Chapter 18
A light breeze curling black locks around her shoulders Kagome tilted her face into it as she walked, headed for the well – and her mate.
With a sigh she admitted to herself that she shouldn't have kept her worries and fears from him. But she hadn't wanted to bother him with what she still saw as her own problem. It was something she had to come to terms with – that she wasn't a normal human with a human's life span, and that because of that she would face a lot of pain and loss over the forever she was going to live.
However, she now realized that while it was indeed her problem, in that she was the one that actually had to take in and learn to deal with it, that didn't mean that she shouldn't have told Mattaki about it. After all, it had been eating at her for some time, and she had been deliberately hiding that fact from him. And for him to find out in such a way had given an impression she certainly hadn't wanted to give – an impression that was actually very wrong.
But there was nothing for it, since she'd already done the damage she would have to deal with the consequences – and that was facing her mate and acknowledging her wrong, and apologizing for it as well as explaining to him that it was not a desire to leave him behind that was causing her upset.
She stopped for a moment as she reached the edge of the clearing and just watched her mate silently. He was so beautiful, shining in the bright sunlight like the mythical being she'd once believed youkai were – the mythical being he really was. He was standing before the well, his own head tilted back as he looked into the sky, and he absolutely took her breath away.
Shaking her head she started towards him, knowing he knew she was there, and when she reached him, before he could react or even speak she said, "I'm sorry."
It was silent for a moment, and then Mattaki sighed before looking down at her, his expression a little remote. "For what? Wishing to still have the limited life of a normal human?" he asked, his tone of voice reserved.
"No!" she exclaimed, frowning at him. "I don't regret having forever with you, so don't you ever think that again! What I... fear," she admitted after a few seconds, "is all the other people that I love that I will lose. There are so many," she said slowly, her eyes going sad again at the thought.
Once again silence reigned as Mattaki lost himself in thought; as he actually took those words and looked at them objectively he could understand what she was saying, because eventually he also would lose Inuyasha, if not Sesshoumaru, as well. It was by no means certain, of course, though it was possible his eldest could live forever – no one knew for sure how long inuyoukai could live since they stopped aging once reaching maturity, and every last one of them had always died in combat. But things were changing according to Kagome, and though there were some terrible years coming, from what she'd said eventually there would be a lot more peace. So there was a chance that Sesshoumaru could survive, but he could not be sure, making it very possible that he too would one day have no one left but her to cling to.
And while that was what mates were to each other, still – what parent wanted to outlive their own children?
He unbent and turned to look at her, meeting her serious gaze; she hadn't looked away from him at all while he'd been thinking her words over.
"I comprehend your... apprehension and fear, but I have this to say to you," he said slowly, his gaze sparking intensely. "We are mates. Mates are forever, as I told you once before. Even were we to die we would still be mates on the other side. There would be no rebirth for either of us. And I can also tell you this... when I was there before, I was not with anyone else. Death was like dreaming – I remembered myself and my life but I was not truly awake and aware, so even if others that I had loved and lost before had been near I would not have known, and neither would they. Only mates can never be separated, even by death."
Kagome blinked in surprise, the words taking several moments to completely sink in. "You mean... everyone's beliefs of joining their families on the other side someday, of seeing them again are... wrong?" she whispered, not sure what to think about that.
"It would seem so, if my experience was anything to go by. I do believe that only those that have achieved perfection and ascended are aware and can see and once more interact with their loved ones as they also ascend and join them." He lifted a hand and settled a lock of hair back behind her ear, his claws brushing her cheek gently. "Take every bit of joy out of the time you have here in this world with those you care for and hold the memories in your heart forever. But know that we will always be together no matter where that is, until the day that all reaches the state of perfection it is destined to achieve, and then we will once more be able to see our loved ones. We will always have each other to cling to, and that is as it should be."
While the idea of such was a great comfort, something had occurred to her and she suddenly wasn't certain if she could ever bring herself to have children with her mate. It was going to be hard enough to lose her friends and family to death one day, but she didn't think she could face what Mattaki would have to already in outliving his children. Parents weren't meant to do that – it was an unnatural state, and one she could not fathom going through.
Mattaki's gaze intensified on her as he felt her consternation through their bond.
