Rating: MA as the relationship deepens and the abusive nature of Dean's past is revealed throughout this chapter, this chapter will get darker before it comes back around to the light. If you don't like this kind of story please don't continue as it is for mature readers only.

As always I do not own Supernatural nor any of the rights, these all belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Also any similarities to other stories or writers fanfic's is entirely coincidental and not a form of plagiarism.

If you like the story please review as this will help me stay motivated to finish the end of the story. Thank you for reading.

Chapter 5

Recovery

The nurse, Jane walked slowly to the room of the coma patient that had just woken up, Sam, but her thoughts were with the young man that she had just settled into the ICU ward. He was suffering from fever dreams, but the stuff that he was saying…it disturbed here on more than one level.

There was definitely more to the relationship between him and Sam, but she still wasn't entirely sure what that was. Sam had been petrified when Dean started seizing, she could see that from her quick glance in his direction while she had been helping Becky.

She decided that there was a strong possibility that they were actually 'together', and the funny thing was that the thought didn't bother her in the least, but she knew that if some of the other nurses learned of that 'fun' fact that they would indeed treat both men differently. So she had decided to keep her suspicions to herself for the time being. She pushed the door open and saw that there was a young woman inside talking with Sam, she wondered if she should come back later, but the promise that she had made held her in the doorway.

"Sam?" She said quietly,

Sam's eyes immediately moved to the nurse standing in his room, "Is he okay?" He was afraid of the answer, but he had to know Dean's condition.

She tried to smile, but it looked so…forced…that Sam didn't believe it for a second. He tried to shift in the bed for a better view, but pain shot through his left arm and through his back. His face scrunched with the intensity of that pain, but he bit his lip and waited for her response.

"Well…he's no longer seizing, so that is a good thing." Her eyes roamed around his room for a moment before they came back to rest on his. "We don't know the extent of the damage, or even if there is any, and we still don't know what caused the spike in his temperature. The doctor moved him to ICU, so they can keep a better eye on him, and we are monitoring his brain activity in an attempt to avoid another seizure."

Sam felt like he was dreaming…brain activity…permanent damage…please Dean, you gotta be okay…I can't…I can't do this alone, not when I just found you, not when I finally found…love.

Anna nodded her understanding of the situation as well as she continued to hold Sam's good hand, rubbing small circles on his palm.

Sam nodded slowly, "Please…keep me informed?" he asked quietly.

"Of course sweetie, I will let know immediately if there are any changes…good or bad."

"Thank you." It came out as plea, and Sam hoped that she would remember him.

As she turned to leave Sam asked, "Is there any way I can see him?"

She looked back at the young man lying deathly still to avoid causing himself additional pain, "Not right now, you're in no condition to be going anywhere. Give it a day or two and we'll see about it."

Sam closed his eyes as the thought of not seeing Dean for a couple of days flashed through his mind. He hadn't gone for any significant amount of time without seeing Dean for months, and he knew that this was going to torture his already screwed up head.

"Okay." He managed as she exited his room. He turned emotional eyes to Anna and waited for her to say something.

"I'll go check on him Sam, and I'll let you know everything I find out." She leaned over and placed a gently kiss on his forehead before turning to leave the room.

"Thanks…Anna."

She turned and smiled through her own emotion filled eyes and nodded before pulling the door gently closed behind her.

Sam felt his eyes growing heavy with exhaustion as the events of the day manifested for the first time since Dean had collapsed on his floor earlier.

He wasn't a particularly religious person, as long as one excluded Easter and Christmas mass, but he prayed to whoever might be listening for Dean's health and ultimately his happiness.

XXXX

Dean was in his room when he heard the loud banging on his door and his father's irate voice sounding though it.

"Boy! You get your ass out here or I'm gonna come in and get you!"

Dean had no idea what he had done to piss off the old man this time, but that tone of voice never boded well…especially for him.

He wondered if he could go out the window, but then thought better of it as he remembered that there was no fire escape and they were on the fourth floor, he would probably fall to his death.

