Hello again. Yep, I'm definitely going somewhere with this. Definitely. Yep. I kind of hate the title though, and I'm too lazy to think up a new one, so if y'all could suggest some, I'd give you free cupcakes. Free magic cupcakes. They're magic. Anyway, this is supposed to be funny. The first chapter was kind of not, but this one is more so. Here's this:
Our hero, TehAntiFangirl, continues her quest to own Invader Zim!
TAF: Pleeeeeeaaaaaz? Please can I own you?
Zim: What? WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!? OUT! OUT!
TAF: Can I at least own GIR?
Zim: NO!
Here ya go, then! Hope you like it!
Chapter 2: The Plot Thickens... or at least gets weirder
The next day, a ray of sun brought warmth and Dib.
"Goat alien?" he asked, almost Zim-like in his perplexity, "Did you sleep there all night?"
Sometimes aliens were kind of sad. And stupid. STUPID ALIENS!
"Yes," she grunted.
"Wow," he laughed, "Zim made himself a base his first night here. You must be more of a failure than even him!"
"Probably," she sighed, "I was kicked out of la Resistance, as you'd say here."
Dib stopped laughing, "You were-"
"I wish you'd stop prying, kid," she stretched.
"Don't call me that," Dib said, his eyes narrowing.
"Why not? If I were a human, I'd be... say... thirty years old," she mused, "I think I have the right to give you a some-what demeaning pet-name."
"Thirty? But then you're older than Zim and I!" he gasped, "You could be my mom!"
"Don't push it, kid."
"Right," he nodded.
"Yeah-huh. I'm gonna go die now," she said, groaning as her knees snapped back into place.
"Where'll you sleep tonight?" Dib asked curiously.
"Here," she said, surprised, "Where else?"
"But you hate it!"
"Yep," she said, "Is there a bathroom?"
He pointed her in the right direction. Dib wondered how she would do it with those freakish goat legs. Gaz came up behind him.
"Is that the goat girl?" she asked. He nodded. "Huh. She looks stupid."
"She is," said Dib, "I mean, man, that's a lot angst just waiting to be monologued about!"
When Lak Shmi got out of the bathroom, it was time for class. She headed to the creepy teacher, the place she had materialized randomly. What had she done to make Lard Nar do that? He hadn't been himself lately.
"Ah, Lak, you're twelve seconds late," Ms. Bitters said, "You have two hours detention."
"Um..." Lak Shmi said. A teacher or other authority figure calling a Vortian by the first name was the equivalent of calling your slave "master". Vortians have weird naming rules.
"HA! Inferior Vort-slave, doomed to stay in the pits of doominess and deathificational... stuff!" Zim said creepily.
"Okaaaaaay," Lak Shmi said, "Can I have a different seat, please?"
"No," said Ms. Bitters.
"Um..." Lak Shmi tried again, "I'll try not to be late again."
"You're pitiful personal goals are no concern of mine," Ms. Bitters hissed, "Take your seat now, Lak."
Poke. Poke. Poke. "Are you after my robot bee?"
"No."
"My mission?"
"No."
"My life?"
"No."
"GIR's life?"
"...Who?"
"Hhmmm," Zim said, "Hm, hum, HHHMMMM!"
"You obviously have a lot on your mind..." Lak Shmi said, scootching her chair away from him, then realizing she'd be near that Dib kid, so she balanced precariously between the two of them. Curse you Lard Nar... CURSE YOU!
Gaz was causing a pencil to float in midair in Mr. Elliot's class down the hall. Lak Shmi's internal outburst caught her psychic-attention. She had felt like that, cursing people, not too long ago. She felt a surge of something icky for the weird goat girl Dib was suddenly obsessed with. The icky thing was sympathy, and Gaz hated it. She gagged a little. It was HORRIBLE, feeling that way. People were stupid, and she, Gaz, should be beyond all that. But once in awhile, there was someone who she felt MAY deserve a LITTLE bit of attention. MAYBE. So far, not one of them had been human.
One was a duck. She still held a grudge against that duck.
Icky, icky, icky. She gagged again, making little sicky noises. When she felt like this, she wanted to destroy someone. Something. That thing that was making her feel icky.
Icky Lak Shmi.
