Um, I know no body really reads Stolovan fics, since there are like, ten, but please, review if you get the chance! Not exactly sure where I wanna go with this story yet, so reviews will definitely help!

CHAPTER 3

I pounded my fist down on the desk, real hard. I was really to angry to care about the pain, though.

"God dammit, Clyde," I growled. I spun around and glared at him, sitting on my bed, looking as innocent and sorry as he could. I don't think he was faking, either. "God damn!"

"I'm sorry, Kevin," he wailed, his toes curling inward. "I really didn't mean to!"

I groaned. I pushed a hand through my hair, closing my eyes to cool down. I wouldn't be surprised if it started falling out.

"Why did you have to do it?" I said with heavy frustration.

"I . . . you know how much I want to impress her," he said quietly and cautiously, aware that if he said something stupid, I would explode on him. I was probably going to snap anyway.

"But Clyde," I said, my voice dripping with hatred and malice. "It had my goddamn name on it!"

You're probably wondering what this whole argument is about. And believe me, I have fantastic reason to be pissed off at my little buddyroo Clyde here. He took my analysis report-my goddamn computer tech report- from my locker and tried to show it off to that old tramp of his, Bebe. And then, you know what he does? He pretends to be all bad-ass about it, pretends like he can trash it without it making a dent to his grade. And that's exactly what he does. He throws it away. And it wasn't on my computer or anything, so I can't just print out another. That was my quality, hand-written work. I nearly shit myself when he told me what he did.

"She didn't even notice," he mumbled to himself. I still heard it, though. Unfortunately for him.

"She didn't notice?" I repeated, my voice dangerously low. I opened my eyes, and Clyde was as pale as my goddamn bedsheets. I turned towards him and began to take slow steps towards him. "She didn't notice? That's not the goddamn point, Clyde!" I rushed towards him, my voice loud now. God, I felt like stabbing him in the neck. "Did you ever stop to think, as you were rummaging through my locker, about what importance that paper held for me? Did you ever think, 'oh maybe Kevin needs this? It's in his journal, after all.' It was in my backpack, for Chrissake!" I was now right in front of him, towering over him as he cowered defenselessly on my bed. I smacked his forehead rather hard with the back of my hand. "Do you ever think?"

That got him going. He shut his eyes and covered his forehead, and brought his knees closer to his chest to defend himself. "I'm sorry!" he wailed, his voice cracking. "I'm so sorry, Kevin! I wasn't thinking!"

"No shit!" I snapped before I could stop it. He cringed and buried his face in his knees, his hands moving to the back of his neck. I turned around angrily, not wanting him in my sight.

"I'm so sorry . . ." he sobbed, hardly understandable. "Don't hurt me . . ."

My anger vanished when he said that. I slowly turned around and looked at him. Resentment flooded through my body, feeling worse than the anger. My mouth was open just a crack and my blue eyes were looking at him with concern. My face started to flush red, and I looked from him to the ground, not knowing how to take action. I felt so bad. I think I've hit him before, but never out of anger. And I don't think I've snapped at him like that, before, either.

I moved towards my bed and lightly sat down next to him. When he felt my presence, he flinched, which made me feel like throwing up. I can't believe that I had just scared him that much. I just put my arm around him. I didn't even think about it-I just did it.

"Awh, I'm sorry Clyde," I said softly to him. And those words were rehearsed in no way whatsoever. I was sorry; I really was. I felt so horrible for snapping at him like that. Even though I had perfectly good reason to, he was just so . . . pathetic, and I couldn't help but feel bad. I felt like I had just drop-kicked a baby bunny in front of a little kid. It was pretty bad. "I didn't mean to hit you."

"Y-yes, you did." he replied miserably. He sniffled. "And, I d-deserved it, too."

I looked away. What do I say to that? That was the straight-out truth, and I couldn't say a goddamn thing against it. I sighed and pulled my long, skinny legs up over the edge of my bed and got into a position, just like he was. Except I didn't hide my face behind my knees. I slid a little closer to him, as he seemed to relax a little.

