a/n;
we're getting near the end, kids. ; c ;

lxxxii.

Their parents are out, and Loki has already tried to entertain himself with the television, but that didn't work (it never does, really). Eventually, he deigns to go upstairs to his brother's room; he has literally not seen Thor all day, and it is well into the evening.

"Thor, can I come in?"

"What are your legs for?"

Loki pouts and enters the room.

Thor is seated at his desk. He hasn't turned around to look at Loki, fingers still tapping away at the keyboard. "What are you working on?" Loki asks, collapsing on his older brother's bed. "You haven't come out of your room all day, not even to eat, and that's not normal for you, Thor Odinson." He grins lazily up at the ceiling.

"Applications," Thor replies, and that makes Loki's expression falter a little.

He rolls over on his stomach, observing his brother's back. "For what?"

"College. What else?"

"Oh. Of course." The grin completely gone now, Loki rests his chin on his forearms. It's an odd concept, that Thor will be gone one day, that this room will be empty one day. It leaves a strange feeling in his chest.

Something creaks. Thor has swiveled the chair around to face him, and he is beckoning with a hand. "Come here."

Loki presses his face into the soft cover. "I like it here."

"Loki," Thor says, softer, and there's something about his voice that convinces Loki to get up.

"Do you need help writing your college applications, too?" Loki means to sound sarcastic, but his voice cracks a little towards the end. He stops in front of Thor, standing, but his brother puts two hands around his waist and pulls him closer, until he has no choice but to clamber onto his older brother's lap.

"Loki, hey. Look at me." Thor cards his fingers through Loki's hair comfortingly. "I'm not going to be gone forever."

You might as well be, thinks Loki, imagining the hundreds of lunch periods he'll have to endure by himself. He nods at Thor's words and presses in closer, putting his arms around his brother's shoulders for balance. They barely fit on the chair, Loki's feet dangling and still not quite touching the ground. He feels very small this way, despite being only four years younger, but he can't say he dislikes the feeling.

"Can I stay here?" he asks and swells with elation when Thor puts a hand on his back - not to pull him off, but to keep him in place.

He ends up falling asleep, and Thor ends up not finishing his applications that day. The older sighs when he first hears Loki's soft snoring, knowing that he should set his brother down on the bed, turn back around, and keep working, but he doesn't.

Later that night, his back aches in protest when he finally gets up to move them to the bed. Loki has a death grip on his shirt, so Thor figures it can't hurt and slides under the covers with him.

Sleep doesn't come easily that night. Thor stares down at his little brother, and the guilt returns - no, it has never left - to gnaw at his gut. Looking down at him, Thor wonders why he has ever wanted to hurt such a fragile thing.

He tucks a stray lock of hair behind Loki's ear, like it is supposed to make up for something.

. . .

lxxxiii.

Next month finds the two brothers walking together down the street. It's not too cold, the temperature somewhere around the higher 40's, but Loki is wearing gloves and a scarf. He's sorely tempted to hold Thor's hand as they walk, just like they used to, but he's almost fifteen now; surely they have become too old.

They're headed for the local post office. Thor has his college applications, completed, tucked under his arm.

"Where did you apply to?" Loki asked once.

"There was this nice one in England. Dad's always been wanting an excuse to move us there, anyway."

"Oh. That's nice."

"...I'm kidding, Loki." Thor nudges his shoulder, spotting Loki's confused and helpless expression. "Maybe you shouldn't keep asking about these things if it's just going to make you upset."

"I'm not upset," says Loki indignantly. "You can do absolutely whatever you want, go wherever you want."

Thor chuckles, ruffles his hair teasingly. "If you say so."

When they arrive at the post office, Fandral's there too. Upon Thor's questioning, the other boy is also sending off his application forms. He and Thor launch into a conversation almost immediately, and he doesn't seem to notice Loki until the youngest boy taps Thor's shoulder and asks if they're going yet.

"Loki," Fandral says, sounding surprised. He looks over him once, twice, then grins, and Loki can't help but feel under scrutiny. "Wow, you're taller than I remember." He says it like they haven't seen each other since they were nine, which isn't true, because they have lunch and German together.

"Wait for me," Thor says, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder and speaking lowly. His eyes show mild displeasure, but it's not directed at Loki. "I'll be a few minutes."

So Loki tries wandering around the post office for a while, but eventually that gets boring. The man behind the counter looks almost as miserable as he is.

"Thor, I'm waiting outside," he calls to his brother, but Thor is too occupied talking and doesn't hear him.

Loki steps out and takes a deep breath of fresh air. There's a bench outside, and he takes a seat, hoping Thor won't take too long.

Fifteen minutes later, Loki touches the empty space next to him and can almost imagine a picnic basket-

. . .

lxxxiv.

When Thor finally comes out, he does so with a slightly panicked look in his eyes. He spots Loki sitting on the bench and demands, somewhat accusingly, "Where did you go?"

