A/N: I hope you could all keep up with the whole gender thing in the last chapter. I wrote the Murdoc lines, and I tried to explain it well, and Noods made sure to make Stu ask questions about it. If you have questions, send us a message. Here goes chapter 12, which probably won't even be half as freakin' long as Noodle's chapter that came previously. She'll be helping with Stu's dialogue, as always. I'll try my best to make this a long chapter, though, guys, because your motivational reviews mean the world to us and we wouldn't want to disappoint.

Enjoy C:

-Psyke

I rolled over, groaning, looking at the glowing alarm clock next to my head. 1:59 AM; Alphie had decided to wake me up at fucking two in the morning, this time, and I sighed, sitting up and wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Last night, he'd fallen asleep and not woken up once (though I didn't know how, considering it had been his birthday and he'd eaten ten tons of sugar). I looked over into his room, seeing his squirming form. I decided to give it three seconds before-

"Muma...?" Yup. There it was. I stood up, walking into his little room (it was very very tiny, barely able of being called a room, really) and scooping him up, carrying him back into the bedroom and laying him down next to his dad, who was (as per usual) sleeping through the kids' cries. I didn't get it. I slept like the dead most of the time, but when it came to Alphie, I heard him as soon as he started crying for me. Maybe it was maternal instinct that had been forced upon me by his title he'd bestowed. I wasn't entirely sure, but I wished Stu would wake up once in a while and help me. The sleep deprivation was starting to catch up with me, slowly. Granted, I could go for days without proper sleep, but little by little, this was wearing down my nerves.

"Alrighty, kid, which one'll it be this time?" I asked him, expecting an answer and receiving one almost instantly.

"Hawut," he said. Roughly translated from baby-speak, it meant "Heart", which meant Phil Collins. I nodded, breathing in, feeling the melody in my head, the notes falling from my throat ungracefully. I cleared my esophagus and started over, finding my familiar grooves and falling into them, barely having to think about the lyrics or the cadences. I'd been singing this to Alphie for so many nights now I bet I could do it in my sleep. Alphie's eyelids drifted shut and I tucked him in, cutting the song short and flopping back onto the mattress, putting my arm over my eyes. I estimated it would take me about an hour and a half to fall back asleep, then I had, well, the entire day to sleep after that. My eyelids drifted shut...

"Muds?" 2D murmured, and I grunted in response. "Why don't yew ever sing for me?"

"Wot'd'ya mean, babe," I muttered, removing my forearm from my bloodshot eyes and looking at him in the darkness. He was facing me, head propped up on his arm, thoughtful expression on his rested face, which was illuminated by the moonlight pouring through the window. I envied him his sleep pattern.

"You always sing for Alphie," he said, sounding slightly injured but mostly curious, "but yew never sing for me. How come?" My tired brain took a few seconds to piece everything together; he'd heard me singing, which meant he'd been awake, and he said I always sang to Alphie, which implied it had been a few nights... The blood in my veins ran cold. Someone had heard me singing. Oh God. OhGodohGodohGod.

I sat up so fast the room span. "How many nights have you-?" I gasped, not able to finish the sentence because my windpipe was constricting. I was in full panic mode now. Memories of my dad's fists flashed through my mind, and I flinched.

"Most of them," he admitted, smiling and blushing-I didn't see the blush, but I knew him well enough to know it was there. My heart nearly stopped. "The first night you sang to him, you kissed me."

"Dammit," I said, covering my face. "Dammit dammit dammit." I couldn't believe this. Nobody-besides my dad and Alphie-had ever heard me actually sing before, and I wished that could remain true. I hated when people listened to me. It was private, it was revealing...sweet Satan. And it was terrifying. The fear of being hit was so strong I almost fled the room, and I had to remind myself that this wasn't my dad, it was Stu. Stu wouldn't hit me for not being good enough. My hands started shaking anyways, and Stu's expression sobered, seeing them. It was like Stu saw through my very soul, though my soul wasn't mine to handle anymore.

"What's wrong, Muds?" He sounded concerned. My first instinct was to brush it off and say no, nothing was wrong, I was fine...but I wanted Stu to know who I was. The real me. The desire took me off guard. Normally I was alone, and that was exactly how I'd preferred it, for most of my life. If you were alone, no one could hurt you. But I was tired of my heart being empty. I sighed and closed my eyes, shoving away the image of my father.

