Rating remains MA, due to the nature of this story. What happens when Sam's injuries aren't as healed as they had thought?

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

I'm still working out the end, so I am not sure where the next chapters will take us, but I am excited to see how Sam and Dean deal with the continued problems associated with Sam's back and how dealing with that will affect their relationship, is it strong enough to survive?

Thanks for reading. Please review if you like the story or have any constructive suggestions.

Chapter 9

The Battles we are willing to Fight

"Whoa there Sammy….you're okay." Deans voice interrupted Sam's panic for a split second and he swung his gaze to try and find the voice.

"D'n?"

"Yeah, hey." Dean's voice was strained and Sam squeezed his eyes closed while trying to focus around the fuzzy feeling slipping around inside of his head.

Sam pulled his gritty lids open and finally managed to bring Dean's worried face into focus.

Sam noticed that Dean's eyes were red from lack of sleep and his face was lined from leaning on his jacket as he was waiting for Sam to wake up.

"Dean? You okay?" He managed around the cotton that had taken up residence in his throat…Damn medication.

Dean's eyes flashed with anguish before his slid his mask into place, and Sam wanted to groan with frustration.

God…are we back to this again? He thought as he felt Dean pull his fingers from Sam's and sit back into the plastic chair he had just vacated.

Sam's lips thinned as he realized that this was going to be an ongoing thing with Dean, as soon as he thought that he was getting somewhere with the soldier, he would pull a 180 and dive back into the fox hole. Sam pulled a lung full of air in as he prepared to try and head this off before Dean threw up Constantine wire around his hole.

"Dean…what happened?" He remembered pain…so much pain, but that was about all he remembered at the moment.

Dean's face clouded for an instant, anguish lancing through his thunderous green eyes before he could stop the storm. "You…um…your back, it gave out. You collapsed next to the car." He was careful to keep his voice neutral as he recounted the story of Sam's regression.

Sam's blue-green eyes looked away as he absorbed that it was the injury from the accident that had landed him back in the hospital.

Well that explains why Dean's acting this way…he feels guilty. The thoughts tumbled through Sam's head as he started piecing together what had happened.

Dean turned in the chair, so that he was facing more toward the door, like he was getting ready to run and Sam furrowed his eyebrows in frustration.

"Dean…when did this happen? Yesterday…when?" Because frankly Dean looked like he had been sitting in that chair for more than a few hours.

Dean's eyes dropped to the floor as he answered, "That was three days ago."

Sam felt like he had been punched in the solar plexus, three days…what the hell did they give me?

"What?"

"You've been in a medically induced coma for the last 72 hours. Doc said it was the best way to ensure that your back had some down time for healing." Dean ran through the information like he was reciting the pledge of allegiance. There was no emotion in his voice and his mask was so securely in place that frankly it was starting to scare the shit out of Sam.

"Shit Dean…did you at least call Anna, let her know where we are?"

Dean's eyes flickered back to Sam's, "Yeah, she had to get to back to class…uh…test I think."

Sam nodded slightly, "So why can't I move my legs?"

Dean shook his head and pain again flashed across his face as he scrubbed his hand over the stubble that he generally shaved off every morning.

"I think I better go get your doctor to explain." He stood up and turned for the door as panic spread through Sam.

"Am I fucking paralyzed Dean…what's going on?"

Dean froze and his shoulders slumped as the weight of that question descended like a 2 ton brick onto his frame.

"No…Sam. You're not paralyzed." He answered without ever turning to look at Sam and then headed toward the door, opening it slowly and stepping into the hallway.

Sam watched in horror as Dean walked out of the room, it was like he was talking to a stranger, crap who was this guy?

XXXX

Dean gently shut the door behind him and walked the two steps to the bathroom that was located next to the nurses' station. He was grateful that it was unoccupied as he slid the lock home and sank to floor as his emotions bubbled up inside him. Tears started to roll unnoticed down his face as he leaned against the door and dropped his head into his hands.

How could he tell Sam that there was a possibility that he would never do more than shuffle along with the help of a walker? The disc compression was more severe than they had thought, and the doctors had said that Sam had actually popped the vertebrae out of alignment in his back causing the collapse. The problem with this was that there was no real way to tell if the damage had affected his fine motor skills…at least not until he woke up and they could start testing.

