A/N: OHGODOHGODOHGOD.
HOW DO I EVEN WRITE AFTER THAT.
OHGOD.
-Psyke
Chapter Six
Murdoc
Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I close my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
Thrashing.
I was bound to something solid, blood flowing down my wrists from where I'd tugged too hard on my restraints. I looked down; cold metal encircled my wrists, the warm blood sending tingles up my arm. 2D was in front of my with Alphie, and I relaxed a little bit, until he looked at me, his eyes empty. My hands started shaking as an unexplainable sense of dread washed through me.
He was leaving. I felt it in my heart.
I couldn't breathe, there was nothing through the pain. I watched as 2D walked away from me, Alphie in his arms. He was looking at Noodle lovingly and smiling-she had suddenly appeared, like a ghost. They turned back to me; I was screaming 2D's name, begging him not to leave. They just smiled at each other, turned, and walked away.
I sat up in the bed I was in, my breathing ragged and terrified. It took five minutes for my breathing to slow down; longer still for my hands to stop shaking. I pulled them through my hair, waiting for the terrible trembling to stop, feeling them nearly vibrate against my skull. I probably looked like I was about to pull my hair out, but I didn't really care. No one was around to see. That's what I loved about this room-no prying eyes.
My hands finally stopped shaking, and I took a deep breath, wondering when the nightmares would end. I looked around blearily, not noticing, at first, what was with me in the room.
Somehow a blanket had been draped over me in the night while I slept. I pulled it up to my face, looking for a tag or some initials-and then I smelled it. The familiar scent of cinnamon and bleach washed over me, draining the last of the tension out of my muscles. 2D must have found me in the night; the thought filled me with warmth, until I remembered that night two weeks ago, the one that had haunted me ever since.
2D's lips. His body. The way he'd said my name. Over the weeks, all of my memories of that night had come back, torturing me with their searing clarity. I wouldn't have minded, except 2D didn't remember any of it, and I knew he probably didn't feel the same as I did. The way I was feeling was the way I had been terrified to feel for so long; the word that started with the letter L, that I couldn't even say in my head, not even now.
I looked around the room more closely, now, noticing the details I hadn't before. There was a bucket with-ohmysweetsatan-milk, orange juice, vodka, and melted ice, I presumed. Next to that was a neat pile of food; a chocolate bar, some granola bars, and-ok-a box of cereal. There were utensils next to the pile, also neatly arranged-almost lovingly arranged. I was puzzled, until...
I saw the pile of clothes, with the picture on top. I got out of bed, striding over and setting the picture aside, for now. Someone-I had a strong suspicion who-had folded the pile neatly, but I destroyed it gently, finding my favorite gray v-neck, my favorite skinny jeans, a belt with a skull on it (alright then), socks, and...
I looked down; yup. There were my Cuban heels, gently arranged so they wouldn't crinkle. I smelled the clothes. They were all freshly washed, and I let the scent of clean wash over me. I stripped out of my grungy clothing-consisting of only a pair of pants, since there hadn't been a pair of boxers in the pile-and dressed, swiping my hands through my hair quickly before I picked up the picture. My heartbeat sped up. It was 2D, cradling Alphie gently, who was sleeping. And 2D...he was smiling the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen, like he was so excited about something he couldn't hold it in. I flipped it over and read the messy writing, which took me a few times before I could decipher it:
We love you, Murdoc. :) Please be happy again. For both of us.
Love, Stu
I couldn't help it; I smiled. A real smile, a happy one, one I hadn't been able to muster for a couple weeks. The pain in my chest disappeared, and I felt giddy. I started laughing-first a disbelieving chuckle, then a happy, raucous laughter that I tried to keep contained. I did a little dance where I stood, punching my fist in the air and jumping before I grabbed about three granola bars, shoving them in my pocket. I grabbed the orange juice out of the bucket and sprinted up the stairs, grinning the entire while.
He'd said he loved me.
2D had said he loved me.
I couldn't get the thought out of my head.
(*)(*)(*)
I slowed my pace as I neared the stairs that led to the second floor; I was heading for the kitchen, but I was taking my time now, inhaling two of the three granola bars and washing it down with orange juice, straight from the jug. I screwed the lid back on, unwrapping the last bar and taking a huge bite, right as I reached the top of the stairs. 2D's room was down at the end of the hall, to the left, and I made my way slowly, lazily, in that direction, holding back the grins that I knew were inside me. I chewed slowly, then swallowed, taking the last bite and swallowing before I knocked on his door.
