I play with time.

I play with point of view.

I love Moira, Charles and Erik.

But nothing is mine.

Chapter Five

Six months, after losing the feeling in his legs, seemed to be the hardest. While his mind understood, his body did not comprehend that his legs were now useless. And despite his strong telepathy and sheer force of will they were not going to be useful again. It was, undoubtedly, a very emotional time for Charles.

Simple things were now extraordinarily difficult for him. Showering, getting out of bed, getting into and out of cars, going downstairs, getting a book, answering the door, all these normal everyday activities all seemed to be just out of his ability now. Charles was not only dealing with his own sudden hindrances but his overwhelming depression at the loss of his legs, his best friend (confidante now his enemy) and his sister (whom he had basically raised).

Yes, Moira was still around on the weekends, but there was only so much she could do, especially now that the CIA knew of their existence. Charles sighed, thinking about Moira. Charles stretched his shoulders pushing away the thought that eventually, eventually he would need to do something with Moira to insure their safety. And Charles was very much uncomfortable with his options – his only option, actually.

The only thing that kept him from really spiraling into a complete and utter meltdown was the three remaining young men living in the mansion: Sean, Alex and Hank. Charles slowly realized that he was not the only one battling a severe depression. They had come to regard Erik as a mentor and surrogate father figure, always pushing themselves to achieve the highest of their abilities to try and please him. While they were frightened of Erik, the boys also deeply respected him. Erik had abandoned them on the beach. Erik had driven Moira's bullet into the Professor's spine. Erik had killed Shaw. And while none of them were there to witness it, the look on the Professor's face told them all they needed to know.

And Raven. Sweet, funny Raven. She was the cool older sister to Sean and Alex and for Hank…well, Hank obviously considered Raven more than just a sister. She was their cheerleader whenever they felt bad about themselves; she was their emotional rock when Armando died and Angel left; she was their constant. Between Erik's betrayal and Raven's decampment to Erik's side (they had refused to call him Magneto) was almost the killing blow to them.

They missed the both of them badly.

Hank was slowly realizing how his serum was actually nothing more than a means of hiding his true self. Raven had hidden her true self all her life and finally felt free to he who she was. Hank envied her for it. While he thought of the others as his true family, none of them had an obvious mutation like Hank did. They did not know how it felt to look so markedly different from the rest of society. Hank felt deeply bitter about this but did not know how to express these thoughts. So, he kept them to himself, trying not to stew in his own thoughts and dealt with it in the best possible way by throwing himself further into his work. He wanted to make things better for his mentor, but did not know how.

Alex's way of coping was to become more and more withdrawn. Choosing to spend time in solitary confinement was his way of protecting others. Now, his self-imposed confinement was a way of protecting and healing himself. Deep down, Alex did not want to become a burden on anyone – especially on the one person who thought so highly of him and encouraged him to achieve higher. He had not felt this love and affection since his parents had died. Alex wanted to ease the pain of losing Erik and Raven (Let's face it, Summers. The Professor loved and probably still loves Lehnsherr.) but he did not know how.

And Sean…well, Sean was just basically lost. He could have returned to his family, but despite his love for his family this one, this chosen one meant more to him. They were like him. Understood him, even under his perpetual cloud of pot smoke and pushed him to become the man he always wanted to be. So, sure Lehnsherr pushed him off a very large and very tall satellite dish, but without that encouragement, Sean wouldn't have ever found his potential for greater things. So, Sean was hurting. And Sean wanted to fix things. He wanted to fix the Professor but he just didn't know how.

These realizations hit Charles all at once one day while sitting in his study brooding. He had deliberately shut out the boys' thoughts, heart still aching after the losses and the sudden changes. Charles could not deal with his emotions and theirs as well. He had effectively cut off everyone in his life that could have helped him deal with the pain.

"I miss the Professor," Sean said sadly one day. The three of them were sitting outside idly enjoying the sunset. He had an apple in his hand and was eating it slowly.

"What do you mean, dumb ass. He's still here," Alex said curtly shooting Sean a dark look. "Don't you mean Erik?"

"Yeah, I miss him too, but the Professor hasn't been the same since he came back," he replied not taking to heart Alex's tone of voice. Sean was the mellow to Alex's high-strung nervousness. He had dealt with people like Alex before and he never minded what Alex said to him.

