J.K. Rowling owns this universe. I'm just playing in her sandbox
For the seventh years, time seemed to speed up as the holidays approached. November blended seamlessly into December, and the days were full to overflowing with homework assignments and frantic study sessions. It was hard to focus on the dark and frightening headlines in the Daily Prophet when things closer to home were already so stressful. Lily had given up worrying about James for the time being, although she thought she saw Mary watching them occasionally.
"It isn't worth getting fussed about, Mary," she had whispered harshly one night, after catching her friend's knowing smile at the two of them sitting side by side near the fire. "We're friends, and I like it that way."
She wasn't quite sure she believed that, but James hadn't pushed anything or made any indication that he still harbored romantic notions for weeks. That night after the Gryffindor victory represented a turning point in her mind. Pretending she didn't have feelings for James was clearly a lost cause. He was funny and kind and impossibly intelligent, despite his love for mischief. More than that, he was a sincere and loyal friend.
None of that did anything to change her concerns, however. There was no guarantee that giving into her feelings wouldn't be a colossal disaster, and with so many things on her plate, Lily wasn't going to risk the one friendship that was pulling her through.
What she didn't know, however, was that James had been so easy-going precisely because he felt he was so close to winning her over. Their conversations had become deeper, more personal. It wasn't unusual for her to talk about her parents, or for him to share a story about growing up in a pureblood family. He had opened up to her about his plans for the future, and she had promised to help him with his Auror application essay. Sometimes they even ventured into conversations about her future career choices, although that was clearly a sore subject for her. He savored every small victory and catalogued each touch or smile that was just for him.
He wasn't the only seventh year Gryffindor boy who was celebrating a change of romantic circumstances, either. Frank Longbottom spent the first week of December in a fog of bliss. Alice Fortescue had kissed him. She had also agreed to go to the next Hogsmeade weekend with him, which fell right before the Christmas holidays. Frank had been making plans and discarding them every few days, determined to make it the most memorable first date she'd ever had.
"It's disgusting," Sirius said half-heartedly, watching Frank and Alice snuggling in front of the fire. A stone's throw from them, James and Lily sat at a table, heads bent over a Herbology assignment. Lily threw her head back and laughed, and James stared at her adoringly.
Remus sighed. "We'll be the only single chaps left in the tower soon, Padfoot."
"What about Wormy?" Sirius looked around. "Where is he, anyway?"
"Studying with Jenna Finch in the Library. Surprised you didn't notice...this is the second time this week."
"That Hufflepuff bird from Charms?" Remus nodded and Sirius groaned. "Did the house elves put something in the pumpkin juice?"
Remus smiled sympathetically. "It's okay to be jealous, Padfoot."
"Jealous?" Sirius scoffed. "Please. Of what?"
"You haven't exactly been keeping it a secret." Remus rolled his eyes. "Ragging on James about Lily constantly, making little remarks."
"I always rag on Prongs! We're best friends!"
"And that's not going to change just because he has a girlfriend."
Sirius shut his mouth with a snap and stared at his feet. There was a long pause, and then-
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, I do." Remus looked over at the subject of their conversation. He was telling a story, his hands waving around in that animated way that always meant James was reaching the good part. Lily was in stitches, her cheeks and eyes glowing with mirth.
"His feelings for her don't have anything to do with us. You know James. You know how he feels about our friendship."
"I also know how he feels about her," Sirius muttered. "Look, I know it makes me sound like a ponce. I get it. But...Prongs loves her. Like, jump off a cliff, scream it from the rooftops, paint it on a mountainside kind of love. You know it and I know it. You can bet that she knows it. If she doesn't she's an idiot."
Remus laughed at that, thinking of the many times their friend had professed his undying love for her before he finally wised up and backed off. Actually, Remus thought, it was possible he'd backed off a bit too much. Lily was obviously coming around to him, but James hadn't even hinted he was still crazy about her. It was possible she didn't know. He made a mental note to mention it later.
"I know who's going to come first," Sirius continued. "I know it's going to happen sooner or later...I'd rather it be later, if you know what I mean."
"You know, adulthood isn't a dirty word," Remus said gently. "And change isn't always a bad thing."
"How can you say that?" Sirius looked at him in disbelief. "You know what its like out there for...people with your problem. Aren't you scared?"
Remus wrinkled his nose. "That was a subtle change of subject."
"Answer the question, Moony." Sirius crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows, waiting.
"Yes, I'm scared," Remus said quietly. He sighed and rubbed at his eye absently. "But the way I see it, since I can't change the things I'm scared of, I shouldn't waste my time getting worked up about them. Being outraged won't change the registration laws, or make it easier for me to find a job. All I can do is work hard and try my best to prove myself to the people who matter, you know? Throwing a tantrum isn't going to fix anything."
