Chapter Nine: Difference Between Want and Need
(techincally The Dance: PART ONE)
Riku played with Sora's hair, his work-hardened fingers slipping through the brown tresses delicately, enjoying the feel of the soft hair slipping between his fingers. "Sora…" he purred contently, feeling the boy shift so that he could lay against his chest. Being comfortably seated at the base of the tree, it's roots spooning Riku's back, Sora looked up to stare at Riku.
"Riku?" Sora inquired, his eyes half-lidded in delight.
"I want to go public…"
"What do you mean?" Sora straightened up a little, peering into the beautiful teal eyes he loved.
"Me and you. I want it to be known that we're a couple," he paused, his tone suddenly shifting darkly as he added, "I don't want anyone to be hitting on you. You're mine and I want everyone to know it."
Sora furrowed his slender brows for a second then, nodded, breaking into the smile that came easy to him. "Okay!" he bubbled.
"You don't mind?" Riku pressed, sliding his fingers down to his boyfriend's neck, making their way to his back.
"I don't want anyone to take my Riku away either," Sora replied, his smile not missing a beat.
A low chuckle vibrated in the back of the silver-hair teen's throat, spilling it's way out of his mouth. Tickling Sora's ears, the sensual sound making Sora shudder. "So you'll come with me to the dance then?"
The brunette squealed happily, throwing his arms around his partner and embracing him. "Of course!" he declared passionately.
Riku grinned, glad to have pleased him. He cupped the nape of his lover's neck, bringing their lips to meet. It was a familiar greeting, and both enjoyed it. But the burning desire in Riku's gut wouldn't settle down. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knew he wanted to take things a little further.
He started it slow. Chaste kisses were eventually replaced with urgent, harsher ones. And all at once he was leaning heavily against the trunk as he cupped Sora's bum, sliding his tongue between the cherry red lips.
They had done this a few times before, so he was still dissatisfied.
Riku squeezed experimentally, a pleasant feeling immersing in his groin when Sora squeaked. He carried on like so, feeling his boyfriend's hard-on becoming more and more apparent. "Sora," he whispered, languidly pulling away.
A soft pant greeted his ears as the teenager placed his forehead on his shoulder. "Y-yeah…?" Sora answered finally, glad to have air once again.
"I want to help you…" Riku whispered, sliding a hand down the boy's chest, stopping at his stomach. Mentally, he berated himself. This was far too Axel-ish for his liking.
"What…do you mean?"
He chose not to answer with words, but rather, in actions. His hand snaked to the other's groin, applying pressure gingerly. He had a feeling Sora was a little more sensitive than he was.
He was right. The brunette gasped, brilliant cerulean eyes screwing into a mix of pleasure and lust. "Oh."
"May I?" he continued, applying the pressure a little more firmly.
"Please," came the faint, begging response.
Thrilled by the feedback, he wasted no time in unzipping the jeans that were the roadblocks to the core of what he wanted. He tugged them down a little so that his hand could easily slide in. He began a slow stroking motion, enjoying the gasps that followed.
"Riku…" Sora moaned fervently when he began faster. He buried his face into his lover's shoulder, sweating profoundly. His moans became more frequent when his hips bucked, digging his fingers into the arms that encircled his being.
With a terrific thrust, he arched his back, spurting into the hand that had brought upon this pleasure. He slumped over, drawing in air with shaky gasps.
Riku calmly lifted Sora's chin with his clean hand, kissing him tenderly. Then he gently took Sora off of him, washing his hand in the stream a few feet away. "I'm glad you enjoyed that…" he said, a little awkward as he had no idea what else to say. He had an erection as well, but he knew he had enough 'footage' in his mind to take care of that later.
Sora could only nod, sucking in air. He felt strangely elated, his head completely detached from his body. Trembling, he stood, taking unsteady steps toward the stream. He washed himself off meticulously, his breath finally slowly. "Thanks…" he mumbled.
"Did I go too fast?" Riku suddenly asked, fear welling in his chest.
"No…I-I wanted it…" The brunette flushed brilliantly, turning to face his lover. "I liked it. I just…"
"It's okay," the silver-haired teen said once he trailed off. He wrapped his arms around Sora, holding him tight. "You're irresistible," he mumbled into his ear.
