garvak: …and what else?

talizo: what do you mean?

garvak: this list. i need more details. dont know what any of this is

talizo: you seemed quite sure of yourself yesterday

garvak: come on tali

talizo: youre clever for a turian. put that csec training to good use.

garvak: i might have considered staying in csec if quarian mating rituals had been part of the curriculum

talizo: that kind of talk only works when I can hear you garrus

garvak: ha right

talizo: oh it looks like gabby needs help in the engine room. i better go. good luck, shal'ven brea das

garvak: im going to have so much fun repaying you for all your "help" here tali [ATTENTION USER "garvak": MESSAGE UNSENT – RECIPIENT "talizo" DISCONNECTED]

Tali smiled at the certain blue-faced embarrassment Garrus was about to experience at the hands of the flotilla's most infamous bounty hunter-turned-respectable-shop owner. Maya'Taam's ties to the admiralty board seemed tenuous at best before she was granted honorable leave to serve the flotilla in Citadel space, but the way she rested her hand on Zaal'Koris' knee during her trial insinuated he was captaining more than just her ship. Tali didn't much care about the gossip her auntie Raan leveled upon her in her daily vid-mails, but when the topic of bondage shops on the Citadel was finally broached, it was discussed with relish by both parties.

And truth be told, Gabby and Ken were both off-duty and playing Skyllian-Five with Grunt in the cargo hold, but Garrus needn't know that Tali was alone in engineering and a few tweaks away from finishing her most realistic nerve-stim program yet. He also didn't need to know she had been testing it all morning, nor that she had already come twice and was riding a blissful wave toward a third. He had to work to acquire that kind of knowledge, and a good quarian mechanic never turned down an extra hand.

The hologram in her visor flickered as she played with the color saturation: a little more indigo in the paint, a little less azure in the eyes. The waist was properly supportive and the legs – keelah, those legs – were just as sculpted as the originals. Visuals were optimal, but if the last parameter was off, all her work would be for naught.

"Scoped and dropped!" the miniature doppelganger exclaimed.

The inflection was good, harmonics the right timbre, but the phrase was spoken too quickly. An easy fix. Tali made the necessary adjustments and immediately found herself gasping and gripping the console with both white-knuckled hands. Despite her arousal, the temporary drop in her heart rate had caused the program to go into overdrive, and the simulated turian cock was riding her right into a menacing climax.

"Never saw me coming!"

If it were Garrus stretching her so, she certainly would.

"Bag 'em and tag 'em!"

Not a great choice especially considering she could have recorded him the night before and chose not to, but Tali was in no position to be choosy. She closed her eyes and allowed the ravenous glow to envelop her. She could practically taste the stars that pricked her eyelids with their translucent sparks.

"One less to worry about!"

Yes, perfect pitch, she thought, soft and gritty and deep like… oh, keelah…

"I love this rifle!"

And with that inelegant outcry, Tali rode out her third parve'la ma'vet bent trembling over her console in near silence, save for the relieved sighs that escaped her as the last of the glorious knots in her womb unwound itself. She sank onto the floor and unfurled with nary a peep, spreading her arms out as wide as she could, savoring the sweet burn of the stretch. For the first time all morning she spoke into the empty room with a smile so wide it hurt.

"It's still no match for my shotgun."

Tali was still gazing at the ceiling in the quiet throes of her afterglow when the intercom buzzed. She groaned at the intrusion and couldn't help muttering to herself as she stood. Couldn't a girl get a moment to recover from her bullet train of orgasms in peace? "Yes, hello?" She hadn't meant to bark, but she had, and her words came out like punctuated thistles.

"Tali, it's Doctor Chakwas. Do you have a moment?"

Tali never understood why Shepard spent so much time with Chakwas. She admired the doctor's professionalism and her superb knowledge of dextrorotary chirality, but the way Shepard spoke of their chats in the med bay, you'd think there was a top-shelf wet bar hidden in the AI core.

"Of course, what is it?" How strange – she had just seen Chakwas three days ago, and all her vitals had been at acceptable levels.

"I'd prefer to discuss it in the med bay." She paused a moment, then, as if she anticipated Tali's response, continued more hurriedly. "There's nothing the matter, but it is somewhat sensitive. Please come up when you can."

No, this was not a woman who let her hair down. No fun, all business – that was the Chakwas she knew.

"Ok. I'll be there in five minutes."

Tali didn't return from the med bay until the shore party was already planet-side. She'd never admit it, but she couldn't help but resent Shepard every time she was left behind. Her latest suit rupture had kept her off Illium, and now she was barred from setting foot on Tuchanka because of some nonsense involving filter-borne scale itch. Still, it was a lot easier to sweet-talk Garrus over the comm. when one of them was on the Normandy.

"I just had the most interesting conversation with Dr. Chakwas."

"Oh?"

"Did you know she keeps a stockpile of turian brandy in her supply closet?"

"Maybe."

"And you never shared with me?"

"You never asked."

"A gentleman should offer, Garrus."

"When I'm not knee-deep in pyjacks I'll keep that in mind. But you'll have to say please."

"That's all it takes? Just one little 'please?'"

"Among other things. But the rest I'm flexible on."

Tali laughed. "With those spurs? You and I both know I'm the flexible one."

"I know. And I'm really looking forward to finding out to what degree."

"Only if you say please."

"For that, I'll say anything you want." And he wasn't kidding.

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Like what? Indulge me."

