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Chapter 3
The sight of Daniel standing there, with her pregnancy test in his hand and a surprised and concerned look on his face, caused her shields to fall down.. Tears streamed down her face, and she couldn't remember the last time she had cried so many times in one day. It must be all the hormones, she thought.. and perhaps getting quite a few life-changing news in such a short period of time.. She was exhausted, really.
She'd kept the secret of her and Jack's night to herself, because she had no one else to speak to. Had Janet still been alive, perhaps she could have confided in her, but Janet was all long gone.. Daniel had become the person whom she could talk to about most things. He was one of the few people who knew the complex relationship she and Jack had had since the very beginning. But he didn't know they had taken it to another level. Well, they had done that once, always thinking they would never get a second chance.
Daniel came up to her and again embraced her. The warm feeling of being held by someone that really cared for you, someone who she considered more as family than her own brother, helped her calm down and realize what a situation she had ended up in. How on earth was she going to make this on her own?
They sat down on the couch, Daniel fussing over her like some mother-hen, bringing her a blanket and a cup of warm herbal tea. And it actually made her feel better. Perhaps I should try to let people try to help and support me more often, she thought while sipping her tea.
"Ehm.." Daniel begun.. "how long have you known? And did Pete know?" he asked with true concern shining through, his blue eyes not letting her get away with a lie.
Oh my, here we go.. she thought, trying to decide whether to tell him the truth or not.
"I.. I found out this morning.. I've been feeling peculiar the last few days, and I thought I'd just make sure being knocked up wasn't the reason.. Guess if I got surprised.. What I don't get is how on earth this could have happened? Don't look at me like that Daniel, I know how it happened, but not.. I'm on the Depo-Provera, the birth-control shot like all other female soldiers at SGC. I should have taken one a few weeks ago but postponed it a week or so because of a mission.. But that shouldn't have been a problem really.. They are strong enough to give protection even though you go a few days after due date.." she said, trying to solve the problem rather than talk emotions. Daniel knew this strategy of hers, and he'd known her too long to fall for it.
"Maybe it's that extra protein Jolinar left you.. Perhaps you need stronger doses or something.. Buuuut.. how do you feel about all of this Sam? With Pete being gone and all?" he kept on asking her.
"I feel really sorry for Pete, he was a good man.. But as I said, I had decided even before I took that test that I had to break the engagement.. You see.." Come on Sam, just say it..! "Eh.. the baby isn't Pete's.." she said in a low tone, her cheeks going red with embarrassment. She couldn't manage to meet his gaze, keeping her own directed into the cup of tea sitting in her lap.
A stunned silence filled the room. Daniel had no idea what to say. Sam, their SAM had had an affair? With whom?
"Ooookeey.. what?" he finally managed to say.
"You heard me" she said, finally daring to look at him. "The baby's not Pete's. It's someone else's. That was one of the reasons why I had to break up with him.. I couldn't go on pretend everything was ok." she continued.
"Aaand?" he inquired further. "Who's is it then? Someone I know?"
She gave him a look so filled with guilt, he immediately understood where this was going.
"JACK'S? The baby is Jack's?" he almost shouted, making her wince move away from him on the couch.. He leaned back against the backrest, too stunned to know what to say. What a mess.. he thought. "And does HE know then?" he just had to ask.
She shook her head in slowly in the negative. "No, he doesn't. I went over there today to tell him, but I didn't get the opportunity.. He.. he had some company when I arrived. That red-headed CIA bimbo who's been sneaking around the hallways of the SGC lately., it looked really cozy too, they make a good couple.. And then they called about Pete" she said with dry irony, trying to hide the despair in her voice.
"Oh Sam.. I'm sorry.. So that's why the two of you have been acting so weird the last few weeks. Was this a one-time-thing or have the two of you had a relationship..? "Cause if you have, I sure as hell didn't know.." He said, almost looking a bit put out over not being told about this.
Sam blushed again, she REALLY was not comfortable talking about her sex life with anyone, let alone Daniel.
"It was just that one time.. And what a timing it was, just my luck, heh?" she answered.
"So.. What now? Are you going to keep it?" he asked, although he thought he already knew the answer.
Sam's hand immediately made its way to her belly, like she felt she had to protect whatever was growing inside of her.
"I haven't really considered abortion.. Not that I'm not pro-choice, every woman should have the right to choose, but I don't think I could go through with it.." she said in a low voice. "I'm almost 36 years-old, Daniel. What if this is my only chance of ever having a child? And..- " she stopped, not wanting to say too much.
"And, now you're having a child with.. Jack" Daniel finished her sentence. "I understand Sam, I really do. I've seen the two of you dance around each other for such a long time now, denying all that's been between you, just because of some stupid regulations saying you can't be together." His concern for the two of them once again made her tear up. She smiled gratefully.
