Note: Patty530-I would have answered your question in pm, but you have your private messaging turned off, and so I couldn't respond. In answer, Ao3 is a new fanfiction website called Archive of our own, or Ao3 for short. Last I knew, to join was by invitation only, though that might have changed by now.
Chapter 17
Mattaki rolled over and groaned, his brow twitching with annoyance as he slitted open his eyes. The boy had always had horrible timing, and this one topped them all...
"Sesshoumaru's here," came the groggy, husky voice of his new mate and, annoyance fading into a wide grin, Mattaki turned his head down to meet the hazy blue eyes that were blinking up at him with blushing cheeks just behind providing a pretty backdrop for the thick black lashes that framed her baby blues.
"And what timing," he complained, letting his head drop back with a groan as a servant knocked timidly on the frame of the door into their room and announced his son's arrival through it. "The sun is barely peeking over the horizon, and I had not wanted to leave our bed this day at all, let alone so early." That last was said with a slightly lascivious bent, and he chuckled as she whacked him across the chest.
"You have got to be kidding me, Mattaki!" she exclaimed heatedly, her eyes narrowing as she leaned up to once more meet his gaze. "After last night, and this morning, and this morning, and this morning again," she retorted sarcastically, "I doubt I can even walk, let alone be ready for more! Are you trying to kill me?"
"Oh, I think a little soak in the hot springs will take care of any residual soreness, my love," he said lightly, then winked, "especially as you are so much stronger in those areas than any other recent virgin. Would you really deny my need, Kagome?" he asked, trying – and failing – to go for a most pitiful puppy look... pouting lower lip included.
"Get out of this bed and get moving, Mattaki," she warned menacingly as she pointed at the door into the bathing room, "before I decide that I'm too sore to accommodate your needs for the next month!"
A mock look of horror crossed the daiyoukai's face as he climbed to his feet. "Gods forbid, woman – I would not survive such a drought!" He stretched then, rolling every muscle in his body just to torment his new mate – and she didn't miss a single twitch, since he was standing right in front of her totally nude. Her eyes had already gone glazed, and he smirked inwardly at her expression – especially when she came to his fully erect manhood.
He burst out laughing at the stunned look that overtook her face – she hadn't really gotten a look at his rather impressive private areas last night, and it was clear from her expression just what thought was running through her mind.
"Surprised that we fit, Kagome?" he managed to get out around his laughter, and she blushed deeply before tearing her eyes away from the magnificent sight before her with horror – she couldn't believe she'd been ogling his nether regions... and right in front of him, no less! Sneaking a peek when he wasn't aware was one thing... but staring openly?
She dropped her head into her hands and groaned – she'd never live this one down, and she knew it as he continued to chuckle at her, greatly enjoying her discomfiture.
"Oh, shut up," she finally grumbled, refusing to look at him. "Go take a bath and then entertain your son before he decides that the best entertainment to be had is starting yet another fight with Inuyasha."
Taking advantage of the fact that she wasn't looking at him, he moved swiftly on silent feet around the futon and, before she even knew he was there scooped her shrieking form up into his arms and made for the bathing room, laughing all the way.
Breathing hard, Kagome pressed a hand to her heart in a futile attempt to calm its startled racing and glowered up at an unrepentant Mattaki, for the moment forgetting that she was also naked – and directly under her mate's definitely interested scrutiny.
"Inuyasha won't be waking anytime soon – the boy had quite a bit of my demon sake last night, and probably won't be up before the noon meal. As for Sesshoumaru, he can entertain himself for a little while – that's what he gets for interrupting my mating night – and morning," he said loftily as he hopped into the nice hot water and sat back against the ledge, Kagome still held tightly to his chest.
"As if he knew that he was interrupting anything!" Kagome rebutted huffily.
"Oh, he knew. He's been nearby since last night, and he heard enough to know exactly what he was interrupting."
She froze. "What do you mean he heard enough? What exactly did he hear?!" she asked, a horrified look on her face.
Mattaki eyed her, and decided to take pity on her offended modesty by not letting her know that Sesshoumaru had been able to hear some of her louder sounds. "He heard me howl. It is a very distinctive howl, made only when a male has just mated his female for the first time. It's instinctive – I couldn't have stopped that sound had I even been in the right frame of mind to try. Which I was not."
