Oh, wow! An update! Yeah, uh... I kinda got my laptop confiscated by my homeroom teacher 'cause I forgot to sign it out one day... o.O Aw, man, middle school is stoopid. I wonder if she was reading Homestuck on this thing. Or this, for that matter. Jeez, I hope her eyeballs didn't bleed and fall out, poor woman. Yeah, so... anyway, enjoy. It only gets weirder from here...
Our hero, TehAntiFangirl, continues her valiant attempt to own-
TAF: I think they get it by now.
Zim: Me too. I'm gonna go make sure GIR didn't explode... or something.
*sound of explosion*
TAF and Zim: 0_0
Chapter 4: Hooray! We're Doomed!
Jhonen Vasquez smiled at the odd looks he was getting. "Heh. This isn't the first time I've had to do this..."
Magically, he removed the two prisoners from their Convenient Holding Cell™. With his powers of supreme creator-ness. Yeah. That wasn't cheating, no sir! It's his powers! Yep!
"Now then," he grinned, "I'd have LOVED to see some truly gruesome experiments, but I have to step in at SOME point, and it might as well be now. I'm Jhonen Vasquez, I made this universe. So before you completely obliterate the nice fourth wall I built, I'd like to explain some things. You're a Mary-Sue, right?"
The Fangirl nodded, "But you can just call me the Fangirl. Everyone seems to, anyway."
"Well, you decided to write a fan fiction about Lard Nar and your original character, Lak Shmi, but a strange explosion happened and suddenly, it was all too real. Lard Nar noticed something weird was going on, as did the Tallests, and it had something to do with Lak Shmi, so he sent her to Earth, telling her not to resist the sleep cuffs they were placing on her to keep her safe during the six day journey. She woke up confused and hurt, and Lard Nar was captured when it was found he had lost the mysterious Vortian who caused the weirdness. People were going increasingly OOC, you, Fangirl, flew through a crack in Space-Time, and ethics were revisited, am I correct?" he asked. The people nodded.
"The easiest thing to do would be to tell you to get rid of Lak Shmi and no one can ever write a fan fiction again," Jhonen said.
***
"No..." TehAntiFangirl breathed. The dull glow of her laptop revealed Jhonen Vasquez's latest tweet.
Hey fanfiction writers, stop writing for Zim. It's stupid. I'll sue you. I'm serious.
#Shutupfangirls #InvaderZim #Fans #Waffles
The fan fiction universe was dying. Every Invader Zim site was clogged with comments rebelling against this latest ruling. Operation Head Pigeons had a video podcast up. Soapy Waffles had a new animation. There was so much opposition to the whole thing, a Convenient Space-Time Rift™ opened in the room of every insane Invader Zim fan. They had read enough fan fiction to know what they had to do. They grabbed their laptops and sketchbooks and journals and went through the rift.
***
A soft thud was the sound of the fourth wall falling over. A thousand fans with murder in their eyes glared at our heroes.
"We have given up our social lives for this," they growled, "Don't make us stop now..."
Red and Purple took a step back. The Fangirl pumped a fist in the air. Lard Nar screamed. Jhonen looked at them with a mix of hatred, admiration, and pity. It was and odd feeling he usually only got when looking at street performers. The fans simultaneously flipped open their journals and laptops and sketchbooks, proudly displaying fan works of varying degrees of excellence.
"We are prepared to defend our right to torture and character from any show or book or WHATEVER we want," growled a burly looking young man.
"Even Glee?" asked Tallest Purple timidly.
"Yes," the boy looked around defensively. He was, indeed, wearing a Glee t-shirt.
Jhonen narrowed his eyes. "Fine. Keep your fan universe. But I will destroy anything that does not fit with my view of quality. Or I will troll it constantly until your very soul disintegrates. Zim deserves better than... than this!"
He pointed at a particularly crappy picture of an Irken. Tears welled up in the eyes of the young woman who had drawn it.
"This is my OC," she whimpered.
"GO! GO NOW!" Jhnonen waved them away.
"We'll be watching you, too, Jhonen," said a well known fan fiction author, (you choose your favorite and insert him/her here), who was speaking for the others, "Try anything, and we'll be back."
The Convenient Space-Time Rifts™ appeared again. The fans made the universal "I'm watching you" sign as they returned to their dark rooms to read more Homestuck and eat cake. Cake is good. It is not a lie! DON'T TELL US OUR CAKE IS A LIE!
Shocking revelations that they are fictional characters aside, everyone decided it was best to have some sort of plan of action.
"I want to find Lak Shmi, I want things to be normal again, I want to save the universe with her," Lard Nar said quietly, "Her ideas were really, really good. Don't kill her. She's a good person, a good character if this is a show or something you're writing."
"Psh. No she's not," Jhonen said.
"She's... she's in danger, right now in the story," said the Fangirl, "You can do something, or you can let her die. It's up to you, Jhonen."
Jhonen shrugged, "Whatever. She's your character, not mine, and I honestly don't care what happens to her."
"Jhonen! You're so mean!" whined the Fangirl. She blinked up at him, using all her Sue-ness.
"I am... aren't I?" he smiled a little, resisting the Sue, "Naw, but I am God. See you soon, guys. Man, you were fun to write... I'll enjoy messing with you again. The Game has begun."
(A/N: Oh darn, I just lost The Game. Thanks a lot, Jhonen!)