"No one's ever heard me sing before," I said, voice shaking. "besides Alphs. It's not that I'm self-conscious, it's just...I sing whatever I'm feeling. I don't really know how to sing for the hell of it. So it's personal, to me. It's like revealing my soul."

"Then why don't yew sing to me?"

I looked deep into his eyes, my voice dropping into a deep grumble. "Because whenever I'm around you...there are no words to describe how I feel. No songs, no melody. It's all so much...I can't describe it. Stu..." God, I couldn't keep it in anymore...I had to tell him, but the words wouldn't come. I couldn't say it, couldn't tell him...couldn't tell him about my dad, or how I felt about the skinny little singer. Everything was bottling itself up, again, because thanks to my bastard father, I was an emotional cripple. Feeling anything was so difficult for me. I was usually so numb, but these feelings I had for Stu were overwhelming...

I loved him. With everything I had, I loved him. I'd never felt anything like this before. I wanted to be there for him, I wanted to be able to protect him, always. I wanted to always wipe away his tears, to be his strength when he had none, because he helped me be strong, too. He was my everything. Without him, my life would be empty again, filled with liquor and women and people who didn't give a shit about me as a person, people who only cared about my money. I knew Stu cared about me. He had never run from me, from my overwhelming personality. He may not know me that well, but he still knew me better than anybody. I felt tears leak from my eyes, didn't try to stop them from flowing.

Stu stood up, walked around the bed. He stood over me for a moment, then sat down next to me, pulling me closer, holding me close and stroking my hair, rocking me back and forth, gently. "Murdoc..." I felt my chest trembling, and hugged him, tightly, hating myself for not being able to tell him how I felt. "Murdoc, it's ok, yew don't gotta sing to me..."

I leaned back, looked him in his beautiful eyes. I took a deep breath, and shoved down my fear. A few moments passed before I found my voice, moments with my father's fist flashing through my mind. I shoved the fear down. "Look into my eyes-you will see...What you mean to me." Stuart's eyes widened, and I plowed on, feeling my heart lurch in my chest, meaning the words, finding it easier to sing now. My dad faded from my memory. "Search your heart, search your soul. And when you find me there you'll search no more."

2D's eyes started watering. "Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for. You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for. You know it's true: Everything I do, I do it for you." My heart eased its frantic beating, and I sang the lyrics, speaking to 2D, begging him to realize that this was how I'd been feeling, for ages, now. I wanted him to know, without me having to say it. I wanted him to see me...

"Look into your heart-you will find. There's nothin' there to hide. Take me as I am, take my life. I would give it all, I would sacrifice." I felt my eyes water, felt the tears leak down my face. Stuart wiped them away, though he was crying just as hard as I was, now. I grabbed his shoulders tightly, still singing softly. "Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for. I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more. You know it's true:," I sang, hesitating, now, staring into his eyes, peacefully. "...Everything I do...I do it for you..."

I fell silent, the tears still falling, and Stu pulled me closer, shoulders shaking, holding me firmly. I tilted his chin up, and met his lips awkwardly, at first, then more naturally, cupping his face and wiping his tears with my thumbs. I loved him, I loved him so much it hurt, and yet...I still couldn't say it. My father's words echoed through my head: "Love destroys. To be loved...is to be the one destroyed." If my dad could see me now...he'd probably kill me. I shoved the thought away.

I pulled back and stroked Stu's face gently, breathing in deeply, feeling a little piece of me fade away-a dark piece, one of the pieces of rage and hurt and despair I'd been feeling my entire life. A piece my father and brother had created. 2D was fixing me slowly, whether he realized it or not, one piece at a time.

"Muds..." he whispered, and I paused, looking back into his eyes. Both of our faces were soaked with tears. His bottom lip quivered, and he bit it. "Muds," he stated, again, pleading, and I understood, I understood completely; he just needed to be held, just needed me. I pulled him close and laid down, his head on my chest, my arms wrapped tightly around him. He was shaking; whether from the cold or the tears or the pain, I didn't know, so I pulled the blanket over us, stroked his shoulderblades gently, and hummed to him, a formless melody that I had invented on the spot. He fell asleep peacefully, and his shivers stopped.

I looked at the clock: 2:29. A half hour had passed since I'd started singing to Alphie, though it felt like eternity. I breathed in deeply, smelling all the smells I'd grown accustomed to over the months-bleach, cinnamon, cigarettes, baby powder...

I fell asleep, just drawing the scent into my lungs, feeling everything, yet having no words to explain what I was feeling.