"Tell me."
It wasn't a request, but Kagome just didn't know how to verbalize what she'd just thought and shook her head, turning away to stare into the depths of the now silent and defunct well with burning, helpless eyes.
"Speak, Kagome," he pushed, not willing to let this go any further. It was a subject that needed to be dealt with and then put away, and he wasn't about to allow it to linger over them anymore.
Reluctantly she spoke up, her voice weak and hesitant. "I... uhm, I don't know..." stopping, she decided to approach the matter from another direction, and asked him a question, instead. "Have you thought about what it will be like when... when Inuyasha... you know, passes on again?" she finally managed to get out, her own upset at the idea surging into the bond.
He stiffened a little, a bit surprised to hear that question. But he answered. "How could I not? It is not something I want to face, though I know I have no choice. But worrying about what I cannot change and something that is centuries away at least is pointless, and would only spoil the time I do have with him. So I put it aside and think of the time I have, instead of worrying about what will happen when that time ends." He shot a questioning glance of his own at her, wondering why she had asked that, though she was still looking into the well.
She wrapped her arms around herself and nodded, her eyes unfocused as she stared into the shadowed depths. But she could feel the curiosity coming from him and sighed, suddenly feeling chilled despite the lovely sunshine and pleasant warmth of the day.
"I... I was just thinking that if... if we had children-" she blushed a little, "-they would die, too... and I would... I don't think I could say goodbye," she finished in a rush, her eyes flying up to meet his with a tormented look that hit him hard as he realized where her thoughts had wandered. "I don't think that we should have children, Mattaki. It's not natural for parents to outlive their children. I... I just couldn't..." she trailed off, choked up and unable to get anything else out. She didn't need to, though – she'd said enough.
Moving the few feet that stood between them he took her into his arms and held her tense and upset form close and took in her chilled state with concern – this subject was really upsetting her. He enfolded her in his pelt to help warm her back up as he ran his hands gently up and down her back and just allowed her to cry it out, as he could smell that she was.
Once she'd calmed once more, her crying down to sniffles, he said, "While I will not deny that your words pain me, I also have pondered on this subject, and wondered whether the rewards of having those children would be worth the eventual loss. And the answer is yes," he said unequivocally. "I would not give up having either of my sons just because I would one day lose them. But I will not force you to have children, and it is truthfully not something we need to worry over at this point, anyway. If someday you decide to change your mind and want to try, then I will be glad to do so."
Kagome felt ashamed of herself in that moment; she was being such a coward and her mate was simply accepting her words and comforting her, no matter how he felt on the matter. But it was certain that right now at least she was not ready, and that she would have to have time to really think on things and grow accustomed to her new life before she might be able to work herself through those issues.
She pulled away from him a little, still sniffling and nodded up at him, obviously trying to push aside those thoughts and move on. "Someday, maybe I'll take you up on that offer, Mattaki," she finally said after searching his eyes. "Just... not right now. I need time to come to terms with the way things are."
He smiled at her reassuringly. "It's fine, Kagome. As I said, it is not as though there is any big hurry, ne?"
A tiny, watery giggle escaped her lips and she nodded, looking down at his pelt as it squeezed her and then moved back to its normal place curled around his shoulder as he wore it when not in his armor. It was just the same way Sesshoumaru wore his, though he preferred to wear it that way all the time, even when in his armor. Of course, his armor wasn't as elaborate as his father's, either.
Exhaling deeply, Mattaki laced his fingers through his mate's and began strolling leisurely through the meadow grasses towards the trees, heading slowly for the Goshinboku. If there was one thing he had learned about his mate it was that when she was unsettled, visiting the tree always seemed to calm her. Living with him as she did now, not within easy reach of it had really in some ways been an adjustment for her. But since they were nearby right now he could indulge her need for the soothing presence of the god-tree, and was pleased to feel her calm as they neared it. Even he could feel the aura of the tree, and could well understand why both she and Inuyasha felt so calm when within its influence.
Sitting down under its spreading boughs still rife with sakura blossoms, he was quiet and simply let her commune with the tree, easily feeling it as even his own stress and upset calmed and quieted from where he rested against one of the larger roots.