"Indulge you, huh?" He searched the rubble for a solitary place to hide until the tell-tale whirr of Tali's nerve stim gave him uncharacteristic hubris. "Hmmm," he pondered, drawing out the reverberations for her.

"Words, Garrus. I can hear you purr when you sleep."

"I do not purr. But you're lucky I like when you sass me."

"Zorahs do not sass. We chide. There is a difference." It was an important distinction.

"No, you sass. You chide Donnelly for screwing up his diagnostics. You sass me because you want me." If nothing else, Garrus was an astute investigator. There were still some aspects of his time with C-Sec that served him well.

"Now you're just stalling."

"Sorry. Where was I?" He rumbled again, as if in deep thought, then cleared his throat with a cough, his voice suddenly an octave lower. "Right. So, uh, aside from wanting to fuck you senseless – because you already knew that, right? – I want to watch you get yourself off. But not with the nerve stim."

"Oh?" Was the engine overheating? It was so hot all of a sudden.

"I want to see you stretch yourself with your fingers. No gloves. Show me…" His voice wavered, sub-harmonics throbbing with poorly concealed lust, "…what you want me to do. Prep yourself for me. I want to see how deep and tight you are, and then I want to lick your fingers clean."

Tali nearly collapsed at the thought of it all: spreading herself for him, letting him watch but not touch. What delirious torture. "That… that will be good," was all she could muster before a piercing shriek in the background cut her off. Shepard's litany of "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" implied it wasn't just varren they were fighting. Leave it to the krogan to bring in feral vorcha or worse, just for kicks.

Once the horrible wails and flurry of bullets subsided, Garrus returned to the comm., exhaustion hanging heavy on every word. "Damn, klixen are hard to kill. Did you know they explode if you hit them in the thorax? Never seen anything like that before." He paused to wipe his brow and survey the charred, ancient battlegrounds surrounding him. "I've never seen so many full power cells and dead krogran before – there is nothing but war here. I wonder how many people have died right where I'm standing."

"That's one of the many reasons I like you, Vakarian – always the optimist."

"Just been on my mind lately."

His voice tightened, and Tali swore she caught an edge of remorse in his sub-harmonics. What could she say that would be anything more than deflection? The souls of dead friends can't be avenged with a few hollow words. "What's happening now?"

"We're between waves. The varren were easy kills but these klixen are brutal. Neither Wrex nor the shaman would tell us what we'd be up against, and now I understand why."

"So that's how krogan celebrate puberty?" Tali asked. "Shotguns, burning rubble, and giant poisonous lobsters?"

"Seems like it," he replied. "Now what were you saying about Chakwas? Shepard is stockpiling medi-gel and raiding corpses for credits, so I have some time, I think."

"Well, did you know that she had a fling with a certain Council mem—"

A patter of static interrupted her. "Damn it, Grunt! Friendly fire! I better go, Tali. Show this kid how things are done. "

"Remind me to tell you about quarian adolescence when you get back. I think you'll find it illuminating."

"Tease. I can't wa—"

It wasn't until after the comm. shorted out that she recognized the gritty, roaring howl that drowned him out and made her skin weave slick over cold. Those three would need all the power cells they could find.

One angry thresher maw and a parliament of slain Gatatogs later, Shepard was picking chunks of maw carcass from Grunt's crest – right in the mess hall, to Gardner's great chagrin – while Garrus regaled the whole crew with the heroic tale without a single exaggeration.

"And then it burst out from the rocks," he proclaimed as he threw one of Grunt's action figures into the air, "and went right for my eyes. If it hadn't been for my visor, I'd have been a goner!"

Shepard snorted and jammed a fist into his side. "Bullshit, Vakarian! You were crouched behind that pillar because your rifle jammed."

Okay, maybe one exaggeration.

Garrus gave a friendly punch right back. He was telling a story here; a little embellishment never hurt anyone. "Those thermal clips were practically rusting, Shepard. If you didn't have that particle beam, yours would have done the same thing."

"Still, the turian did get the kill-shot," Grunt muttered, jabbing his fork into his oatmeal with more force than usual.

"Now, now, Grunt. When you have Archangel and the hero of the Citadel as your krannt, some harsh competition is to be expected. There are plenty more thresher maws out there for you to mutilate." Garrus slung his arm around Tali's shoulder and chuckled at the krogan's bared teeth when Grunt snatched away the miniature maw and absconded into the elevator.

Jack shook her head with her usual mock indignation. "You mean you two assholes couldn't rein yourselves in long enough to let the kid win at his own game?"

"You should have seen those two on Noveria," Tali interjected. "Shepard didn't bring Liara to question her own mother."

"That's pretty harsh, Shepard," Jacob quipped from behind the counter.

Leave it to Taylor to provide unsolicited commentary, Garrus thought. It was an accurate assessment, of course, but the Cerberus officer hadn't earned the right to voice it.

"Yeah, yeah," Shepard grumbled with an amused huff. "Thanks so very much for all your continued support, guys."

With Grunt stewing in the cargo hold, Shepard and the rest of the crew disbanded quickly, leaving Garrus and Tali alone in the mess hall. Without a word, he scooped her up and carried her back into the battery. They had some catching up to do.

shal'ven brea das - Literally: "pollen for the spring flowers." Used in some vernaculars as a term of endearment.

parve'la ma'vet - Khelish for "beautiful little death" – euphemistic for the female orgasm.