The blue flier seemed far more complex than his trine mates. Well, I'm not sure if Screamer is less complex than TC, but he's pretty repetitive in many ways whereas the only real repetitive thing about Thundercracker is that he always gives into his trine mate's demands if it assures him that he's needed. Talk about self-esteem issues. Who in their right mind let's Starscream have that much influence over them? It's sort of strange though, because Thundercracker is plenty prideful in other aspects. I can't count the number of times I've heard him jeer at those who can't fly. His pride rivals even my brother's. It's half the reason I like using jet judo, just to wipe that smug, condescending look off his face.

Strangely, he's the only face that I don't usually see a smug and condescending look when the Decepticons capture humans or catch them in the crossfire. If anything, he seems to ignore them. Maybe he has enough pride to not lower himself and attack or use significantly weaker creatures. One mech had suggested that TC somewhat sympathizes with the humans being terrorized by giant, evil, dishonorable robots. His idea about TC was shot down by everyone, including myself. I used to never believe it, but then an orn came when I saw TC show a sliver of sympathy. A sympathetic Decepticon? I can't imagine it, especially since Megatron has a cruel response to anyone who shows uncharacteristic Decepticon traits.

Well, I guess I can imagine it a little. With a twin like Sunstreaker, and me having reputation as both a hardened warrior and a prankster, mechs find sympathy from me somewhat hard to fathom. Showing sympathy won't put my life in jeopardy, unlike TC's, but a lot of mechs find it suspicious if they think a cold warrior on and sometimes off the field acts kinder than they expect. It gets tiring to do something nice and be rewarded with suspicion.

Sunstreaker doesn't know how that feels and he teases me the few times it leaks over the bond. He buried his empathic side long ago in the graves of Kaon. I don't know it will ever resurrect. Sometimes I slip up and mention my worry, only to the Autobots start giving me attitude because the Sideswipe they've come to know, or think they know, isn't behaving the way they expect. There's a few mechs that are exempt from that, like Jazz, but by and large it's true. And then to have your spark-bonded twin who's been by your side for vorns tease you because you're the weird one? It can be really, really frustrating.

Heh, I wonder if Thundercracker feels the same. I imagine his closer trine mate, Skywarp, doesn't understand his situation and it's extremely unlikely he ever will. Thundercracker never struck me as one for warfare. Sure, he participates just as much as the other Decepticons, but there is a certain lack of gleeful destruction on his part when you compare him to his comrades. He does plenty of killing and destroying but nothing like Skywarp.

I guess that's something he and I have in common; neither of us fully enjoys the war, unlike our closest trine mate. As the vorns of war go by, I've run into Thundercracker more times than I can count and every so often I notice him being just a bit crueler on the battlefield. The changes have been little by little, but when you clash with the same mech off and on for vorns, you notice subtle differences – dark differences – in their fighting style.

Thundercracker used to be timid for a Decepticon, but even before we left Cybertron he enjoyed a bit of carnage caused by his "superior" flight capabilities. Since landing on Earth, though, his definition of 'carnage' has changed somewhat. Namely, he won't do what the other Decepticons do: use or kill the weak bystanders, aka humans. Perhaps he doesn't attack humans not just out of sympathy – if that's actually true – but because his pride keeps him from attacking someone who has zero chance of surviving. I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but the more I contemplate the common traits between my trine and the Seeker trine, I'm realizing more things that I knew about them but never really gave much thought. And the more I do it, the more I understand Thundercracker at a personal level.

Involuntarily I shuttered and fought back the sudden feeling of energon rising to my mouth. Is that the kind of trine we're could turn into? Would we be more like them if our trine wasn't broken? Their trine maybe dysfunctional, but it still functions because they feed off of one another, with Starscream using Skywarp's enthusiasm to fight and Thundercracker's need to be needed to fuel his ambitions, and both of them willingly accept it because it gives means to their ends? Red Alert is ambitious and he has no problem with using others to achieve his goals, Sunstreaker would have no problem with that if it meant he got to fight, and I… well, I don't need to be needed… right?