It took a second for him to answer, and by the time he did, I had unscrewed the orange juice again and was chugging the rest of it down. I forced myself not to choke in surprise and finished it, wiping my mouth and suppressing a burp. 2D looked like he'd just gotten out of bed and was on his way to get dressed; his pants were crumpled, the zipper and button undone, showing his boxers, which I tried not to stare at. His hair was rumpled adorably, and I smiled, an enthusiastic, happy smile that looked like it took him off guard. I leaned against the doorway.
"'Ello, mate," I said, unable to stop smiling now that I'd started. I looked straight in 2D's eyes (was he blushing?) and my smile got wider. I just couldn't help it around him-he was too damn cute. "May I enter thine humble abode?" Don't ask where Ye Olde English came from; I was being spontaneous this morning. He seemed flustered and nodded, stuttering his ok before I sauntered in, looking around for-
There he was. "Aaaaaaalphieeee," I crooned, and he looked at me, his face lighting up.
"MUHDUCK!" he nearly screamed, and I laughed-a real laugh, one I couldn't hold back right now-walking over to him with long strides, covering the distance in two or three steps. I picked him up and held him above my head, grinning, so happy I could've died right then and there and would've had no complaints.
I lowered him to my face and raspberried him; his little stomach was so squishy, it was like sticking my face in warm putty, but I didn't care. I lowered him farther and wrapped him in a tight hug-well, tight to him but still gentle so I wouldn't crush him-still smiling, the entire time. I turned to his dad, cradling Alphie in the crooks of my arms, now. I smirked.
"Vodka? Really, mate?" I chuckled. "You must think less of me than I thought."
"Wot?" he squeaked, seeming distracted. "Nonononono it wasn't like that Muds I wanted ta-"
"I know, Stu, I know," I laughed, realizing that yes, he was blushing, "I was teasin' ya. Calm yer ass down."
He relaxed a little bit, smiling. Apparently my happiness was contagious. "I should be the one telling yew that," he said, voice high-pitched (he wasn't as calm as he appeared). "Yew look like a school girl, all giddy and giggly."
"I should bop you one fer that," I said, but the threat was empty, and 2D knew it, too, because I was smiling. My cheeks were starting to hurt, but I couldn't stop. 2D had said he loved me-probably not in the way I wanted him to. Probably as a brother. But for now, that was enough. For now, at least I know he cared.
And that was all I had ever wanted.
(*)(*)(*)
2D closed the door to his room, and I waited until his footsteps had faded until I turned to Alphie, who was awake and playing with his toys. This kid was developing scarily fast; but right now, it was to my advantage, because I had to give Stu something in return for what he'd done for me this morning. I sat in front of Alphie, crossing my legs and gaining his attention instantly. I knew this kid understood everything I said, so this should be easy.
"Alphs," I said, and he smiled upon hearing my voice, "I'm gonna teach you how to say 'Daddy'."
"Dada," he said, immediately, and I was taken aback. God the kid learned fast.
"Awright. Um, do you know who your daddy is, Alphs?"
He smiled, big. "Muhduck!"
"No, Alphie," I said, gently, and his face fell. "2D's your daddy. I'm your...uh, I'm your..."
He smiled again, a toothless, adorable smile. "Muhma," he said, assuredly. I blushed, scrambling for words, but at that moment, 2D walked in, smiling at us, as we were appearing to be having a nice, innocent little playtime. I tried to hide my blush, but 2D picked up on it instantly.
"Wot's wrong, Muds?" he asked, sitting next to me and folding his ten-foot-long legs under him awkwardly. I tried not to remember those legs wrapped around me and failed, stuttering over my words. Alphie, however, picked up for me, the damn little squirt.
"DADA," he said, looking at 2D, who looked like he was about to cry. Alphie looked over at me and smiled wider, I swear he did-he knew exactly what he was saying, what he was doing. I tried not to be aggravated and agitated and failed. I felt too twitchy, too embarrassed. I couldn't even talk right now. I waited for Alphie to drop the anvil on my head. He didn't waste any time. "MUMA," he said, seriously, reaching for me.
"WOT DID HE JUST CALL YEW?!" 2D said, falling backwards and laughing so hard I feared he'd pop his spleen. "HE JUST CALLED YEW MAMA, HE JUST CALLED YEW MAMA," he choked out, gasping. It sounded like he was hyperventilating, and I was worried before I sighed, flopping down next to him, staring at the ceiling.
"Seems like I'm stuck with it, huh?" I said, looking at him and smiling. He smiled back, a bright smile that warmed my heart immensely.