"So now what? Do you have a plan? What about the team?" he asked, starting to realize this would have consequences beyond her and Jack.
"I don't know.. My resolve to tell the General sort of disappeared when I saw him with Kerry. And about the team? I guess I have to be transferred to a science position. But then I have to tell the General all about it.. I don't think I could lie to him about this; it would hurt him too much. But what if he doesn't want me to continue this?" What if he doesn't want the two of us? She added to herself. "But I can't go through the Stargate not knowing if I'll get back home alive, or if I'd get hurt or captured.. No, that's not an option. I'll talk to him on Monday morning, when I've had time to think this trough. I'll also have to arrange an appointment with the OB-GYN off-base. I really don't feel comfortable letting dr Lam take care of me, the way the situation is now."
"Ok.. that's a plan then" he smiled. "It's gonna be ok Sam, I know it. Just let all of us adjust a bit to this new situation.. And I don't think you'll be able to keep any of us away from that baby when it arrives. You're not alone in this you know." he said.
"Stop it now.. I've been crying all day long, don't make me start again" she smiled through the lone tear trailing down her cheek. "My nose gets all red and blotchy when I do" she added, making him laugh a bit.
He asked if she wanted him to stay, offered to make them some dinner. She declined, truthfully saying she was exhausted and needed to sleep.
When Daniel had left, she cleared up in the kitchen and went upstairs. She thought about how Pete had been there this very morning so full of life, and now he was dead. Just like that; gone. How fragile life was. She knew she should feel sad, upset etc etc.. But she couldn't. Not yet.
Walking through her bedroom to the en-suite bathroom she started filling up the tub. To spoil herself she added some vanilla bath bubbles. She loved bath bubbles. The only thing missing now was a glass of wine. Hm.. no more chardonnay for her.. she realized. She lit the candles that were positioned around the bathroom, making the light soft and relaxing.
The warm bath worked miracles on her exhausted body and mind. She could feel the relaxation creep into every cell of her body. Almost better than sex.. she thought lazily. Almost.. depending on who´s with you of course..
She thought about her and Jack's night together and the feverish frenzy that had seemed to capture both of them, neither of them wanting to let the other go. The feeling of his kisses; on her calves, her thighs, her belly and her breasts.. She could feel herself start to breathe faster, and she slowly let one of her hands cup her full breast.. Her nipple immediately answered to the caress, sending spasms of pleasure all over body, but mainly in between her legs where a pool of warmth started to build up.. Her breath hitched and she let the hand slowly trace down her stomach, past her belly to rest between her legs. She pretended it was Jack's hand that touched her, not her own, like she had so many times before. Reaching in between the folds she got to the most sensitive spot of her body. She closed her eyes and let out a moan, increasing the pressure and speed of her caresses, all the while she thought about Jack and the way he had felt inside her.. How perfectly he filled her, and seemed to know what she needed and liked without her having to tell him what to do. As she reached the edge, she pictured his face when he'd said he loved her, and came hard, letting the wonderful pulsations fill her. She leaned back against the tub with a small smile on her face, more relaxed than she'd been all day.
Monday morning came too quick for her liking. She stood by the window in her living room looking out, following the trail left by the raindrops on the window with her finger. She tried to think of ways to bring Jack the (good?) news, but came up short.
She'd tried to have breakfast, but her morning sickness just became worse so she stuck to tea. At least she was allowed to keep that.
Realizing she'd postponed the whole deal too long, and, glancing at her watch, was going to be late for work if she didn't hurry up, she went to get ready to "meet the day".
Now here she was, again hesitating to enter the world of Jack O'Neill. Ah, come on Carter! Don't be such a coward.. She scolded herself and knocked on the door.
"Come in" she heard, and she took a deep breath before entering. He sat behind his desk, moving papers around. He stopped as he saw her, the paper in his hand forgotten. She looked worn he thought, but perhaps that was not very surprising. She had lost the man she was supposed to marry, even though she'd thought about ending it.
"Good morning, sir" she started, but then had no idea what so say. Where to begin?
"How are you Carter?" he asked.. "I mean with Pete and all.. You do know no one expects you to be here today, so soon after..?" He did a small wave in the air, to include everything that happened.
"I'm fine.. just fine.. I actually came to talk to you about something. Not Pete though.. I need to be transferred of SG-1, sir. To a science position, at least a duty that does not go off-world" she said, trying to read his reaction.
He leaned back in his chair, surprised.
"Not go off world Carter? What on earth has Daniel done this time? I know he can be annoying sometimes, but-." She interrupted him before he got any further, before she lost her nerve.
"It's not about Daniel sir.. I'm.. pregnant sir."