Red as she'd ever been, Kagome dropped her face onto her mate's chest and groaned. "I'm never going near Sesshoumaru again! How can I face him after... after..." she trailed off, unable to articulate herself any further.
"If you cannot face anyone who knows what happened last night, Kagome, then you will probably have to avoid everyone in the shiro forever," he laughed.
She shrank even more, almost seeming to fold in on herself. "You mean... you mean they all know?" she whispered, humiliated to think that everyone knew what she'd been doing last night. Did no one in Sengoku Jidai have any concept of privacy?
"Yes, Kagome, they all know," he said, finally down to chuckles as he lifted her cringing form and tossed her into the deeper end of the pool of hot water, watching with mirthful eyes as she went under, then came back up, spluttering angrily. "No reason to be ashamed, woman – it's a natural part of life, and all adults participate in the same things at some point or another – and usually quite frequently."
"B-but, but I... I," she stammered, terribly embarrassed and unable to even get anything else out.
Mattaki watched her with amazement. "Surely you will not tell me that people in your era have become so prudish, Kagome," he chided disbelievingly. "Do they all refuse to ever see their friends and families again just because they have taken a mate?"
"N-no," she admitted sheepishly, beginning to wring some of the excess water from her hair for something to do as she went for the herbal concoction that passed as soap in this era and poured it onto her locks. "But... intimacy is a private thing in my era. Though there are those that don't mind people knowing what they are doing and even allow people to watch them, most are not that way – and I am certainly not so inclined as to be comfortable with everyone knowing what we were doing."
Another chuckle was her answer as her new mate waded up to her and took some of the soap so he could begin washing his own hair. "Well, just be glad you didn't accept that ookami with the moldy pelt, then – ookami usually mate in front of the entire tribe, at least the first time. They really don't care where they are or who's around; when the urge to mate overtakes them they just go for it," he told his shocked little female quite casually.
"Really?" she squeaked, humiliating and horrifying pictures running behind her eyes as she thought about what Mattaki had just told her. Not that she'd ever thought of Kouga that way, but she could only thank kami rather fervently that she hadn't been attracted to his rather annoying personality, and that her own mate was not so inclined.
"But aren't inu and wolves close relatives?" she asked, knowing that technically, dogs were descended from wolves.
He growled, a disgruntled look on his face at the mere thought of being related in any fashion to that mangy little bastard. "Wolves don't really think in an individual manner – the pack is everything. Inu, on the other hand, are much more individualists than ookami are. While we are also pack-oriented, we tend to have stronger individual personalities than ookami, and prefer some of our activities to be less... crowded."
"Oh," she almost whispered, shaking such horrors as public mating out of her mind as she finished scrubbing her hair and dunked to rinse. "Well," she finally said after coming back up, "it's a good thing for Kouga I didn't accept him, because if he'd tried... tried... well, I would have purified his ass right then and there and been done with it." She eyed her amused mate darkly. "Just a warning for you, Mattaki – you'd better never try anything that should be private in a public setting, or I'll purify certain parts off of your body – and what's been purified off takes a while, a painful while, to regrow. Keep that in mind."
"Hm." He eyed her with amusement but didn't say anything else, and the two fell into a comfortable silence as they finished bathing, then exited the bath to dry off and dress for the day.
Just as they finished and Mattaki slid the door to their room open for his new mate, he said, "Still, I think I will make Sesshoumaru suffer for interrupting my day. I had plans, you know, woman, and since I'm being forced to wait, you will be getting little sleep tonight. Again."
Kagome flushed deeply and mock glared at him as she walked past him out the door. "Maybe I should go visit Kaede one more time before the weather closes in for the winter. I'd only be gone for a week – or two," she mused, giggling as he denied her vehemently and lunged at her.
"Would serve you right!" she called over her shoulder as she ran off, leaving Mattaki to shake his head at her as he followed her towards the public rooms of the palace.
~oOo~
Not a muscle of Sesshoumaru's face moved, his eyes were the same flat gold as they always were, and yet Mattaki knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his son was quite amused, fully aware of what he was interrupting - and enjoying that fact immensely.
"Just remember, Sesshoumaru – revenge is a bitch," Mattaki warned the boy as he sat down across from him on a comfortable cushion and studied his son's bland face, Kagome having refused to enter the room; too embarrassed to face Sesshoumaru quite yet she'd gone off to make sure breakfast was readied, instead.
