouring her. Hazy eyes staring blankly at the ceiling, she shuddered as he flicked her pearl again, and then keened as a finger began to slowly push its way inside her heretofore untouched channel, the feeling shocking and yet so pleasurable she could do little more than beg for him to give her more.

"Oh, more," she gasped, "please more."

And Mattaki responded, adding another finger and using a slow, smooth rhythm that soon had her untutored body undulating in counterpoint; to the inuyoukai that was watching her with bleeding eyes even as he fed off of her slowly awakening body, it just proved that she was a sensual creature and that once taught the ways of pleasure, she would be an entrancing lover. He soon had another finger moving inside her as he tried to stretch her immense tightness just a little, his own mind shorting out even more as her body once more began winding up to orgasm. His cock gave a throb and sent pain stabbing through his flesh as he felt her tighten impossibly around his fingers and his eyes widened at just how strong those muscles were – he'd never felt anything so tight in all his life, and the very thought of being inside her actually made him whine in sheer bliss.

He stilled his fingers and leaned back as he waited for her to come down once more from the heights, and once she began to relax he withdrew his fingers, sensually licking them clean as she stared at him through eyes dazed and hazy with pleasure. Once finished, he slowly made his way back up her body, licking and kissing every inch of precious skin, even as he told her how much he loved her and needed her. Her shapely body was completely mapped by hands that cherished and adored every inch, and by the time he reached her lips once more she was crying weakly, feeling more loved than she had ever thought possible until this very moment.

"Why do you cry, beloved?" he whispered into her ear before nipping the sensitive lobe.

"I don't deserve you," she answered back, her voice bare and open to him; he moved from her ear to her cheek and began lovingly licking her tears away as her arms came up to wrap around his neck, "but I love you so. I can't help it."

"Yes, you do. You deserve every bit of love I have to give, and more," he replied fiercely, even as his heart melted at her declaration. "Never doubt that." Before she could answer him he bent to kiss her again, coaxing her mouth to open to him with sweet sucking kisses and nips to her full, already bruised lower lip.

Slowly, oh, so slowly he made love to her mouth, leaving no part of her untouched as his tongue plumbed her depths. Hot, indolent, and exotic, it was nothing like any of the other kisses he'd given her before, and she crumbled before it, completely unable to do anything but let him have his way. She was so taken with his kiss that it came as a shock when he began to forge his way inside her, and truthfully, she didn't even notice until he was bumping what was left of her maidenhead and stretching it most uncomfortably.

Mattaki's mind was on fire. There was simply no other way to describe it. As he began pushing his way inside her body, flames licked through his veins and ate at his control. Mind-numbingly tight she was, just as he'd known she'd be from the way she'd curled and tightened around his fingers; suddenly, he couldn't breathe and had to pull away from the kiss that had been distracting her as he bumped into her barrier, little sparks of lust and need skipping along every nerve in his body.

He paused and looked down at her, his eyes heavy-lidded and impossibly seductive, had he but known it. "Are you ready, Kagome?" he asked huskily; he cleared his throat as he waited for her answer.

She knew what he was asking – he was giving her one last chance to pull away, to deny him, but she didn't want it and she tugged on him, her fingers digging into his biceps, that little touch of pain adding to the already overwhelming pleasure and making him growl in response.

"Yes, I'm ready, Mattaki! Please, just do it!" she almost howled, unable to wait any longer, to stand the empty feeling inside anymore.

And with a strong downward roll of his hips he did, taking her virginity and her soul in the same moment as her body opened up fully beneath him and engulfed his sex, leaving him without breath as she clenched so tightly around him that he was left unable to tell where she ended and he began.

Red light ignited in his eyes as he slid within her, his skin tight and itching with need as she mewled below him and tilted her hips into his, though he could tell she was in pain she didn't seem to care, only wanting him within her as far as he could go. He obliged, being completely incapable of doing anything else, though he made sure that she was quickly distracted from any pain by leaning down and once more taking a sweet nipple into his mouth and suckling as though he were a pup.

"M-Mattaki," she moaned deeply, her fingers clenching tighter still into his flesh; she arched up into him as he finally came to her end and his hips were pressed tightly to hers. Unable to stop moving, she rotated her own hips, slowly and with a sultry keen, and the inuyoukai sheathed so tightly within her actually yelped as she tightened her inner muscles even more as she did so.

