A/N aplogise for the delay in updates, life has suddenly become very hectic, as it does. I'm really glad you all liked the last chapter, it was very difficult to right. Hopefully you'll like this one to. Thank you for your review/ favs/ alerts etc etc etc
Chapter Seven
The Promethei's helm is dark and quiet, almost deserted except for the figure who sits in the oversized captain's chair. Smoke billows from his pipe, obscuring his worn and weary face; a wall between him and the rest of the world. Stripped of his trademark woollen hat, devoid of the fire that had previously filled him he slumps where he sits, darkness extenuating the thinness and frailty of his limbs.
He looks old.
There is a transparency to his skin, a brittleness, like it is made of thin greased paper that could tear at any time. His grey eyes have lost their twinkle, there's no energy left in him at all. It feels like he's held together by nothing more than the clothes he wears and the air against him; he is in short a broken man.
One foot forward into the bridge, arms folded against my chest I watch his reflection in the cabin window. The blast shutter is up; the world out side is bathed in violet, stretched and deformed, the light that comes through the window flickers tenuously as if it could disappear at any time.
We are less than an hour from Thessia.
"I've checked the ship's system; everything seems to be running fine." Idle words, directionless, I pause, glance side way's at him. "I'm sorry about May'ia Ripley, I truly am."
Red eyes meet mine, cracked lips pressed together mutely, he shakes his head, eyes going back to the void beyond the glass.
"Ain't nothin' you coulda done 'bout it lass, I don't hold you no ill will."
A few difficult steps into the room, left leg refusing to play along, the stitches pull as I move. His words jar me, bite at me, rally the immature, spiteful part of me. No ill will, he holds me no ill will. Anger flares and subsides, brief, intense but pointless; this is not the time for that.
"We'll be arriving soon, they'll have questions." The old scar on my lip itches, the new burn on my cheek stings.. "I imagine there'll be an enquiry, which is great, haven't had enough of those recently. Kian Astra will probably be taken into custody."
Biting my lip I rest against a wall, the pressure of it against my arm almost unbearably painful but I resist the urge to wince and just watch him. He doesn't flinch, not so much as a flicker in his dark, hooded eyes at the mention of this.
"Liara tells me the asari don't take kindly to people trying to smuggle things onto Thessia, he could be looking at a very long sentence if they find him guilty."
There is no action at all within him, not the slightest twitch of a muscle at my words. If he knows the truth of what has happened here he is hiding it well, more capable of deceit than I would have ever thought possible. All I see when I look at him is a man lost without his wife, a shattered, hollow shell of who he was. Does he know, is he involved, I can't tell, I don't know. My judgement it clouded by his grief, but this is no time for fault or feelings, no time to be lineate because I like him; I need to be strong in this.
"I've confined him to one of the empty cabins, locked the door. He doesn't seem particularly happy about it but…."
A small shrug, another glance at Ripley, I round the helmsman's chair, rest myself against the console. Everything about this feels wrong, implausible, the Astra's were a much better fit. Is it right to condemn without the facts, to feel happier when you believed the deaths were the result of a man you despise and not one you respect?
I rub my eyes, let out a breath, cross and uncross my arms before looking at him deeply.
"Tell me about Benezia Ripley."
xXoXx
"Are you going to tell her?"
Her words hang in the air like a heavy haze of smoke, suffocating, toxic. Head cradled in my hands, fingers teasing my fringe I take a long, deep breath, open my mouth to reply but find I have no words. I shrug instead.
"Good, glad we got that sorted out."
Ashley's holographic image folds her arms at me, face sullen over the digital divide that stretches between us here on Thessia and her on the Antarctica. We've been in for coming up to nine hours and haven't gotten further than the arrivals lounge.
"Gotta say Skipper I don't envy you, this is gonna be tough on Liara, but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to kn-know." The FTL feed jumps, her words falter. "It-t-t'll hurt but she needs to know…."
"I know." Standing I begin to pace. "I know. I should tell her but what good would it do, she's here to burying Benezia not to, to get tangled up in this mess." I massage the bridge of my nose. "Why isn't anything ever easy?"
"Because that wouldn't be any fun. Ashley's mouth curls into a smirk. "Speaking of Liara where is the good doctor?"
"Sorting our access papers out it think, though if I'm honest I'm hiding from her, I don't want to have this conversation with her until I've decided what I'm going to say."
"I did wonder why you insisted on doing this with the lights off."
"You see the length I go to just get alone in the dark with you Chief? I wish you'd just give in already." My smirk turns into more of a wince as pain shoots through me in response to my foolish attempt at a deep breath. "Hey you remember about two months ago when I hadn't broken almost every part of me three times over? I liked those times, let's jump back there."