"I am certain it is, father," he returned calmly, almost uninterestedly, leaving Mattaki to plan a most terrible revenge. He would make the boy pay, oh, yes, he would.
"So what was the reason that you saw fit to appear now?" he asked, brow cocked and his own face now mirroring his son's bland expression.
"Did I not say I would join you here soon? I am certain your skills are suffering from a lack of, shall we say, challenging opponents?" Mattaki knew exactly what his son was insinuating – and apparently so did his other son.
"Oh, fuck you, you bastard!" Inuyasha snapped as he stomped into the room with as rotten a scowl as anyone had ever seen on his face. He slumped onto a cushion near the wall and dropped his head into his hands with a low growl. "It's too damn early to be dealing with you. Why don't you go away and come back like... never?"
"Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru acknowledged coolly. "It appears that father's return has not done much good when it comes to your behavior – you are still uncouth and annoying, and your manners are, as always, abysmal."
The hanyou responded with a very rude and graphic description of what his older brother could do with his manners while glaring out of red-lined eyes at him. He paled in the middle of his tirade however, and groaned as he almost folded over.
"Damn demon sake," he moaned, his head pounding and his stomach roiling.
"Since you are not a demon, perhaps you should not have had any demon sake to drink. It was not meant for weaklings," Sesshoumaru returned his brother's complaint with an even more bland expression than when Mattaki walked in, and the older daiyoukai was certain that he was laughing like a hyena-youkai at his brother deep inside. "Next time, stick to sake made by humans. Even your pathetic tolerance levels should be equal to the task of drinking human sake."
Wanting to laugh but knowing better, Mattaki cut Inuyasha off before he could begin a tirade against his older brother. "Sesshoumaru, stop antagonizing your brother. It is seriously too early for the two of you, and if all you came for was to irritate Inuyasha then you can go away again and return later. I have better and much more interesting and entertaining things I could be doing right this particular moment – things you deliberately interrupted," the daiyoukai said, a smirk on his face at the expressions on the faces of both his sons at his words.
Inuyasha's face scrunched up in total disgust, an expression that was almost mirrored by the look on Sesshoumaru's face as the two let their father know in no uncertain terms that they were not amused by his allusion to the events of the previous night.
"Then you shouldn't have bothered me," Mattaki retorted with a shrug. "As for you, Inuyasha, I had not expected to see you until at least this afternoon with as much of my sake as you put away last night."
"Keh," Inuyasha replied sourly, not looking up and keeping his eyes closed against the light. "Take a hell of a lot more than sake to keep me down when this bastard's around, even if it is demon sake."
He snarled suddenly, ears flattened to his head as he peered out from under his bangs venomously, his eyes pinned to his straight-faced brother, who for some reason was shifting restlessly – causing his swords to clank together in his lap. Repeatedly. While it wouldn't have bothered someone with human hearing, Inuyasha's hearing was much more powerful, and so his brother's little game was definitely causing him problems.
"Keep it up, asshole, and I'll come sit next to you and let my upset stomach empty itself all over your pretty clothes," he growled warningly.
"You cannot move fast enough to be of any concern to me," the daiyoukai said in return, his voice bored. "Even when you are not suffering from overindulgence you are too slow, so your threat has no meaning to this one."
"Was fast enough to cut off that arm of yours," he shot back. "Didn't see you ever takin' any of my limbs off, despite all your big talk about half breeds and how much more powerful and faster you were than me."
At that Mattaki had to laugh. "He's got you there, Sesshoumaru," he told his now narrow-eyed son. "Now drop it, you two." He looked up as Kagome peeked into the room, cheeks a charming pink as she refused to meet anyone's eyes and informed him that breakfast was ready. "Come, Inuyasha," he said to his youngest, who actually shuddered at the thought of food. "I know it sounds terrible, but actually you will feel better after you've eaten."
He stood up to head for the dining room, saying, "Sesshoumaru, remove your armor and weaponry and give it to a servant to put in your room – none of that belongs at the table," over his shoulder in a rather abstracted voice as he followed after Kagome. It was obvious to the two what their father's mind was on once again, and both males watched with mild revulsion.
After all, what child wants to know about their parents' sex life?