Kagome savored the luscious sensation of him pulling against her interior muscles and repeated the action; she was fascinated at his response as crimson eyes actually began to glow. She could see his bestial side in his eyes as his more primal side took over and rolled his hips into her again, enjoying the look on her face as he slid slickly through her softly swollen interior, kissing the mouth of her womb with ease as he bottomed out within her.

And to the tune of her breathless cries and pleas he took her, every slow, hot thrust designed to make her more desperate, to make her want him more and more until he was all she would be able to see, all she would ever be able to want. The beast demanded that she acknowledge who she belonged to aloud, and without even missing a beat he slid back onto his haunches, pulling her along with him until she was suspended between his thighs and he was able to slide her along his swollen length at will.

That action completely stole her ability to think, which was just what he wanted.

"Who do you belong to, Kagome?" he snarled, just as taken as she was and not even trying to hide it.

Kagome barely heard him with the roaring in her ears; she was once more approaching orgasm, and words made little sense to her in that state. But Mattaki was insistent and he pulled back and then stilled even as she tried to buck and take more of him in again; he held back, determined to make her answer his need.

"Answer me!" he barked. "Who do you belong to?" There was a peculiar intensity to his voice that finally broke through her pleasure seeking haze, and she met his red-eyed stare head on.

"I'm yours, Mattaki!" she cried, squirming restlessly beneath him, desperate for movement; with a snarl that vibrated the entire room he thrust forwards once more, burying himself inside her viciously as she yelled out a demand for more.

Completely unable to deny her or himself Mattaki pulled out of her, the beast grinning with pleasure as she whimpered in denial. After a moment he gently turned her over and settled her onto her hands and knees before blanketing her with his own body as he mounted her fully.

He reached back with one hand and grasped her hip and then gently latched onto her shoulder with his fangs, almost purring as she egged him on, pressing back into him with panting moans as he gave her what they both wanted and slid back inside. It was an impossibly long, slow thrust that seemed to turn what was left of his mind to burning dust and with a deep, feral growl he began thrusting into her once more, this time using a great deal more force and speed as pleasure finally short-circuited his control and took over. He was seeking his own end now, driving her pleasure along with his, and from the delicate rippling of her sheath along his heated and painfully engorged length he knew they would reach this last knife's edge together – just as it should be.

Knowing that his end was near Mattaki sped up, his hips bucking urgently into his female's body in order to bring her over the edge with him; just as he felt her channel spasm and grasp onto him with almost tangible force a stab of heat hit the base of his spine, his balls drew up, and then he came with a feral howl as his seed rushed through his shaft with almost painful jolts of unimaginable pleasure.

Kagome could feel every burst of his seed entering her body; his spend being several degrees warmer than her flesh it was a pleasing heat inside her, and as her own vision went white and then inverted she joined his fierce howl with her own voice raised in elation, crying out his name in worshipful benediction. Their combined orgasms raged on for seemingly endless moments, both bodies taut and straining to grasp every last bit of the pleasure roiling through their systems, but finally their strength died just as the pleasure did – slowly. Just as the last of Mattaki's seed entered her body they both slumped forward, unable to hold themselves up in the aftermath of such a storm of pleasure.

Breathing hard after the most amazing orgasm he could ever remember having, Mattaki gathered his scattered mind and after a moment, still sweetly sheathed inside his new mate, he pulled himself together enough to roll over onto his side while taking her still limp form with him. He smiled as he felt another bit of his energy leave him and enter his little female's body, binding her to him even more as it fused inside her. From now until eternity she would carry not only the scent of the mate to whom she belonged but also a bit of his very youki, which would act to not only mark her as his but protect her if he were absent for any reason and she were attacked. His power now dwelt within her, and if she were ever attacked it would react, immediately destroying the threat to what was his without remorse.

It was silent for a long time after that as Kagome lay there and just enjoyed the slowly forming bond between them. She could actually feel it; it was as though she were slowly becoming aware of him with all her senses, including her sixth. She could feel him; deep inside where the core of who she was existed, there was now a kernel of him, and it was the most soothing feeling in the world.