"Here?" Loki says, tilting his head.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did."

Thor seems to remember then - the anger leaves his face and is replaced by relief. "Well, I mailed the stuff."

"Good for you," Loki says wryly, sticking his tongue out. "Do we have to go home?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"I don't want to go home yet." Lately, he hasn't gone out of the house for anything other than school, mostly in part to the weather. This was their highest temperature for the week.

Thor doesn't say anything for a while, so Loki sighs softly, realizing he's about to get shot down. To his surprise, Thor finally shrugs and says, "Where do you want to go, then?"

Loki cheers to himself. "I don't know," he says, which makes him feel a little silly. He beams.

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that." Thor rolls his eyes, but the gesture is affectionate.

They end up at a convenience store, after a ten-minute drive of Loki changing the radio station frequently and incessantly. "Just pick one," Thor complained, and to spite him, Loki left it at the country music station.

So when he finally kills the engine and steps out, Thor has to breathe a sigh of relief. Loki is already ahead of him.

Inside, the convenience store is already over-decorated with Valentine's Day paraphernalia, white-pink-and-red hearts everywhere even though the actual holiday was still two weeks away. He doesn't know where Loki went, but he knows his little brother well enough to check the candy aisle first.

"Oh no you don't," Thor says, plucking a chocolate bar from his hands. "You're hyperactive enough without the sugar." But he knows that Loki will try to sneak a bar when he's paying, so he doesn't say this with much conviction.

The next aisle is full of Valentine's cards, inscribed with cheesy words and sometimes innuendos. Loki finds him glancing through them disinterestedly. "Are you buying someone a card, Thor?" his brother asks, whispering, eyes almost comically wide.

"Yeah, sure." Thor plucks one out at random, because he kind of likes the way jealousy flashes across Loki's features. "Come on, we're paying."

On the way to the counter, he grabs some chips and soda. Loki does indeed try to sneak a chocolate bar when he's not looking, but Thor's been having trouble saying no to him lately, so he lets it slide.

Loki seems to know that he knows; when they step out, he puts his arms around Thor and declares something akin to, "You're the best."

. . .

lxxxv.

Loki is happy that things between him and Thor are a lot smoother than they ever have been. There are, of course, fights over the most trivial things, but they're small and forgotten by the next day.

Sometimes he forgets that besides him, Thor still has his other friends.

With the first semester of the year over, Loki gets a new schedule with a new second semester class. Now, as he's walking to first period, he passes by his brother's locker.

Most of the times, he doesn't see him, and sometimes, he does. Thor is often talking with other boys, all who easily tower over Loki.

Loki knows that his friends are a big deal to Thor, so he never interrupts them.

But on some days, Thor isn't talking with boys, but girls, all who cross their arms in an attempt to make their boobs look bigger and leaning towards him with not much subtlety. Loki does interrupt those by tapping Thor on the shoulder and asking some question he already knows the answer to.

He finds that if he looks lost enough, Thor will forget completely about the girl, and Loki will have the pleasant opportunity to shoot her a snooty look as Thor leads him away.

But on other days, his trick doesn't work, and Thor waves him off, completely enamored by the girl.

These times make Loki's chest hurt a little, because hadn't Thor kissed him? Didn't that mean that he liked him?

Then again, his brother had been drunk.

Loki would walk away with these thoughts, his day dampened just a little.

. . .

lxxxvi.

On Valentine's Day, their parents declare they're going out. "We should be home before eleven," their mother tells them. "Don't stay up too late, okay?"

Thor nods. He has a feeling they'll be coming home later than that. "I know, I know."

"Stay safe, you crazy kids," Loki chimes, and laughs to himself. He's perched on the counter, long legs dangling.

"The fridge is stocked, so you two probably won't starve," their father says. "If you use any dishes, just load them into the dishwasher." And then, right as he's leaving: "And take care of your brother."

This one is for Thor. "Don't I always?" He cocks an eyebrow, lying straight through his teeth and not entirely apathetically.

When the car is finally pulling out of the driveway, Loki's legs stop swinging and his shoulders slump a little.

"Usually you're happier about being alone," Thor comments, getting a glass of water.

"I'm happy," Loki says defensively.

"Come here." When Loki doesn't move an inch, Thor abandons his glass on the table to stand in front of Loki. "I threw out the Valentine's card, you know," he says gently.

Loki sneers. "Why would you do that? What a waste of money."

"It was ninety-nine cents."

"Do you know what you could have bought with ninety-nine cents? Chocolate. But you-"

Suddenly, Thor is leaning forward and kissing him, effectively silencing Loki. He feels his older brother's hands slide down to rest on the side of his thighs, a warm and pleasant pressure.

"Thor," Loki mumbles into the kiss, a hand on his brother's chest. The kiss is devoid of any traces of alcohol, which is wonderful. "Why did you kiss me on Christmas?"

"There was a mistletoe."