"Really, father," Sesshoumaru said disapprovingly, "you are acting like a young pup after his first rut." Left unsaid but clearly being intimated were the words 'grow up and act your age'.
Mattaki just laughed at him. "Jealous?"
Inuyasha snorted. "Hell, yeah, he's jealous – he hasn't gotten any since his hand got bored with him and started turning him down a couple hundred years ago."
There was a choking sound from the room they were entering, and Kagome, her face completely red yelled, "Osuwari!" as Miroku laughed outright, enjoying the topic of conversation even though he'd only heard a tiny portion of it - until he joined Inuyasha on the ground courtesy of Sango's heavy first. Then it wasn't quite as much fun anymore.
"I see the childish contretemps of Inuyasha and the monk still continue," Sesshoumaru said coolly as he sat down and waited for the others to take their seats. "I begin to wonder whether they will ever grow up."
Sango glared down at the floored monk as she sat down on her cushion. "Well, he never will, that's for sure," she snapped.
Mattaki chuckled as he stepped over the bodies of his son and the houshi, not at all put out at the two's shenanigans and sat down, signaling the servants to begin serving the meal.
"Congratulations, father, on your mating," Sesshoumaru said calmly once everyone was seated, and the felicitations were echoed by those around the table, as Kagome blushed and refused to look anyone in the eye.
"Thank you, Sesshoumaru," Mattaki murmured, but with a cruel smirk he reiterated his earlier promise. "But still, remember that sooner or later I will get revenge."
Sesshoumaru stared blankly back at his father just as he had earlier, and the conversation soon turned to other things, to Kagome's great relief. Though not without Miroku getting in one last crack that ensured he spent the rest of breakfast sleeping off the headache he hadn't gotten from the sake, but from the lumps Sango had pounded into his lecherous head, instead.
The day passed fairly quietly, if one were to ignore the several and varied little spats that happened between the brothers, that was. But finally, after a fairly aggressive display between the two Mattaki got tired of it and dragged the both of them off to the dojo just so that none of his palace got destroyed by the battling siblings.
"Honestly!" he exclaimed, staring irately at both his sons. "What is it with you two? You shame our blood with your constant petty fighting! I certainly expected better of you, Sesshoumaru." His eyes narrowed then as they fell on his heir. "And as a matter of fact, I have a bone – or ten – to pick with you. I'm not at all happy at the lengths you went to in order to circumvent my will. The Tessaiga and the Tenseiga were mine to bestow as I wished. Dislike my choice or not, you had no business trying to get around my wishes. And the lengths you went to?" he berated the silent Sesshoumaru, who actually managed to look chagrined, while still seeming unmoved. It was rather unnerving for those watching, actually. Only Sesshoumaru could manage to show those two completely opposing emotions at one time - and yet somehow, not.
"Using the un-mother to pose as Izayoi? I will have blood for that little disgraceful display," he promised his son, striding to one wall and drawing his sword from its stand. "Inuyasha, stand aside. We will spar later, for now go take a seat with the others while your brother and I have a small discussion about my feelings on this matter."
No one had to tell Inuyasha twice, he was quite gleeful that it wasn't him on the old man's bad side this time. Plus, he'd always wanted to see his older, arrogant as hell brother get his ass handed to him.
Seemed like he was about to get his wish.
"Tell me, Sesshoumaru – is there nothing you would not dare?" Mattaki asked as he slipped into an easy battle stance and beckoned his sometimes obnoxious son to come at him.
"I would dare much to gain my own ends, Father," Sesshoumaru said as he analyzed his sire's stance and then darted towards him. "But there are some things even I will not do. That is why I merely used the un-mother to impersonate Izayoi, rather than actually reviving her to use her for such a purpose."
"Reviving her?" Mattaki asked as they crossed blades, moving almost too fast to be seen. "Since when have you been able to revive someone centuries dead?"
"I may not have the knowledge of the necessary spells, Father, but there are those who do. There is always more than one way to skin a cat," he said, "as the saying goes."
"True," Mattaki acknowledged, giving him that one. "Though I am pleased that you at least have some limits on how far you are willing to shame our blood, you still went too far. I was not at all pleased to hear of that little transgression – nor the others you committed in going after something that was not yours."
