J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter et. al. I'm just playing in her sandbox.
Lily spent the rest of the afternoon lying in bed and hiding under her covers. When Mary and Alice came looking for her with her books and book bag, she told them she had come down with the flu and needed to rest. She wasn't normally one to hide, but she needed time to think.
The most concerning bit was that Severus had almost seemed frightened. What was happening on Halloween night? His warnings made no sense, although she gathered that they had something to do with her so-called blood status.
The real question was: should she tell someone, or keep it to herself? And if she kept it to herself, what then?
Ordinarily, Lily wouldn't hesitate to turn in a rule-breaker, but this felt different. For one thing, she didn't know what exactly was going to happen. Maybe nothing. Maybe the whole thing was a stunt to get her to start spending time with him again, to turn to him for protection and guidance. If their relationship hadn't changed so drastically, maybe she would have. Then again, the fear and urgency on Severus's face was just a little too real for the whole thing to be a total sham.
Maybe his Slytherin friends were planning a stunt. Yes, that would be it. The rising panic she had been feeling since fleeing the library was quelled to a dull murmur, and she sighed deeply, settling further under her comforter.
It was no secret that Sev's pals were less than thrilled that he associated with a Muggleborn. The fact that she no longer considered herself his friend wouldn't matter to them. Most likely they had some scheme to target the figures of authority who patrolled the halls, and with Halloween night being a good one to find many such people out and about at all hours...it only made sense. Obviously, as Head Girl and Mudblood, she would be public enemy number one.
Then she had a thought that really made her squirm. She would have to tell James.
:o:o:o:o:o:
She was still fretting over what she would tell James as she emerged from her dormitory that night. When she came down for dinner, he was waiting for her at the foot of the stairs, a worried frown on his face. He had run into Alice and Mary on their way to the Great Hall, and the two hadn't hesitated to tell him how out of sorts and ill Lily was.
When he saw her coming down the stairs, cheeks flushed but otherwise looking completely healthy, he felt a little foolish for being so concerned.
"All right, Evans?" he said automatically.
"James? Were you waiting for me? I didn't forget a meeting did I? I thought we were getting together tomorrow after dinner?"
"Er, no. I mean, yes. I mean..." He reached up to ruffle his hair, but at the last moment remembered the habit annoyed Lily. He rubbed the back of his neck instead. "Mary and Alice said you were sick and I was worried, I guess."
The strange fluttering feeling that usually occurred when James acted like a decent human being struck again, and Lily tried hard not to remember that this had been happening with some regularity of late.
"That was nice of you." She dropped her eyes and ducked her head. "I'm okay, though."
"Are you going to be okay to patrol tonight? I know you're on with Remus. I could...I could take over for you if you want. If you don't feel good."
"I think the Slytherins are planning something for Halloween night," she blurted. "Something dangerous."
His jaw dropped open and he stared at her in shock for a moment, unable to process her words. Finally, he sputtered, "How do you know about that?"
Now it was Lily's turn to stare. "You know?"
He glanced around the common room, noting that it was crowded with students relaxing after a day of classes, chatting and goofing around. "Not here, okay? Let's go to the office."
She rolled her eyes. "That's all the way on the other side of the castle. Let's just go up to your room if you want a little privacy."
It was James' turn to duck his head in embarrassment. "My room?"
"Well, we can't go to mine," she huffed. "I assume Sirius has told you about the trick our stairs will pull on any boy who tries to get in."
When he didn't respond, she added, "Or maybe you have personal reasons for knowing about that particular feature of Gryffindor Tower."
"Ah," he coughed, "you're right, let's go up. Padfoot is in detention for the evening, and Moony and Wormtail went down to dinner."
"Padfoot," she mused. She shook her head and followed him toward the boys' dormitories. "Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs. What strange names you have for each other."
James shrugged uncomfortably. The names had been questioned before, of course, by students and teachers alike. In fact, the boys had various stories they told to explain away the nicknames that represented their foray into illegal human transfiguration. They rarely told the same story more than twice, and it only served to add to the mystique that sometimes surrounded the four boys.
