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Kim Possible: In Loving Memory - Unmeasured Truths

She had stood at the gate, ticker in hand, for far longer then she would liked to have admitted. Only a few steps down a gangway and she could have continued running. That was the easiest way to let things end, just ignore that last look and follow her original plan and yet…why she hesitated wasn't clear to even her. Maybe she had indeed gone soft…she did curse less then she used to, tried to be less quick to anger…had she lost so much of her edge that she couldn't cut this last tie? It wasn't a hard question to answer and each step she took away from the gate and toward the airport's terminal made it that much clearer.

She had no idea where Kim had gone but she knew where she would eventually go so it was a simple matter to buy the ticket. A long, exhausting, multi-hour layover simple matter that brought her within reach of the tree outside of Kim's room , just as the sun fully rose over the horizon and a new day began. It was a simple and familiar climb to the window ledge, though she found herself forced to put off sliding the window open by the presence of Kim's mother in the room, speaking to a bed bound and covered lump that was surely Kim herself.

"You don't have a fever kimmie but I'll let you get some rest just in-case. Now I've got an operation this morning at 9 so I won't be home for lunch but if you feel any worse you can call your father. I'm sure he can slip out for a bit to bring you anything you need."

Shego couldn't hear the muffled reply but she expected it was some sort of thankful reply. While her arms weren't anywhere close to tired, hanging from a window ledge while you waited for the parent of the girl you were trying to sneak in to see l to eave the room was not exactly a fun activity. She was thankful when Kim's mom slid quietly out a few moments later, allowing her to slide in just as quietly.

"I guess it was more then just a look."

From the lump of covers on the bed cam another muffled response, this one quite clear in it's intent.

"No. I wanted to leave, I tried to leave but you had to track me down and force the issue so now I'm here, deal with it."

A disheveled and clearly disheartened looking Kim at up in the bed.

"Shego…."

"Cut it Kimmie. You know I actually thought I was doing something good when I did it. This way you wouldn't have to split your time, split your life, LIE all the time. It'd be like none of it ever happened. You'd be happy and I'd…well at least I'd have the memories"

"Shego…"

"I actually fucking tried Possible. I really really liked what we had…and yeah maybe it wasn't perfect but what the hell is? But I was willing to give it all up to make sure you had a happy ending because somewhere along the line I got it into my stupid head that when you love someone you're supposed to put their happiness before your own. One last job, one last theft and we could both go back to when things were easier, less complicated…"

"Shego!"

Shego looked up at Kim, broken from her stream of conscious speech.

"I didn't run because the thought of us together made me sick…I ran…I ran because I made me sick…and I couldn't face you."

Shego just raised a questioning eye brow.

"You didn't steal anything from me Shego…I let you take them…"

. . . .

Kim turned over on her side. A vague thump had awoken her but caught between consciousness and sleep as she was she wasn't sure if she had even really heard anything when no further sounds presented themselves. She was just about to drift off once more when she heard a voice speaking. At first she didn't recognize it, nor what it was saying, due largely to the cobwebs that had taken root in her brain but as a familiar p word drifted through her ears she found herself more alert, though she remained motionless so as not to reveal her state.

"…and that means what I want doesn't matter when compared to what will make you happy."

It was Shego. She should have known it at first instinct, who else would it have been? She listened silently as Shego spoke of a device she had that would make her forget them…make her forget every lie she had ever had to tell just to steal away time with Shego. Shego wasn't wrong, it did hurt, the lies. Every time she had to tell her parents she was late because of a mission or no that sound hadn't been her sneaking in late…everyone time she had had to look at Ron in the eyes and see a man who trusted her, loved her, when she couldn't even bring herself to tell him that she no longer felt the same way…loving Shego was hurting a part of her inside…even on their anniversary just that evening she had felt that small sliver of pain from having to hide the truth from her best friend about why she so badly needed money.

Maybe it would be easier to forget…maybe then she could look them in the eyes and not be afraid of the day it all came tumbling down, the day they would find out their friend, lover, daughter, had lied been lying to them for selfish reasons…Shego gave so much of herself to Kim, but she would never be able to give as much back…

It was that moment of doubt that kept her still, that moment of doubt that held her tongue, and that moment of doubt that let her just lay there as Shego fired. If given another second she may have thought better of her action, thought more on her love and less on her pain, but there was no next second, no next thought, there was only her choice and her consequence…

. . . .