Not that anyone would notice, and it is probably better than what that bastard has planned for me.

He heard his father stumbling up the stairs and a tremor of fear ricked through his body, this had been going on for the last two years. Dean was finally big enough that he wondered if he could take his father in a fight and just run?

But he discarded the thought almost as soon as it ran through his mind, Anna, their father would just take it out on her. The idea of his father touching Anna send Dean's heart racing with anger and fear. I can't ever let him hurt her, whatever happens to me so be it. But not her…never her.

His father had figured out Dean's weakness for his little sister several years ago and he had not hesitated to use it against his son. Anytime that he wanted Dean to do something, to meet someone, to 'do' someone, he brought up the fact that there was always Anna if he refused.

That one fact had caused Dean to do things that made his skin crawl; he had discovered that there wasn't enough soap and the water would never be hot enough to scrub the lurid acts from his skin.

His father had never touched him 'sexually' again, after that first time…he hadn't needed to he had made his point, but he had left his dirty sordid mark on Dean's soul, as well as his skin.

Dean had spent 3 days in the hospital after that first time; Anna had found him and called an ambulance, he had told her he was attacked and had no idea who had done it. The doctors had begged him to give them a name, but he had shook his head in denial and rolled away from their sympathetic eyes and unwanted empathy.

But his father had him now, he knew how to manipulate him after that isolated incident, and he had forced Dean to 'work' for the dealers and anyone else that would pay. They had customers that had very specific 'needs' and he was absolutely 'pretty' enough to fit their clientele's many sordid fetishes.

The scene flickered out again, and Dean was suddenly standing in a shower stall with only a grey towel on, his fingers were tangled in Sam's long soft brown hair. Sam was moaning into the kiss as Dean moved one hand to the back of Sam's neck and pulled him impossibly deeper into his full lips.

"Love you…" Sam mumbled against his mouth as his hands settled on Dean's hips and the towel shifted slightly and fell to the floor.

Suddenly it wasn't Sam anymore; it was a nameless face from his past.

The man was probably close to 300 pounds and he smelled like old milk, he grabbed Dean's ass and squeezed it painfully, leaving finger prints bruised into the tender flesh. All the while his other hand had dropped to Dean's cock and grabbed it with equal pressure and a hint of appreciation.

Dean wanted to scream, but he was suddenly 16 again, and the man was nearly twice his size, he knew that this was gonna get bad. The man stroked him as Dean tried, unsuccessfully, to put his mind elsewhere, somewhere that the man couldn't get to him. The enormous rancid man only smiled and flipped Dean around, smashing his head into a corner of the stall and throwing him over the low half-wall of the shower.

Although Dean knew what was coming, he couldn't hold back the scream of pain and terror as he was penetrated, once again there had been no preparation, and his body panicked as the white hot pain lanced through him. Hot angry tears began forming in his eyes as he struggled against the flabby flesh of the man pinning him face down to the wall.

Oh god…not again…please not again!

Dean's mind screamed over and over, hoping, praying that this was just a rotten dream, a nightmare, but the pain only increased with the man's thrusts and his howls of laughter and grunts of pleasure at the damage he was inflicting. But no matter how much he wished it, Dean's situation didn't change, the man rammed in and out of him with no mind to what it was doing to Dean. He had never let go of Dean's own cock and now he was a stroking it in time to his own thrusts.

Dean felt his traitorous body start to respond, despite the intense pain he was in, and the humiliation washed through him in waves, if he could have collapsed from it he would have.

No one was ever gonna want him, no one was ever gonna love him after this…if they ever knew about this…about the things he had done to keep his sister safe.

Immediately all the other faces flashed through his mind, along with the things they had done to his body and soul. But the absolute worst thing was when Sam's face morphed into this nightmare. He was suddenly leaning against the opposite wall watching with a disgusted curl to his thin lips as the fat man continued to pump into Dean and his hand slid up and down Dean's own hard cock.