"This tree," Kagome began in a dreamy, contemplative voice, "it's always been a part of my life. Ever since I was a tiny child, I remember this tree and its influence." She caressed the barren spot on the bark, and Mattaki knew she was remembering her first sight of his son. He waited quietly for her to finish. She sighed after a moment and turned away from the tree, hopping down from the vining branches that had grown up around its base and sitting next to her mate. "I hope... I hope it always is a part of my life, in one way or another."
"Kagome," he hesitated, not wanting to add to her strange mood, but then finished, "even this tree will eventually die, you know."
Her face fell and she nodded. "I know – but I can take its seeds and plant them, and it will still be with me, just in a new, younger form. Like reincarnation."
His face cleared as he took in what she was saying. "Ah. I understand now. You are right – we can do that, and we will. But that is for far in the future, since this tree is still young and still lives even in your era. There is no need to worry over such things today."
She nodded again. "I know. There's still plenty of time."
He stood and held out his hand for her to take, and once she was back on her feet he led her away from the tree and back towards the village. "Come, we should go. I should check on my son before he decides to kill the monk," he said wryly as they walked in the warm sunshine. "His plans for this hut become ever more grandiose, and if he is not stopped he will be building a palace in the middle of the village."
Kagome chuckled, not surprised. "Well then, maybe we should wait a little before stopping Inuyasha. Let him pound on Miroku's stubborn head a few times to get the message across. It's either him or Sango – and frankly Inuyasha would be less... diligent in pounding that message in than she would. Miroku might not survive her attempts," her chuckle broke into a laugh at the mental picture. After all, she'd seen it enough times to know exactly what Sango's wrath looked like – especially when it was directed at the monk.
"Yes, there is that," Mattaki chuckled. "She is very... unappreciative of certain of his more... exuberant tendencies. Still, Inuyasha might just get frustrated enough to attempt removal of certain parts if the man once more decides to add on to the hut 'because Sango promised to bear him twenty children'. Inuyasha is feeling the tether the kami placed upon him, tying him to me, very strongly right now and his patience is... less than it usually is when it comes to annoyances."
Kagome couldn't help the snort that came at mention of Inuyasha and patience. "Oh, you mean Inuyasha had some patience to lose? I wonder where he's been hiding it all this time?"
That surprised a laugh out of her mate, and that was how they stepped back into the village – with him laughing and her grinning. Kaede, seeing this smiled and breathed a silent prayer of thanksgiving to the kami that the earlier problem had obviously been solved enough to calm Kagome's fears somewhat, and that peace had been regained between the mates.
Before the old woman could say anything, however, a shout of, "Miroku!" followed by the sound of running feet broke the peace of the village, and Kaede sighed. Seeing the look on her face, Kagome's grin widened as Mattaki also grinned. Within moments a fleeing Miroku came into sight, followed by a red-faced Sango, and it didn't take the two long at all to disappear into the forest. The only reason Sango hadn't already caught the monk was simply because she was hauling Hiraikotsu, obviously in preparation for a good pounding.
Still grinning, Mattaki pulled Kagome along behind him as he headed in the direction they'd come from, looking for his son. When they reached the site of the so-called 'hut', they found Inuyasha laid out on the ground with his hands behind his head, a rather vicious smirk on his face as he looked up at the brilliant blue sky.
"So... what was that all about?" Kagome asked, and Inuyasha flicked a quick glance her way before looking back up at the sky.
"Oh, I dunno... might be because I mentioned to Sango how big this so-called hut was getting – and Miroku's reasons for claiming to need such a large 'hut'." He shrugged. "Next thing I know, Sango's face is red and angry and Miroku's running. But who really knows why those two do anything, anyway?"
"Oh, come now, Inuyasha," Mattaki returned knowingly, "you are not as naïve as all that. You knew exactly what to say to set fire to that firepit. The only question is why you did it."
"Keh. Monk needed a good reintroduction to reality, and I didn't feel all that much like being the one to chase him down and give it to him. Let Sango do it – he's her problem, not mine," Inuyasha grunted, still not looking away from the sky.
