xcix.
Thor acts no differently towards him in the next several days - at least, there has been no change for the worse. In fact, Loki could say that he has started acting more…affectionate.
He also thinks that Thor and their parents may have had another argument lately, one that he missed. Conversations at the dining table are terse and awkward, and Loki once caught Thor and his father speaking in hushed voices, their tones suggesting that the subject was none too happy.
He tries asking Thor about it, and Thor's answer is that they're arguing about what he will pursue in college. That makes sense; their parents have been pushing him towards a business track, while Thor held little care for such things. It would also be the reason why he has been so lenient around Loki lately - perhaps he realized that they were going to be separated soon?
Usually, Loki would try not too feel too giddy about that prospect. He will miss Thor very much, and his brother probably will too, but the truth of the matter is he needed Thor far more than Thor needed him.
But he still questions Thor's motives. What about that other girl?
Wouldn't Thor have the decency to tell him first?
. . .
c.
Loki slips into the water and immediately puts his arms around himself. The pool was always warm during actual classes, but after school, it was freezing.
"You okay?" Thor asks above him, grinning at his younger brother's obvious discomfort.
"Shut up," Loki grumbles. "You try coming in here."
"I probably will have to, won't I? Last time, you almost drow-"
"You pushed me in when I wasn't ready!" Loki splashes him, scowling. The action isn't entirely playful. He takes satisfaction in the way Thor almost stumbles back from the water.
"You're going to make me come in there," Thor warns.
"Why don't you?" Loki challenges.
And Thor's shirt is halfway over his head when there comes a ringing.
"Is that mine?" Loki peers over the edge of the pool.
Thor pulls his shirt back down and walks over to their pile of clothes, digging through the pockets of Loki's trousers. "Hey," Loki complains, because he's still a little mad at Thor and therefore displeased with the fact that his brother just looks through his things without permission.
The ringing stops.
"Who was it?"
"Solicitor," Thor says. "I'm going to block this number, all right?"
Loki pushes off onto his back, choosing to float and stare up at the ceiling. "Okay."
"Oh, good, you're in position. We're starting off with backstroke today."
Loki is relieved at that, because he has little trouble with backstrokes, mainly because he doesn't have to actually put his face in the water.
Thor is waiting for him on the other side of the pool. "Thor," Loki says, before going onto his second length, "you tell me everything, right?"
"No."
"…What?"
"I recall the last time I tried to tell you how good you smelled, you smacked me and told me to keep those things to myself."
Loki flusters, then immediately feels angry at himself for doing so. "I don't mean that," he grouses. "I mean…if it was something important, you'd tell me, right?"
" 'Course I would." Thor raises an eyebrow questioningly. "Why? Do you think I'm hiding something from you?"
"No!"
"Are you hiding something from me?"
"Never mind, you're hopeless!" Loki bats him away and returns to starting his second length.
When he finishes that one, Thor has walked to the other side again and is on the phone.
"Who's it?"
Thor holds up a finger at him. "No, I'm with my br- Loki. Yeah, I know. Uh huh. Okay, okay, don't worry, I'm leaving right now." He flips the phone shut with a sigh.
"You're leaving?" Loki frowns. "But we've barely started!"
"I know, and I'm sorry." Thor crouches over by the side of the pool. "But Sif is freaking out because we switched math packets, and she doesn't want to turn in an empty one and get a zero for homework points. We'll continue after school, yeah? Homeroom's almost over, any way."
Loki agrees begrudgingly and pulls himself out of the pool. By the time he's drying himself off, Thor has already left.
. . .
ci.
To: Thor
From: Loki
Do you have an extra towel? Mine's still wet from this morning.
To: Loki
From: Thor
oh yeah I was going to ask you sooner…. do u mind if we cancel? hogun wants me to come over after school.
To: Loki
From: Thor
he's moving away in a couple days, so
Loki would have perfectly understood, if Thor hadn't driven them to school that morning and thus was his only ride home. Loki misses the bus as he waits by the pool area. When he finally walks out in the parking lot, wondering about his brother's absence, he finally receives the texts.
Darcy has stayed after school in the library, so he asks her (sheepishly) if she would mind driving him home.
Loki is in a sour mood for the rest of the evening. At around ten o'clock, Thor comes back home, and when he tries to wake Loki up to ask for help with something, Loki turns over on his other side and ignores him.
. . .
cii.
This is the first time he has ever felt so vehement towards Thor, and it could nearly be described as exhilarating. Loki thinks back to a time in his room, where he had stood in front of the mirror, looking over his bruises, and Thor had come in and assumed that they were from Balder.
Loki has half the mind to just confront him about it, as Thor had done with him: grab his arm and force him to explain what's really going on. And although he might not succeed in keeping Thor in place, for his brother was still much stronger than him, it would certainly yield more answers, as opposed to doing nothing and letting hurt fester in silence.