"Okay, you're right about those," I said, but continued before he could be offended, "and I'm sorry. I really am, Clyde."

He didn't reply at first, but only lifted his face so one glossy hazel eye was looking at me. I heard a faint sniffle. "Me too."

"Then you forgive me?" I don't know; words were just coming out of my mouth now.

"Yeah," he said, sounding like he was still trying to keep a little dignity. "Can you do that, too?"

"What, forgive you?"

"Yeah."

I held my tongue before anything slipped out. I actually kinda wanted to say no now. I mean, why should I forgive him, besides for feeling bad? He deserved a smack on the head and some yelling. He threw away my goddamn analyst report that was due in two days. And now it was all gone. I don't know how I could forgive him now, after all these thoughts passed through my head. It was actually an obvious choice, to say no. He didn't deserve an ounce of my forgiveness.

"Yeah. I forgive you."

He may not deserve it, but somehow, he got it.

I saw his cheek rise a little, and figured that he smiled. That was good.

"You know," he said, sniffling afterwards. "Even though Craig's my best friend, he's never this nice to me. Even after he punches my face."

I had to smile a little at that. I can only imagine. Craig can be a real sore asshole at times, and I'm sure Clyde only escalates his soreness, seeing what he can do to ordinary people like me. I'm sure they both have a blast when they get into arguments.

"He's a smart guy," I said wittingly. I don't think Clyde got it.

I can't believe myself. I let Wednesday, the day I had my moment with Clyde, slip by without any work getting done. And now, looking back, I realized how dumb I had been to forgive him like that. Now he thought everything was happy-doodly and everything was fine, when it really wasn't. If I had stayed mad at him, maybe he would've been the one regretting his actions, and maybe even doing some work to help me out. But no. I had to be all soft and mushy and forgive him for doing the unforgivable. Now it's Thursday, and I have no work whatsoever to present in class tomorrow.

Also, looking back, I see how retarded that was. First of all, I hit him on the head. That was retarded. Then he cried. That was also retarded. And then, I climbed onto my goddamn bed and held him, for Chrissake. I hugged him, as he was crying on my bed. We had practically been cuddling.

But, for some reason . . . I couldn't call that retarded.

It's totally weird . . . but it's easy to explain. You see, when I hit him on the head and when I was yelling my head off at him, I felt pretty bad, which made me feel retarded. But when I was talking to him, making him feel better, I felt really good towards myself, like I was making up for what I had done. And to a person who, in my mind, didn't really deserve it much. I don't know if that really makes it any better, but I kinda felt like it did. And you know what another good thing about it was? When we were on my bed, with our arms, you know, kinda around each other . . . well, I have to tell you I got that really nice peaceful feeling. I really did, and I'm not gonna lie. I have no problem admitting that, but one thing that I am worried about is how it came to be.

You know how I said I didn't wanna go around watching sunsets all the time to feel good? Well, I don't exactly want to go around hugging Clyde all day, either.

But it was really nice, in a weird way . . . and I mean really weird. Weird enough so that I was thinking about it like crazy today. I have to say, it occupied my mind more than my missing report problem. And that was what I should really be thinking about. But I just couldn't. This thing on my mind was far heavier of a burden.

You know, maybe now that I realized that I could feel this way with Clyde, we could just hang out or something normal like that, and I'll still get that feeling. Clearly, it's worth a shot. And I doubt I'll miss. There's a pretty fat chance that I'll hit it home with that feeling, once I can figure out where, how, and when to apply it. I hope I don't lose my temper again. After Clyde left, I got on my computer and added something to my sticky-note in the corner. He's going to make me fail my classes.

A tap on my shoulder made me jump. I turned to see Heidi standing next to me, holding her stuff in her hands. She smiled.

"It's time to leave, Kevin," she said without a single drop of teasing in her voice. Only a little amusement. "The bell rang."