Sam's face was suddenly directly in front on him, and he heard the hated words from the one person that he knew he couldn't take them from.

'You're a whore Dean! You're soiled and dirty, how could you ever think that I would want to be with someone like you? The things you've done…the thing you are doing? Even Anna would turn from you if she knew. She'd hate what you have become…what you are!' Sam's voice raged through his pain fevered mind, all the while the man still rammed and stroked and Dean felt himself start to fade.

The man behind him came in a flash of burning white hot pain as Dean felt his own humiliation peak when his own body followed suit. The man pulled away and Dean felt the pain intensify as he was suddenly left to hold himself erect, the blood and semen running down his ass and between his legs to pool on the floor at his feet.

Suddenly Sam's fist connected with his face and had Dean seeing stars and sinking to his knees with his head buried in his hands, 'You're not even worth my time!' Sam screamed as he grabbed Dean's face and pulled it up so Dean had no choice but to look into his furious face. Hate reflected out his usually soft blue-green eyes as he hit Dean again and again, causing Dean to fall forward to the now blood covered white tile, only then did he turn to leave…Sam…no… was the last coherent thought that raced through Dean's mind before it effectively shut itself down.

XXXX

Sam had finally convinced the nurses to let him see Dean, it had taken 4 days, but he was being wheeled to Dean's room by a large male nurse name Conrad. When they came to rest in front of the ICU room assigned to Dean, the nurse moved to push it open and roll Sam into the small room.

It was the first time that Sam had seen Dean since the incident in his own room, and frankly, Dean looked like shit.

His blonde hair was plastered to his head and there were wires, so many wires, running from various machines that were currently monitoring his vitals. Conrad rolled Sam right next to the bed and leaned down to flip the brakes on the chair into place. "I'll be back in about a half hour, that's all we can allow you right now."

Sam nodded as Conrad turned to leave, "Thank you." He said softly as the door clicked shut behind the nurse.

Sam reached out with his right arm and took Deans hand into his own larger one. "Dean, come on man…you gotta wake up."

He rubbed his thumb over the back of Dean's hand gently, hoping that maybe the skin to skin contact would help Dean as it had him.

Dean's eyes were moving rapidly beneath his closed lids, and Sam wondered what was going on his head, he prayed that it wasn't another nightmare. But somehow he just didn't think that Dean was lucky enough to dream about rainbows and kittens.

As it turned out the supernatural electricity that seemed to flow between them actually worked, Dean's eyes fluttered and cracked open.

Sam caught his breath and his heart clenched painfully as he finally saw the much beloved emerald green of Dean's eyes peek through the slowly fluttering lids.

Dean moaned slightly as the light penetrated his eyes and he tried desperately to pull his hand from Sam's grasp. "Dean?" He whispered.

Dean's head rolled in his direction and suddenly his face was filled with such despair and sadness that Sam thought he might actually die from it.

"Sammmm." Dean croaked and a sob worked its way up from his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut and rolled away from Sam's beloved face. I can't handle this right now Sam, I can't…I'm just not strong enough…maybe I never was.

"Dean…no…I'm here." He increased the pressure on Dean's hand as he felt Dean trying to break the contact. Sam refused to relinquish his hold and finally Dean turned his pain filled eyes back to Sam. There was such defeat and even a slight amount of fear in their depths that Sam knew that the nightmares had not left Dean in peace.

"Why're you here Sam?" The question was whispered through parched, chapped lips.

Surprise flooded through Sam's body as he stared at Dean, "Because I love you Dean." He stated simply, the lump in his throat nearly choking him. Dean immediately squeezed his eyes shut, to block out the image of Sam and his confession. He felt Sam move his fingers from his hand and the slight pressure as he touched Dean's chin, he open his eyes at the unexpected contact.

Confusion, fear, despair, and finally slight hope flashed through Dean's usually guarded eyes as he stared at Sam, "You…love…me?" he asked. His voice had taken on the quality of a child begging for confirmation, but not really expecting one, as he stared straight into Sam's expressive eyes searching for the truth.

