sorry for such a short chapter! i had to kind of rush this chapter for school reasons.
anyways here's chapter three of detached!
you walked into group with Kanaya for the very first time, hand in hand, nervous yet not as scared as you thought you'd be. These people are just like you. Fucked up enough to be sent away. No one could judge you in this room.
It was the first time you had felt safe in a really, really long time.
You sit beside Kanaya and the rest of the people you were sitting at lunch with and scan the room. You see two boys sitting beside each other holding hands, a blonde wearing shades who, like Equius, seemed to have an eating disorder, and a boy with raven black hair who seemed perfectly normal to you and honestly his nonchalant demeanor made you uncomfortable. The two boys sat beside a very tiny, frail looking girl with white hair and large green eyes who had possibly the saddest expression you had ever seen in your life. And for a moment, you felt bad. Because this girl obviously had worse problems then you to look that sad, and you couldn't even comprehend how terrible that must be for her. Sitting a little ways away from the group is a skinny lanky boy with messy black hair and, to your surprise, clown makeup. He was staring off into space, smiling like an asshole and right off the bat you knew he must be a druggie. You're gaze is directed to someone else when you notice him.
Kankri.
He sees you looking at him after a moment and gives you a small smile and polite wave. You wave back. You're happy to see him, but also nervous. Kankri makes you nervous for a multitude of reasons you can't really put into words. But you think he understands. The blonde takes her spot in the middle of the circle that all the patients had formed on the floor, and she sits on the floor as well. She smiles, cheery and exerting the type of energy only morning talk show hosts have."afternoon kiddos. How are we all feelin today?" the kids reply with a collection of muttered "fines" and you can almost see Roxy wanting to roll her eyes, but holding it back. You like her already.
"alright well, lets see how everyone's doing today. Who wants to start?" you see the blonde with glasses raise his hand weakly. "alright Dave, how are you feeling today?" he sighs and speaks, a thick southern accent surprising you. "I've been better I guess. Feeling pretty shitty, really." Roxy raises an eyebrow. "oh? Well would you mind telling us what's bothering you Dave?" her voice has no hint of interrogation whatsoever, just curiosity and a mothering caring. Plus, she seemed to give no fucks when Dave swore, so this women continues to win points in your book. Dave continues, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "they served pancakes for breakfast today." the boy holding his hand chirps in "Dave I only made you eat 2 pancakes! They were so tiny..." Dave crosses his arms across his chest, scowling. "i hate pancakes, John. You know I hate eating pancakes." John only sighed. Roxy, who had been listening the whole time, inquired "maybe you should write down why this is such a fear food for you, Dave. Then I bet John would be happy to help you in anyway he can." John nodded eagerly and Dave sighed again, this time it just sounded tired. This boy had to be the same age as you, and yet he looked so damn exhausted with life. Him and the white haired girl continued to make you feel shitty about how selfish you probably were, and you averted your gaze from both of them. "alright...I'll try." Dave finished speaking, going back to holding Johns hand and looking down, strait faced.
the next person to go was John, who you found out was a cutter like you. This surprised you, considering how happy he looked. The saddest ones you suppose, do smile the most. You remember in the beginning you did, but you couldn't hold it up for long. Nepeta goes next, talking about how much she's been jonesing for a hit of heroine lately, and Equius has to reassure her that she's stronger than her addiction. You're jealous of them. You've never, in your whole life, had someone who supported you like that. Kankri tried a little bit, but he was so unstable at the time. Always going into fits of panic about this or that, and his mind was to preoccupied with perfection to be able to help you. You don't hold it against him though, because you were just as unstable for your own reasons. The group makes its rounds and you find out the clown guy is named Gamzee who, big surprise, has a drug addiction to too many substances to keep track of. The white haired girl, Calliope, has a self harm and an eating disorder due to an abusive home life. Calli, to you, seemed like the kind of girl who would garden and paint in her free time. Always ready to help her friends, and it was a shame that she had the problems she did. You looked up at her and gave her a reassuring smile, and she returned it, looking up at you sheepishly. When it came time to hear what Kankri had to say though, you payed as much attention as you could. This was important. He was important to you in a way that you couldn't really describe, and you decide it must just be a brotherly thing.
"how ya feelin today, Kanny?" Roxy said sympathetically. Your brother sighed. "slightly better than I was yesterday." Roxy brightens visibly, and you realize it must be rare for Kankri to ever be doing better with anything, considering how long he's stayed here. "really? That's super good hon!" Kankri nodded and continued. "i was able to calm down from yesterday after a little while. The deep breaths thing you told me to do helped...but they had to be even numbered, so I apologize..." Kankri looks down, ashamed of himself. "it's okay Kanny, baby steps." Roxy says reassuringly. "just remember to write down in your journal tonight. It always helps to vent." Kankri nods, not looking as though he completely believed her. You don't blame him.