Loki frowns, but he does pull Thor closer with his legs. "No there wasn't. I think you really were drunk."

"Okay, fine, you caught me." Thor has moved his attention to Loki's neck, kissing the soft skin there. He doesn't sound particularly caring. "It was all some elaborate plot to find a way to kiss you."

"You could have just asked," Loki grumbles, and then he feels Thor's teeth sink into his shoulder - gently, but enough to elicit a gasp from Loki. "No marks," he has the mind to say, fingers winding into Thor's hair encouragingly.

Thor's lips are back on his again, and his brother's hands are moving up, cupping the swell of Loki's ass and lifting him from the counter.

Loki feels a rush from being lifted so easily and the way Thor's muscles tighten as he carries his weight. A few seconds later, Loki feels himself being lowered onto the couch.

Thor joins him not soon after, settling back between his legs and kissing him again. This kiss is dizzying, mainly because Thor is so close, and then pressing even closer, his hips rolling into Loki's. Through the thin fabric of their pajama pants, Loki can feel the heat radiating off Thor in waves.

Thor breaks the kiss to take one of Loki's hands and guide it downwards. Loki gives a soft gasp when his hand comes in contact with something hard between his brother's legs. "That's your fault," Thor grunts, and because he could, Loki gave an experimental squeeze.

"Fuck," Thor hisses into his ear, which only spurs Loki on.

He has next to no idea what he's doing, but if Thor seems to like it, then Loki has no qualms.

"Stop that," Thor finally groans, though he doesn't sound too glad. He takes Loki's wrist and pins it to the cushion beside his head.

"What," Loki asks, breathless, staring up at Thor with confused emerald eyes. A red flush has settled on high his little brother's normally pale cheeks. He half-heartedly tries to tug his wrists free, but knows it's futile and resorts to lying there. (He won't ever admit it, but he likes this, being trapped under Thor.)

Thor leans in close, and his breath is hot across Loki's skin. "What do you want, Loki?" he murmurs, lips brushing against the outline of Loki's collarbone.

The lithe body beneath him arches up, but Thor keeps his wrists pinned down. "I want you," Loki whines, and Thor would be a liar to deny that that is one of the most arousing things he's ever heard.

He releases one of his brother's thin wrists in favor of hooking a finger around the waistband of both Loki's pajama pants and underwear. They slide off easily, leaving his younger brother's legs bare. He feels Loki shiver slightly beneath him.

"So eager," he whispers with a chuckle, wrapping a hand around Loki's erection. Beneath him, Loki lets out a choked noise.

He leans down to kiss him for the umpteenth time, Loki's free hand gripping his shoulder. "I'd break you," Thor says against their lips, almost grinning.

"Don't care." Loki cants up, all too eagerly. "Please, Thor, do something-"

"You will care when your ass is sore the next morning." Thor doesn't give him a chance to reply to that. He starts moving his hand, slow, lazy strokes that have Loki's eyes glazing over in pleasure.

"I won't take you, not tonight," Thor tells him lowly, his hand never stilling. "But I can already imagine how tight and hot you'll feel around me." He moves up the couch, lifting Loki's legs so that his own clothed erection is pressing against Loki's ass.

Loki is panting under him, cheeks flushed even redder, looking so wonderfully disheveled already.

"I would have you all night," Thor leans his forehead against Loki's and shoves his hips forward. He groans at the contact, tempted to pull down his own pants and feel Loki flesh to flesh. "You'll beg me to stop, but I won't- God, you're beautiful like this, Loki-"

His little brother comes with the sweetest cry, nails digging into Thor's shoulders, and it hurts but it's worth it, seeing Loki come apart right before his very eyes.

"I love you," Thor utters, his hand coated with cum. He holds Loki through the aftershocks, kissing down his precious little brother's cheek. "I love you."

"Thor," Loki mumbles, shifting against the other's still-hard cock poking against the back of his thigh. "You're still..."

And Thor honestly doesn't mind, he can take care of himself- but he also doesn't mind it when, minutes later, Loki is between his legs, lips stretched so prettily - and clumsily - around him-

When he finishes, he'll pull Loki back up to face level and sink his teeth into the flesh of his brother's neck, uncaring that it will leave a sizeable mark. "Mine," he whispers, holding him tight. "You belong to me, Loki."

"Yours," Loki agrees listlessly. He tilts his head back, eyes fluttering shut.

I have never been otherwise.

. . .

lxxxvii.

The next morning, Loki wakes up, remembers the previous night's events, and then burrows back under the covers. He stays there for a while, blushing furiously even though he's alone in his room, until he finally has to get up lest he miss the bus.

He finds a note and a card on his bedside drawer.

Looks like I didn't throw it out after all, reads Thor's messy scrawl. Happy Valentine's Day.

The card has something horribly cheesy, but it's from Thor, and that's enough to save it from going straight to the trash bin.

Cradling it to his chest, Loki smiles.