Suddenly, his fingers touched mine, and I tensed, but didn't pull away. He took this as a sign of encouragement and entwined our fingers, so we were holding hands. I smiled, so happy I felt like there was no way anybody could match me. I looked back at 2D and he was smiling lovingly, tightening his fingers around mine. For that moment in time, everything was perfect. Alphie was using his new vocabulary incessantly, saying "MumadadamumadadamumadadaMuhduckSchtu" over and over and over again. 2D giggled, and I laughed in return, rolling onto my side.
I was face-to-face with 2D, who had done the same thing as I had. We were still holding hands, arms underneath our bodies, and we were leaning closer, closing our eyes. We were going to kiss. And neither one of us was drunk, this time.
Until we were interrupted by a flash of a camera, which made us sit up and release hands so fast it was like we had been electrocuted. We saw nothing that could have produced the flash, except a camera on the dresser. We called to Russ, who was in the living room and could hear us perfectly through the walls, unless he was sleeping. "'Ey, Russ, you awake?" I called, and I heard him turn the TV down.
"Yeahman I'm up, what happened?"
"Not sure yet," I murmured, looking to Alphie. "Did you do that, Alphs?"
He shook his head, pointing to the corner. "Dewuh," he said, and I frowned, not quite understanding. 2D froze.
"Del?" he said, and Alphie nodded, his red eye seeming to shine in the dimness. "Sweetheart, Del's not 'ere right now, Uncle Russ is awake," he explained, gently, and Alphie frowned, shaking his head forcefully, still pointing to the corner.
"Dewuh." He kept pointing.
The camera snapped again, but no one had touched it.
I looked at 2D, our near-kiss forgotten.
"It's gettin' uncomfortably Ghost Whisperer in here," I said, naming an American show I'd seen once. 2D nodded his agreement, looking at me with a scared expression. I looked at him, trying to let him know that I wouldn't let anybody hurt him or Alphie. He seemed to understand, and nodded.
(*)(*)(*)
Alphie was having trouble sleeping, tonight. I suppose I should explain. It had been two weeks since the camera incident, and I had taken to sleeping in 2D's room, to make both of them feel safe. Alphie was whimpering, wiggling, unable to sleep. 2D, on the other hand, was deader than a doornail, staying asleep, though both me and his kid-our kid, my subconscious whispered-couldn't find rest. I made absolutely sure 2D was asleep (by geniusly saying "Stu, I'm naked") and he didn't stir, so I figured it was safe. I was so self conscious about what I was about to do, I only did it when by myself, or with someone who wouldn't tattle.
I observed Alphie's face closely; he needed comfort, he needed me. I rifled in my head and after a few seconds, I had it.
I started singing to Alphie.
"Come, stop your crying, it will be alright," I sang, and he stopped wiggling, looking at me with wide eyes bleached of color, thanks to the moon. I could see just one little splash of red, ringing the pupil, a reminder of what had happened, what had almost made me lose him once. I never wanted to lose him again. "Just take my hand, hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you. I will be here, don't you cry." I reached my hand out to Alphie's and he took my index finger in his little fist, smiling gently. I closed my eyes, letting my voice smooth over, letting the melody work its way out of my soul, meaning every word I sang. I sang to express feeling; I never sang just for the hell of it. I couldn't be a lead singer like 2D was, wouldn't be able to sing if I didn't have something to express. I only sang at the right moments, the right times. Anytime was the right time for Alphie, I thought. I'd always sing to him whenever he needed it.
"For one so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. This bond between us, can't be broken. I will be here, don't you cry." Alphie's breathing was slowing, now, but I kept going for another verse, weaving the melody almost subconsciously. I'd been forced to watch too much Tarzan with Noodle when she was a kid, and had memorized it without meaning to. The sudden memory almost made my voice falter, but I kept going, trying not to think of Noodle. I'd said to myself and said we hadn't bonded, but I'd lied. I missed her like crazy. She'd been like a little sister to me, and now she was gone. I fought back tears and pulled back the happiness I had now, with Alphie and 2D. They were all I needed.
"'Cause you'll be in my heart. Yes, you'll be in my heart. From this day on, now and forevermore. You'll be in my heart. No matter what they say. You'll be here in my heart, always."
I pulled the blankets up around Alphie's shoulders, then moved to his dad, kissing him on the lips for a short amount of time then pulling away, regretful, extending the song, the melody, the feelings, to him as well. I pulled back and whispered into his ear, hoping he wouldn't wake up.
"Always."
A/N: SUCCESS.
Reviews always appreciated.
-Psyke