"As much as I loved you Shego, it wasn't enough…I wasn't enough. I let myself be weak when I should have been telling you how wrong you were."

Shego said nothing so Kim continued.

"Your right, it hurts to lie to them, but that's my issue not yours. What we had…have…what I feel when I look at you makes me know that I am loved by someone whose better then me in ways I can't ever name. You weren't afraid of love, you embraced it, you tried to use it to be better while I used it as an excuse to hide and run and sneak. I don't hate you for what you did Shego, I hate me for letting you do it."

"That's a lot to say from on your cross Kimmie. You just proved my point for me. We're not good for each other. We're both trying to fall on the sword here because we don't feel like we deserve what we have."

"I love you Shego."

"You were right, it doesn't matter."

"But you just said…"

"Yeah I know. You love me, I love you, but we both know it's not enough. Just…just look at how fucked up this situation is. This isn't how relationships are supposed to work. I spend all my time worrying about being the kind of better person you deserve and clearly you're just as bad with worrying about what everyone else thinks about you."

"Shego stop. I don't want this to turn into some big break-up speech. Yeah we have both issues, and maybe mine is worse then yours because it's the reason we're here right now, and no I can't sit here and promise that I can magically stop caring how everyone sees me but damn it Shego I don't want to lose what we have. I don't care if you think you're not good enough for me. I just spent several days going crazy because even though I couldn't remember it I needed you in my life. Missing you was the reason I felt so empty and wrong that not even having my memory erased could get rid of what I felt for you. We're stuck with each other Shego, for better or worse, and I don't want it any other way.

"We can make all the speeches we want Kimmie, it doesn't change the fact…"

"Then I'm done making speeches…"

Kim reached for the kimmunicator on her side table and hesitated only momentarily before taking a breathe and dialing up a familiar face.

"Wade, I'm dating Shego. I've been doing it for a while and I'm sorry I never told you before."

Wade just stared and blinked momentarily.

"Uhhhhh….well I guess that explain this picture."

A somewhat poorly framed image of Shego kissing Kim in the airport flashed on screen briefly.

"Wade…Where did you get that picture?"

"It's been cropping up all over the internet. Someone snapped it at the airport and people have been sharing it everywhere. I've been trying to delete all the copies but it keeps popping back up."

"Wade you have to get rid of it, if anyone finds out…"

Kim glanced over at Shego who looked surprisingly neutral.

"Shego please understand. It's not that I'm trying to hide…"

Shego held up her hand.

"I'm willing to accept that you're making an effort Kimmie. Besides it's not like I want my rep being trashed either. People find out I'm banging the good girl they'll stop inviting me to the Christmas parties."

"If I can interrupt you two…."

Wade typed through a series of keys.

"I've gotten rid of all the copies I can find right now but I can't promise it'll stay gone. I'll try and give you a heads up if it shows up anywhere big."

"Thanks Wade."

Wade nodded.

"Always happy to help Kim."

Kim smiled.

"No, I meant thanks for understanding."

"Still…still working on that Kim but hey, if you're happy and safe…"

Kim shut off the kimmunicator and placed it back on her side table.

"You realize nerdlinger can only plug holes in that damn for so long right Princess?"

Kim shook her head.

"Wade'll do what he can for as long as he can. After that…after that it'll still be on me to deal."

Shego sighed but sat beside Kim.

"Look Princess whatever we have…whatever we are…it ain't easy, and it ain't going to get any easier. I meant it when I said I cared more about you being happy then my own happiness so we can still walk away from this…"

"And I said I didn't want that."

"It's not always about what we want Princess, sometimes it's about what's best…"

"Shego I swear to god if you don't get off that high horse I'll drag you off it."

Shego smirked. This was the part she liked the most.

"Put up or shut up Possible."

The truth was neither of them was sure what the best choice was but maybe for just the moment they could enjoy the lie that this was it.