"You sound like Axel," Sora teased, earning laughter from both.
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'I want him…' Axel thought nonchalantly, feeling hollow and numb. It was strange, he was busy ramming someone into the bed, and he didn't even feel it. It was robotic, all of it was. He could predict the moans, his partner's face was one he hadn't seen before the today, but it was the same to him.
He just didn't want this guy.
He retreated back into his thoughts, allowing his actions to take him in the same act they had committed many times before. 'He's the only one to ever refuse me. Well, besides Sora or Riku, but that's different.' He felt the last gasp, the bucking, and his partner was spent. He rolled off, not even caring he wasn't finished.
He was cleaning up in the bathroom when the phone rang. He dried himself off with a towel, pulling up his pants as he picked up the phone from the hall. No sense in waking the guy. Whatever his name was.
"What up?" he spoke into the mouth piece, putting on his mask of amiable I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude.
"Darling?" his heart froze. Only one person called him that.
"Hi mother," he said quietly, his tone changing immediately.
"How are you doing? Did you get the money?"
"Yes mother, I did," he said. Robotic. He sounded so robotic.
"Good. And you've been eating and sleeping well, I hope."
"Of course."
There was a moment of silence. He knew what was to come next. The subject he loathed. The subject he wanted to run away from. The subject that made him curl up in his bed, blocking the world out.
"You haven't been to see him." Her tone wasn't accusing, but sad. Like she regretted his acts.
He could never make her proud. Even if he became a rocket scientist or a doctor that found how to cure cancer, she would always regret him. He was her only mistake.
"I hate going there," he said coldly. "He doesn't help."
"But honey, what if you lash out again?" She sounded so strained.
He loathed her. Why did she do this to him? Why did she make him feel like he was the most insignificant piece of shit, that if he didn't do what she told him, the world would crumble. She blamed him. It was all his fault. And he knew it was all his fault, so she tore into that wound every time she spoke to him, showing him that he deserved to bleed, that he was better off dead for what he had done.
"I haven't," he said in the same dead tone.
"Daiki is still recuperating," she said suddenly, her voice freezing over. "We're in France. Then we're going to Italy, Spain, Greece and then Peru. We'll see you in a few months. Go to Dr. Fumio. Or else."
It took him a second to realize that he was hearing a dial tone. He hung up the phone, slumping over in the hallway, burying his face into his arms. He could taste the salty liquid sliding from his cheeks, but he made no effort to wipe it away.
It was all his fault. He was their mistake. The reason why his father had third degree burns. The blemish of the perfect family. The illegitimate son of Daiki Isamaru, who had black hair and brown eyes. The son of his mother Chieko Isamaru, with her honey-colored locks and hazel eyes. The unknown son of the man that haunted his thoughts every time he saw a magazine, a poster, a billboard. They all bore the face of his real father, Ryo Takayuki, red-haired model extraordinaire.
'How do you like that, Roxas?' he thought, bitter laughter echoing in his mind. 'People don't even know I technically exist. They didn't even grace me with their last name. I'm Axel Akuseru, the one the family doesn't know about. I know all of them- their names, their doings- but they don't know about me. I've never even met any of them…'
He stretched his fingers, slowly lifting his head to stare at his hand. 'I struck a match with this hand. I burned the house Roxas. I hated it there. I couldn't take it. I was always ignored. Put into a room when company came over. Do you see Roxas? I'm a violent, sadistic, pyromaniac bitch.
I still love my mother.'
He laughed then. It was a haunting, on the brink laugh.
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Zexion eyed the chalkboard critically. For some reason, he was having a hard time teaching today. Every time he looked at Demyx, who he should think of only of a pupil in the classroom, he thought of the sex they could have had. A few seconds was all he needed when his eyes lingered over the blond, wondering how it would've felt to have those arms around him, to push himself against that toned body. He hated to think himself frail, but the thought of being at the mercy of this man, even if he was younger, left him intrigued.