He flew through the ceiling. The Tallests screamed. Lard Nar shouted at him to 'come back and fight', the Fangirl was mad because a respawn sequence is SUPER hard to work into a fanfic, and meanwhile Lak Shmi was had been captured and was now acting as the ever-annoying trope: Damsel in Distress.
Surprising, no?
Dib had caught an alien, much to everyone's surprise. Even his- it had been easy. Lak Shmi basically came home with him when he said she could sleep on the couch. It was pretty sad, actually. But whatever. Right now, she was sitting on his bed, looking at a paranormal poster as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.
"It is a great poster," Dib said aloud.
"Yes," the alien said, "I like Cthulhu, too."
"Ha, yeah, but really Cthulhus are super overused," Dib said, "So, I guess I should secure you or something."
"Zim will come, though. Too bad he's gonna destroy your house," Lak Shmi sighed, "It's really neat house, but he'll destroy it if he finds me here."
"What?" Is this some kind of alien romance thing she's got going?
"Meh. All will be revealed soon enough. There will be a Surprising Development... or something," the alien pondered this suddenly genre savvy moment.
Gaz came in. She was eating a slice of pizza. She looked at Lak Shmi and felt icky again. Like, she was the alien.
"That alien makes me feel gross," she said.
"Gaz? What are you talking about?" Dib asked, concerned.
"She makes me feel all depressed and gross, like I care about her or something," Gaz muttered.
"It's called sympathy," Lak Shmi said, "Or sensitivity."
"My sister isn't sensitive," Dib said, "Believe me."
Gaz looked horribly angry. She frowned and turned away, leaving the room. "Stupid alien and her stupid psychoanalysis..." she muttered, "Like she knows anything..."
"I made her upset," said Lak Shmi, smiling a little sadistically, "A small victory... heh, I sound like Irk Boy."
"That's no victory! She has problems!"
"We all do, Dib," Lak Shmi said. Dib remembered his previous decision to secure the preachy, hyper-ethical alien. He took the alien sleep cuffs out of his pocket. They had miraculously regenerated. It just took a really long time. Yeah. That's what happened.
"Not those again!" Lak Shmi groaned, "You do know those just put anything to sleep, not just-"
And she fell asleep. Dib smiled a little then he realized- there was a disgusting alien. Asleep. On his bed. SERIOUSLY!?
"Zim will come in and destroy not only the house, but the world, with her on it," the Fangirl said dully, "It'll take a while, I'll chronicle his adventures in space, maybe meet up with Tak, but Lak Shmi will respawn eventually, by the time he returns to Earth."
"I just want people to stop acting like crazed morons!" Tallest Red said, kicking an oddly smexy little drone out of the way, "The drones would never have danced like that before! I swear-"
"I want things to be normal too, Irken slime," said Lard Nar, "But I want them normal with my friend back. Alive. Shloonktapooxis should be coming soon, then I'll escape!"
***
MEANWHILE...
Shloonktapooxis drifted aimlessly around the cockpit. "Hey, where are we going, anyway?" he asked.
"We're flying into that giant star to look for the Massive, sir," said a blob. Blob was a good soldier. He sure looked nice in that red shirt of his...
"What? Why are we doin' something as CRAZY as THAT?" Shloonktapooxis gasped.
Spleenk raised his arm. "I'm... uh... sorry, sir."
"Yep, I'm sure he's got it ENTIRELY under-control!" Lard Nar said proudly.
"Umm..." said Red, "I've been around here slightly longer than you, so I know that whenever anyone says something even REMOTELY like that, in reality, the exact opposite is true."
"Ooh, genre savvy!" Purple said excitedly, "Lemme do one! Um... right now, Zim's gonna call us and ask us what's up!"
Zim's face flickered onto the screen. "My Tallests!" he squee'd, "What's up?"
"Okay, that's not genre savvy, that's just creepy," said Tallest Red. The others nodded.
"Hey, it's Zim! Hi, Zim!" said the Fangirl, "Guess what? I met the Tallests! And Lard Nar! Check it out!"
"Eh?" Zim said, "What is a pitiful HYUMAN doing on the Massive?"
"Erm," Tallest Red said, "That's... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! By the way, the Vortian on your planet was captured. Gofindhergoodbye."
The communication cut. Zim stared at the black screen. His Tallests... needed him to find and take the Vortian for Irk!
"COMPUTER! Take me to my Voot! I must find the VORT-THING and bring her to justice! IRKENJUSTICE! The Tallests DEMAND it!"
"But, sir-"
"NO HYUMAN BACKSIDES!"
"Okaaaay..."
GIR finally made an appearance. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked, "You gonna go plaaaay with da big-head boooooy?"
"Wha- NO! I'm finding an important prisoner! Now go away and help me!" Zim liked contradicting himself.
"Sir!" said GIR. He hopped into the Voot, obeying his favorite half of the command, and started it up. He liiiiiiked helping.
Zim was off on a rescue mission turned abduction turned wild goose chase. If only his Tallests could see him now...
I'll be going to Texas this coming week to visit my grandmother, so I won't be able to update... Instead, I'll just post the remaining chapters I have written before I go and post some more when I get back, kks?
Thanks for reading this and writing all your nice reviews!
Invader Ski: I like sneezing, too. Actually, I'm doing quite a bit of it as I write this...
Tallest Cora: I'm glad you like it! Have your tickle suit armed and ready... it's dangerous 'round these parts.