I looked up at the clock, and my eyes caught a glimpse of the teacher's mystified look. I started to gather my things rather sheepishly.

"You weren't paying any attention in class, were you?" she asked, seeing me so flustered.

"Eh, not much," I admitted.

She stepped aside so I could get out of my desk. Now she was looking up at me, as equally mystified as the teacher. "Is everything okay?"

I shrugged. I didn't know what to tell her. Everything was fine, but . . . you know. I walked out of the classroom, not answering her. She followed curiously.

"Kevin," she said, peering at me from below, "I don't know you very well, but I can tell something's up. You gonna tell me?"

I slowed down my pace. I didn't want it to seem like I was angry, or avoiding her or anything. She caught up to me and trotted by my side. I sighed.

"I guess we should know a little about each other, if we're going to be each other's dates and stuff," I said, allowing myself a light laugh.

"Is it Clyde?" she asked, interrupting my laughter.

"Wha-" I started, stunned. "What?"

"I said, is it-"

"No, no, I heard," I said, before she could finish. I glanced around uneasily. "How'd you figure that?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, really. He's the only one I've ever seen you with."

I tensed. "I have other frie-"

"I know you have other friends," she said, smiling. She nudged me playfully. "You don't have to get all defensive about it."

I didn't reply right away. So far, Heidi was really the only girl who I hadn't discovered to be a pain in the ass, and I prayed to God she would stay that way. She nudged me again to remind me that I hadn't replied yet.

"I, uh," I began, just to let her know that I was eventually coming to an answer. "It's uh, kinda a long story."

She just nodded. "Alright, mister. How about we talk about it at lunch? We can discuss other things, too."

"Yeah, alright."

We spilt up, heading to different classes. There was no way I would consider her an asshole.

I grabbed my lunch out of my locker and slammed it shut. I headed into the lunch room. I almost brought my iPod, like I normally do, but then remembered I was sitting with Heidi today. As I entered the loud, crowded room, I immediately began searching for her.

I found her standing up, near the back corner, face-to-face with the blond-headed beauty that was Bebe. She looked strangely uncomfortable. At first I was going to go approach them, and then held back to see what was going on.

Bebe seemed to be pushing something under Heidi's nose, looking very stern about it. Heidi kept glancing around fearfully, and was shaking her head profusely. They were talking to each other, and it made me wish I could lip read so badly. Bebe didn't look so mean, she just looked like she really wanted Heidi to cooperate in whatever she was trying to force her into. It took a while, and I must've looked like a retard standing there the whole time, but I think Heidi must've finally given in. She took whatever Bebe had been waving under her nose, and looked away from Bebe. Suddenly, I saw Bebe's frown deeply and turn Heidi's face back to her with a gentle hand. She said something to her, looking awfully concerned, and then gave Heidi a brisk hug, which wasn't really returned. Then Heidi left, looking almost disgusted. I got my feet to move before she spotted me watching her, and I began to walk away from the spot that I had been rooted to a moment ago. That was like, the weirdest thing ever. I kind of looped in a circle, so I would pass through her line of sight.

Right on cue, she called out, "Oh, Kevin, hey!" Also right on cue, I turned around, pretending like I hadn't seen her. She reached out to grab my sleeve, but then her hand kind of flinched, and she pulled it back. That was weird.

"There you are," I said, pretending like that hadn't just happened. She smiled, kind of weakly, actually. It only made me even more curious to know what had just happened between her and Bebe. I knew it was none of my business, though. "Wanna find a seat?"

She nodded, and I led her around the lunchroom to look for a couple open seats. As we sat down, I noticed that she had a composition book with her, and a few other books, that she placed next to her as we sat. How interesting.

I really wanted to ask her about what I just saw. But I knew I shouldn't.

"So, um, Clyde," she mentioned. She wasn't looking at me. I'd never seen her like this before. And I know it has to do with what just happened with Bebe. But I had to keep my mouth shut. It killed me.