"I can feel you," she whispered after a long while, smiling faintly as he flexed within her teasingly. "Not like that, you lecher."

He sobered at that. "Yes. It's the mating bond. It will take a few days to fully develop. But from now until the gods decide to take pity on us and render us into the next world, we are tied together. Actually, even then we will be tied together. There will never be another for either of us."

That thought was actually comforting, knowing that no matter what happened or where they went from here they would always have each other. Unlike her family, she would never lose him. She wriggled her fingers into his and clenched his hand tightly.

"I'm glad. At least we will never be alone again," she said softly.

He shifted as he nuzzled affectionately into her neck, taking in their now combined scent, and Kagome squirmed and tightened around him as his movements made aftershocks zing through her; that tight grip brought something back to his attention.

"How is it that you are so strong inside, Kagome?" he asked, his voice tense as that grip began arousing him again. "Most females who are virgins are not as... developed in that area."

Eyes narrowing with jealousy at thinking of him with other females, Kagome flexed again. "It's an exercise that's taught to women in my era. It's simple flexing and holding, then releasing. They're called Kegels." She flushed; Mattaki could feel the heat from her body and looked down at her, fascinated – and curious - about her embarrassment. "We're taught that it increases the pleasure of... well, you know, that... if a girl has strong muscles there. Not to mention it's supposed to make childbirth easier – your body has to strain less and you don't tire as much if your muscles are more developed."

"Hn... is that so?" he asked, deliberately flexing his once again hardening length inside her, just to enjoy her response as she tightened and then released again. But he sobered as he took note of the jealousy his words about other females had caused. He was about to chastise her for it when the thought of her with other males made him growl, the same feeling of hurt and jealousy she was currently feeling overtaking him. He sighed then, for the first time regretting that he hadn't come untouched into their union, as well; though it was a conflicted feeling as he couldn't really regret his sons – nor his time with Izayoi.

He had, after all, loved her, even if it wasn't a love that was quite as all-consuming as what he felt for his new mate.

Running his hand in a caressing manner up and down her arm and dropping small, tantalizing kisses across one soft cheek, he said, "The past is gone, Kagome, and will never come again. Do you really wish that I had spent all the centuries that I have lived alone, with no love for comfort at all?"

She stiffened at that. Am I really so selfish that I wish he'd stayed alone all those years, just so I wouldn't feel... like a sop to him, because he lost the love of his life? Like I'm just someone to keep the lonely centuries at bay, because he can't have the one he really wants? She sighed, bitter truth making her shake her head.

"No. And I'm sorry, you know, that you lost her. Izayoi, I mean. I... I'm not her, and I know that I can't fill the hole she left in your life," she said, withdrawing from him emotionally as a sense of inadequacy and pain flared to life inside her, "but maybe I can at least make your life less lonely. It's better than nothing, ne?" she asked, her voice painfully tentative and clearly thick with unshed tears.

Mattaki cursed, suddenly on the verge of anger. "Why do you keep making yourself out to be so much less to me than you are? I have told you that my past with Izayoi would not keep me from accepting love again, and that I have indeed found that love in you. Do you truly trust me so little as to keep discounting my words?"

Kagome shrank within herself even more at his anger and shook her head. "No... I guess I just can't help but to feel guilty – if things had been different... you know, if she'd had power of her own-"

"-then we still would have been separated by death," he gritted tightly. "I do not regret any of the past. Not meeting her or loving her, but also losing her. Because then I would have missed out on you, and that thought... it is unbearable. Everything that happened did so for a reason, and the loss I suffered then, of her and even my own life is acceptable and even welcomed when I look back because it brought me to you – to this place I am right now. Never doubt what I feel for you, and never feel guilty for the path I had to take to find you. I do not, and truthfully I have thanked kami repeatedly for their benevolence in sending me to my death, only to be awakened once more and tied to you. And if I had to lose Izayoi and die again and even again, I would go through it gladly as long as I knew that you would be waiting for me at the end of it all."

Suddenly feeling even more guilty for letting her petty jealousies get the better of her and bringing up such things on this night she nodded, sniffling as she tried to push all such thoughts out of her mind. It wasn't like her to be so selfish – wanting to be the only one, like he was for her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered regretfully, subdued.