(*)(*)(*)

My eyes snapped open, suddenly, my breathing ragged and strained.

Damn nightmares.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes again, trying to relax, and failing. I noticed distantly that 2D was gone; he almost always woke up before me, and I found this to be no surprise that he'd done it again. I sat up, running a hand through my hair and sighing. I already didn't remember the nightmare-it was fading back to the recesses of my brain, most likely to be replayed tomorrow night, or the night after that... I rubbed my eyes. I hadn't had a night free of nightmares since I'd made my deal with Satan. I'd sold my soul for a band. I'd sold my soul for this, and I didn't regret it, even in the slightest. It had helped me find Stu. It had helped me find my family. My chest loosened, and I breathed deeply, the fear that locked my muscles into place fading. At least I didn't remember this one. Not yet, anyway.

The door to the bathroom opened, and Stu walked out, hair dripping, towel wrapped around his waist. I smiled, uneasily, and he quirked an eyebrow in concern. "Wot's wrong, Muds?" he asked, walking over to his dresser and sorting through it for boxers. Damn, he could see right through me. A thrill of fear-and pleasure-swept through me at the thought.

"Same old same old," I replied, flipping off the covers and dangling my legs over the edge of the bed. "Bad night's sleep, is all." The world around me was still blurry, still shifting, unstable. I hadn't completely woken up yet, and I yawned, standing slowly, walking over to Stu and turning him, gently, leaning up for a kiss. It was sloppy, it was wet, but it was perfect. I shifted my hands to the back of his neck, tangling my fingers in his blue, silky, wet strands. His hands went to my waist, and I smiled into the kiss, feeling him do the same. He pulled away, sighing contentedly.

"Ah, Muds," he said, still smiling, pulling on his boxers, much to my dismay. "Yew're so damn cute in the mornings."

"Cute?" I scoffed. "I am many things, but 'cute' is definitely not one of them." If Stu could've rolled his eyes, I'm sure he would have. He settled for a small smile.

"Wot was yer nightmare about?" he asked, and I flinched without meaning to. I had hoped he'd forgotten about it.

"Honestly, I don't remember this one. Why?"

"During the night yew always say my name. 'Stuart.' Sometimes yew sound happy, other times...Well, yew sound scared." He looked down at me, worried, and I shifted my focus to the ground, crossing my arms and biting my lip. Should I tell him my nightmares about him leaving me...? No, I decided, I better save that for another time.

"I don't remember this one, Stu," I said, "I promise." I looked up at him. His beauty washed over me, and it hurt. But it was a good kind of hurt. I changed the subject abruptly. "Where's Alphs at?"

"Wif Russ," he said, sobering up a little. "He wanted ta have a day wif him, is all." I nodded, stretching, running my hand through my greasy mess of hair. Stu looked at me, smiled, and grabbed a lock of it, twirling it in his fingers. "Why's yer hair always so greasy?" he asked, teasing, and I shrugged.

"Dunno. I use shampoo and everythin', but it's always been that way."

His eyes brightened. His lips stretched into a smile. "Muds, can I do yer hair?"

(*)(*)(*)

An hour later, and my hair was soft, bouncy, and unbelievably fluffy. Stu couldn't stop playing with it, giggling all the while. "That was your problem, Murdoc!" he squeaked, running his hands through it and watching it bounce back into place, "you used conditioner! Well, you used too much, that is. You know you gotta rinse that stuff out, right?"

"Yeh," I said, lighting a cigarette and smiling. "I do wash it out, but it's still a greasy motherfucker. Guess I won't use it anymore." Stu quirked an eyebrow, an obvious question: "Why?" "Because it makes it like this, and you're playing with it," I replied. It wasn't even a lie. Him playing with my hair...well, it was giving me goosebumps. Like a cat being petted, I wanted more of it. And honestly, it was kind of turning me on a bit. I pulled him closer, and kissed him, softly at first. But then I felt it-that little spark, that ran through my entire body, that turned my veins to fire. I kissed him more deeply, and he sank into it, sank back onto the bed. I put my cigarette in the ashtray, snuffing it out.

