Author's notes: Sorry for the long update. I was waiting for reviews – what's up with you guys? REVIEW! Revan/Carth shippers, beware! Romance straight ahead!
Kathleen – Wow, long review! Thanks for reading, I also found the Skywalker bit to be too much, so read this chapter to see what Revan really thinks about it. Not to worry, she won't be using the name anytime soon. I finished KotOR II long ago, several times, but I rarely used Disciple in my party. Characters like Visas, Bao-Dur, Atton, Handmaiden(when male) and Kreia were most often in my party. Anyway, thanks for the praise, I appreciate it. Here you go, do try to review again – it was a joy to read!
Cka3ka– naw, he still had his jaw back then… I might do a little intermezzo about him losing it, who knows? Read on…
Ryumasa the Ryuhaitou – (takes her bows) Thank you, thank you. It is always pleasing to hear praise, but this was almost too much. Not that I'm ungrateful, mind you. I am a perfectionist, so details are something I cherish and I really wanted to add all the sidequests into the fic… or as many as possible. Plus the intermezzos, which were tough to write. When KotOR II came out, it was hard to twist the character's behavior to let her stay IC and not make her behave like the KotOR I Korriban Academy Sith. Anyway, to be short, thanks for reading and the praise. Here is some Yuthura interaction for your enjoyment.
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Chapter 36 – Alone
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The route through the Academy was the only possible way. Thus, an encounter with the students was inevitable. Most of them were, as Revan thought, spoiled brats thinking that being a Sith means being a god. Unfortunately, those who had the guts to attack the two women were easily decapitated or lost most of their favorite limbs.
Combining the authority Yuthura had at the Academy and Revan´s powers, they managed to soothe most of the angry students. Neither of them wanted to kill the brats, obnoxious as they were. Therefore Yuthura came up with the most wonderful solution to the problem – she, as the new Master of the Academy, would choose who would take over during her leave of absence. She chose one of the older, more capable students, who had enough authority to keep the others in check.
As Yuthura gathered those of her belongings that weren't Sith-related, the pair aimed for the exit. However, Dustil caught up with them.
"It's true, then… you're leaving?" he received only a curt nod in response, since Revan swept past him. He had to run to keep up with them. "I want to come with you." He said simply.
The stop was almost too sharp – Revan sized him up and he shrunk underneath the piercing gaze. "No. You will get out of here as fast as you can and take the first shuttle to Citadel Station, Telos. They seem to be rebuilding and I'm sure native Telosians are very welcome there."
"But I want to fight! Let me stand by your side!"
"Battle isn't the only way of fighting. You are young and capable… but you are also brash and act on impulse." Revan shook her head, "I cannot afford to watch your back. I already have too many people to take care of."
"Then teach me." It was his last desperate attempt, it seemed. He dropped to one knee in front of her and bowed his head. "Give me the honor of being your apprentice."
"Get up, boy." She grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him to his feet. "You are stubborn. Obedience is the first virtue of a good apprentice. Your Master is more experienced than you. Therefore you should listen to those who have something to give you. For your own good, you will do as I say."
"You aren't my Master. I don't have to listen."
She smirked faintly. "Clever kid. But you should listen to me anyway." A pause. "If you truly want to get yourself killed that badly, find the nearest Republic-friendly planet and tell the ambassador or commander that Alexa Denali sent you. They should know of whom you speak. Search for any of the surviving Jedi Masters from Dantooine and tell them they will get a message from us soon."
Dustil nodded, memorizing his task almost perfectly. "Got it. At least I won't have to put up with Father."
"Lucky you." Revan muttered, truthfully.
Laughing, Dustil bid them both farewell, told them to say hi to Carth for him and disappeared in the corridors, presumably to get his things.
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"There you are! Finally! Jolee said there has been some trouble in Dreshdae, something about the Academy…" Mission stopped her ramble as soon as Yuthura came into view. Contrary to her behavior the previous day, the former Sith Master seemed rather timid now. Understandable, considering that she wasn't accustomed to redemption.