Disengaging, for the first time there was a look on Sesshoumaru's face that gave away his need to know the answer to what he was about to ask. He thought that he had learned what his father had been trying to teach him, in his roundabout way, but he wanted to be sure.
"Why did you give Inuyasha the Tessaiga?" he asked quietly, but with an intensity that Mattaki could not miss. "Why not me?"
It was certain that none of them expected Mattaki's reaction, as everyone stared in amazement at him.
He rolled his eyes at Sesshoumaru, obviously wondering about his son's mental acuity.
"Because you didn't need it, boy. Didn't you figure that out when you regenerated your arm – and your own sword?" he asked, shaking his head and tutting disappointedly. "You just wanted to take it away from Inuyasha because you were jealous, not because you needed it."
"Hn." Sesshoumaru considered his father and then rushed him again, annoyed at his sire's penchant for making sport of him. He wasn't one to be trifled with, and it was past time his father learned that lesson.
What followed was a fight the likes of which none of the others had ever seen. Every single one of them, from Miroku to Kagome and Inuyasha even more, were stunned at the speed, strikes, blocks, and gravity-defying moves the two daiyoukai were capable of. Watching the two go at it, Inuyasha finally realized that he had never been his brother's equal – and never would be in that, while he could learn the fighting style and the moves, he would never be able to match the sheer speed that the two fought at.
While he was immensely powerful for a hanyou he was still not a full youkai, and that left him third on the rung of ultimate power, beneath his father and then Sesshoumaru. Because it was quite obvious that while Sesshoumaru was indeed an excellent fighter, their father was better still. It was not really surprising – he was, after all, much older than either of his sons and had been training with weapons for centuries before Sesshoumaru was even born. It showed.
When the two finally disengaged, Sesshoumaru was the only one who had been blooded, and it was easy to see his displeasure with his performance.
"Do not sulk, Sesshoumaru. I have been training with weapons for centuries longer than you. Just as you will never catch up to me in wisdom, for even as you learn, so do I, you will also never catch up to me in this." Then he got a wry, self-deprecating look on his face and chuckled. "If you think I'm tough to beat, you should have fought your grandfather. I never did manage to draw blood on the old man, and probably still wouldn't be able to if he were to return from the underworld and take me to task over my foolishness with Ryukotsussei. I'd probably have to be carried from here after he finished spanking me."
Everyone was agog at such a thing, and even Sesshoumaru found that hard to believe. Of course, by the time of his birth his father's sire was long dead, but still – he was suddenly glad that he was not facing such a being, since he knew his father was not exaggerating. He wasn't prone to lying or any variation thereof.
He sliced his sword through the air and bowed lightly to his sire. "I think that I am perfectly content fighting with you, Father. Though I would have enjoyed seeing you get 'spanked', as you put it," he said with a decided smirk.
"So would I," muttered Kagome in an aside to Sango, who just choked. It was obvious she'd said it in tones she had hoped her mate had not heard, but she was always forgetting those damnable ears as Inuyasha turned to stare incredulously at her, then looked disgusted at the ensuing mental picture the words obviously thrust into his unwilling mind.
"If you wish to spank me, Kagome, all you had to do was ask," Mattaki called over to where the group was all sitting, and with a red-faced glare in his direction she shouted, "That's not what I meant, you pervert!" before hauling ass out of there, to the tune of Inuyasha's disgusted snarl and Miroku's knowing sounds of amusement.
"Oi, would you quit that shit!" Inuyasha yelled, his face twisted up in disgust. "No one else wants to know about that!"
Sesshoumaru couldn't help but agree with his brother as his father chuckled. "Then don't listen, boy," Mattaki said, before turning back to Sesshoumaru and completely ignoring his disapproving expression. "Come, let us continue, son. It has been a while since I've been able to fully stretch my muscles, and I am quite enjoying myself."
"Indeed," Sesshoumaru intoned loftily. "With only Inuyasha as an opponent, I am not surprised." He just couldn't ignore the chance for another dig at his brother, but this time it wasn't Inuyasha that answered the insult, it was their father. For once the hanyou was more than willing to sit back and watch their sire 'spank' Sesshoumaru, as it were. It was quite an entertaining sight, actually, watching his arrogant prick of a brother get irritated enough at his inability to actually draw blood on their father to show the emotion on his face.