"You see, when Peter was a baby, he got hit by an experimental curse that gave him a long tail. The Healers at St. Mungo's gave it up as a hopeless case, but we managed to get rid of it in second year."
"Muggles in America make a liquor called moonshine. A few years ago, Remus figured out how to streamline the process with distillation charms. It's enough to make you drunk for a week from a single shot. He sold the recipe to Old Ogden's for a small fortune."
He could have told her any one of a dozen stories about the nicknames, but for some reason, lying to her about anything made him feel guilty, even when it was something so private and personal. Instead, he just shrugged awkwardly.
"I guess. They never seemed too strange to me."
He stopped in front of the door to the room at the top of the tower, which had been his home for the past six school years. "Just...give me a minute will you?"
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to be shocked by your dirty pants, Potter. Just let me in."
"Give me a minute," he said again, and slipped inside, stopping her protests. The door slammed in her face before she could take a step forward.
It was a good thing that the boys were all out, because they would have taken the mickey out of him for the small fit he had just then.
"You're being stupid, James, just let me in." Lily's cross voice came through the solid wood door. He sprang into action, knowing she would only respect the closed door for so long. He circled the room stuffing robes, dirty clothing, and the odd pair of pants out of sight. Whatever she said, he didn't think that Lily would appreciate staring a pair of Sirius's undies in the face. He also whisked his invisibility cloak into his trunk and checked to make sure the Map wasn't sitting out anywhere, conspicuously tracking the castle's inhabitants.
Taking one last deep breath, he called out, "Come on in."
She came in immediately, an annoyed grimace fixed on her face. "Took you long enough."
"You were waiting for two minutes, if that," he snapped. She startled, and he sighed, sternly telling himself that the whole conversation would go poorly if he didn't get a grip on his nerves. It was so unfair that the moment he finally had Lily Evans in his room, standing there like she owned the place, they were there to talk about Slytherins. Ugly gits.
"What do you know?" Lily demanded. "And more importantly, how?"
James frowned, unsure of how much to reveal. Obviously he couldn't tell her about the Cloak or stalking her former best friend through Hogsmeade. Regardless of her current stance on Snape, James knew from experience that Lily could still get touchy where the greasy haired slimeball was concerned.
"I overheard a group of older Slytherins talking in Hogsmeade," he said slowly. "They were talking about something big...and they mentioned Halloween."
"That's all?" she asked impatiently. "You had to have heard more than that."
"Since when do you encourage me to stick my nose where it doesn't belong? Especially when it involves Sniv-Snape."
She sighed. "I just meant that if you were so sure that something was happening, you must have heard more than that they were planning something big."
"I heard one of them say It's Halloween." James struggled to remember the exact details of the conversation. "Snape said that it was foolish because they might get caught. He mentioned being out after curfew, and how security is always up that night. And then they were talking about a...task. Something else they had to accomplish."
Lily sat down on Remus's trunk and rested her chin in her hands. "Well, that's not a lot of help."
"There's something else, but you're not going to like it."
"Goody."
"You know my dad's an Auror, right?"
Lily nodded.
"Okay, so right before we left for start of term, I was doing some...investigating in his study."
"You mean you were snooping."
"To put it coarsely, I suppose I was," James admitted. "But it was only because I was concerned, and my dad wasn't telling me anything! I'm a fully grown wizard now, and I'll be starting the Auror training program next year. I have a right-"
"To government secrets?"
"He would hardly keep state secrets in his study," James scoffed. "But we're getting away from the point. I was going to tell you what I found."
"What you found...when you were snooping."
"Yes, yes, you're so much more ethical than I, Evans. Some day you must tell me how you manage to live with your nose six inches higher than everyone else's. It must make walking a straight line quite difficult."
Lily snorted, and for a moment it almost looked like she was holding back laughter. Then she said gruffly, "Well, go on, then."
"I found a list of suspected Death Eaters, and some of the names on there were a little too familiar, if you know what I mean."
"I think we're a little past riddles, Potter. Just tell me who was on the list."