I pushed myself between 2D's legs, propping myself up on top of him, my elbows on the bed, my hands under his shoulders. His hands were still in my hair, but one of them detangled itself, roaming down my back gently, just the very tips of his long digits touching me. I got chills-my groin started throbbing; I pushed my hips into his, and he moaned, his voice getting deeper. My hands traveled down to his boxers, slipping in, and I gripped his length, gently, pumping slowly. He gasped, his back arching, and I kissed his chest, moving up to his neck, his cheek, his lips. I pulled his boxers off the rest of the way, and pushed against him, feeling my warm skin touch his, the dry sound arousing in the silence.

"This is whatever you want, babe," I told him. "Just tell me..." I kissed him again, softly, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling gently on the blue locks, pushing our hips together again. His hands traveled down, trailing my chest, then down to my boxers, pulling them off impatiently. I groaned a little when his warm groin touched mine; he rolled me over, responding to the sound, getting on top of me, not once breaking our kiss, his hands sliding up and down my chest, straddling me, my face up. He then sat up, breaking our kiss, and I heard a bottle open, heard liquid being sloshed out of it-I opened my eyes, then felt his hand, slick with lubricant, around my length. Gasping, my eyelids fluttered closed again, and I moaned loudly when he put me inside him, riding me, then started to move, slowly, seductively.

"What if," he panted, "I don't want it to be about me?" I smiled and chuckled, but it was breathy. I ran my hands up his thighs, touched him gently, giving him cold chills. He started to move faster. I placed my hands on his hips-his perfect hips, the bones fitting perfectly in my palms; he sped up again, and I moaned, curling my toes. We'd been going for ten minutes, by this point, and I knew I could hold out longer, but Stu was making it so damn difficult. He was mewling like a kitten, his voice breaking wonderfully, musically. I let myself fall, let myself go over the edge, climaxing.

Stu slid off of me, laid down on my chest, exhausted. He smiled up at me, and I smiled back, pulling the covers over us and kissing him softly.

(*)(*)(*)

"Tahzn," Alphie pointed, and 2D smiled, nodding.

"Yeh, baby, that's Tarzan," he crooned, setting Alphie down on the floor in front of the TV and joining me on the couch, flopping ungracefully on the cushion. I wrapped my arms around him, pulled his legs up, and tangled them with my own, playing absentmindedly with his hair, watching the opening of Noodle's favorite American Disney movie. The leopard had just gotten the little gorilla kid, and I remembered Noodle crying every time, when she was younger. As she got older, the tears had stopped, but she still got depressed on that part. "Where do you suppose she is, Muds?" Stu said, and I knew exactly who he was talking about. I had been thinking of her a mere moment before.

Her face flashed behind my eyelids, and I took a deep breath. "Not sure, Stu. But she wouldn't have left willingly," I said, trying to comfort him so he wouldn't get sad. "I knew Noodle almost as well as you did." For the first time, I think Stu realized that he wasn't the only one who had to carry the burden of missing her. His burden may have been the heaviest, but he wasn't the only one who wanted her to come back (I wasn't sure I did want her to come back, though; I mean, I missed her, yes, but I'd stolen her boyfriend. I don't think she'd be too happy with me if she saw us right now). Stu looked up at me.

"M'sorry Muds," he said, snuggling closer. "I forgot she was like a daughter to you." My heart ached; she had been like a daughter to me, when she was younger. As she got older, we started drifting apart, and she'd gravitated to Stu, and I'd lost another person I'd been close to. It hadn't hurt too much. I used to be so numb all the time, nothing had phased me. I hadn't even really given a shit about Stu, then, hadn't started falling for him yet.

"Don't say it like that, mate. Then I'd be dating my son-in-law." I was cracking jokes, trying not to let him see just how scared the thought of losing him made me. I held him a little tighter, rolling out from under him and facing him, the little couch forcing us to be so close to each other we couldn't see each other's faces. Which was exactly how I preferred it to be, right now. I wanted him to be close, but I didn't want him to see through me, not at the moment.

Stu laughed, and I was glad. My diversion had worked, and he hadn't seen through me again. A thought suddenly came into my head, one unbidden. "Did you two ever plan a future?" I asked, out of nowhere, and Stu paused, pondering, though not sad. I was glad I had made his pain over her go away, was happy that I could take his mind off of her leaving. He nodded, after a few seconds.

"Yeh, we did. We were gonna raise our kid together, maybe have another one. Then we'd move somewhere remote, when they grew up, and we'd get old and die togevah. Whole lotta good that plan turned out to be, eh?" He chuckled. I didn't laugh, and he looked up at me, worried. "Muds? Wot's the mattah?" Damn. He could read me so easily, all the time, and I was still debating whether or not that was a good thing.