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing; Sam's soft words were warring with the one's that had been uttered in hatred within his own mind. He had been locked inside the prison that was his own head and Sam had told him that he didn't love him and that he wanted to leave him…that he was a whore…dirty…and not worthy of love.

But this 'version' of Sam was sitting by his side gently holding his hand with tears forming in his beautiful eyes and there was so much love being reflected from his face, that Dean didn't know what was real anymore.

Was this Sam real? Or was the Sam that hated him and blamed him for the sins of his father real?

Dean closed his eyes again as he tried to make sense of both his reality and the completely messed up situation of his dreams and memories, but the clarity he sought seemed to be just beyond his grasp.

"Dean, did you hear me? I said I love you, I'm not ever gonna leave you…I would never leave you…I don't even think that I could." Sam whispered brokenly and quietly waited for some sort of response from this amazing, beautiful, and seemingly broken man lying in front of him.

Dean nodded slowly to affirm that he had indeed heard Sam, but his own thoughts were a jumbled mess as he tried to differentiate between what was real and what was part of the nightmares.

There was something about this man…kindness…tenderness…a connection…it made Dean want to believe that he was the real Sam.

Dean closed his eyes and simply listened to the trip hammer of Sam's heart and suddenly he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was his Sammy; this was the man that he had inadvertently fallen in love with. He had tried not to bring Sam into the messed up life that was his, but as time had gone on, Dean, as it turns out, had been helpless to stop the fates.

"Sammy?" he asked quietly, his eyes filling with a dim version of the hope Sam had seen initially in Dean's eyes when they had first made their presence known to Sam.

Sam smiled, and it was so sweet, complete with those amazing dimples that Dean found himself trying to smile in response without even being aware that he was.

Sam's smile deepened when he saw Dean's reaction to him, and he leaned in slowly and pressed a light kiss to Dean's lips. He felt the slight hesitation in the set of Dean's mouth and the uncontrollable tremble of his lips as they came to together.

Dean struggled not to pull away initially, but then he let himself simply 'feel' Sam and he found he was leaning in for more contact instead of pulling away as every instinct urged him to do.

Sam slowly pulled away, too soon for Dean's liking, and laid his head on Dean's chest desperate to hear Dean's heart beating strong and steady.

"Oh god…Dean…I've missed you so much." He said into Dean's chest as tears formed in his eyes and dripped down his nose only to pool on Dean's hospital gown.

"I'm not the one that was almost killed in a car accident." The sentence held all the guilt that Dean was currently feeling as he stared at Sam's casted arm and the bruising on his face that had yet to heal.

"Sam, I am so so sorry, I wish…" Dean cut that thought off as it would just anger Sam, and that was not his intention, he didn't want to add fuel to the fire. But the guilt of what Sam had suffered and would still have to suffer was almost more than he could bear, and seemed to be crushing him from its weight.

His breath stuttered as he tried to get control of his raging emotions, and Sam just stared at him like he had grown a second head.

Sam's eyes scrunched together as he came to the realization that Dean was currently blaming himself for something that he had had no control over, it was an accident, that's all.

"Dean, it was an accident, you had no control over that truck. I do not blame you." Sam almost whispered the last part as he placed his good hand beneath Dean's chin and tilted it up to his waiting lips again. The contact was light but Sam tried to infuse the kiss with his need for Dean and his forgiveness for an action that was out of their control.

Dean found himself humming slightly against Sam's lips as he struggled to accept the gift that Sam was offering, acceptance, forgiveness, and finally unconditional love.

Sam leaned away after a few seconds and smiled at Dean, "Huh, You've never hummed at me before…does that mean that you believe me?" There was a lilt to his voice as humor found its way into the deep timbre of his response.

Dean smirked, "It means I'm gonna try Sammy…that's all I can promise right now." It was the most honest answer that he could give to Sam; he still didn't know how he felt or how he would move past this. But for Sam, he would try and move forward, in life and in love.

TBC...