Finally pulling his still turgid and eager length from within her, he rolled her onto her back and looked down at her with serious, intense eyes. "Don't be, Kagome. I understand... the thought of you with another-" his eyes flashed red for a moment, "-it makes me just as jealous. You don't know how many times I've wanted to kill my own son just because you had loved him before – even if it was a love you mistook for the love between mates. You are not the only one to feel the bite of guilt - I feel guilty that my past causes you pain. But there is nothing I can do about it, and little point in allowing the past to affect our future. Put it out of your mind and concentrate on the here and now – in this moment there is no past, no Izayoi and even no Satori, there is only you and I - and that is the way it will remain for the rest of forever. You will have me for eternity, Kagome, as none of the others did." He looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment, then finished, "I daresay if Izayoi were here now, she would be jealous that what we have is so much stronger than what was between her and I, and that we have an unbreakable bond that will never end, as her and I did not. Not even death may separate us, as it did her and I. I suppose what I am saying is that jealousy is an emotion that never made anyone happy, and there's little point in it because all of us would have reason to feel its painful bite if we were to allow ourselves to wallow in it. Let it go, aisai."

And just like that, Kagome felt badly for Izayoi, for in that moment she knew he was right and the former wife of her new mate would probably be hurt that when all was said and done, her bond with the male she'd loved had been so easily destroyed. If what Mattaki was saying was true, that he was actually glad for what had happened in the past because it allowed him to be with her, then Inuyasha's mother was probably saddened and hurt by that, too.

"I hope that someday she finds a bond that is just as strong," she finally said, closing her eyes and saying a prayer for just that to the kami for the human princess that had loved Mattaki first.

"And so do I – but I cannot regret that such a bond was not meant to be with me, because I do not regret you – I can't. I didn't know... when I was with her that a stronger, deeper bond was even possible-" he reached out a loving finger to smooth the sad frown from between her brows, "-and now that I do I could never give it up. I could never give you up. The bottom line is this – I can happily let her go to move on in another life and find someone else to love her. I could not do the same with you – I would destroy anyone that tried to take you away from me, as I think I proved with the ignorant wolf," he finished dryly, before lowering his head to kiss her.

He nibbled her lip, sucking on it and running his tongue along it as his hands began caressing her body again, before plunging inside to once more taste her sweetness. "Gods, Kagome... I love you. I want you so much," he whispered intensely and almost desperately into her mouth as he tugged on her swollen and sensitive lower lip before plunging inside her willing mouth again. He pressed his lower body against her own with a needy moan, leaving Kagome in no doubt that he was speaking the truth – he was swollen and painfully hard against her thigh, and she whimpered needily as he continued grinding his length against her.

She could feel the emotions that were driving him, and she forgot every bit of jealousy or inadequacy she'd ever felt as the sheer desire, need, and adoration he felt for her swept through her, driving her own need of him higher than it had ever been. And as the two joined once more in an explosion of desire and want, every thought of anyone else or any feelings of jealousy were completely erased from the minds of the two, the bond that was still developing between them leaving no room for thoughts of any others in either of their minds.

~oOo~

A howl broke the stillness of the night and Inuyasha, a bittersweet expression on his face, raised his bowl of sake in a toast as his father announced his mating of the female he'd come to love so much.

"Keh... and more fool me for holding on to a hate-filled phantom for so long and ignoring what was right in front of me. If I hadn't been such a fool, that would have been me howling in pleasure."

While he wasn't in love with Kagome, he was well aware of the fact that if he'd ever bothered to look past Kikyou's shade and actually pay attention to Kagome as an entirely different person, he probably would have fallen in love with her – kami knew she was much more deserving of his love and loyalty than Kikyou had ever been. And so it was that he was sitting alone in the dark listening to someone else get lucky enough to bond the woman to him for eternity.

He downed what was in the bowl in one swallow before pouring out some more. But at least she's happy. And it's clear the bastard loves her, so she won't ever have to be alone again. Keh. It's not like I could have given her the same, since I was such a damn fool. I hurt her more than enough before, and if he can heal the damage I did then more power to him.