'But we're different from them. Far more different than similar,' my internal voice interjected to assure me.

'How? Has not all this lengthy musing shown the opposite of that?' I asked of it.

'Red Alert's ambitions are about protecting others while Starscream just wants to rule others,' it pointed out.

'Their goals are different but their means aren't entirely different, except Red doesn't use Sunny and me because our trine is too broken for that,' I returned.

'Red doesn't use you because you're mechs, not machines. Period. It has nothing to do with the state of your trine's affairs. His lack of social skills make it look like that from time to time, but there's hardly any comparison in Red's inability to understand social tact and Starscream's deliberate manipulation. You're holding his short-coming against him as proof that he's cold, callous, and manipulating when he's blunders interactions with others. He keeps misunderstanding others and he's keeps been misunderstood. The Red you know would never intentionally use a mech.'

'Okay, you're right; I'll give you that. I am being overly harsh about Red just because he keeps making me mad and it's easier for me to find faults and blame him for everything. But then what does that say about Sunny and me? Or what about just Sunny and me, forget the trine. How much more different are we than Skywarp and Thundercraker?'

The voice didn't answer.

'Seriously, how are we different? Skywarp has no power in his CPU whereas Sunstreaker does, but Sunny doesn't use it so he and Skywarp basically come out the same. Thundercracker has been changing from a relatively honorable fighter to a warrior who doesn't mind underhanded shots. My honor on the battlefield keeps deteriorating, no matter how much I try to stop it because I'm fed up with all of this slag and I want my enemies to suffer like I do, only I have just enough honor left to not prolong it. The same goes for Thundercracker, although it's more of a combination of honor and pride than just honor.'

Again, the voice didn't answer.

Now I was angry at my internal voice. 'There aren't many differences left between the Sunny and me and one of the Seekers. Sure, there are bits and pieces that are radically different, with some of those radical differences matching the other Seeker, but not nearly as many radical differences as I'm okay with. They are my enemies, living proof of the evil Decepticons enjoy bringing to everyone else. And despite us being Autobots, a faction that supposed to represent the exact opposite, the evidence is piling up that the evil acts they do aren't always so different than ours.

'Our trine didn't break when Red became distant and we became more violent. It broke afterwards. Okay, maybe there's enough blame to go around for what happened to Red and why the trine broke, but Sunny and I were in a very different place back then and we turned into mechs way closer to those two Seekers beforehand.'

'So you think the break stopped you three from becoming those three?' It asked.

'In a manner of speaking, yes. I doubt Red will become any more like Starscream since Red has morals and an understanding of his purpose in the world, something he's satisfied with, unlike Screamer, but there's other factors. Our trine was dysfunctional to begin with and it broke because it never worked. Starscream's trine was very dysfunctional to begin with but where my trine stopped changing together, his continued and now they function because their dysfunctions counterbalance each other. The individuals of my trine are only partially there, but we stand a chance to not go down that path if we don't take that first step. I don't see a way to avoid that path if we take the first step towards being a trine again unless we go our own ways and not come together like they did, where one damaged member feeds of the others and likewise feeds their twisted needs. A broken trine is better than a trine like theirs. There's no way in the Pit I will ever, ever become Thundercracker. I don't care what it costs, I'm not becoming him, I'm not letting my brother become Skywarp, and I won't let Red lose his morals and become more like Starscream.'

'And how are you going to do that? Red purposefully isolates himself and Sunstreaker doesn't like others concerned about him. He especially won't like it if you point out these little musing thoughts to him.'

'Haven't you notice that negative changes in Red's behavior stalled after he started isolating himself with his security devices? He needs to feel in control for his and others security, and that demands more than what Sunny and I do for him. His machines and devices do that, though. How else do you explain why he's more anxious outside his office, or when the abilities of his machines are compromised? He needs his control room. He doesn't need his trine. I can help him best by not interfering with that. Sunny and I certainly don't need him. Yeah, Sunny and I are plenty messed up, but we're doing just fine together other than that. A suddenly functioning trine would just speed up the development of everyone's problems.'