"I am not throwing a tantrum."
"That's exactly what you're doing. And between you and me, putting a stop to the pouting and snide comments will make it a lot less likely that James decides he likes Lily more than you. It's getting old, mate."
Sirius sighed. "Yeah."
The boys sat for a bit, each absorbed in his own thoughts. Marlene joined Lily and James, and the three of them started to loudly discuss the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw match, and whether Ravenclaw would be able to keep up their momentum to beat Slytherin in February.
"You ever think about it, Moony?"
"What?"
"You know...having a girl for more than a good snog."
Remus snorted. "Can't say I've ever had a girl around for that much, so the idea of more would be...ambitious."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You've snogged girls."
"Girl. Singular. And I doubt it would have happened at all except that we were at that little Muggle seaside town and completely drunk."
"Ahh, yes. Marianne. Or was it Melissa?"
"Umm, I am embarrassed to say that I don't remember."
Sirius laughed and looked over at Marlene, who was re-enacting a foul from the match. She caught his eye and grinned.
"Shameful, Moony. Dead shameful."
:o:o:o:o:o:o:
A light snow covered the grounds the morning of the last Hogsmeade visit of the term. Outside, younger students (and a few older ones) pelted each other with snowballs.
Lily stared out the window longingly before sighing and turning back to the Potions essay in front of her.
"You are way too responsible for your own good," Marlene commented, pulling her long hair back into a ponytail. She dabbed on a layer of lipstick and admired the effect in her mirror. "Is this too pink?"
"The reason I am doing homework on a Saturday is because I am not responsible enough. I should have done it days ago, but now I've run out of time. And no, I think it looks lovely. What's the occasion?"
"You have all day tomorrow! No occasion, just want to look smart." She held up two scarves, one with gold and scarlet stripes, and one a solid purple that matched her knit hat.
"That one." Lily pointed at the purple scarf. "Tomorrow I have to do Herbology and Defense. And there's a Prefect meeting. And James and I promised Flitwick we'd help decorate the Great Hall after supper. Term ends next week and there's no time to do anything!"
Marlene made a horrified cluck with her tongue. "Being Head Girl sounds dreadful. Why did you want it so badly?"
"I have no idea. Momentary lapse of judgment?"
"What's our intrepid Head Boy up to? Is he similarly drowning in work?"
Lily grunted. "James? Of course not. I don't know how he does it, but he's almost always completely caught up. Where he finds time is beyond me, especially with Quidditch practice added on top of it all. I'm beginning to suspect he just doesn't sleep. He's covering for me in Hogsmeade today. Technically, we're both supposed to be there, but when I told him everything I had to do, he offered to go alone."
"That's nice of him."
"Mm," Lily said, trying to sound as noncommittal as possible.
"You've been a lot nicer lately, too. Not nearly as snippy as normal."
Lily didn't answer, instead focusing on dipping her quill carefully into her inkwell.
"Almost makes me wonder." Marlene straightened her hat and adjusted her cloak. "There. What do you think?"
Lily put her quill down and turned to face her roommate. "Gorgeous. Seriously, Mar, what's going on? Do you have a date?"
Marlene winked. "Not that he knows about."
"Slag."
"Prig."
Lily laughed and waved her off. "I want details later, McKinnon. Details!"
"If you're lucky." She blew a kiss over her shoulder and skipped down the stairs.
Lily sighed again and stared at her parchment. It wasn't even noon yet and she was sick at the sight of it. She stood and stretched, wondering if she would have more success concentrating in the Head's office.
Out the window, she could see Alice and Frank strolling down toward the school's gates, hand in hand. The sight made her smile. Alice had been almost irritatingly happy since she and Frank got together, but it had been a welcome distraction from all the stress of end of term assignments and increasingly gloomy stories in the Daily Prophet.
In the last week, there had been four separate attacks, two of them on Muggle families near wizarding villages. In all, twelve people had died, including children. The Ministry wasn't any closer to tracking down the dark wizard called Lord Voldemort or his followers, and the violence was showing no signs of slowing. Rubbing salt in an open wound, the general mood among the Slytherins lately had been particularly cheery. The whole situation gave Lily the uncharacteristic urge to hex someone.
Frustrated, she packed her things in her bag and set off for the Head's office, deciding that a change of scenery was just the thing her Potions essay needed. On the way, she stopped for hot cocoa, courtesy of the Hogwarts house elves. She wondered how she had gone so long without knowing about the secret entrance to the kitchen.
A half hour later, she was nestled in front of a roaring fire, wrapped in a spare cloak that James had left there after Quidditch practice one day, warm cocoa on her left and Potions essay on her right.
That's exactly where James found her when he came back from Hogsmeade at 6:00 that evening. Her hair had been twisted into some kind of complicated knot secured by a quill, and the whole contraption teetered dangerously over her left ear. Her hands were covered in ink stains, and a completed Potions essay lay rolled up near where she slept.