And then suddenly all attention is on you. Roxy is looking at you, the group is looking at you, and you squeeze Kanayas hand, terrified. You thought this would be easy but it's not. You thought they wouldn't judge you but they are, you think. Oh god this was a terrible idea why didn't you just jump out the window like you wanted to. Your thoughts are interrupted when Roxy says, just a little bit more motherly to you than to the others, "why don't you tell us your name sweetie?" you take a deep breath, here goes nothing "I'm Karkat Vantas." you say, biting your lip. Kanaya nods reassuringly to you.
"you wanna tell us why you're here hon?" Roxy says, smiling at you. "well...i tried to kill myself. And I have a cutting problem. And I'm fucking depressed all the time. So I guess that's the gist of it..." you bite the top layer of skin off your bottom lip like you always do when you're nervous and your eyes dart around the room at all the other faces. "well Karkat, we're gonna help you get past your problem the best we can in your stay here. No need to be nervous, okay hon? No one's going to judge you here." you nod, brushing your bangs out of your eyes. You feel a little better, but not by much. "alright kiddos, that ends group. Please go with your roommates to your dorms or the recreation room until personal therapy." Roxy says, standing. The kids in the room disperse and the first person to walk up to you is Kankri.
The rest of the kids take it as a sign to let you two be alone, and you're grateful for that. You open your mouth to say something but before you can you feel yourself pulled into a hug by your older brother. This surprises you greatly, since Kankri was never the huggy person. "why did you think it was okay to do something so foolish?" Kankri whispers, but he's not angry at you. He just sounds really sad. You feel like a really big piece of shit in that moment, because you don't think you've ever heard your brother so sad, not even when mom left, and you know it was your fault that he is. "I'm sorry." you whisper, hugging back gently.
He pulls away and looks down at you. "Come along now Karkat, I have to show you to our room." you nod and you two walk down the hall and up a flight of stairs in silence until you reach your dorm. You walk past the recreation hall where you see the other kids playing cards or watching tv, and you wave to them meekly. "Karkitty! Aren't you gonna come play with us?" Nepeta calls to you, and you shake your head. She looks disappointed, but she lets you be. You notice the only kid not in the recreation hall was Calliope, and you wonder briefly if she's okay. You and Kankri enter your dorm, and the first thing you notice right off the bat is just...the simpleness of it. Which, you think is putting it lightly.
The room has no posters on the wall. Nothing to show that it is lived in. everything is absolutely spotless, and the blankness of the whole thing is a little eery and unsettling to you. Kankri must notice this, and he pipes up for the first time in the whole walk there "i um...i tried with great precaution to make sure it wasn't too messy for your arrival." you are literally stunned by his words, considering you have never seen a room so clean in your entire life and he's worrying about it being too messy. "Kankri...it's perfect. Okay? But don't you think it's a little...blank?" your older sibling looks at you, confused. "Like fuck, don't you get bored looking at just white walls all the time?" he shakes his head. "i was trying to go for a minimalistic thing...i personally thought it to be calming...but you of course can do whatever you please with your side of the room." he gestures to the right half of the room which is perfectly symmetrical to the left, not a spot out of place.
You look back up at him and see him biting his lip, eyes looking back and fourth from each side of the room. You realize it must have been hard for him to give up so much control, and to let you have what you did of the room. "thanks Kankri." you say, smiling and going to unpack your things. He smiles back and carries your bags into the room. "once you get all unpacked you may go leave to the recreation hall if you'd like." you look at him curiously. The way he phrased that sentence was singular, and you wonder if he even communicates with the other patients at all. Now that you think about it, you don't recall him sitting near anyone during group. "are you not gonna come with?" you ask.
Kankri clears his throat, picking up a very thick book from beside his bed which looks very old, and you wonder where he might have gotten it from, or if there's a library here or something. "i have a lot of reading to catch up on. You can run along and play with the others." you roll your eyes at your brothers babying words. He's always been like this, coddling you, and it bugs the shit out of you. "Kankri, I'm 15 years old. I don't fucking "play" anymore, okay?" at this Kankri rolls his eyes as well, a smirk playing on his lips. "Just go get to know the other kids, okay?"
you sigh. "yeah yeah." you wave a goodbye turn to leave, going down to the recreation hall. This would be the first time in a long time you would be willingly "hanging out" with people. And because of this you smile to yourself, just a little bit.
Maybe these people would help you
maybe things were looking up for you.