A/N: so um, thank you so so so so much to anyone who has reviewed, followed, or favorited. Your support means the world and I know that like no one reads these things but seriously.
Er, get ready to read the most cheesiest chapter like ever because it's all cliche and shit. asdfhjkl
Dick heard heavy breathing through the phone. His eyebrows furrowed in concern. Her words came out in a jumble. "—I'msorryIdon'tevenknowwhyIcalledtobehonestIguess itwasjustasuddenimpulseorsomethingandI'mreallysorr yforbotheringyoubutumwowI'mramblingughI'lljusthang uprightnow—"
"Babs, calm down," Dick commanded with benevolence laced in his tone. "Tell me what's wrong."
No reply.
"Look, if you don't answer, I'm just gonna have to go your house and question you in person. It's your choice," he said, adding in a detached shrug. Dick smacked his forehead when he realized she couldn't see him.
"Um, how exactly are you going to find how where I live?" Babs inquired skeptically, momentarily forgetting her previously gloomy state.
He shrugged again and subsequently rolled his eyes. "I have my ways," Dick said. "Wait, no, that sounded so creepy! I—ugh."
Babs let out a teary chuckle. "It did sound stalkerish."
"You know before I embarrass myself any further, I'm going to hang up," Dick said. "Oh, by the way, I'll be at your house in around five minutes!"
"Wait, DON'T YOU DARE—" He hung up before he could hear Babs finish her sentence.
The doorbell rang exactly five minutes and thirty-six seconds after Dick had hung up. Babs trudged to the door, keeping a desultory pace. She didn't know what to expect. All she knew was that the person standing behind the door wouldn't be her father—and if it were, she'd most likely slam it in his face.
Babs peered surreptitiously outside. Much to her chagrin, Dick had pressed his face to the glass beforehand, causing Babs to jump backwards when she saw his face. Babs hurried to the doorknob and opened it.
"Um, that was quick," Babs remarked.
"I told you I'd be here in around five minutes," Dick shrugged. "Are your parents home?"
Babs's face immediately turned sour as she opened the door further to allow Dick to come in. "No." Her voice was pinched. Without any additional explanation, she commenced to walk down the hall. Dick followed promptly, surveying the humble house as he did so.
"So, where are they?"
Her eyes were trained on the ground. "Work."
"Work?"
"Yes." She bit her lip.
"Well, have you done all your homework yet?"
"Yeah…why?"
"Because your parents aren't home to ask you, I've decided to take the responsible role and make sure you've finished before I kidnap you," Dick said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Ah. So you're going to—wait, what? Kidnap?"
"Yep. Let's go."
"You know, I still really don't understand why you felt the need to ask me if I'd done all my homework before taking me against my will to the mall," Babs noted.
"Just playing the role of a good parent," Dick smiled. "Hey, remember that day in History class when you were so intent on believing that I'd never humiliated myself?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I'm gonna prove you wrong!" he announced, running into the nearest store.
Babs stood there, dumbfounded before sprinting after him. "Wait! What are you doing!?" She followed him. The both of them were running at top speed, causing many disgruntled passers-by to shout, roll their eyes, and shoot confused expressions at them. "Dick! Wait!" He turned left but at the last moment pivoted to the right, causing Babs to stumble and stop momentarily. "Ugh!" she rolled her eyes and continued chasing after him.
He stopped in front of a bakery.
Babs caught up to him, still in the midst of catching her breath. "Why—why would you—?" She regained her composure and promptly socked Dick in the arm. "Is that your way of 'embarrassing' yourself? Running in the mall?" She smirked. "If that's what you count as humiliating, that means I was right about you not getting embarrassed."
"That? No, that wasn't humiliating at all." Dick began to walk into the bakery, looking around the sparsely populated room. The scent of freshly baked pastries lingered in the air and Babs could feel herself getting hungry.
"Are we here to eat something?" She turned around to see an empty place where Dick had just been literally two seconds ago. He was sauntering around the open space, examining the cakes on display before stopping short in front of a large, ostentatious wedding cake. It was magnificent to say at the least. The frosting had been carefully applied and Babs could perceive a human profile artfully drawn on the cake. But how would Dick humiliate himself with a cake?
"Hug me!" he screeched, lunging forward pugnaciously. Babs's mouth dropped in complete and sheer horror. Dick's arms were spread wide and he did indeed look like he was about to hug the cake. His face met the white surface and the rest of his body followed. Bits and pieces of pastry splatted on her face, but Babs was laughing too hard to care. The shoppers around them all had faces contorted with complete perplexity and disbelief—some even looked amused.
Dick emerged from the smithereens that were once a delicious cake and stood with a sizable piece in his hand. He beamed triumphantly and gobbled the food down in one bit before prancing over daintily to where Babs was standing.
A fuming employee came running up towards them. He was glaring at Dick in particular. "Excuse me. Would you care to please enlighten me on why you dunked yourself into the cake I spent a week preparing!?"
"Uh, I'm really sorry—I tripped."
If looks could kill, Dick would've dropped dead in mere seconds. The baker shot them one last nasty glare and a malevolent scowl before stalking off, muttering about annoying kids.
As soon as he was out of sight, Dick turned expectantly towards Babs. "So? Was that humiliating enough for you?"
"Well, it certainly entertained me," Babs chuckled.
"Glad it did. So now do you believe that I've embarrassed myself many times in public?"
"Hmm…not exactly. I mean, the whole falling into the cake bit was really entertaining and humiliating, but you did it on purpose," Babs pointed out.
"So we're going to stick around in the mall until I somehow embarrass myself by accident?"
Babs pursed her lips as they continued walking forward. They were nearing an elaborate water fountain and a simple, yet efficient plan sprung up to her on a whim. "Yes," she answered, "but it might not take as long as you think." A devious smile crept its way onto her face.
Dick froze. "Wait what are you going to—" Babs thrusting him forward into the fountain effectually cut him off. The contact of his body meeting the water caused Babs (and many other passers-by) to get soaked. He surfaced, spitting out water as he did so.
"There," Babs giggled. "Now you've officially embarrassed yourself in public."
Dick evinced a sour face. "Great. Now help me out." He reached for Babs's hand and just as she'd begun to pull him out, Dick heaved her forward with all his might. She ended up falling on top of him clumsily. Babs shrieked and floundered around, more out of hilarity than anything else. It was only after a couple seconds did she realize how close her face was to Dick's. Her breathing increased rapidly as she endeavored to climb out of the fountain without putting them in a potentially awkward situation. She stood, and this time she didn't offer her hand.
"I learned my lesson, and now you're going to have to pull yourself out," Babs said. Her clothes clung to her skin, her hair was messy and frazzled, and she was freezing. But as Dick stood up as well and stepped over next to her, all her complaints dissipated.
"Well, that was fun," he remarked, pulling off his sweater. He wrung it dry, water splattering the ground as he did so. Dick proffered the piece of clothing to Babs. "You look like you're about to get hypothermia."
Babs gladly accepted and quickly put it on, a warmth bubbling within her body. Her heart leapt and she tightened it around herself. "Thank you."
Dick shrugged it off. "No big deal."
They walked out of the mall, eliciting flummoxed stares and whispers from others. They were drenched. Dick's sweater was far too large for her, but Babs thought it was an ideal fit. She marveled at how crappy and melancholy she'd felt earlier, but when Dick came to cheer her up, she easily forgot her previous burdens and troubles. A smile came to her face just thinking about it.
What a perfect way to end a terrible night.