The main hold was a bit crowded, but not everyone was there. Mission, naturally, since she was the one who launched herself at Revan as soon as she came back. The human patted her back a bit uneasily, glad to be released from the tight embrace soon. Then there was Jolee and Juhani, who were talking quietly, both smiling politely at Revan and Yuthura.
"Everything is alright, Mission. This is Yuthura Ban, she will be coming with us, for the time being. This is Mission Vao," Mission waved her hand a bit, smiling when she dismissed the thought of something bad, "the young Jedi is Juhani," the Cathar nodded, "and the cranky old man is Jolee Bindo." Said old man snorted, but chuckled.
"Didn't anyone teach you to respect your elders, kid?" he asked, shaking his head in mock frustration, "Ah, well, what can you do? So, do you have what you needed?"
Revan nodded, tossing the datapad at him. Jolee caught it with reflexes unusual for someone as old as him and scowled at it. "Outer Rim, eh? Not exactly a friendly place. Seems isolated enough."
"Do me a favor and give it to Carth, will you?"
"No need." Carth entered, obviously coming from the cockpit. His eyes were fixed on Revan, ignoring the others, even as he spoke to Jolee. "Jolee, could you plot the course? We're ready for take-off as soon as we have the coordinates."
"Pfft. Jolee do this, Jolee do that! One would think age would allow you to get some rest and let the youngsters do the running around." the old man muttered, but obliged and left for the cockpit.
"Um… I'll go check what Zaalbar is doing. Maybe I can save the food supply, who knows?" Mission quickly made her exit.
Juhani, also sensing that it wasn't a good idea to stay, decided to approach Yuthura. "Come – I will show you to the quarters and bring you some new clothes. We have all kinds of robes and armor in the cargo hold. I am sure something will suit you."
Though she didn't fully understand what was going on, Yuthura nodded and the two women also left. Even if all the exits would be sealed, there couldn't be a more complete silence in the room.
Carth seemed tense, as if he wanted to say something that wasn't entirely to his liking. He turned away from Revan, studying the floor with deep fascination. "Where is Dustil?"
"Heading for Telos or the nearest Republic planet. Safe, though still not exactly a goodie-goodie yet." A moment after his curt nod, Revan sighed almost dramatically. "Come on, say it. I can handle your yelling, I assure you. I handled accusations, yelling and curses from more fierce foes than a Republic pilot."
"There were times when I wanted you dead, Revan. Times when I wouldn't have cared the slightest bit to see you die." Carth whispered, still looking at the ground. "Why can't I hate you now, Revan? Why can't I still think you're the evil, heartless, hateful monster they say you are?"
If there was anything she wasn't prepared for, any reaction she wasn't expecting, it was this. Finally looking up, Carth shook his head. "I can't hate you. I tried. I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my wife, for Telos, for…for Dustil. But I can't."
"Why not?" The question was simple and straight to the point.
"I got the revenge I always wanted on Saul when he died, but it hasn't brought me the peace I thought it would."
"Does that surprise you?" Revan asked, folding her arms, "When you lose your goals, be it because you fulfill them or otherwise, an emptiness takes over. You must never lose your goals… new ones must come. And I think you have one now – your son."
Carth nodded. "Yes… Dustil is all I have now. I don't know if he'll ever truly be my son again… he's so full of anger and hate… but I have to believe. But that's beside the point. I do have a goal, you know – or have you forgotten about the promise I made you?"
"I told you that you would regret it." Revan noted calmly, "You are free to take it back, however. Oaths are made to catch fools in. That is one reason why I never swore loyalty to anyone."
"What about the Jedi? Didn't you swear to them, when you joined the Order?"
Revan blinked, but shook her head. "A Jedi's vows can be understood in many different ways. And you can freely leave the Order whenever you please. It is not encouraged, but there are some who have left on their own accord. Some because of the Sith… others for personal reasons."