There was a tinge of fear in her voice, but James could see from her eyes that she knew what he was about to say already. "Snape, for one. And all his friends, at least the ones in seventh year. Eight names that I recognized; I think two of the seventh year girls didn't make the list."
Lily nodded glumly and expelled a sharp breath. "I was afraid you were going to say that."
"But not surprised?"
She shrugged. "He's been going that way for years, now. It's one of the reasons we...had a falling out. He always insisted that somehow I didn't fit inside all those muggleborn stereotypes that purebloods believe, that I was different. I just couldn't reconcile that with someone who would campaign for the alienation of everyone who was like me from the wizarding world. No matter how much I wished I could."
James shifted uncomfortably, wishing that they had progressed far enough in their friendship that he was able to cross the room and offer a reassuring hug or a hand to hold. He remembered the moment in front of their office fireplace longingly, when her head was nestled into his shoulder and his arm was solidly wrapped around her.
"I'm sorry," he said instead. "I can't imagine how difficult that must have been."
"No," she agreed. "You can't."
He waited a few moments, and when she didn't say anything else, he continued. "Anyway, it seemed to me like a bunch of potential Death Eaters planning to make trouble didn't bode well."
"As opposed to you and your friends planning to make trouble."
"We don't make trouble," he said slyly. "We provide much needed stress relief and entertainment for the student body, and we keep the staff agile! Wouldn't want them to get rusty, now would we?"
"I forgot. You're all about showing off."
"Was about showing off. I'm reformed." He tried not to think about the stunt that he and the boys intended to pull at the Halloween feast. Lily could spot a guilty conscience at fifty paces.
"A reformed James Potter." She laughed. "I'll believe it when I see it."
"It seems we've gotten off topic again," he said. "That's all the information I have. It's your turn."
Lily briefly recounted the story of her meeting with Severus in the Library, leaving out the bit where Sev pinned her against the bookshelves. Somehow, she understood that no matter how reformed James was, if he knew the extent of their encounter, he would go after Snape and not stop until serious damage had been inflicted.
"He said you would be in danger if you were out after curfew? Just you?"
"I don't think he cares about you, if that's what you're asking."
James smiled grimly. "No, I don't expect he does. But it's still troubling that he singled you out like that. Have we set patrols for that night yet?"
"No, that was on our agenda for tomorrow. Why do you ask?"
"Because I'm thinking it may be a good idea to avoid putting any Muggleborns out on patrol that night. You, I can control for. Roving pairs of Prefects are a bit trickier."
He knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing.
"Avoid putting Muggleborns on patrol? You mean because Muggleborns obviously can't protect themselves? We're so helpless and weak, we need the big strong blood traitors to protect us!"
"You're out of line, Lily," he said coldly. "First of all, only people like your mate Snape use the term blood traitor. It's beneath you."
She flinched and colored. "I just meant-"
"Second of all," James continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "Anyone who has ever been in a Defense class with you knows that Muggleborns can be just as lethal as any other witch or wizard. Don't be deliberately daft. But if we can fill the patrols with Prefects who won't be targets, why shouldn't we? In the name of safety and cutting down on the risk of injury? Tell me, do you really want to pit a fifth year Prefect against a troop of seventh years who know how to use Dark magic and aren't afraid of getting their hands dirty? Because I don't want to be responsible for that."
Lily's face went white. "Of course I don't want people to get hurt. But I don't think that buying into the same value system as the crazy buggers who want to take away my wand and kill my family is productive."
"Like it or not, that value system is going to determine a lot about how this war is fought. The sooner you accept that, the safer you and your family will be."
"Don't you dare talk to me like you know what this is like for me. James Potter, pureblood, the son of purebloods ad nauseum. You grew up sucking on a silver spoon. Who cares if your family supports Muggle rights? You belong to their world, and like it or not, you'll never know what it means to be a Mudblood."
James felt as though she had slapped him. It was as close as anyone had ever come to calling him a bigot, and the fact that it was Lily made the accusation sting that much more.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Evans. I didn't realize that my blood status was so important to you. But might I suggest that perhaps you are the one being narrow-minded?"