"And the fact that it's a nice warm, lazy-type day doesn't play into this somewhere?" Kagome asked suspiciously, eyeing her friend laid out in the sunshine and looking a little drowsy. "Looks to me like you just wanted to take a nap."
Inuyasha glared at her out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah, and you're here talkin' to me and messin' that up. Go away!"
Mattaki just shook his head and sighed, finally letting go of Kagome's hand to walk over and grab his son by the front of his haori, dragging him to his feet and ignoring his son's petulant growl. "I do not think so, Inuyasha. There is work to be done, unless you wish to be stuck with Miroku again in close quarters through another winter."
That got the hanyou's attention, and after a moment spent pondering on that rather unwelcome possibility he sighed and nodded as his father set him down. "Feh, fine. You've made your point." Then he looked assessingly at his father. "Hey, you know, you might actually be useful. As we were beginning to lay out the lines for this 'hut'," he rolled his eyes, "we came across a very large boulder stuck in the ground that's going to have to come out, as you can see. The thing's huge, so maybe you could just dump some of that poison of yours over it and let it dissolve. Would save a lot of work on this project."
"I'm afraid not, Inuyasha." He smirked. "I do not share the doku of your brother."
Inuyasha froze, and then turned narrowing eyes on his father. "What the hell? I saw your claws glow green just like his do! You threatened to take my arm off with it if I tried to fight you outside the dojo!"
Ignoring Kagome's shocked look, since she hadn't been there at the time to hear that little threat, Mattaki answered his son with an even wider smirk.
"What you were seeing wasn't really poison. He got that ability from his mother. What you saw was a mimic – I used it that first time to scare you because it was something I was pretty sure you'd remember from Sesshoumaru. My primary weapon is pure power – like the lightening you see during storms, but I can use it-" he let his fingers glow green again for a moment like Sesshoumaru's doku, then changed the color, allowing it to cycle through the color spectrum, "-to mimic anything I wish."
"You bastard!" he breathed, eyes wide and stunned at his sire's trick. "You deliberately lied to me!"
Mattaki shrugged unconcernedly. "No, I let your eyes lie to you. It is not my problem if you see something and mistake it for something else," he said as he turned away. "I'm afraid the only way you are getting that boulder out is the old-fashioned way, boy, so start digging. You are inu, so that shouldn't be beyond you," he taunted before turning away and reaching for Kagome's hand again, just as Shippo floated in from somewhere and laughed at Inuyasha as he heard Mattaki's final words to him.
"You should just give up, Inuyasha," Shippo chortled, "since your papa is always gonna be one up on you!" as he popped out of his balloon form and landed on Mattaki's shoulder.
And to the tune of Inuyasha's swearing the three disappeared around one of the other huts, two laughing openly and another snickering to herself.
~oOo~
Despite Inuyasha's swearing and Miroku's grandiose plans, the hut did manage to go up that summer – though slowly. When it was finally completed, only the village headman had a bigger hut - and not by much.
Though somewhat disappointed that his plans for a much bigger abode had been shafted, Miroku was mostly pleased with the final result, and by the time the autumn winds began to blow it was ready for occupancy.
Not a moment too soon, as it were, since Sango was coming close to her time, ripe and round with child, though she still managed to lay her husband low if he got out of hand. She would birth sometime in the coming winter, and Kagome was a bit disappointed with the timing since depending on the weather and other such things, she might not be able to make it in time for the birth.
Still, nothing could be done for it, so she sucked it up and smiled for her best friend, promising to do her best to be there if she could.
By the time the autumn chill kicked in Mattaki forced Kagome away from her friends in the village and took her home, and they settled in to live out the long winter months in relative comfort. Inuyasha was still not happy with his leash but he'd stopped talking about it too much, so things were fairly peaceful despite Sesshoumaru's frequent presence.
For some reason, the inuyoukai was a fairly constant visitor and Kagome had her suspicions as to the true reason for said visits, though she never said anything, of course. But truly, she was pretty sure it was simply because he wanted to be near the father he hadn't seen in two hundred years – until he'd been resurrected by the kami and given a new purpose in life.