"Oh, right," I said, opening my lunch and pulling out a sandwich wrapped in plastic-wrap. I actually poked it with my fingers. That's how hesitant I was feeling. "Um, I dunno, it's really weird."

"I think I can take it," she replied, smiling. Kind of. She started opening her lunch, too.

I was having second thoughts about this. I should've just told her to drop it when she was walking with me in the hall. I think maybe it would've been better. But I couldn't just turn around and tell her that now. The whole point of us having lunch together was so she could find out what had been distracting me in class earlier. Heh. My mouth sometimes. It doesn't listen to my brain.

"Well, um, we kind of had an awkward moment," I started, not looking at her. I didn't have to try that hard. "In my room."

"Awkward how?"

Of course she would be asking questions. Like I was being descriptive enough to satisfy her.

"He was crying . . . and I was there holding him." I took a bite of my sandwich. She probably thought we were best buddies, and she probably didn't see anything wrong with me hugging him while he cried. She didn't know us well enough yet.

"Why was he crying?" she asked curiously. A subtle smile danced on her lips, and there was a hint of amusement in her voice. Maybe she did think it was weird after all, but she was kind enough to keep her mouth shut about it.

"I hit him," I said. I allowed myself to be a little more descriptive for her, and added, "Well, I kinda called him stupid and smacked his forehead pretty hard."

She swallowed, and stared at me. "Why on earth didja do that?"

I kinda laughed, and looked down at my lunch. I guess I'd just end up telling her the whole story backwards.

"I actually had really good reason," I explained to her before I continued. "Cause, you know how he wants to impress Bebe and all?" I asked, and she nodded. "Well, he took my lab journal from me and showed it to her, and then throws it away. And he thought he could keep it from me."

She swallowed. "Wow," was all she said for a little while.

"Yeah, so that's why I hit him."

"Huh," she said, looking down at her cup of pudding. "That was really shallow of him. What class was your report from?"

I looked at her. Why did that matter? That wasn't the goddamn point. But I didn't want to be rude, so I told her, "Computer Tech. Why?"

He face lit up, and she slid her composition book over to me. I saw that it was labeled computer tech. I stared at it.

"You can get info from my report," she told me, tapping it with her fingers. "And maybe just improvise a little."

I was stunned. "Are you sure?" I asked, in disbelief. I couldn't believe how goddamn lucky I was.

She nodded. "Go ahead. I don't need it tonight; it's yours."

I slid the notebook out from under her fingers and placed it on my right. "God, thanks, Heidi," I said sincerely.

She shook her head. "It's no problem, really." I watched as she began to gather her things. "And I'm sorry, I really am, but I need to get going. Talk to you later?"

"Uh, yeah, okay." She stood up and grabbed her lunch and the rest of her things. Before she could walk away entirely, I said to her, "Thanks a bunch, Heidi."

She just smiled that weak, awkward smile of hers again, and left. Then I decided to get up and look for Clyde, to see what kind of junk he was eating for lunch.

I found him at our usual table, with Craig, Tweek, and Token. I shoved him and made room for myself at the end of the table.

"Where have you been?" Clyde asked me rudely, upset by my rough shove.

"Talking to Heidi."

"Really? Good," he said, going back to lunch.

I glanced at him. Good? Why did he say that?

"What do you me-"

"So I told my mom about you trying to slim me down and stuff," he said, cutting me off. I don't think he intended to, since I had started off quietly to begin with, but it still made me edgy. "And look at what she packed me for lunch!"

I decided to push that matter to the side, and actually listen to what he was saying. I looked at his lunch. There was some fruit, a granola bar, and half a sandwich.

"Looks okay," I said.

He gawked at me. "Okay?" he repeated in disbelief. "My mom used to get me Taco Bell for lunch!"

"Yeah, and that's why you're as goddamn fat as you are," I replied. I was kinda sore about this whole business with Bebe. I had a feeling in my gut that Clyde was somehow connected to it, too.