"...What's our future, Stu?" I asked. I had to know. If I was just going to lose him eventually, I might as well prepare myself for the pain now. Because if I lost him...life wouldn't be worth living anymore. Stu and his kid were my entire world. Without them, I was nothing. Just another face in the crowd, just another nobody. They made me special; being the bassist of the biggest band in the world had nothing to do with it.

"What do yew mean?"

"Is this gonna last? Me and you...are we gonna make it, do you think?" Realization of what I was asking flashed through his eyes, and he nodded vigorously, hesitantly at first, then growing more comfortable in his answer.

"Definitely, Muds. You're so important to me. I couldn't imagine my life wifout yew, and I wouldn't want anybody else to help take care of Alphie. I miss Noodle immensely, but I've accepted that she's gone, and I have yew, now. I wouldn't have it any other way."

I opened my mouth to respond, but thunder crashed, and we all jumped, hearing the rain start pouring outside. Damn. Time to secure the palace (if Kong could be considered a palace).

I stood up, walking across the room, locking the front door. When it rained, the zombies tended to look for shelter. And the nearest shelter just happened to be Kong Studios. I looked at the control panel next to the door, and pressed the big, red button I'd been looking for: LOCK ALL. A resounding click sounded through the building as all external doors and windows were locked, along with the doors leading to the basement and the roof, both of which were made of reinforced steel. I walked back over to Stu, and flopped back onto the couch. He snuggled back into me immediately, turning up the TV. Tarzan had killed the leopard and was holding it over his head victoriously.

"Now, about that future..." I said, smiling, grabbing his face and kissing him, gently. "Can we start it here, now?" He smiled and leaned into me, nodding, and my heart soared. I finally felt like I'd have him forever, and everything was right in my world. We kissed slowly, our lips moving together like they'd been doing it forever. I shifted, putting 2D under me, and straddled him, my hands on his chest. He put his hands on my hips and giggled-God, I loved his giggle. I smirked into our kiss, moving one of my hands up to his face, cupping it gently-I considered taking this a step farther-

Until there was a knock on the door. We broke apart quickly, and I leapt off of him, assuming zombies were trying to break down the door. 2D snatched up Alphie and backed away across the room. I walked over to the window, peeked through the curtains. There was a figure in front of the door, but it didn't look like a zombie. It looked scared of the zombies, in fact, because it was pounding on the door and screaming, glancing back at the shuffling mob behind it. They were so far off, the person wasn't in any immediate danger, but it was a big mass of undead. The figure was small, dainty. Female, I guessed, or a young male. But hell, what'd I know about its gender? Lightning flashed, and I frowned, something about it being familiar... I just couldn't put my finger on it. It pounded on the door again, giving up and sliding to its knees, holding itself and sobbing. "Fuck me," I snarled, and dashed to the door. I wasn't that heartless, not anymore.

I fumbled with the lock again, still trying to figure out why the hell the person was so familiar. Oh, well, I'd figure it out soon enough. "Murdoc!" 2D shrieked, "What're yew doing?!"

"There's somebody out there and I can't just let them die!" I snarled, finally figuring the damn lock out, and I flung open the door, catching the person as they fell forward (they'd been leaning on the door previously). I slammed the door shut again, locked it. They turned their face up and smiled at me, relieved.

"Murdoc," they said, crying. Their arms wrapped around me tightly, and my heart stuttered as I hugged them back, tears spilling out of my eyes, as well. Their slim figure was so familiar; they laughed as they heard Tarzan playing, and they sat up, brushing my hair out of my eyes and smiling their bright, familiar smile. My lips lifted into a smirk, my eyes still watering, my heart aching, but in a good way. I hadn't realized yet what this meant, that my worst nightmare was about to come true, because I was so happy, in that moment.

"Noodle," I said, "God, I missed you, darlin'."

A/N: God, my hands hurt. I've been busting my ass on this chapter for two days now, making it perfect for you guys. This probably isn't as long as Noods' chapter was, but I tried my best to make it decent. I'm hoping for at least 3,000 words, but if it isn't, oh well. Hope you enjoyed and we'll update ASAP. The song Muds sings to Stu is "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. Also, here's a list of songs we've used throughout the Fanfiction:

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

The Reason - Hoobastank

With Arms Wide Open - Creed

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Closer - Nine Inch Nails

Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith

(Everything I Do) I Do It For You - Bryan Adams

-Psyke