It did have the effect, however, of softening the constant fighting of the two siblings. That might have mostly been due to Mattaki's 'family time' in the dojo when they got out of hand though, which pretty much consisted of Mattaki tearing the two to pieces in so-called spars. Kagome called them 'ass whippings' which was technically the absolute truth when it came down to it, though far less polite than Mattaki's term for them.
Autumn inevitably moved into winter, and Kagome became more and more anxious as the time of Sango's confinement came closer. She wanted so badly to be there for the birth of her friend's first child. She and Miroku had overcome tremendous adversity and loss and had found love through it all. They deserved the joy their lives now were more than almost anyone she knew and she wanted so much to be there and share that with them.
The winter was bad again this year though, and she had no way of knowing exactly when Sango would go into labor, so it wasn't even as if her mate could just orb them there.
Luck was with her, however – or maybe it was the hand of the kami – but Sesshoumaru appeared one morning from one of his Rin visits and informed them that Sango had just gone into labor, so Kagome hurried to get dressed warmly and then exhorted her amused mate to get them to the village, like yesterday! He told her to calm down, of course, pointing out the fact that this was Sango's first child, and the labor would undoubtedly be long.
Sango proved him wrong, however – her twin daughters were born in under five hours, and they barely arrived in time to see the girl's greet their first day. Kagome cried more than the new parents, cooing and fussing over the newborns with an easy manner that showed just how good a parent she would be to her own children – if she was ever able to face the possibility of their eventual deaths and actually birth them.
But Mattaki had patience – and plenty of time, obviously – and as the seasons turned again life moved on in the patterns that it always does, spring following winter and summer following that.
She barely felt as though she'd blinked before Rin was a ravishing sixteen year old young woman whose childish adoration for Sesshoumaru had grown into a woman's love, and when the inuyoukai did as his father had said he would those years ago and offered her the choice, she chose to follow him as she'd always done, forsaking a purely mortal life for a much longer one.
Surprisingly, the girl had power. Not as much as Kagome, a bit less than Kaede, but it was enough to make sacred arrows, do basic blessings and small barriers - and more importantly – secure a true youkai mating bond. Everyone had been surprised when Rin had just woken up one day just as she passed into puberty, and managed to torch one of Kaede's arrows. Sesshoumaru, however, had been elated, showing more emotion than Kagome had ever seen from him when he'd found out. It meant that he didn't have to lose her to a mortal's short lifespan, something he had been dreading but accepting of nonetheless.
Mattaki didn't say a word, didn't by any measure give away his plans, but while Sesshoumaru may have forgotten his transgression in interrupting a brand new mated couple on the first morning of their new bond, he hadn't... and after all, he'd promised the boy that he would get revenge. It wasn't his fault Sesshoumaru hadn't really paid attention to his warning.
And so it was that he dragged a protesting Kagome and an oddly happy Inuyasha to go visiting at the Western Palace – the very night Sesshoumaru had planned to mate Rin. Kagome had never seen the likes of that meeting – both Sesshoumaru and Mattaki stared each other down with the most expressionless faces she'd ever seen – they were actually trying to see who could be show the most empty expression! Kagome couldn't pin it on either – but it became quite apparent where Sesshoumaru had gotten his flat, expressionless mien from, because his father also had it... in spades.
What that translated out to was a roughly twenty minute staring contest that Mattaki finally won when Sesshoumaru blinked. And then a nasty, completely evil smirk washed across the older daiyoukai's face and he said, "I warned you, boy. You thought it was funny to interrupt me – and now I'm giving it right back to you. As I said, paybacks are a bitch. You shouldn't have started it."
Inuyasha finally lost it and burst into laughter, pointing his finger at his brother with glee. "You shoulda known better, bastard! And you always called me a fool!"
Sesshoumaru glowered at his father for several long seconds, and then at the giggling hanyou before turning on his heel and leading them into the palace, his back stiffer than she had ever seen it. Kagome just knew that Sesshoumaru was even at that moment plotting his revenge. She sighed – this was promising to be a very long, drawn out war between the two, and she wasn't looking forward to it.
She had to admit, at least privately to herself, that it had been funny, however. She would never, ever say that out loud, of course.