He glared at me. And he didn't stop. After a little, I was kinda feeling creeped out, so I slowly raised an eyebrow and turned back to my lunch. As soon as I brought my gaze away, I felt him kick my shin, which I ignored. Until he did it again. And again. And again. And-

"What?" I yelled, snapping my head in his direction.

"I thought you were nice."

I threw my sandwich down on the table and closed my eyes, growing agitated. "God, don't get on my nerves today, Clyde. I'm a little frustrated," was all I said. It was all that I wanted to say. I think he got the hint, and he looked away. I think maybe he also remembered what happened yesterday.

"Alright, at least you're nicer than some people," he said, then looked directly at Craig. He just flipped him off while taking a sip of Pepsi.

Before I let a moment of silence come up, I asked, "Do you know what's going on with Bebe?"

Clyde glanced at me. "What are you talking about?"

The way he said that so defensively got me on edge. "She's been weird today."

"How so?" Craig joined it. He was scribbling on his fingers with a purple sharpie.

"She was like, talking to Heidi," I said, hoping Clyde would let something slip.

"I'm sure it's none of your business," Clyde snapped. Craig and I both glanced at him, and then at each other, confused and curious.

"But she was like, bribing her," I added. Craig raised an eyebrow.

"Did she take it?" Clyde asked. "The bribe, I mean."

I peered at Clyde mysteriously for a moment. "Why would you care?"

Clyde was caught off-guard. "I dunno, it's interesting."

Craig snorted as he drew lines up and down his hand. Give Craig a sharpie, and he can entertain himself for hours on end. "That's bull."

Clyde shot a glare at him, but turned back to me when I pushed his shoulder. "Clyde, what do you know about this?"

It was his turn to be snappy. "Why would you care?"

Luckily, I'm usually on my guard. I took no hit from his crude reply. "Because, Heidi's my friend and she seemed troubled about it."

Clyde snorted. "Heh, friend my ass," he said. I nearly punched him for that.

I gritted my teeth. "What are you tal-"

I smelled perfume behind me, and saw Clyde smile and look over my head. I turned around, and Bebe was standing right behind me. Did I already say that she should pull up her shirt every now and then? And maybe use just one gallon of perfume, not five.

"Hey Bebe, what's up?" Clyde asked, changing his snappy, defensive tone to that smooth-talker one of his. Craig rolled his eyes.

"Not much," she said. She smiled and asked, "Mind if I sit?" I think she glanced at me right after she said that. But I don't know, it was kind of hard to see her face with that cloud of perfume surrounding her.

"No, not at all," he said, scooting over to make room. I didn't budge. As she sat down next to me, I turned my face away so she wouldn't see me grimace from the intense smell of her perfume. It would probably start to give me a headache soon. Craig sat there, waving his sharpie-covered hand under his nose, eyes narrowed. Tweek coughed, but then covered his mouth because he hated to look rude. Token smelled it, and looked up, taking his mind out of his book for a second. He made a face and went back to reading. Clyde was just drooling all over the place.

"So, Bebe," Clyde began, cocking an eyebrow, in an attempt to be somewhat attractive. Attempts don't always succeed. "Kevin thinks you're up to some mysterious business with Heidi."

Clyde. Why did God give you a mouth? He should've left it out, just like he did with your brain.

Bebe turned to me, looking surprised. "Oh? My friend Heidi?"

I didn't answer, but I just gazed at her with glazed, bored eyes, with my chin leaning into my palm.

"Yeah, you're friend," Clyde answered for me, so Bebe wouldn't leave. "And his date."

Bebe's face lit up, and she clasped her hands together delightfully, making her bracelets jingle. "You're taking Heidi to the dance?"

I nodded dully. I wouldn't be surprised if my mouth had fallen open. That's how dull I felt, sitting next to this fake girl.

She squealed in delight and turned to Clyde. "Oh, hun, let's do a double!"