"Two months ago we we're still hunting Saren."
"True, but my ribs we're in one piece." Another twinge clouds my vision, I feel the room spin and have to sit.
"Shepard?" The Chief's voice calls through the haze. "Maybe you should go get yourself checked out."
"I'm fine, it's nothing serious. It's not like they can do anything anyway, except dope me up on meds that I'm already taking." She continues to stare at me in concern, I crack a smile. "Seriously Ash I'm fine. Have the Alliance sent any one out to retrieve the bodies yet?"
"Not yet, Mikhailovich didn't seem all that impressed when I asked him about it, something about wasting resources.."
"Why doesn't that surprise me? Talk to Hackett, failing that go to my Mom I'm sure the Orizaba can spare a cruiser or two. Those geth need to be retrieved and it's not right to leave Tanton and San'del to spend eternity floating in that ether, it just isn't."
"I'll ask again but I don't really have the pull to get anything done."
"Then get Pressly to try, he's is meant to be my XO after all. Not that you're not great company but I think even your skills are lacking in this particular situation. Where is he? I've left him about twenty messages."
"He has chicken pox."
"He has…" I blink a few times at that, furrow my brows. "Did you say chicken pox? Pressly has chicken pox?"
"Yes."
"Chicken pox?"
"Yes."
"How does he….where did he pick that up from?"
The Chief gives me a small shrug, her arms crossed.
"He went to visit his grandchildren, 'parently he's never had it." Ashley shrugs matter-of-factly. "Chakwas has him on a course of accelerators; it'll have cleared up by the time you get back from your trip 'furthering asari relations'."
"Furthering asari relations?" Groaning I rub my eyes. "Chief please tell me that's not what you're telling people.".
"Udina's words not mine. He arrived a few days ago for that ball thing they were holding in your honour, which by the way he was not happy about you not going to. Anyway he sent out some kind of press release saying you were 'taking time out of your command of the Normandy to attend the burial of blar blar usual politician bull'. It got released last night, it's probably all over the media-sphere by now."
"Wonderful. So knowing our dear esteemed Counsellor he's sending me many best wishes and hoping I get good weather?"
"Hell no he's pissed but he's surprisingly accepting of your trip, though whether he will be when he finds out just how literally your taking the 'relations' part is any bodies guess. Speaking of how is Thessia? Nice to be surrounded by so much open country side and beautiful blue…." Her mouth curves into a cocky smile, "…skies?"
I ignore her. "So far I haven't seen much of either. But their customs are nice, roomy, have a great view over the interstellar space port. The welcome left a little to be desired though, they make Noveria look like over excited girl scouts. Soon as we docked the ship the ship was commandeered, we were all brought us all in for questioning and CPU locked down." With a flick of my wrist I open my omni-tool. "Which reminds me, I'm going to uplink a file to you, pass it on to Tali and get her to have a look at it for me."
"Sure, of course. It's not steamy pictures of you and the good doctor is it because you know how the poor girl blushes."
A roll of my eyes. "Shipping manifest, obviously faked even I can see that but it's got too many layers of encryption for me to get through it this side of Armistice Day. Where ever the geth came from I'll guarantee you there's more."
On the other side of the link Ashley glances from the screen for a moment then back again.
"Should I ask how you got this from the hard drive or is it better for me not to know so I can plead my ignorance when the cops come looking?"
"Ash please, look who you're talking to, you think the woman who talked an Exogeni crony out of shooting half his staff is fazed by a few asari locks? Actually I just got it before we docked." A grin, a shrug, a wince. Stupid. "I want to know where these fuckers came from Ash, as soon as Tali finds something let me know."
"I will be on her every hour of everyday." A pause, I cock an eyebrow. "Shut up. Nice civvies by the way, they look good on you."
Looking down at my self I let out a small laugh at the clothes I now wear. Red synthetic silk trousers over a matching shirt that is cut off at the elbows and just above the waist is not exactly my ideal outfit but it was all I could find that fit me. The brown boots made of some Thessian leather are stylish and comfortable as hell however, I think I'll keep them.
"They were the only thing in my size, I'm not really built like most asari."
She peers at me through the electronic divide and cracks a smile. "Are those suspenders?"
"They came with the pants." I quickly defend, repositioning the elasticised strap on my shoulder with a wince, the make shift repair of my wounds is wearing out. "How are the repairs to the Normandy going?"
"They've started, just about. Adam's is in a bit of stand off with the Lead Engineer on the Perugia about who gets to use some kind of fancy diagnostic machine first but he'll sort it I'm sure."
The door opens and the lights come on.
"Shepard."
"Busted," Ashley smirks at me before looking over my shoulder at Liara. "Doctor T'Soni, I was just saying how good the Skipper looks in her new get-up, you're doing?"