He stood up from his bed, anger churning in his stomach, and walked toward the door. "I think the only way to resolve this Halloween issue is to go speak to the Headmaster. You're welcome to join me if you like."
Pausing in the doorway, he added, "And I don't care who you are. That word is filthy, and shouldn't cross anyone's lips. I thought you were better than that, Evans. I guess I was wrong."
She lost track of how long she sat there, frozen, trying to decide whether to follow him and beg his forgiveness or simply hide in the boy's dormitory forever. She wanted to fly into a rage, to tell him to take back his hurtful assessment. She wanted to cry, to tell him he misunderstood. Most of all, she wanted to go back to this time last year, when James Potter was simply a boy who misbehaved and got on her nerves. This new Potter, one who had ambitions and ethics, who was decent and thoughtful and had strong feelings about important issues, was too confusing.
The longer she sat there, the more she realized that he was right. Not just about telling Dumbledore, which should have been her first plan as soon as she felt something dangerous was going to happen. He was right about her. While she still thought that he had no idea what it was like to be Muggleborn, and probably wouldn't ever, she wasn't right to lump him in with the purebloods who looked down on her. She knew from reading the Daily Prophet that Mr. Potter was outspoken about his opposition to Muggle cruelty and the persecution of Muggleborns. He even worked on a special task force dedicated to tracking Lord Voldemort.
She was still sitting on Remus' truck when he and Peter returned from dinner. The boys stopped in the hall outside the room, staring in a combination of shock and awe that would have been hilarious if she was in a better mood.
"Are we on the right staircase?" Peter said after a brief pause.
"I think we'd know by now," Remus said with a smile. Lily didn't return it. She stood stiffly, feeling as though she had been cramped in a tiny ball for hours on end. Her muscles throbbed, and it occurred to her that she hadn't moved a muscle since James stormed out. She wondered how long ago that was. The room was dark, and in the distance she could see the red glow of the sun slipping beneath the horizon.
"Sorry. James and I had a meeting and…"
She faltered, and her eyes burned with unshed tears.
"Is she going to cry?" Peter asked, bewildered. "What did he do, pay you one too many compliments?"
He had meant to lighten the mood, but at his feeble joke, Lily's tears overflowed, and she sank to the cold stone floor and sobbed. Remus reacted first, rushing to kneel next to her. For several minutes he could only interpret sniffling mumbles. Eventually she sat up, eyes puffy and red.
"Erm, I don't have a handkerchief," Remus said quietly. "Perhaps you'd like to blow your nose in my tie?"
He loosened the tie in question and offered the end to her with a grin. Lily gave him a watery smile and shook her head.
"I'm all right." She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve and sighed. "But I've been a total idiot, and now I'm going to have to do something dreadful."
"What's that?" Remus asked.
"Apologize to Potter."
Peter offered her a slab of Honeydukes chocolate, which she took gratefully. "Thanks."
"No problem." He sat down next to her carefully, watching for any signs she was about to cry again. Peter didn't do well with crying women. "You know, usually I'm offering James chocolate to cheer him up after he's said something stupid to you."
"What happened?" Remus cut in, seeing the hurt in her eyes when James' name was mentioned. "Whatever it is, I'm sure he'll forgive you. You only have to ask."
So she told them about their conversation, skipping over bits and pieces but not bothering to hide their concerns about the Slytherins. She assumed, rightly, that James had already shared his information with his friends. When she got to the part when she told James he was just like the rest of the purebloods, Remus and Peter both winced.
"Did you know that Mr. and Mrs. Potter have taken quite a bit of flack from the rest of the pureblood community for being so outspoken?" Remus said. "And they aren't just paying lip service to the cause, either. They really believe that Muggleborns, part-humans, non-humans, that they all deserve the same rights and treatment as the rest of the magical world."
"Part-humans and non-humans?" Lily asked.
"You know, house elves, goblins...werewolves."
"Goblins and werewolves? What does that have to do with anything?"
"Everything!" Remus' eyes were suddenly on fire, and Lily fell back against his trunk, startled. "Why should someone's ancestry have anything to do with the rights they are afforded in wizarding society? Why should we force house elves to punish themselves cruelly for every mistake? Or forbid a goblin from holding a wand? Or prevent someone who was unfortunate enough to suffer a werewolf's bite from holding a job?"