This got my attention. I think Craig was a little interested too, but he tried not to look it. Double? Did that mean that Clyde had actually gotten Bebe, or what? Because, like, he hasn't exactly lost weight yet. Or, it's not visible, at least. And if Bebe rejected him at first because he was fat, then that shows what a fake she is.

Oh, boo. All my terribly hard work to get him to lose weight just went down to drain. Boo, boo, whatever shall I do.

"Oh, I dunno, they aren't even intimately inv-" Clyde began. Did he just say intimately? Wow, I didn't know that word existed to him. Maybe there is more to the English language to him than just "see-spot-run" sentences.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" she protested, grabbing Clyde's face in her hands, making her noisy bracelets jingle. She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted. "Please?"

"Ey, alright," Clyde said, laughing and shrugging her hands off. She clapped and was absolutely filled to the brim with sunshine. I was ready to vomit, and Craig looked like he already had. Tweek and Token had scooted a little farther away from the rest of us, trying to subtly escape the two. I applauded them in my mind. I don't think Clyde or Bebe would notice if they flew to Madagascar.

Clyde leaned past Bebe and looked at me. "You wanna do a double, then?"

". . . With you?" I asked, maybe a little rudely. I saw Craig smirk, but I don't think Clyde or Bebe noticed.

"Yeah, duh," Clyde said in a tone that was supposed to make me seem stupid or something. Please, Clyde, don't make me punch you in front of your wonderful "girlfriend". "We're going to the drive-in after the dance to watch a movie. You in?"

"Well, I dunno, I need to ask her," I said. In truth, I really didn't want to be anywhere near these two when I was with Heidi. I kinda just wanted it to be a kind of night where we talked a little and had some food. Maybe dance a couple songs, and even a slow one. Sure, a drive-in would be fun, but maybe not with these two . . .

"Awh, come on, Kev," Bebe said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I hate it when people call me Kev. It's nasty. I felt like an arm of her perfume would curl around my neck and choke me. Maybe her bracelets would send in a few attacks, too. "Heidi's cool, I'm sure she'd want to."

I shrugged. "I'll ask her." That headache was starting to kick in. "You guys would take Clyde's car, right?"

"Of course, silly," Bebe said, giggling up a storm. Her eyes twinkled as she turned back to Clyde and added, "Everyone needs their privacy!"

I was getting really pretty agitated. They were acting so goddamn cutesy-tootsey around each other, and it was so fake. It was unbelievable.

"What happened to you thinking he was fat?" I asked her as innocently as I could manage. When Bebe turned around and looked at me in surprise, I saw Clyde glare at me from over her shoulder. I blinked at him and turned to Bebe, looking at her expectantly.

"I don't think he's fat," she said, turning pink. Wow, what a phony.

"He asked me to help him lose weight 'cause of you," I replied. I bit my tongue before the bitch I was about to add slipped out.

Taking this as an opportunity, her eyes lit up and she turned back to Clyde and gasped. "You were going to do that, for me?" she asked, her voice filled with icing and sugar. I rolled my eyes and groaned inwardly. "Oh, I don't think you're fat," she cooed.

Clyde grinned and laughed lightly, and did this weird nose-nudge thing with Bebe. Craig immediately grabbed his lunch up in one of his big hands, and stood up. As he walked stalked away disgustedly, I nearly dropped to the floor and grabbed his ankles so he could drag me away with him. I would cry and beg for it if he made me. It was sickening to be here. Even Tweek and Token had moved, way to the end of the table, on the opposite side. Token started sharing his book with Tweek, probably to help him focus on something else. Either it was a really good book, or they both just really didn't want any part of Clyde and Bebe's performance, because they both seemed deeply focused. Token is a real saint sometimes.

I wished saints helped bad people like me every now and then.

I would've got up and left, too, except I had unfinished business with Mr. and Mrs. Fake-Fucking-Flirts here. I wanted to know what was going on with Heidi.