So he decides that he will put his foot down for once.
Unfortunately, this will all happen on Spring Fling.
. . .
ciii.
A day before the dance, the following transpires:
"Are you going with anyone?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Tomorrow. Spring Fling."
"Uh, no. Are you, Thor?"
And for a single, foolish moment, he wonders with baited breath if Thor will ask him.
"No. My friends and I are going as a group. Are you not coming, then?"
"Probably not."
"You need to get out of the house more often, Loki!"
"What, and be one of the people standing awkwardly by the side, while everyone else grinds on the dance floor? No thanks."
. . .
civ.
Dear Loki,
After today, I have officially been a member of my new school for a week. (Hooray!) It's actually a good place - the teachers and the students all seemed nice, even if some of them were just faking it because their teachers probably told them to. Apparently, they rarely get new students, so I'm like a miracle or something. No one's ever heard of shoving someone else into a locker. For phys ed, they don't force you to run 23490823401 laps as a warm up and they don't scream at you when you have to stop and take a breath. On the downside, the food's worse here than it was there. Also, they overcharge for muffins. A dollar for a thing that isn't even as big as my palm? Blasphemy!
And I made friends! (Only two this week, but one step at a time.) We sit together at lunch and it's ridiculous because they have a bunch of other friends too, and no one ever shuts up and we're probably the loudest table in the whole cafeteria.
I wish you were here. Every day, I can imagine you taking one of those muffins and going into a rant about how it's completely absurd that the school is ripping us off for such puny things.
still your best friend,
Balder
p.s. did you like the books?
. . .
cv.
Loki sets the paper down shakily, moving to the package with his name written on the top. From Balder, says the bottom, which doesn't make sense, because why would this be in Thor's closet?
He takes care with opening it, revealing two books and a folded piece of paper. He reads that before anything else.
The first book Dealing with Brothers for Dummies and the second is an anthology of short stories. He hears Thor coming up the stairs, so he quickly gathers everything up and rushes to his own room, not out of fear of being caught, but because he doesn't know how to face his brother after this. He completely forgets the textbook that he had originally been searching Thor's room for.
Loki locks himself in his room for a majority of that night, surrounded by letters, torn-open envelopes, and an opened book.
. . .
cvi.
The next day, their mother sends them both off to a tuxedo rental shop, and no matter how hard Loki tried to dissuade her, she shook her head and said simply, "You're brothers. You should be doing this together."
The car ride is painful, because it's all Loki can do to stare out the window and keep quiet while Thor goes on obliviously. He wants to ask his questions but at the same time he wants to believe that he never saw those letters, that Thor never hid them from him, that Thor would never do such a thing.
So as they're on their way back, Loki asks quietly: "Do you know the story of the scarlet ibis?"
Thor shoots him a sideways glance. "What's that?"
"Actually, the story isn't even about it, but it's a bird, and it's r-"
"Just get on with it, Loki," Thor says, and evidently that's meant to be taken light-heartedly, but Loki still flinches.
"It's about these two brothers, see, and the younger one was really sick. I think he might have had leukemia, I'm not sure, but as soon as he was born, everyone thought he was going to die. Their father even... He built a coffin for him. But when the baby exceeded expectations and lived, the father turned the coffin into a wagon." Loki keeps his eyes fixed outside the window. He can sense that Thor's mood is slipping, and all he can think is, Good, good, serves you right-
"And who else was there to pull him around other than his older brother? Not that the older brother was happy about it, because one, he hated that everyone knew he had an unhealthy brother, and two, his younger brother wanted to follow him everywhere. At one point, he even wanted to smother him with a pillow, just to put him out of his misery.
"Then he saw an opportunity to change things. He would teach his little brother how to climb better, run better, swim better. One day, his little brother would be just like the other kids, and he himself wouldn't have a sickly brother any more! So he convinced his younger brother to start 'training' with him. It was for his own good, he would say. This would all be for his benefit, when really, the older brother just wanted to clean up his own reputa-"
"Loki," interrupts Thor sharply. "What are you getting at?"
But by this time, they've already pulled into the driveway, and Loki doesn't do anything until Thor twists the keys out of the ignition. Then he leaves, not once looking at his brother.
. . .
cvii.
On the actual day of Spring Fling, Steve texts Loki if he would like to go together. After the initial surprise that Steve knows how to text?, Loki finds no harm in agreeing. He doesn't like Steve like that nor does Steve like him like that (Loki is sure that he likes another girl). They simply had an even number of people in their little group of friends, and eventually decided to split up into pairs and then go together.
Loki just decides to avoid Thor as much as possible - this is for an innumerable amount of reasons.