Lily just stared at him.
"The Potters care about basic rights being available to everyone, is my point." Remus' face was flushed, and he was breathing heavily, but he spoke carefully once more. "And because of that their home has been vandalized. They've received Howlers from old family friends, and they've been excluded from the homes of those same friends. They've had things shouted at them on the street and nasty words whispered about them at public events. James understands the true cost of activism better than most purebloods, I'd wager."
"I'm sorry, Remus," she stammered. "I didn't know."
Peter put a calming hand on Remus' arm and the bigger boy seemed to come back to himself. He took a deep, steadying breath and gave Lily a weak smile. "It's all right. Of course you didn't. How could you?"
"If you'd just step outside for a second, Lily, we can tell you where James went." Peter helped her up and led her to the door.
"Why do I have to leave?"
"Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies." With a wink and a nod, the door to the seventh year Gryffindor boy's dormitory was slammed in Lily's face for the second time that day.
:o:o:o:o:o:
Remus and Peter directed Lily to the large oak tree that stood just off the shore of the lake. The sun had completely set by the time she left the castle, and she regretted leaving too quickly to remember her cloak. She shivered and pulled her robes tighter around her body. She wondered how they could be so sure about James' whereabouts, but realized that it was probably better she didn't. With the Marauders, it was often better to remain in the dark.
She found him exactly where they said he'd be, long legs dangling down from a high branch. He must have heard her coming as she walked over the crunchy, fallen leaves, because he hunched his shoulders.
"Go away, Moony. I'm really not in the mood for a lecture."
"How about an apology?"
At the sound of her voice, he whipped around, and through the sparse gold leaves she could see him lose his grip. Before he swayed too far, however, his natural sense of balance kicked in, and he righted himself. Lily smiled when she realized it was a lot like watching him fly on the Quidditch pitch.
"I'm really not in the mood for you either, Evans. Can we just do this later?"
He turned back to face the lake, pulling his legs up so that they rested on a nearby branch. Lily stopped a short distance from the tree and took a deep breath, comforted by the fact that she could not see his face.
"I'd rather do it now, if you don't mind. You don't have to say anything. I...I know I was a prat back there. It wasn't fair of me to make comparisons, especially when...I mean, Remus told me about your parents. I didn't realize—"
"You didn't realize that other people have morals, too? That you're not the only one who's worried about the wizarding world at war?"
James was drawn into the conversation in spite of himself. Whatever else he could say about Lily, and there were many things, the biggest reason he couldn't make himself walk away was the way she prickled under his skin, stabbing sharply and just enough to sting.
"I'm trying to apologize, you idiot!" she shouted. "Would you let me get on with it?"
He looked over his shoulder at this, too tempted by the frustration in her voice. Her hair was flying around her head, whipped by the autumn wind, and the fool had come out on the grounds without even a decent cloak to keep herself warm. Her pale skin was splotchy and red, partly from the wind and partly, he suspected, from recent tears.
"Were you crying?"
She stomped her foot and glared at him. "That's irrelevant! Shut up, Potter, it's my turn to speak."
Giving up on staying aloof, he grabbed the branch he was sitting on and swung down to the ground.
"You're pretty rude for someone trying to apologize."
She wrapped her arms tightly around her middle, clutching her robes to her body.
"Oh for heavens sake," James said impatiently. He took off his cloak and tossed it at her. "Put that on before you freeze to death."
"What about you?"
"I'll live."
She wrapped the cloak around her shoulders, revelling in his residual body heat.
"I'm really sorry, James."
It was almost too simple, but after staring into her green eyes for a moment, he realized that he had already forgiven her. He gave her a smile and shrugged.
"Forget about it."
"But—"
"Evans, I swear, you make everything ten times more difficult than it has to be. Are you arguing with me? I accept your apology!"
She snapped her mouth shut and nodded.
"Now let's go back inside and I'll tell you what happened with Dumbledore."
A/N: Thank you so much for reading!