Maybe someday the kami'll have pity on a stupid hanyou and allow me to find someone that will love me like she tried to do – and like she loves the old man, now. Because there was sure no mistaking that... "She loves him way more than she ever did me," he said aloud, sipping some more of the burning alcohol and savoring the warmth as it slid down his throat, clouding his sad thoughts – and soothing some of the pain in his heart. "The way she looks at him..." he shook his head after a moment, wondering what it was like to be loved in such a manner.

"She does, doesn't she?" came a quiet male voice, and Inuyasha turned his head, a little surprised that Miroku had managed to sneak up on him.

He shouldn't have been, though – technically he was pretty much drunk, and certainly not paying attention to his surroundings for one of the first times in his life.

"And he looks at her in the same way," the monk continued as he moved to sit down near his friend, meeting the hanyou's gaze as he settled comfortably on a soft cushion and setting his small oil lamp aside on a low table.

"Yeah," Inuyasha sighed after a moment, before offering the monk a bowl and some sake from his jug. "But I can't help but wonder... did he... love my mother that much?"

It was quiet for a few as Miroku sipped his sake carefully, and then set it aside as it hit him with woozy warmth. "Does it matter? He loved her. He gave his life to protect both of you. If we start trying to measure who loves who more, then we are only asking for trouble."

"I know," the hanyou admitted after a minute. "And that's why I'd never ask him something like that." He took another sip, then glanced at the only male friend he'd ever had, golden eyes subdued. "So why are you up? Is Sango okay?"

"She's fine," Miroku replied. "I just... couldn't sleep, and of course-" a lecherous smirk tilted firm lips as Inuyasha snorted knowingly, "-once I'd heard your father's rather enthusiastic proclamation I was left with thoughts that I needed to quell, as Sango is still in too much pain to accommodate them. I actually came looking to see if I could find anymore of that most excellent sake. I'm quite happy to have succeeded."

"Heh. Pervert."

Miroku made no demur, but after a few moments a more serious air entered the room, and he flashed a glance at his friend. "I... was quite surprised, and glad to see you, Inuyasha. Not that we were not angry when you just disappeared without a word after Naraku's defeat, but... will you tell me what happened?"

Shifting restlessly, Inuyasha sighed. He'd been expecting this, and much as he dreaded it he knew that he owed his friends an explanation – and more importantly, an apology. "I wasn't actually planning to disappear. I just went to tell Kikyou that she was finally free, that vengeance was hers. But she... she hadn't gotten over her belief that for whatever reason it was all my fault, I guess, and she made sure that I was subdued enough to do what she wanted me to do. Still, I can't use that as an excuse because I could have broken out of her spell if I'd really wanted to," he finally admitted aloud. "I let my guilt and feelings for her blind me to what was right, and... I'm sorry for that. Anyway, to make a long story short, the kami decided to let my old man kick some sense into me rather than leaving me dead, and so here I am."

Miroku nodded after a moment to take that all in, and didn't push for any further explanations. It was obviously still a very painful subject, and probably always would be. There was no need to open the wounds any more by speaking of it any further. He'd given enough of an explanation and even apologized, and that was what counted.

"I'm glad that you are back, Inuyasha," he said, clapping a hand to his friend's shoulder. "I hope that now that the past has been laid to rest you can finally look to the future with a clear heart."

The hanyou nodded and with that the two fell silent, just enjoying the uncomplicated company of another as they sipped on their sake. After a while they fell into reminiscing, and the easy talk eventually allowed both males to relax enough for their bodies to once more crave sleep; they said their goodnights, both seeking their beds with much lighter hearts.

Even blurred by massive amounts of sake and the lightness that the forgiveness of his friend brought to his heart though, a certain regret lay tucked away deep in Inuyasha's mind – a regret that he'd been so much a fool for so long and missed out on the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

The only thing left to him now was to do all he could to make sure that at the least he never lost her as a friend.

He wouldn't be able to take it if that ever happened, because what he'd once told her was true – he needed her presence in his life. Thank kami she was such a forgiving person, because if she wasn't...

He pushed that thought aside – it didn't bear thinking about.

Closing tired eyes he let sleep finally overtake him, secure in the knowledge that his mistakes could be fixed...

At least partially.

And hopefully someday they could even be overcome.