"I know what you mean," Hank softly said. He took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt. "Losing your best friend, the use of your legs and your sister is a very difficult blow to overcome, especially all in one afternoon." He sighed and pushed them back on the bridge of his nose. Hank fell silent for a while staring at the sinking sun, thinking about what he wanted to say. "I miss him too, actually," Hank finally said. "Even that fucking bastard Lehnsherr. You know, between he and Charles they actually presented a stable parental unit that I never had," his voice was soft that was incongruous with his current beast-like state.

Alex slowly nodded. "Yeah, man. I know what you mean. It hurts seeing him so depressed and not knowing what to do for him. I mean, he did so much for us. It would be nice to actually try and repay him…" Alex said trailing off. His eyes were fixed to the horizon where the large satellite dish loomed in the distance. The satellite dish was a touchstone to each of them in some way. It loomed in their lives and reminded them of what they had lost. The boys didn't say much after this, sinking into their own thoughts and depression.

None of the boys realized that they had chosen to sit under Charles' study window which was conveniently open to let in the cool autumn air. Charles wiped tears away from his eyes and quietly started letting their thoughts filter back to him. He may be the only one left of his blood family (Not counting Raven or even that bastard Cain), but he was damned if he going to let this small band of young men break apart because Charles Xavier was fucking depressed. Charles was never a person to let a challenge go unaccepted.

The next day, Charles got up extra early and wheeled downstairs to the kitchen. Someone, he suspected Hank, had installed an elevator while he was convalescing and was greatly appreciative that the boys had thought about his well-being while he was incapable of doing so. It was during his time in the kitchen (his first time really since the…accident) that he realized that everything had been retrofitted to someone sitting in a wheelchair.

His vision blurred as the tears threatened to spill. His eyes cleared and Charles swallowed the lump in his throat and made a promise to not hole himself in his bedroom, library and study for long periods of time. He needed to prove to himself and the young men that he was capable of what they had set him up to be: their leader, mentor and father-figure. Charles needed to know that he could go on without the help of Erik or Raven.

But first things first: breakfast. He set about making French toast, like he did for Raven when they were younger. Another lump formed in his throat. Charles frowned and pushed the memory out of his head. This was not the time to think about her. Charles began whistling while he puttered around the kitchen and after a while, the smell of frying bacon, crisp French toast and hot coffee was enough to draw the young men out of bed and into the spacious main kitchen.

They shuffled into the kitchen, still sleepy and cranky. "Good morning, gentlemen," Charles said smiling. He already started to feel lighter seeing the lights in his chosen sons' faces. Why he hadn't done this before was almost beyond him.

"Professor!" All three young men said, almost in unison, forgetting their general sleepiness. They were suddenly grinning madly at each other and at the man sitting there in front of them. Charles could feel the waves of joy rolling off the young men and he struggled not to crack under the overwhelming love.

Charles chuckled and gestured for them to sit down. "This food will not be eaten by itself, you know," he said gently. They grinned again and sat down at the table and tucked into their breakfasts. Charles quietly observed them while they ate and marveled how far these young men had come in the almost year that he had known them. He felt that familiar lump form in his throat again.

Sean nudged Alex and Hank as Charles wiped at his eyes again. When did I become such a sentimental fool?

"Professor, are you okay?" Alex tentatively asked eyes wide in concern. He wanted to believe that the Professor had finally come back to them, but the ever present feeling of falling would not leave him alone. Charles smiled at him doing his best to project good thoughts at the young man. Alex smiled still not entirely trusting the situation.

"Yes, Alex. I'm doing much better, thank you," Charles said as he steepled his hands in front of him regarding Sean, Alex and Hank. He was silent as he tried to form the words he wanted to express to them. "Thank you all for keeping this place going while I was…recovering," he began. All three stopped eating and looked up at him, questioning looks on their faces. Charles smiled and tried to soothe their anxieties. "I realize that I have not been….the most…attentive of people these past six months." He held up a hand to stop their protestations, "let me finish, please," Charles smiled at them. "And I realize that I am just as indebted to you, as you feel you are indebted to me." He looked at them individually. "I need to start moving on from the past and start the dream that I have been thinking about for so long."

"And what would that be, Professor?" Sean asked finally breaking the silence and easing his shoulders. The other two looked at him expectantly.

"To open a school for mutant children," Charles said.

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