"I see. But, anyway, I wanted to say that…" he took a deep breath, "I don't want to take my promise back."
Confusion struck Revan quickly and unexpectedly, as it always did when someone did something completely illogical. This was really conflicting with the impression she got of his beliefs and loyalties. If only for that, she decided not to interrupt him and allowed him to continue. Anyway, it seemed that if she would stop him now, he might not find the strength to say what he wanted to say.
"If the circumstances were different, then maybe, but… I know you. There's more to you than what most people think. Despite whatever part of the Sith Lord is inside you, the darkness that must surely be there…it isn't who you are. That's why I can't hate you, why I don't want any more revenge. You don't have to be what you were, you can be so much more. Whatever the Jedi did to you, they gave you that chance."
Silence.
"You have this huge destiny ahead of you and I just fear that if you face it alone, it can swallow you whole. I mean, is there room in that destiny for me? Will you let me help you?"
"Why would you want to help me? Acceptance of my identity is one thing, the offer of aid another. Please humor me. Why offer your help like this?"
"I've seen you get us through many tough times. I thought the stories I've heard during the war exaggerated your abilities… but they didn't. You have all the things necessary to be a great leader and… and it would be good to have you fighting on our side, for a change. I'm not sure if you ever considered… returning to the Republic? No, of course you haven't. I bet you want to kill Malak and then return to the helm of the fleet as the Dark Lord of the Sith. With Bastila, you'd really crush the Republic for good. But I suppose I have to know… why are you doing this, Revan?" For the first time, he said the name without anger. "You could have been the savior of the Republic, the greatest hero of our time… and then you did this. Why?"
There was never a time when Revan was the one turning away from the gaze of another, but she did so now. Somehow, the accusations pierced the armor of coolness she had constructed, even the façade of sarcasm and cynism that were her first defensive reflex.
"You called me a Sith, Carth. I am pleased to see my acting is so good." When the faint whisper reached his ears, the Republic pilot frowned. What was this new charade? "Very good. Yes, I will probably do all you said I would… it makes the most strategic sense. They could arrive in the next few months and I would hate to be caught unprepared."
""They"?" Carth asked, puzzled. "Who are "they"?"
"You think that the machines, the petty misguided Jedi, the arrogant officers and corrupted soldiers I have turned against your dear Republic are Sith?" she laughed bitterly, "If only it were true…" turning back to him, she continued, "By rights, I was never the Dark Lord of the Sith. I never swore to destroy the Jedi or to wield the Dark Side to conquer the galaxy. There was once a little girl who adored history and philosophy and spent her youth in the archives of the Jedi. The girl researched and researched… and what she found out frightened her. She found the Sith, Carth. And she knew there was only one way to fight them. Fire with fire."
"What are you talking about?"
"The Mandalorian Wars, naturally." Revan said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "Ever wondered how I managed to turn all of those soldiers and Jedi against you? True, I am a leader and I can inspire loyalty, but armies would need convincing of the highest measure. And the clock was ticking. The Mandalorians truly had perfect timing, you know – I baited them… and they came to Malachor, where the last doubt in my power disappeared."
"How can you gain loyalty through slaughter?" Carth obviously didn't understand the whole point of creating bonds during the war and the cruel realization that what the soldiers are fighting for isn't worth the pain and death.
"By showing that you know the weakness of the enemy. And show them who the enemy is. Don't take me wrong, Carth – I mourned the losses, but as the war progressed, I learned to accept them. I am not the most empathic person in the galaxy. Detaching myself from the war was just another thing for me to master." A dreamy gleam appeared in her eyes. "I was so close… just a month and the Republic would have fallen. With the supply of ships I had and the fresh recruits, I would be able to rebuild and reconstruct everything, from the military to the political situation."