And she was wrapped in his cloak. Her face was nestled into it, and she was smiling ever-so-slightly. He stared for so long that he forgot why he had come to the office in the first place.
Lily gave a groggy little snort and her eyelids fluttered. Embarrassed at being nearly caught, James cleared his throat and dropped his bag loudly.
"Sleeping on the job, Evans? Shocking. I might just turn you in for that! They'll have your badge for sure."
She yawned and turned her face further into his cloak, curling up into a tight ball. "Go away, Potter, I was having a really lovely dream. N.E.W.T.'s were cancelled and we were all eating sugar quills and drinking butterbeer in class instead."
"That does sound fantastic. Budge up." He lowered himself to the floor near her head and unceremoniously gathered up the remainder of the cloak, forming a pillow and placing it on his lap. She scooted up, resting her head on his leg.
"How was Ho-hogsmeade?" Lily yawned again, her eyes crinkling as she covered her mouth. "I'm sorry, excuse me."
"Uneventful." James forced himself to not tell her how pretty she looked all drowsy and pink. He thought she'd be receptive, but he had been burned too many times to just pay her a compliment all willy-nilly. "Broke up a couple of dates that were getting too handsy, just for fun."
She swatted his knee and grinned. "Arse. That's the whole point of going out in Hogsmeade. No supervision."
"You tart." He laughed and adopted his best Scottish accent. "We cannot allow the wizarding community to judge our fine educational establishment by the actions of a few morally challenged miscreants."
"You know, I think your McGonagall impression gets worse by the day."
"Jealousy does not become you, Evans." He leaned over and tickled her side with one hand, pinning her down with the other when she shrieked and started to squirm. "Say my McGonagall is better than the original. Say it, or I won't let you up!"
She gasped, writhing and gasping for breath. "Y-your Scottish accent...is b-bullocks."
"That's it. You asked for it!"
He renewed his tickling, digging his fingers into her sides. Her shirt rode up, and for one, tantalizing second he saw the creamy skin of her stomach. The moment of distraction cost him dearly.
"Rictusempra!"
Lily had managed to get one hand around her wand, and the next second, James was the one doubled over, at the mercy of her expertly cast tickling charm. She pushed a lock of hair out of her face with a shaking hand and caught her breath.
"What's that?" she asked sweetly, leaning in close to his mouth, which was moving soundlessly. "Don't like having a taste of your own medicine?"
When he began to gasp and twitch on his back, she sighed and spared him further agony. Wordlessly, she cast the counter-charm.
"You fight mean, Evans," he wheezed. She leaned closer, flashing a wicked grin.
"I fight to win."
Her lips were inches from his, and he could feel the warmth radiating off of her in waves. His breath caught in his chest. He stared at her mouth, willing it closer.
Lily's heart pounded. At some undefined moment, the tension in the room had shifted. It felt like her whole body was on fire and frozen in a block of ice at the same time. Her breaths came in sharp little pants.
She forced her eyes away from his lips to his glassy, dilated eyes. He's so close. I could just lean down and then...
A log in the fire fell with a particularly loud crash, breaking the silence and making her jump.
She blinked rapidly, pulling up and away, sitting next to him with a muffled thump. Her blood pounded in her ears, and a delightful fluttery feeling churned her stomach. For one hazy moment, she had considered just kissing him. What would it hurt really? One, tiny kiss surely wouldn't change anything. Except she knew that it would change everything, and that was why she had stopped.
James cleared his throat and sat up, reaching for his books. "Right. Um. Charms? I've been having problems with this assignment on elemental magic."
He hoped she couldn't hear the way his voice was shaking, and that she wouldn't notice as he shifted to cover his lap with Standard Book of Spells.
"Of course. Elemental magic. I just...I left my notes back in the dorm. Mind if we catch up on this later? I should eat something anyway. I didn't have lunch and that cocoa was hours ago and..."
He nodded and cut her off, hoping to put her at ease. "It's okay, Lily. I can wait."
He stopped short of saying what he really wanted to say. I'd wait forever.
She scrambled around the room, stuffing things into her bookbag and not making eye contact. He watched her sadly, wishing he knew what to say to make it clear to her that what was happening between them was right and good and nothing to be afraid of. She was so skittish.
"Is something wrong?" James fiddled with the quill she had shaken out of her hair and stared at her longingly. She was whirling around the room like a dervish, doing everything to avoid acknowledging his presence. He fought the urge to grab her and make her sit sit and talk to him about what had just happened. She had to know how much it killed him when she pulled away. It seemed to pain her just as much, but still she kept herself distant, always just out of reach.
"No, not at all!" Her voice was strained and unnaturally high. "Just hungry. See you later!"