"You have improved while I've been gone, Sesshoumaru," Mattaki said. "But there is still much room for more improvement. You still hesitate sometimes when engaging. Most probably would not notice the pause as it is so fast, but I know better. You must work on that."
The younger daiyoukai could not really say anything to his father's criticism, since it was nothing but the truth. Sometimes he questioned himself at the last minute, and it delayed his response by a few milli-seconds. For most of his opponents that would not even be noticed let alone be enough for them to gain an upper hand, but his father was not 'most opponents' and it was more than enough time for him to take advantage.
"Come at me again."
And so the spar continued, the two whirling around each other, moving in and out of intricate battle patterns that none there had ever even seen. It was certainly quite the show and Sango especially, besides Inuyasha, was spellbound. She was a warrior herself, and battle and such fascinated her. Miroku also could enjoy a spirited display of combat skills, and he knew that few were privileged enough to see one like this.
Even Kagome, after fuming for a while in a far-off section of the garden had to return after a large booming sound shook the palace and its environs, and she once more sat down with the others to watch Sesshoumaru getting his ass handed to him. It was obvious from Inuyasha's face that he was enjoying the day immensely, and would be keeping it in his memory for years to come.
It would have been even better if it had been him handing his brother the spanking, but hey, he'd take what he could get.
By the time dinner rolled around Mattaki seemed happy with the blood he'd drawn from Sesshoumaru in repayment of his series of affronts after his death, and the group retired back to the dining area to partake of the evening meal.
"We will spar on the morrow, Inuyasha," Mattaki said in passing as they all trooped down the halls to the dining area.
"Keh." After witnessing his father's and brother's antics that day as his father took his brother to task over his previous behavior, he was more than willing to learn what he could of their fighting style, even if he could never quite match their speed.
He could sure as hell try.
~oOo~
Winter set in with a vengeance within a few days and the residents of the palace settled into an easy routine. Most mornings were spent in the dojo, all of them practicing their own forms of combat – even Kagome. She was slowly learning to fight with a sword, her trainer being her mate and her sparring partner being Sango.
That didn't mean that she let her skills with her arrows go, and neither did Sango forget to practice with her Hiraikotsu on a daily basis. Miroku practiced with his staff and even did some fighting with a katana, as his father had insisted he be trained in the skill, though he rarely used one. About the only one that didn't do much of any combat training was Shippo.
That wasn't to say he didn't do anything, but instead of combat, since he was still a little small to be learning a whole lot of fighting skills, he practiced with his magic. He was really quite good with his illusions, having a finer control than most kitsune his age – but that wasn't surprising, considering his background. Most kitsune his age weren't orphans traveling with a group out to destroy a terrible foe. He'd had to learn what he could to defend himself, and he'd really upped his practicing after participating in the kitsune youjitsu exams. He was much higher ranked than other kits his age, and he was terribly proud of that.
So was Kagome, and she helped him perfect his tricks, being a willing 'victim' and playing along so that he could become even better at it. And while the snow piled up outside, those in the palace had plenty of time to practice their skills, every single one of them improving under Mattaki's discerning eyes.
Every so often though, Sesshoumaru would disappear for a few days, maybe a week, and when questioned, Mattaki merely said that he was checking on what was his and patrolling the Western Borders, as was his duty. Since none of them except Kagome knew about Sesshoumaru's decisions concerning an older Rin, no one save her understood what was actually being said.
The one thing all of them were happy about was that he saw fit to deposit Jaken somewhere else, as well, because none of them wanted to deal with him for an entire winter in rather close quarters. No matter how large the palace was, for Jaken to be anywhere within it was too close – wayyyy too close.
It was a particularly harsh winter, and there were plenty of people that died that year – mostly those who were old or infirm that could no longer withstand the terrible weather. There were also those that simply hadn't been able to store enough food to have it in the amounts needed to be fed well enough to fight off the weather-related illnesses that always hit at this time of year. Lack of food was always a problem in the winter.
That was a problem that Mattaki and those in his palace did not have, as they'd hunted enough meat to be dried and set in cold storage to last well into the spring thaw. Kaede also benefited from this, as quite a bit of dried meat was taken to her for her and Rin to share. Caring for the girl was greatly benefiting the old woman – though neither Inuyasha nor Kagome would have let her go without, even if she were not taking care of the little girl.
