A/N: Hey, I'm back. Happy New Year! So first off thanks for all the reviews and follows the make my day. Thanks to PenMagic, Big T, TUp shipper FTW, Gummy Bear, HarryPotterAlways11, and surfacingvendetta.
PenMagic: Thanks. I did really try to correct my grammar and spelling. I will try to keep it up!
Big T: Thank you! Only time will tell if Mac and Gus will get together.
TUp shipper FTW: Thanks and I will.
Gummy Bear: Thanks and here it is.
HarryPotterAlways11: Well, this is actually a long story that will be explained later in the story. I had planned to explain in a later chapter but briefly, Jay and Jaz are test tube babies. Anyway , stay tuned and I will explain fully. Thanks for the review.
Anyway, hope you like it, on with the story….
He is such an idiot! Jaz, I can't build the shelter can you do it, please? Yes of course Jay. I'll do that after I've finished building this fire. Only after I collected all the fire wood, and found clean water. Why don't I just do everything? Something in Jaz snapped as she thought aloud.
"Do you want me to do a fucking jig as well? Are your wittle bitty hands sore? Did you just spend an hour finding fire wood? Or another half hour building a fire? Or did you find us clean water to drink so we don't die of dehydration? Can you do anything? Oh you're weak and puny! You're soft and lazy. Oh you can't get the fire wood because there might be some big scary squirrel in the forest and it might attack you! So what happened? I was forced to do it! Your little sister (he huffed at this, he was only older by five and a half minutes) has to do everything because little Jay Jay is scared. Dead-God you are such an embarrassment! How are you ever supposed to live up to our parents if you can't bloody do anything? They are the best dead-goddamn Starship rangers out there and they get you as a son? A man who can't even collect firewood because of the danger! What was going to happen? Where you going to stand on a hedgehog? Or was a dead leaf going to hit your precious little face?! I can't believe you sometimes! You know what just don't talk to me. It doesn't matter! I'll build the shelter as well! I'll be back later. I need to go get more wood." Her eyes flashed dangerously at him as she pulled her mum's switch blade out her pocket before disappearing into the trees.
Jay remained very still, stunned from shock, as the darkness crept in around him. He tried counting how long she had been gone. He reasoned it had been about fifteen minutes, she would be well out of earshot by now. He was alone. Completely alone. But he always felt alone, so he really didn't feel any change. As slumped further into the ground, he felt tears approach his eyes. He knew he should stop them. He knew he should try to be tough but any strength he had left him. He never had enough fight in him to stop them. If crying was the symbol of weakness then he was weakest thing in the universe right now. As fear and reality took over he began hysterically sobbing. He couldn't help it as he cried out his fears and sadness.
"S-she's right. I wish she w-wasn't b...b…but she is! I am weak! I am puny! I'm a wimp! I'm useless. There is no help for me. I'm not worthy to be there son. They deserve someone so much more. Someone feistier. Someone tough. Not me. Not little sappy Jay-Jay. Someone who when they see they think, I'm proud of him. I should be that person. I should be, but I not. I can't, that's not me! I'm soft, softer than a bag of marshmallows. No wonder they don't love me. Why would they? All three of them deserve so much more than me. She's right. She's always right. They are constantly picking up my slack. She always has done. I wish I could be more like her. Someone they could be proud of. Of course they tell me their proud of me, but I can see it in their eyes. When they look at me they are filled disappointment but when they look at Jaz its pure love and admiration. And I can understand it. She is amazing. They couldn't ask for a better daughter and I couldn't ask for a better sister. Whenever people meet me anyway they never think I'm the son of the Commander Up and the Lieutenant Taz. But when I see them as a trio I think, why do they need me? Would it be easier if I was never born? They wouldn't have to put up with me. It would be easier for everyone if I didn't exist…" Jay continued to cry into his hands, unaware of the shadow lurking behind him in the trees.
Yup. It's official. My heart just broke. Jaz sighed as she collapsed on the ground; a silent tear ran down her face. Maybe I am too hard on him. I'm just trying to make him tougher. More like me. Why though? I'm not that great either. I hide all my feelings away, masking them with anger. I never tell anyone how I feel. The only thing I let my emotions out on is my punch bag back on the ship. Am I really much better?
She could feel time passing, she needed to make a reappearance soon before he got too worried. I need to talk to him. Checking she had enough wood to build a shelter, she wiped away the tear on her cheek, straightened her grey tank top, black hoodie and cargo pants before re-entering the clearing. His face turned dramatically towards her as she dropped the wood at her feet. He opened his mouth to speak but she raised her hand and silenced him.
"No, don't say anything. I don't want to hear it. I've heard your apologies too many times." Jaz started and Jay looked deflated. She could see his eyes were filling with tears again. I can't deal with him crying while I do this. "Jay please for the love of dead god don't cry. You know I can't handle emotional people." He rubbed at his eyes furiously." She slowly walked towards him before sitting on the ground beside him. "We need to talk."
"A-About what exactly?" Jay stuttered uncertainly. He didn't want to be made feel any worse, although he couldn't imagine feeling any worse.
"About us, about our family. Right, I'm only going to say this once, only one time. So pay attention. I'm sorry." Jaz mumbled towards the end. Jay was confused.
"Jaz, exactly what are you sorry for? You only told the truth. I am soft. I know I am. Hell, that twig over there is tougher than me. You don't have to apologies to me. If anything, I should be apologising to you, to me and dad, for me. I'm a sorry excuse for a son and I know it…" Jay mumbled before he was interrupted by Jaz, who looked infuriated.
"You're not okay? Stop saying that! You aren't. You aren't. You aren't. When I said I was sorry it was for this. For making you feel like this. Sure, you're not tough but you're not a disappointment and you're definitely not a sorry excuse for a son. We all love you. Please, don't ever forget that. You know sometimes I wish I was like you." Jaz confessed. Jay was really confused now. Why would anyone want to be like him?
"Why would you want to be like me? " He asked as Jaz sighed.
"You can be yourself without the fear that your letting everyone down. You're not afraid to be yourself. In that way you're braver than me. I'm never myself. I'm always so guarded…" Jaz rambled. Taking a deep breath she continued. "You don't think I get scared? Right now, I'm downright petrified. We are in the middle of some unknown jungle on an uncharted planet. We don't know where our parents are and if they are alive. Trust me, I'm bloody terrified but unlike you I bottle all my emotions. I used to think that it was good to be like that as it made me tough and strong. But it doesn't. It just makes me weak. Too afraid to tell people how I feel. Instead I hoard my emotions before lashing them out on an unsuspecting victim, you or my punch bag. That's wrong. That's no way to live…"
The pair sat in a comfortable silence. After a while Jaz and Jay lay back staring up at the night's sky. As he lay staring at the bejewelled midnight sky with damp hazel eyes, he pondered the philosophical thoughts that seem to randomly appear when a person is trying to relax: What was his life purpose? What is the reason for his existence? All while trying to distinguish the different planets from the sparkling diamonds in the sky. Where were they? He wondered as he felt her pull her body closer to his. He was startled at first but relaxed as her head rested on his chest. She pulled her black jumper further over her body as she was starting to get cold. "Jay, I love you just the way you are." Jay smiled his heart warming as it filled with love. "And if you ever tell anyone about this, I will not hesitate to castrate you." They both laughed, that was the Jaz he knew and loved. Both felt better as they watched the stars, the pile of wood to build a shelter lay forgotten behind them.
A/N: Please review. My next update will most likely be next Friday/Saturday due to homework as I start back school this week. Until the next time ~ Takeawalk