Before she knew it, many, many years had passed, seeming like the blink of an eye just as the kami had said it would, and their words hit her fully on the day that Sango died, her grief deep and leaving her inconsolable for months after her best friend, her almost sister, had passed on. That grief was not helped when Miroku also finally died, following his beloved taijiya into the afterlife, hopefully to be reincarnated and meet each other again.
Though she'd grieved and been sad when Kaede died, Kaede had already been an old woman when she'd met her, and she'd always seen her as a grandmother figure. She'd loved the old woman, but had already expected her death due to her advanced age. And it had come only about ten years after the fall of Naraku, so it had been relatively quick. With Sango it was different. She'd known her from the time they were all just young adults, and had spent all those years close to her and Miroku. The loss was much, much deeper.
Her last minutes with Sango would be forever engraved on her heart and in her mind as they spoke their goodbyes and held each other one last time. Her heart breaking, she told Sango then of the horrific feeling of loss her immortality was leaving her with – a yawning pit inside her that nothing could seemingly ever fill again.
"It will be uncountable eons before we meet again," she barely managed to get out through a throat constricted with grief. "I don't know how to bear it!"
Her friend reached up with a weak hand and brushed a tear from her face. "The kami never give you more than you can handle," she rasped. "You will live forever. And I will be reincarnated again, probably right around the same time as that lecher, and so you see, we will meet again. I think you will be able to find me just fine when the time comes and I'm reborn. So don't cry so much, Kagome-chan, I don't wish to have my last sight of you in tears. Smile for me."
Kagome was surprised by Sango's words, because she'd really forgotten about the fact that Sango would be reborn again. Still, she wouldn't be quite the same, and the fact that she was losing this incarnation tore her apart. But she didn't want to upset her friend, and so she wiped her tears and smiled one last time for the dying taijiya so that her friend's last sight of her and all her family and friends that had come together to say goodbye would be of smiles and happiness for the years of memories they'd made together.
Her smile lasted until Sango breathed her last, and then it fell from her face as she looked at a grief-stricken Miroku and burst into tears as she collapsed into his arms and sobbed her heart out, her tears mixing with his own.
Inuyasha, despite his public face of stoicism also grieved heavily, though he did it alone, becoming more taciturn than usual for some time as he worked his way through the loss of two of his first true friends. For a time Kagome was almost afraid he would go back to pushing everyone away except she and his father for fear of losing them, too. She wanted him to have other friends, and maybe someday a mate too, not hide himself away.
But it was something they both had to work their way through in different ways, because while Inuyasha tried to hide himself completely away from others, Kagome just kept herself from getting too close – as Mattaki pointed out one day after she'd been talking to him about Inuyasha's problem. She was left stunned at his words, every one of them hitting like poison darts her still open wounds at the deaths of those she had loved so much. She avoided him for most of a day while she thought about what he'd said, and even after that, though privately she admitted he was right, she found herself almost unable to allow others too close.
She didn't bother Inuyasha again after that, however, not being the type to be hypocritical. Once she'd been faced with her own culpability, she admitted it and backed away from pursuing her hanyou friend about the same matter.
Honestly, however, Mattaki wasn't overly concerned with Kagome's refusal to let anyone too close. Most youkai were the same when it came to those with shorter lives than their own – after all, a person could only take so much grief before they snapped, and youkai were no different.
Shippo, as he pointed out to Kagome one day, was actually rather different in that, since he'd obviously been close with the slayer and monk and had also grieved deeply at their deaths. But Shippo had also bounced back a little quicker, simply because he'd learned to accept loss at an early age through the deaths of both his parents.
It wasn't until about two hundred and fifty years after Naraku's defeat that Mattaki brought up the possibility of having children of their own. When Kagome brought up the painful loss they'd be setting themselves up for if they did in return he sighed, exasperated with her.
"What makes you think they will die? Did you ever think that perhaps their parent's immortality would be something passed down to them?" he growled, frustrated. "You are worrying over something that might not even come to pass, and even if it did, would not be for centuries, possibly a thousand years or more. Look at Inuyasha. He barely looks a day older than he did when the kami brought him back – and yet it has been two hundred and fifty years! And his mother was certainly not immortal!"