Finally though, winter began to wane, spring slowly took hold as always happens, and life returned to the earth as those that had stayed close to home during the days of Yuki Onna's terrible power once more began straying much greater distances.
For the group in the palace that meant several things. Miroku traveled to the village as soon as the weather cleared and began drying out a little more, determined to have a hut for himself and his wife readied. It would take a bit of time, for the wood had to be cut, dried, and seasoned before any building could be done, but he wanted to get started immediately – Sango had just found that she was pregnant with their first child, although thanks to the inuyoukai noses in the palace they knew much, much sooner than most people would have.
Everyone went with him, by that time itching to get out of the palace, and when they finally reached the village and set up camp near the well so as not to overcrowd Kaede in her small hut Rin was once more gone, Sesshoumaru having come for her as soon as the rains had let up. Since it was now near the end of spring, the weather was fine and beautiful, the sakura were in full fragrant blossom, and – most - everyone was in fine spirits.
The village elders were more than happy to welcome in a warrior monk and a taijiya – they would be quite helpful in protecting the village and leading the village guard in training to be more effective in doing their duty, as well, since times were hard and bandits and lower youkai were everywhere.
They awarded the monk a spot of land near the edge of the village that those who were part of the village guard called home so that they could all react to a threat with more cohesion than if they were spread out all over the place. It was a nice spot, with a clear view of the lands around the village so they could see attacks coming better, and with a good fertile bit of ground for a garden. Within a few days Miroku had foundations plotted for the hut, which was going to be quite a bit bigger than most of those in the village – since Sango had promised to bear him all those children, of course, he would be needing the space.
Inuyasha, enlisted to help his friend build the hut, rolled his eyes at the monk's grandiose plans for the building but didn't say much, just doing whatever was needed with a shake of his head. It was something to do, and he really needed to have something to keep him occupied. Winter had been long and he wanted to stretch his legs, but since he was tied to his father by the kami he couldn't go anywhere the older youkai was not and he was definitely feeling the chains.
It was Kaede that broke open the subject of what Kagome and her mate were planning to do with their lives. Surprisingly enough, she got no answer but a very uncertain, pained look from Kagome.
After a few moments of an awkward silence, Mattaki sighed. "We have not... discussed anything in particular. I suppose, like anyone else we will simply live. There are many things we may do, after all."
But Kaede knew Kagome better than that, and knew that subject was eating at the girl. She had been born human, and like all humans had expected to grow old and eventually pass on. Finding out that she wasn't was very unnerving for her, despite the fact that she hadn't ever let on to anyone how heavily that subject lay on her heart, even keeping it from her mate.
She hadn't been born to eternity, but now she had it – but what does one do with eternity? Would it not grow weary and mind-numbing, living day in and day out, watching the world change around you but being unable to do the same? To watch as endless years passed by, all seeming the same as the years before? How did one survive such with their sanity intact?
And worse... it had finally occurred to her that she would eventually see her family again – only to have to watch them all age and die around her, passing into mere memories just as they were memories now. Why had the kami done this to her?
Unfortunately, for that burning question there appeared to be no answer, and it had become more of a need than just a desire to know as time went on. Perhaps she should go up to the shrine and pray, asking the kami to answer that question?
Kaede, eyeing the young woman knowingly nodded towards the hill where the shrine was located. "Go. Thy question will surely be answered, though ye may not like the answer, Kagome. But at least then ye will know, and not be left to wonder for the rest of time."
Kagome stood with an awkward glance over at her mate and then nodded jerkily at the old miko and left the hut, knowing she'd upset him and wishing that she hadn't. It wasn't that she wanted to die and leave him behind. No... such a thing would surely break her heart. But the thoughts of forever lay heavy on her heart, and she just didn't know how to handle the immense weight of all the coming years and all the losses those years would bring. As it stood, the only ones that would continue to be around for all those years would be her mate, Shippo, and Sesshoumaru. Even Inuyasha would one day... the worst part of it all was knowing that she would endure the separation from all those she loved beyond the end of the world - outside her mate and adopted son, and Sesshoumaru. She would never rejoin any of them on the other side, and that thought hurt something inside her greatly.
She shook her head and cleared it of those thoughts, not wanting to approach the kami with grief and pain leading her to say or do things that might be disrespectful.