With a forced smile in his general direction and a cheery wave, Lily escaped out into the relative safety of the hallway, leaving James to sit alone by the fire and wonder how he could be so close to getting what he'd always wanted and so far at the same time.
:o:o:o:o:o:o:
That night, Marlene returned from Hogsmeade floating on air. She and Alice arrived back in their room at roughly the same time wearing matching grins.
"You look like you've been practicing cheering charms on each other," Mary said when she saw them. Marlene and Alice looked at each other and laughed, their giggles high and giddy.
"Keep it down," groaned Lily, burying her head under a pillow. After eating dinner as quickly as possible, she had hidden herself in the Library and attempted to get a head start on Sunday's work, knowing that if he wanted to, James could simply look at his map and find her. She didn't know how she felt about the fact that he left her alone all evening instead.
"What's crawled up her bum and died?" Marlene asked Mary. When Mary shrugged, Marlene made her way over to Lily's bed and sat down.
"Oi, Evans! What's crawled up your bum died?" Lily didn't answer, so she tackled her with all her might, finally evincing a squeal and laughter. "Come on, I thought you wanted dirty details. How can I tell you about my date when you're buried under your covers like that?"
Reluctantly, Lily poked her head out from under the comforter. Marlene made a face.
"Blimey, you look awful. Have you been in bed all day?"
She pushed her hair back from her face and grimaced. "No. I've been working my arse off. Meanwhile, you lot are back long after all the students were supposed to be rounded up and brought home. You barely made curfew!"
"Well, seeing as Alice and I were both with his roommates, James made an exception for us."
Marlene's words took a moment to sink in. Then Lily sat up abruptly. "You were both...who were you out with, Mar?"
She tossed her hair and grinned, drawing the moment out as her roommates waited on the edge of their seats. Finally, Alice rolled her eyes and laughed.
"If you don't tell them, I will."
"Fine. Spoilsport." She cleared her throat. "Sirius, of course."
Mary squealed. "Of course? I didn't know you were even interested in Sirius, did you, Lily?"
"That prat?" Lily frowned. "Remus would have been a better choice."
"You would say that," Marlene scoffed. "Remus is nice and safe."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, and Sirius is so dangerous? Maybe he is-if you're worried about catching something contagious. I've seen him with five different girls since November."
"What's your problem with Sirius? You and James are all chummy now. Shouldn't you like his mates, too?"
"James and I are...that has nothing to do with this," Lily stuttered. "And I don't dislike Sirius. He's a good bloke, and he's helped me out a few times this year when I've been in a tight spot. But he isn't boyfriend material."
"Well, who said anything about him being my boyfriend?" Marlene said airily. She lay back on Lily's comforter and grinned. "It's just a bit of fun. Sirius is a lark. I'm not planning on falling in love with him. Alice, now, she's already a goner for Frank. Why are you all taking the mickey out on me? She's the one picking out china!"
Alice flushed a pretty pink and buried her head in her own pillow. "Thanks a lot, Marlene. Just throw me to the dogs, why don't you?"
"It was me or you, Fortescue. I choose you."
"How did it go? Was Frank every bit romantic as you thought he would be?" Mary leaned forward, head in her hands.
"He was perfect," Alice gushed, forgetting her embarrassment instantly. As she went into the details of her date, Lily stared out the window, picturing herself and James in Hogsmeade, hand in hand. James wouldn't pull the kind of sappy romantic stuff Alice was so ga-ga for. They'd probably go to Zonko's and Honeydukes, and maybe finish off at the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer. Afterward, they'd go for a walk alone on the grounds, and he'd show her all the secret places she'd never known were there. Maybe, at the end of the date, he'd lean in for one, perfect kiss...
Her face warmed and she came back to the conversation with a start, shaking herself loose from the happy picture in her head.
"So I was thinking we could invite all the boys," Marlene was saying. "My parents have plenty of space, and it would be fun to spend a couple days together outside of Hogwarts."
"That's a brilliant idea," Alice said immediately. "Lily, would your parents let you get away?"
"Huh?"
"Over New Year's," Alice said impatiently. "For Marlene's party?"
"Oh, right." Everyone was looking at her, and she squirmed, wondering how she would pitch a co-ed slumber party to her parents. "You said you were inviting...all the boys?"
"Yes, Lily," Marlene said teasingly. "All of them. Including the Head Boy. And there are enough rooms in my house to make sure that anyone could sneak away and remain undisturbed for quite some time."
Lily's cheeks blazed, and she glared at her friend. "Get off it," she snapped. "I'll see what I can do, but James has nothing to do with it."
Marlene shook her head and grinned. "You go right on thinking that...but I'm betting on fireworks this New Year's Eve."
A/N: What about you? Are you on Marlene's side, or do you think Lily has it right? :) Thanks for reading!