Kagome blinked at her frustrated mate, surprised out of her long-held fears at his words. She'd never thought of any of that, and now she felt rather foolish as his words sank in. She'd been doing exactly what the kami had told her not to do that day so long ago when she'd gone to the shrine above the village to ask for answers – focusing on the losses, and forgetting the good.
Damn... if I don't feel stupid – two hundred and fifty years of angst, and all for nothing. Why couldn't Mattaki have told me this back then, damn it?!
She glowered at him then, rather annoyed that he'd never said these things before. "So why'd you let me fear this topic for so long and not say anything about it?" she demanded with narrowing, dangerous eyes.
"I was rather hoping you'd have figured it out by now," he returned her glower, "instead of continuing your moping on the subject. Why do you insist on expecting the worst?"
She stiffened then, and said quietly with an inflection he'd never heard from her before, "You're youkai, Mattaki. You may or may not be immortal or close to it as inuyoukai, but your lifespan may as well be immortal from a human's viewpoint. You grew up expecting that long lifespan, unless killed, of course. I'm human. I grew up hoping for around eighty or ninety years, maybe even a hundred because my family is fairly long-lived, for humans. It takes a huge adjustment for a human to all of a sudden become not human, and you don't seem to see that. Even the kami don't really understand – they can't. So it's easy for all of you to say I should just be okay with all of the changes immortality is bringing to my life – because none of you are the ones that have to face them." Then she turned on her heel and disappeared, needing a little while to settle her thoughts and emotions – away from sometimes insensitive dog demons.
Mattaki stared after his little mate with shocked regret, because the truth of the matter was that she was right. He'd been so frustrated that she couldn't just see... all the while expecting her to think like a youkai – but she wasn't one, and it wasn't fair to expect her to be one, either. He didn't want her to be a youkai, he loved her just as she was. But there were fairly large racial and cultural differences between youkai and ningen, and he'd been trampling all over some of those differences. He sighed, because he owed her a major apology.
He respected her obvious wishes to be alone however, and waited until after the evening meal to take her aside and apologize. Being Kagome, she accepted his apologies and the incident was forgotten by her, though not by her mate. He made sure to keep it in mind so he didn't put his foot in it again.
It wasn't long after that incident that a piece of she and Inuyasha's past found them: Shiori, the bat hanyou that Inuyasha had saved so long ago was running from more persecution – and ran right into them on the road as they traveled from the Western palace to Mattaki's. Inuyasha was nearly struck dumb when he saw her – she'd grown up quite, quite nicely, which didn't surprise Kagome one little bit – she'd shown the promise of just that even as a child.
All in all, it didn't take long for Inuyasha to fall, and when he formally approached his father to ask his blessing on a mating between he and the still tiny Shiori, Mattaki finally released his hold on his son and freed him from his bond, certain that his son was now ready to truly be considered an adult – one who would bring honor on his name instead of dishonor. The two were mated that very night.
Kagome couldn't have been more pleased, and let her longtime friend know it with a hug and a happy smile and congratulations for both of them.
It was just around that same time that Kagome woke one morning to find her mate awake and... snuffling into her belly like a cat high on catnip? Staring at him bewilderedly, she blinked and then asked, "Mattaki, what are you doing?" in a voice still muzzy and confused with sleep.
She was pushed into complete wakefulness with the brilliant smile that washed across his face when he looked up at her and said, "You are going to make me a father again, my love – you carry."
Stunned, her eyes widened and filled with tears and her hands closed over her belly almost protectively. "Y-you're sure?" she whispered, her eyes searching his for confirmation.
"Yes... as of just this morning. You will carry for about six months," he responded, moving her hands and then laying his head back down on the soft flesh of her stomach.
A little unprepared for the rush of joy the news brought, she was left silent for a little while and simply laid there letting all the suddenly excited and nervous thoughts run through her mind as they willed.
Her heart was full to bursting at the news, and suddenly she could hardly wait to meet their child. They'd waited a long, long time, after all.
Things had finally come full circle from the day she'd woken in Kaede's hut, injured and alone and so seemingly forsaken. But she hadn't been alone for very long, and she suddenly remembered a thought that had come to her back then, and realized that she'd been so much more correct than she'd thought...
The past was dead, the present was dying, and only the future still lived.
And that future promised so very much... as she could finally see.