"Hey, seriously, though," I began, tapping on Bebe's shoulder to get her attention away from Clyde. "What was going on with Heidi?"

I was going to get an answer. Not only because of simple curiosity, but the fact that, if Heidi was a friend now, I should be concerned in anything that seemed like a problem. I was determined to get an answer. I would torture it out of them if I had to. If needed, I would venture to hell and fight off Satan and his demons with only my bare fists, and come back with his head as-

"Oh, don't worry about it, hun. Just some girl stuff," she said in a twinkly, airy voice, tapping the end of my nose with a finger.

"Fine," I said, in an unusually tired way. "Okay."

Yeah, I'll admit that sometimes my thoughts get ahead of me. I would never go to hell and back, for anyone, or anything. I'm afraid of Satan. I guess I'll be shaking in my grave, huh?

"Okay, I guess I should be leaving," Bebe announced, breaking gently out of Clyde's grasp and standing up. "See you later, sweetie pie." She kissed the top of his head and left.

"God, isn't she something . . ." Clyde breathed, smiling as he took in the lingering scent of her perfume.

I stared at him dully. Tweek and Token moved back to their original spots across from us at the table. I swallowed and tapped my fingers impatiently and angrily on the table.

He must've noticed the dark aura coming from me, because soon he was looking at me, too.

"What?" he asked, his hazel eyes wide.

"My whole lab report . . . was thrown out," I said, my voice once again dangerously low. Seems like I only ever have to use that tone with Clyde. " . . . For that?"

"Hey!" Clyde said, his voice getting loud and pitchy. "I thought we settled this!"

My breath caught in my throat when the words escaped his mouth. I avoided returning the heavy gazes that Tweek and Token were sending at me, trying to pretend they weren't there. They don't know anything, and they don't have to.

"I don't want to bring that up," I said darkly.

And it was the truth. If we weren't at school, if no one else was around, then yes, maybe I would open it up for discussion. I know that Clyde has no intentions of telling other people, so it's safe.

But . . . it's not. Not with me. I'm afraid I'll let something slip. Not to other people, but to Clyde. Eh, it's not what you think!

Erm . . . yes, it probably is.

I'm afraid that if I ever talk to Clyde about it again, I'll drop hints about how it was . . . nice. And I don't mean that in the way of it feeling nice that I was helping him out. No, it was a different kind of nice. I'm not going to say anything straight-out, but I think you know what I mean.

Great, now this conversation is getting really uncomfortable. You can get out of my thoughts now.

"Then why did you?" he shot back.

"Because I didn't know what we were dealing with," I said in disgust, meaning Bebe.

He shot me the darkest look I've ever gotten from anybody.

"And what does that mean?" he growled.

"It means that I don't think she's worth it!" I yelled. If that sounds retarded, I don't care. I didn't have time to think of a better answer, so I just shot him in the head with a golden bullet of truth.

He rolled his eyes. "You're such a geek," he snorted. "It was only a stupid lab report."

I resisted the urge to find a gun and shoot him in the head with a real gold bullet, not just a golden bullet of truth. I stood up and grabbed Heidi's notebook off of the lunch table. Forget my lunch, Clyde can clean it up, the bastard.

"Yeah, well at least there's someone out there who's nice enough to care about what happens in my life," I hissed furiously at the self-centered sonuvabitch. That probably sounded weird too, especially to Tweek and Token, and Clyde probably didn't even know who the hell I was talking about. Like I care.

As I angrily stormed out of the cafeteria, I came to the realization that I really wanted to take back what had happened with me and Clyde. Now I feel like I have something huge to hide around him, and it makes me sad and a little angry that there's something we can never bring up again. And it shouldn't be blocking us from being friends-in fact, it should be the opposite, I have no doubt of that-but it is. It's really kind of a painful concept.

Another reason why I wish I could take it back is because . . . if it didn't happen, then maybe things could feel normal. Maybe I could feel a little normal again.

But I think it's only going to get worse from here.