He let out a polite cough, then resumed. "As can plainly be seen, the Oedipus complex is from early childhood. It is said that females experience it first, and males experience it a little later on, and even grow attached to the parent in question. However, studies show that in homosexual people," he paused, refraining from biting his lip. Why was this so hard suddenly? "The child in question remains attached to the parent of the same-sex. But, in no way is this considered incestuous, as it is innate, and eventually the feeling is forgotten. Interestingly enough, in single-parent homes, there is a 28 percent increase for the child to feel attached to its same-sex parent, not in the Oedipus complex way, but in a protective manner. So, it is impossible to determine if the Oedipus complex exists in a young girl who lives with her mother, as she may simply be protective of the elder woman, and not in 'love' with her." He finished, swallowing delicately.
He put down the chalk, stepping aside so that the students could copy the notes he had written. As usual, he had them write down things from his lectures before jotting down the notes that he wanted them to know. He felt this gave them more of a reason to listen, and test scores seemed to improve with this method.
A quick sweep of the room, and his eyes did it again. He was looking at Demyx. And his heart was pounding. Wildly.
He gritted his teeth to calm his pulse, hands clenching into fists. God, it wasn't like he was some sort of love-struck schoolgirl. 'No,' he reprimanded himself, 'you're a giddy schoolboy you moron.'
He surveyed the class again, pointedly not looking at his new lover. He was mildly surprised to see that the annoying redhead wasn't here. He had never seen that kid miss his class. Sure, they hated each other, but, grudgingly, he had to admit, that kid was one of his best students. Besides Riku, who was scribbling away, his silver brows furrowed in concentration.
'Such bright students…and you're wanting to do the one that's failing your class. You are the worst pedophile ever,' he grumbled to himself.
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A frown graced Roxas' lips when he realized something. Axel wasn't in school. Although apart of his brain was screaming at him why did he care, he found himself worried. Sure, Axel ditched school regularly, but it wasn't like him to simply disappear all together. He knew that even if the redhead had skipped, he would be back in time for recess to saunter around his 'friends.'
Only Riku appeared to share his worries. Sora and the teen were a respective distance away, not doing anything mushy, but there was still the air of hormones about them. Yet, judging by the way Riku constantly glanced around the campus and seemed distracted, something was wrong.
'Why am I constantly thinking about him?' he growled inwardly. 'He's already got me in trouble with two of my classes! Stupid Axel…popping up at the wrong moment when I'm supposed to be listening.'
He slumped over in the bench. He felt very alone. Normally, he'd be with the duo, but Sora wasn't speaking to him. It was probably due to the fact he hadn't said anything either, prideful as he was, but he could really use the company. Even if it was gays.
'No that's not right….' he chastised. 'I still like Cloud. I don't understand how he could do that though…' he shuddered, remembering what had happened.
It had been but two years before, when he was fifteen, and the fellow blond had appeared at his doorstep, lost and confused. He remembered the built-in horror, the pain that Cloud had gone through when he confessed that the man he was close to, Sephiroth, had turned on him and raped him. Yet, here they were, in the present, and Cloud was with Leon. They appeared happy enough, although they hardly showed public displays of affection. But Roxas could tell, by the way the glances seemed to slide in the other person's direction, and the little ways their tone changed when they spoke to one another. He briefly conjured an image of the time he had accidentally walked in on them kissing. For some reason, it didn't feel as disgusting as it had before. Instead, he felt a strange surge of longing.
His memory provided for him the feeling of being in Axel's arms. He hadn't fought the redhead on the way home, too embarrassed and unsure. He had been so willing to fuck with the other boy. It frightened him. Somehow, those feline green eyes swept away his morals. Those silky smooth hands brushed away any doubts he had. The mocking red lips sent him spiraling into oblivion, into a place of comfort, of longing and desire.
He was unsure of how long he'd be able to withstand such a force.
'Fucking Axel.'
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Axel took the cigarette without a thought. He inhaled the smoke, then exhaled, glad to feel the familiar stinging sensation in his lungs. At least one thing was still normal. "No offense, Larxene, but I don't get why you're here," he said, raising a bright red brow.
The blond female shrugged, taking a puff of her own cancer stick. "Came to see you, what else? Don't jump for joy, your happy look is good enough." She rolled her crystal blue eyes.