"There were… planets that you didn't attack during your conquest." He was catching up, realizing the geniality and extent of her plan. Onderon was the first place that came to his mind. It was a strategic planet, yet the Sith never attacked it when under Revan´s rule. "The bombardment of Telos…"
"…cost Malak far more than he would have liked, let me assure you. Telos is an important checkpoint of the Hydan Way and has a very good strategic location. From what I know of you, I can tell that the military wasn't sloppy." He actually blushed slightly, but she ignored that. "You can't begin to imagine what it was like when I found out that the bastard disobeyed me. I was… furious."
A frown. "Why did you keep him as your apprentice, then?"
"Despite his brutish ways and absolutely horrid strategies, he had strengths. But… I should have killed him then." She closed her eyes for a moment. "It would have saved me a whole lot of trouble."
"Do you… care for him?"
Her eyes snapped open, she opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. "The blaster you wanted to put to my head before you knew who I was sounded welcoming at times." she muttered, "You cannot begin to imagine how I hate him… he turned all that I have worked for into mockery and crushed it with one move… but… it was I who turned him into what he is today. He had a good heart, you know. Once. Breaking him broke me as well. I hate the Jedi." she said suddenly, "Their rules say you cannot love anyone, but when you cannot love, you cannot live, not fully. Never be afraid to love, Carth."
He couldn't help asking. "What do you know of love?" But then, he realized. "Oh Force… you… this is almost as shocking as learning who you are… you… loved him? Malak?"
"I probably still do. I can't really be sure. Love is a strange disease – it has no cure and any attempt at healing the wounds it leaves causes only more pain."
There was a moment of silence, then Carth sighed. "You are the most complicated, confusing and noble con-artist I have ever met, you know that?" It earned him a faint smile. "I always think I almost understand you and then you say something that confuses the hell out of me. have you never done anything for yourself? I mean, some selfish thing that was really selfish, not just a cover-up for an attempt to save the galaxy?"
"Yeah. I let Bastila give me a name. But when we find her, I'll tell her I don't want it. Too pompous and poetic sounding. "Skywalker"." she shuddered, "Why did I allow her that, anyway? Honestly, who in their right mind would want to be called "Skywalker"? I'll stick with my own name. Short, simple, straight to the point."
Finally, despite the situation, Carth smiled. "I was…I was a fool to think for a moment that Bastila was crazy to save you. I was wrong – she did the best thing she could do. But I'm still worried about you." He put on a serious face. "Whatever's happened up to this point, there's going to come a time very soon when you're gonna have to make a choice…and there won't be any turning back. I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."
"Right and wrong are relative terms, you know. But I am willing to listen to whatever reason you might give me." she smiled faintly, "I have been given quite a lot of reasons in the past, but this sounds serious."
He took a deep breath, trying not to move his gaze from her blue eyes, which seemed to see right through him. "Revan…you are an extraordinary woman. You've given me a reason to look beyond simple revenge. You gave me a future. I wanna give you a future too…with me. I think I could love you, if you gave me the chance."
Like a statue, motionless and silent, Revan stood there, looking at him with some disbelief and some surprise. It was official. The galaxy went mad.
"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said you shouldn't be afraid to love." She noted when she regained her posture, but the sarcasm just couldn't come out of her mouth. Try as she might, she didn't find the will to be humorous now.
Carth smiled faintly, "I suppose not. And after all you've said, I don't think you will say yes. But… please consider it, Revan. You're strong… but I want you to know that you are not alone."
"But I am."
With a swish of her robes, Revan left and headed for the crew quarters. This surprising turn of events left her confused and a bit timid, but she told him only the truth. Consider it? How could she! She planned on leaving known space soon… and someone like Carth Onasi, no matter how brave and dedicated, couldn't understand what she did.
Deep within her heart, she still had the slightest hope that perhaps she could make Malak understand. He used to be her closest friend, after all, and if anyone would be able to understand what she was doing, it would be him. If there would be a way to avoid the inevitable – killing him – she would be content.
But currently, her mind was set on the first goal. Find Bastila.