Zim hated Vortians a little less than humans because they weren't exactly in his way. In fact, they served him, making him... things. He still hated them, of course, but he hated a lot of things. He hated Dib a lot. He hated Gaz a lot, but more passively, and then only when she got in the way. He didn't hate GIR most of the time. Only when he felt like it. He hated Skool, and his horrible Earth teacher-thing. He hated the Earth. He hated pretty much anything that wasn't Irken, taller than him, and evil. So he hated Lak Shmi.
She was also obviously upset about something dramatic and cool. ZIM MUST KNOW! If she wouldn't reveal it in a dramatic moment of... drama... HE WOULD BEAT IT OUT OF HER! WITH HIS POWERS OF POWERFUL DOOM! He cackled evilly, causing every student in the class to back away at least four feet.
Lak Shmi gripped the desk. The sooner she got out of here, the better. She'd buy herself a wig to cover her horns. Then she'd sleep under a tree again. Close to Skool, so she wouldn't be late... oh right. Detention.
Great.
She slumped in her seat. Darn. It was Lard Nar's fault. Stupid kid. Probably being exploded or worse up there, because he was so rash. Why didn't he listen to her plan? Was something bothering him that much?
The Massive was hurtling through space. Tallest Purple was stuffing his face with nachos.
"These are goood!" he said happily.
"Yup," said Tallest Red.
"Um..." said Subject Fangirl, "I'm seriously starting to freak out a bit, you know, the whole 'aliens freak out when trapped' thing?"
"Me too," said Subject Lard Nar, "We're both freaking out. I'm pretty sure you DON'T want to see the insane fangirl beast when she's freaked out."
"Oh, I'm terrified," said Tallest Red, sarcastically.
"Me too! Don't go crazy!" said Tallest Purple, not sarcastically.
"Look, you and your kind messed something up when you wrote those stories about us and Zim," Red told the teenage girl, "And you have to fix it. People have been acting progressively odder. Previously shallow drones are showing immense psychological depth. Non-existent Vortian naming rules have suddenly been taken for granted. Zim is confused about ethics, of all things! This is not how it's supposed to be."
"I don't know how to fix it!" the Fangirl cried.
Lard Nar groaned, "If only Lak Shmi were here. She'd be able to beat you up. She probably hates me, though. She doesn't know why I had to-"
"Your legs are stupid!" said Tallest Purple, "And so's your sob story. Lak Shmi does not exist. Hundreds of things that shouldn't exist, do. We have to destroy them, right Red?"
Red shuddered, "You're acting all... weird and girly again, Purple."
The Fangirl smiled a little, "Well, we can't stop you, but I know someone who can..."
A young fangirl, known now as TehAntiFangirl blinked. She felt the sudden urge to check . She opened her lap top and clicked the bookmark. The reviews on her fic were thousands of copies of the same thing: "Save the fandom!"
"What the heck is this?" she typed in.
"IDK, some troll?" someone else answered, "My reviews are jammed with this, too!"
Another message popped up: "The Tallests are trying to destroy the fan fiction universe!"
"Oh, I get it! We're role playing!" TehAntiFangirl responded, "Ok, what should I do?"
"Hack into their computers. If we get enough PC's to do this, their nacho review site will shut down. I think that's how that works. I mean, it worked for Anonymous..." the message read, "Btw, Lard Nar says hi."
"What?"
Jhonen Vasquez didn't like how things were developing in this latest monstrosity of a "fan fiction". That Vortian was fixing to become a flaming Mary-Sue. He sighed. It was time to end this thing before it could begin. He'd stepped in many times, told the writers off, corrected small errors in the reviews. He liked it when they told him he was a troll. That was a riot. But this was really going too far. He rifled through the Fangirl's notes. Lard Nar coming to save the day? Psh. How was he going to escape from the Massive? Who knows? It got worse. Tak... Zim... OH GROSS, REALLY!? He threw the notes in the fire and watched them explode with a satisfied smile on his face.
Yes, he had to destroy this. The Tallests had the right idea, for once. He put on his trench coat and took a sip of water, checking it for piranhas carefully first. He opened the door, and registered the scenery with a sigh. He was in space again. Oh well. That made navigating the universes somewhat easier. With a towel in his backpack and a fedora on his head, he was ready. So ready.
Jhonen was back to take what's his.