He grinned at her wolfishly, stretching his legs. "I'm just confused is all. You used to only visit me for drug transitions. Seeing as I've been sober for a few years and this is the first time you've been to my house in that long, I might have a little mixed feelings."
That earned a chuckle from the blond, but it seemed hollow. "You're right, I didn't just visit you for a chat. I need your help."
"Oh-?"
"I need a place to stay…" she winced a little as she said this. "I got booted out by the parents."
"Hm…I dunno," he drawled, teasing her a little. Truth was, as much as he'd enjoy having a roommate, he didn't want Larxene. She was not only the most cold-hearted bitch he knew, but she had an extreme dislike of cats, the one thing that kept him sane in the household.
"Please?"
"My own parents are coming in a few days…" he said, fabricating what he hoped would be a working lie. "You know how they are…"
"Bastards…" she mumbled.
"I know," he sympathized. "Why don't you move in with Luxord?"
She swallowed harshly. "Um…"
"What'd you do this time?"
"Nothing!" she said quickly. "I just haven't seen him in a few months."
"So? You do have breasts and an ass. Use them," he said as he put out his cigarette. She glared at him, sending him into peals of laughter. "Alright, alright, I'll talk to him for you. That's what you wanted anyway, right?"
The blond nodded, averting her eyes from his emerald gaze. "So it's okay if I lie low here until then?"
"Yeah, I'll talk to him tomorrow. But I gotta jet now," he said, standing, and Larxene realized that, indeed, Axel was dressed to go somewhere. Black pants and a neon green shirt that read 'buttered toast' in obnoxious yellow letters with a knife replaced his usual school uniform.He leaned over her, grabbing his green-and-black-rather-matrix-rip-off-yet-still-stylish of a coat from off the rack, settling it around his shoulders. "Don't burn anything!" he called as he slammed the door behind him. 'Like I did,' he silently added.
He tied the sash as he neared the bus stop, checking his vintage watch. He would still be on time, even with that little interruption. Besides, the cigarette had calmed him somewhat. He climbed onto the rickety bus, paying his fee and sitting down. He hadn't felt like driving, which he could have easily done. Not only did his parents leave him a car, but he knew how to hot wire one if he ever needed to.
Unfortunately, Axel was nearly half-asleep when his stop came up. He pulled the ringer with all his might, nearly tearing the wire off its metal holders, fleeing out the door. He wasn't about to be late for this appointment.
'I hate therapists,' Axel thought twenty minutes later.
He was in the cold A/C of Dr. Fumio's office, arms and legs crossed. He didn't care how feminine this made him look; he was not only freezing, (regardless of the rip-off coat,) but defiant as to being there. He was only there because his stupid mother had said to.
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"Have you heard about Axel?" a girl whispered to her friend as Sora walked by.
"I know, I can't believe he's with Roxas. Talk about a match in heaven," her friend replied back.
"It almost seems pathetic, with what's going on between Sora and Riku. Poor Sora, always trying to be like his brother."
Sora froze, heart thudding dully in his chest. There it was again. The idea that he was only with Riku because of whatever his brother had done. 'No,' he thought angrily, tears blurring his vision. 'You're wrong. Riku was mine first. I'm not following him!'
He forced himself to walk past, knowing that if he didn't they'd stare.
'I was with a guy first. Why do they always have to compare us… it's not like I wanted to be Roxas' twin.' he thought moodily, gritting his teeth. 'He's not even with really with Axel. Or else he wouldn't hate me right now…' a stab of pain made his heart clench.
This was the first time in all of his life had he and Roxas refused to talk to each other for longer than a few minutes. He felt like a piece of him was missing. He didn't have his brother to rag on him and make him push harder. He didn't have someone to tease gently, to hug randomly or joke with.
He paused, another dull stab of pain clenching in his heart. Riku was talking to someone else. They seemed interested in the conversation, not even looking up when others passed by. Jealousy flashed before his eyes, making him see red. 'This is ridiculous… Riku's allowed other friends besides me.' he thought, approaching the group.