Kneeling respectfully once she stepped into the shrine after purifying her mouth in the small trough just outside the gate, she bowed her head and tried to calm her heart, but she couldn't stop the tears from welling up as the plaguing thoughts of all the loved ones she would lose over an endless lifetime rose up again.
At that point the only thing she could get out was, "Why?" in a choked, upset voice that was riddled with fear and pain.
But it was enough, and the kami answered.
"There are many reasons why you have been given eternity, Kagome," came a kindly, very feminine voice. "Would you wish instead to age and die as a normal human, forcing your mate to watch in grief and pain as you faded away into the afterlife where he could not now ever follow?"
"N-no," she managed to get out around her tight throat. "But how do I deal with eternity? How do I keep myself sane through all the centuries I've been condemned to live through? And most of all, how do I live through all the losses of those I love?"
A gentle touch against her head as a hand brushed a lock of hair back served to make her break down as it reminded her of her mother. Sobbing, she held her head in her hands and cried, the first of many tears of grief she would be forced to shed for those she loved as they moved on and left her behind.
"You need not fear, Kagome. Eventually the world will be changed, and those you have lost will return again. And even forever will one day end. Eventually, even time will crumble. The universe, after all, is a circle, and one day, it will return back to the beginning, and all will start again."
Kagome had never thought of any of that, and while it did help to know that one day she would see her loved ones again, the sheer mind-numbing years between now and then lay like a lead shroud over her.
"Will everything that's happened before happen again, then?" she asked. "Is that all there is? Returning to once again live whatever life we lived before?" She couldn't help but think that for those lucky few that had lived good lives that wasn't so bad. But what about those that had suffered through torture and terror in their lives?
A chuckle met her ears, and she stayed silent with her head down as she waited for whatever it was that the kami would say to her.
"No. The universe is subject to reincarnation just as the souls of living beings are. Each time, the universe resets itself and starts over and each time it gets just a little bit better. Eventually..." Kagome could hear the kami move away from her and waited hopefully for the answer to be finished, "... eventually, the entire universe will become perfect and then... then all will be as it should be. And you will get to see it all, Kagome – you and your mate, and a few others. Consider yourself lucky."
She thought about that for a few minutes, but...
"How... how do the kami manage to not lose the will to live as time, so seemingly unending, flows by?" she asked softly, really wanting to know.
A different voice answered her.
"We are different than humans. We do not see things the same way, and the passage of millenia for us oftimes seems as the blink of an eye. Stop thinking of days and hours and months and years, child, or you will send yourself crazy. Just live, and accept what life brings you," a male voice said, his tone a little more stern than the previous kami's had been. "We have given you companions that will not leave you so that you do not have to face this fate alone. You have a mate that sits near the well at this moment, feeling guilty that you are eternal and seemingly do not wish to be, and hurt that you apparently want to leave him for death's cold arms. Life is not always what we think it is, or should be, but it is nonetheless life. Take it as it comes, and be thankful for what you've been given."
Nodding her bowed head, she sniffled as she tried to stop her tears, feeling horribly guilty about what the kami had said about her mate. She knew how she would feel if the situation were reversed, and she felt terrible knowing that she had been so busy thinking about what she might lose that she'd forgotten to be thankful for what she'd gained.
She stood and genuflected. "Thank you for answering my questions," she whispered, and to the feel of approval from the kami she turned and left the shrine, heading straight for the long flight of steps that were so heartbreakingly reminiscent of her family's shrine five hundred years away.
Coming to a halt, she looked out over the hive of activity that was the village in late spring and inhaled the fresh air deeply, just letting herself enjoy the moment without thinking about the next minute or what might come in another minute. It helped to calm her, and she realized that was what she needed to do – just like the kami had said. Stop thinking about the units of time she'd been taught to think in, and instead toss it all aside for a more simple way of looking at things – a much less complicated and stressful way of seeing reality.
After a little bit of time had passed she felt a tentative touch through the bond with her mate, and her expression saddened. Without looking back she began making her way down the steps, heading determinedly through the village and then the forest to go after her mate.
It was time to undo the damage she'd done by not only hiding this fear that had been slowly eating at her in silence and the dark, but in forgetting to remember to be thankful for what she would keep rather than consumed with mourning for what she would lose.
Life would not always be easy but then, she realized, it never had been easy.
That didn't mean it was bad.