'How?' The voice asked incredulously.

'Easy. Trines function in one basic form: one is the brains and two are the hands. One coordinates the attacks and the other two carry out the brunt of the plan. So maybe in the case of Starscream's trine the "brain" – or head – is giving more headbutts than most trines, but only because Starscream wants to become the new Megatron and he can't impress the other Decepticons if he's giving orders from the sidelines. With a "brain" like Screamer, a mech descending faster and faster into madness, the hands – or really the rest of the body – will follow suit and break down. That's why they still function as a group but not much as individuals: Skywarp and Thundercracker are following right behind him because they can't be separated. Skywarp can't do much but hurt others while TC is crippled by his needs.

'We're not a singular unit. If we were a body, we'd be a mech with blown circuits between his CPU and his body. The mind can be lost and the body can degenerate, but they don't usually happen at once. Even if they did, it would be a coincident and not because of the other. If those circuits were repaired it would cause a destructive cycle because an injured body can torment the mind, and a tormented mind can injure the body. He can't hurt us and we can't hurt him unless we fix the break. I'm not going to break us even further by fixing the break t only to fall apart.'

'You're going about this the wrong way. You're all already hurting each other, but you're choosing to ignore that and let these wrong ideas rule your actions instead. Ideas about Decepticons. Idea from Decepticons. If you refuse the Autobot part of you that wants to fix the pain and instead focus on the part damaged by war, you'll only be breaking that promise to yourself that you wouldn't let the Decepticons destroy you too.' It warned. 'If you said these things to Prowl, you know what he would say?'

'That I'm crazy and need to be locked up for mental evaluation?'

'Not my point. He would point out that you are being illogical by only focusing on the worst way to think of this. Decepticons feed off of destruction so naturally Starscream's trine would function best on a steady diet of chaos and evil. But you are an Autobot and Autobots thrive on justice and respect. If you repaired the mech that your trine figuratively makes, an Autobot mech, and you learned how to respect one another, you won't descend into madness. You'll ascend into greatness.'

When did my internal voice that makes up for Sunstreaker's silence start sounding like Optimus? 'Perhaps. Or perhaps the risks are too great. I haven't seen anyone or anything ascend in a very long time, but I've seen plenty of deterioration. A lot of mechs who deteriorate had reached for their hopes time after time again, only for it to burn them or crumble to ash in their hands. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for different outcomes. Guess what? Those mechs kept hoping, kept getting burnt, and eventually they couldn't take it anymore. So I don't hope for greatness anymore and I don't try for the same changes over and over again, I just hope to make it another orn. Asking me to hope for a brighter future is naïve, even insane. I can keep trying to talk to Red but it always gives the same results as before last. I can try to keep being the mech I promised to keep being, but I never get the outcome I want when I try. I keep getting the same results of failure time and time again. I'm done being insane. I'd rather risk being a half-functioning Sideswipe than a functioning Thundercracker.'

A/N: I'll try to finish proof-reading the last chapter(s) soon. If you're wondering why Sideswipe is so broody, there's at least one comic where he gets really broody after bad stuff happens. Pretty sure an example happens after a certain 'little' event with the Swarm in All Hail Megatron, but I can't find it right now.

If you thought Sides was being too hard on them, especially Red, you're right; it's easier to dwell on the negative and make it worse in your head if you let it. Even worse if you let it fester for years, like Sideswipe has (but in vorns since years are nothing to them). At this point, that's what Sides is doing, despite his inner voice trying to tell him not to and see it for what it really is, issues that have gone on unresolved for too long.

The part in the last paragraph about insanity is from Albert Einstein.

Please review! I'm trying to get better as a writer, and this is also my first time writing 1st POV since the 3rd grade. I wanted to see how well I could pull of a fic that's largely internal to the character.