Thor leaves the house first, under the assumption that Loki isn't going. Loki waits for the sound of the car pulling out of the driveway before going upstairs to change.
Half an hour later, Steve pulls up in the front and Loki, adjusting his dress shirt one more time, hurries in.
"We're going to stay as far away from my brother as possible, okay?" he says as he buckles his seatbelt.
Steve raises an eyebrow. "Is he homophobic or something?"
"No, he's just ridiculously overprotective - even though he has no right to tell me who I can and can't be with - and also, I don't want you to get punched."
"I'm on the football team too, Loki. I think I can handle myself," Steve says with a small laugh, and Loki doesn't doubt his strength.
"But you haven't seen him when he's angry," he says, a little quietly.
Steve nods once. "I guess I would need to have a sibling in order to understand that, huh?"
This is why Loki doesn't lump Steve with the list of people he would like to gouge in the eyes. Steve doesn't try to tell him that Thor is only trying to protect him, and that Loki should be grateful he has such a caring sibling. He cares for Thor, but he doesn't go around manhandling him and shouting at him when he makes a (wrong) assumption. He doesn't hide things from him. He doesn't tell him he loves him and goes and does something that contradicts that. "Yeah, probably."
"We'll steer clear of him, don't worry. Besides, I don't think our groups would be seen anywhere near each other."
. . .
cviii.
On the contrary, they run into Thor right at the front.
Loki, busy glancing back and searching for Steve after being separated in the crowd, walks straight into Thor. "-told him th- Wait, Loki?" Thor catches him by the shoulders with a hand, preventing him from falling down the stone steps and into the mesh of people. His brother's blue eyes are confused. "What are you doing here?"
Thor's friends are looking at him. Loki's gaze falls to a girl with dark hair pinned up in a messy bun, outfitted in a dark blue strapless dress that hugs her upper half tightly, then transitions into a flare near the bottom. It's Sif, Loki thinks with a dizzying realization. And she looks stunning.
"Loki?" Thor's hand slides up to the back of his neck, like he always does when he's especially concerned. "How did you get here? Did you come with someone?"
He's on his way to spouting a lie when two things happen: he sees Thor's other hand slung around Sif's waist, and Steve comes up behind him. After the former, Loki's expression hardens. "Don't worry, I didn't come with anyone," he says, bitterness biting at the edge of his tone. "I came with friends."
He doesn't bother waiting for a reaction and leads Steve inside. Once they're clear of Thor's group, Steve turns to him and remarks, "You don't do that often, do you?"
Loki picks at the sleeve of his jacket irately. "What?"
"Stand up to him."
He smiles, warily. "It's a new thing I'm trying."
There are several students in line for the punch bowl, and it is not a teacher serving the drink, so Loki has good reason to believe that, like the high school stereotype, it's spiked.
"Punch?" Steve offers, probably not with the same mindset as Loki.
"You just want to stand next to Peggy, don't you," Loki says with a smirk.
Steve turns red, like he doesn't know that everyone else knows. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Go." Loki nudges the upperclassman towards said girl. "Actually, don't get any punch - it's probably spiked. Just talk to her."
"I'm not just going to leave you, though!"
"Darcy's right over there, I'll be fine." He adds, as one last push: "And I've heard that Peggy likes you back, too."
He smiles when Steve finally relents, watching him walk off with an air of wistfulness.
. . .
cix.
After that, the lights and the loud music start becoming too obnoxious. Loki spends a good amount of time ducking into the throng of gyrating bodies on the dance floor, if only to disappear in the crowd and from Thor. He had to do this several times, because Thor was very, very stubborn. Loki thinks he might have let his brother approach him, if he hadn't come every single time with his friends in tow.
As a last resort, Loki slips past the set of double doors in the back of the gym which happens to lead to the pool area. The doors swing shut behind him, and then the music is nothing but a dull thrum through the walls.
He takes a seat on one of the benches to clear his mind, but of course, the peace doesn't last long. Someone has followed him in, and he doesn't need to turn to know it's Thor. And, judging by the silence, it's now just the two of them.
The anger that he has been suppressing rises up inside him, and Loki wants to lash out. He wants to tell Thor that he knows what he's done, and he wants to hurt hurt hurt like Thor has, to tell him he loves him and then afterwards say that it's a shame Balder moved away, because Loki liked him too-
-and maybe Thor would have an idea, an inkling, of the gravity of the things he's done to Loki, not just recently, but their whole lives: physically hurting him, manipulating him, and that damned picnic-
. . .
cx.
"We need to talk about things," says Thor, and he has the gall to sound guilty.
The pool shimmers: a nice, tempting blue.
"Yeah," Loki says. "We do."
He stands and braces himself.