The pain that he had caused Sam was tearing Dean apart inside, he had never wanted this…never; everything he touched just turned to shit and he was helpless to stop it. If he had just walked up and gotten Anna that day or asked to change roommates when he realized that he was attracted to his geeky super sexy bunkmate…

But in true Dean Winchester style he had let his libido call the shots and now he was being forced to pay the pied piper for that indiscretion.

Dean felt the racking sobs start and he leaned forward to try and stifle the sound, burying his face in his arms. There was no way that he would allow Sam to see this, he was falling apart for crying out loud; and it was Sam that may never walk normally again. What right did Dean have to lose his composure over this, he wasn't the one that was going to bear the scars of that day on the outside. Although, Dean knew that he was scarred to hell and back on the inside, but he could hide that. Sam couldn't hide what Dean had done to him.

"Jesus…Sam, I'm so sorry." He sobbed into his tear soaked sleeves.

Dean heard a hesitant knock on the door and he his breathing hitched as he tried to gain his control back.

"Just a minute." He called quietly as he struggled to his knees and then slowly to his feet.

He hiccupped as he turned on the water and began splashing it on his face trying desperately to wash away any signs that he had been crying. Dean turned bloodshot forest green eyes to the mirror and leaned heavily against the sink. The face that stared back at him looked so guilty…and he hated it. There was no way for him to come to terms with this, not being this close to Sam and having to be reminded everyday that all of this could laid squarely at his feet.

Dean slid his eyes closed as he tried to decide how to proceed, he could tell Sam or Anna any of this. They would never understand, how could they when he himself didn't. Maybe the best thing would be for him to leave for a bit, just until he could work out the guilt and shame…

Sam's soulful eyes flashed through Dean's mind as he felt his knees weaken at the thought of leaving the two people in this world that he loved and that he knew loved him.

Despite my past.

The thoughts were smashing through him, breaking him apart with their ferocity, pictures of Sam smiling at him like he had hung the moon; and Anna with her understanding eyes and unlimited capacity to forgive him anything.

God help me…they could destroy me with one word and I can't leave because I promised.

Responsibility had been coded into Dean Winchester at his inception and he was helpless when confronted with it. He was responsible for what had happened to Sam, so if he left that would make him a shit-bag and a coward. And as far as Anna was concerned he had accepted that her fate tied to his so long ago that he could not separate the two any longer…wouldn't even know where to start.

Fuck…and now Sam had wormed his way into those hallowed placed in Dean's heart and he couldn't differentiate between Sam and himself. He was losing his ability to think clearly where the shaggy haired, girly coffee drinking, amazingly sexy Sasquatch was concerned.

Suddenly Dean felt something click into place within his heart, something that had been out of place for so long that he had not even been away of it.

Sam equaled home.

Dean shook his head as that thought settled into his heart, Sam was Dean's home. There was no one that would ever take that place and no matter what happened Dean would be there for Sam. It didn't matter if Sam could ever run with him again, it didn't matter that they may have to stay in first floor apartments for the rest of their lives, and the point was that they would have a home and that it would be together.

Dean felt the guilt lightened slightly as he made the concrete decision to be there every step of Sam's recovery. He knew that this would not be easy and that there were going to be times when what his father did to him would fester to the surface, but he knew that he could trust Sam to love him no matter what happened in the future.

Dean managed a small smile as his decision became like stone in his chest, he was now chained to Sam Wesson incontrovertibly for as long as he traipsed over this earth. He nodded slightly and moved away from the sink that had been holding him up, reaching for the lock on the door and clicking it open as he stepped into the brilliant white lights of the hospital hallway. He looked over at the man staring at him in indignation and smiled as he simply walked past the irritated guy.

Dean caught the doctor just as he was getting ready to start his rounds for the afternoon and explained that Sam was awake and asking question about his prognosis. Questions that Dean could not answer.

The doctor nodded and grabbing a clipboard from the outside of Sam's room as Dean reached for the handle on the door and held it for the medical professional to enter first.

"Sam." The doctor smiled as he noticed that Sam's eyes were open and he was lucid for the first time in days.

"I hear you want to know what we have in store for you?" the man continued, completely missing the way Sam's eyes slammed into Dean's with concern and fear as he took in Dean's haggard face and the red blotches that the water had not been able to wash away.

"Yeah….what's going on Doctor."

TBC…

Author's note: So Dean has made his decision to stay with Sam through the recovery, but will Sam want him there once he learns the prognosis? Or will he push Dean away while trying to deal with this on his own?