Riku turned towards him, smiling jovially. "Hey Sora," he greeted. The brunette could tell by the way his eyes softened, his tone soft and caressing, that he really was just being stupid and Riku was only interested in him.
He beamed at his boyfriend, latching onto him in an embrace before bouncing off. "Hey Riku!"
"I'm sure you've met Leon before, he's a senior like me," Riku said, turning sideways to include the other brunette.
Sora shook his head, "Not really…I do know Cloud though," he said uncertainly. Something about Leon was a little creepy. Maybe it was the way his eyes seemed to bore into him, or the stoic way he talked.
"Yeah, we were just talking about him. I was trying to worm out any of the good dates they've been on, but he won't budge," he said wryly, side-glancing the teen.
Leon stared back impassively. "What we do we like to keep private," he said in his usual tone.
"You could still give some pointers for a newly started couple," Riku protested.
Leon silently regarded him for a second, then gave a little shrug of the shoulders. "Why not do something neither of you have done before?" with that, he walked off, clearly not wanting to continue the subject.
"Well he was no help," the silver-haired boy grumbled.
"Why were you asking?"
"I was just interested. They're such a…stiff pair." He said, turning his attention back to his lover. "Are you sure you're all right with going to the dance with me on Friday?"
Brown strokes furrowed in confusion. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"It's one thing for the school to whisper rumors, it's another to actually show them."
"Then we'll give them a show," Sora said firmly. "I wouldn't go with anyone else but you."
A smile graced Riku's pale lips. 'He always looks weary…' Sora realized sadly. 'Things never seem to be easy for him. Even smiling is difficult.'
"I'm worried…"
"About Axel?"
"Yeah…" Riku bit his lip, giving them a little color. "It's not like him to miss a day of school. Skip a class or two, but he would always show up eventually."
"Maybe he's sick…"
This caused even more worry to appear on the pale features. "I'm going to check on him…"
"But there's still school!"
"I can catch up," Riku said dismissively. "Don't worry, I never get caught." He leaned over, kissing the tanned forehead gently. "Be back by next period," he said quietly, making his exit.
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Riku opened the door to Axel's house hesitantly, peering in. It was empty, like usual. After a sweep of the living room, it seemed no one was home either. The living room was the only place in the house Axel would be, usually, never in his room unless he was having sex or hadn't passed out on the floor.
'Unless he can't get out of bed…' he thought worriedly, going up the stairs. When he opened the door to the redhead's room, something brushed passed him. Used to the antics of Axel's cats, he looked down to see Ginn entwining around his legs. "Were you locked up in here?" he cooed, scooping her up.
She yowled indignantly and squirmed free, bounding off.
'Must be hungry…'
"What're you doing here?" A low voice demanded.
He turned to see Axel slumped in the hallway, eyes half-lidded, expression slack.
"Looking for you," he said, running an accusing eye over his friend. Something must have happened. He was wearing clothes to go out with, so he must've encountered someone, or he had been expecting someone. But, judging by the beer in one hand and the unsteady gaze, that person was long gone or something had gone wrong.
"Well I'm fine, you can leave now," the redhead said stubbornly, turning over so that Riku wouldn't have to see him.
The silver-haired teen knelt near his friend, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Your mom called, didn't she?"
A tense silence followed.
"You know me well, don't you?" Axel said quietly.
"What do you mean?" Riku replied, his tone guarded. Anything could happen under the circumstances.
"You're my only friend…Riku…" Axel mumbled, slumping over. "Why aren't we together?"
"Because you hold no attraction to me, and I am in love with Sora," he said carefully. "And by the look of things, you want Roxas."
"Want and need are two different things…" Axel said suddenly. "What if I said I think need him?"
Author: and all give a hand to The Obsidian Goddess and It Started With a Paopu, my two wonderful, amazing, can't-believe-they-put-up-with-me beta's. Kinda late to have them now and all, but all well… Say hi everyone! X3
Oh yeah...angst. Well...we knew that Axel had it in him SOMEWHERE right? eh heh... yeah, this chapter was mainly about Axel huh. Sowwy!
So, I gots a schedule now. Expect a shiny, grand spankin' new chappie every Friday. Okie?
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO muah!