"I'm afraid I can take no responsibility for that Chief William's." Liara replies with a polite nod before turning to me her face impassive. "Doesn't this hurt?"
The scream that I release as she digs her fingers into my bullet wound is neither dignified nor restrained. Pinpricks of intense white light hit the back of my eyes, my legs go weak and I collapse onto the table top, quivering.
"God damn it Liara. What was that for?" Breathes coming in gasps I clasp my hand over my injury protecting it from any further attack, Liara doesn't so much as flinch.
"You need medical attention."
"I've had medical attention." I point out.
"I'm not a doctor." She points back.
"So that was a different Doctor T'Soni that just greeted the Chief?"
"Shepard I have a doctorate in Prothean studies not human anatomy, you need to be looked over by a proper medical professional, Goddess why must you make everything so difficult?" Blue eyes stare defiantly at me; I groan, throwing my hands up in defeat.
"Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later Ash."
"That's right Skipper, you do as the Doctor orders. "
A glower. "Dismissed Chief."
"Ma'am." Her shit eating grin disintegrates into nothingness as the link between us and Antarctica ends leaving me with no option but to look at Liara, albeit rather sheepishly.
"I was going to come find you once I'd finished my call."
"Of course you were." Her words are faint and tired, she turns. "The doctor's been waiting almost an hour; she won't wait much longer for you."
"Liara." A touch on her shoulder gently, mindful of the cut she has there I make her face me again. "I'm sorry, about what I said before….I….I didn't mean it."
Instead of replying she simply shakes her head, biting her bottom lip her face the picture of restraint.
"You don't understand Liara!" I rage, slamming my hand into the cabin door. "It isn't about that."
"Is it not? You must forgive me for thinking it Shepard but it certainly seems that way to me."
"Why would you…" A twinge in my chest, pain ricochets through me. "Why would you think that I did this on purpose? Do you honestly think that I'm suicidal?"
"I know the guilt you hold over the Ascension, maybe, some part of you saw this as a fitting repayment."
"That's ridiculous. Completely and uttering fucking ridiculous. I am not suicidal."
"Maybe that was the wrong word, perhaps recklessly endangering yourself is more accurate." Liara says calmly but her eyes are bright with fear. " Why else are you so upset that that I came to your aid?"
"I'm not upset you came for me, I'm upset that you disobeyed a direct order Liara. I told you to hold the bridge and you just ignored me."
"I saved your life." She folds her arms.
"I know and I don't want you to think I'm not grateful because I am. Vacuum exposure is a horrible way to die, I'd really rather not go out that way but that isn't what this is about. I gave you an order and completely disregarded it."
"And saved your life." She says again eyes defiant.
"That's not what this is about!" I scream back at her, white hot pain stabbing at my rib cage. "I don't give orders lightly, don't just think hmm where should I get all of my little chess pieces to stand today hmm oh yeah here will do. It doesn't work like that. I put you in the bridge Liara because if I failed you were the best shot at keeping the people on this ship alive. What would have happened if you had been taken out as well? Who would have been there to defend the rest of the passengers?"
"You had no idea what you were facing, going in on your own was reckless and stupid. If I hadn't come for you you'd be dead."
"I know Liara! I know alright! But that comes with being in the military, sometimes people just die but that doesn't mean you stop obeying the orders given to you. Don't you think that Kaiden wanted to cut and run on Virmire? He no more wanted to stay there when that A-bomb went off then I wanted to go into that hold on my own but did as he was ordered. Do you get it? It doesn't matter what our personal feelings might be for one another, in situations like these the mission must always come first, no matter what, no matter how much danger that puts our lives in. I have to trust that you'll do exactly as I tell you, no questions, no hesitations, not ever. If you can't do that Liara then maybe it's a good thing you're not coming back to the Normandy because if this is the way you're going be I don't want you there. I need to speak to Ripley"
The door slams closed as I leave.
Liara's strides are long and powerful, much faster than I am able to keep up with thanks to the piece of shrapnel that bored it's self into my calf. Each step she takes pulls her a little bit further ahead of me.
"Liara, wait up."
With difficulty I jog to catch her up as she walks across sparsely decorated floor plan of the Serrice Interplanetary Space Port. It's big; everything about it, every proportion is just on a scale that I haven't seen before. The ceiling reaches for hundreds of metres into the sky, arched in a way that the tops are obscured giving the illusion that it just continues on for ever. The walls are a deep, indigo shade of blue, the floor the palest silver with just the hint of mauve, every surface is smooth and tactile, ageless but modern. I've been in a lot of space ports in my life, mostly Alliance built but occasionally turian or volus but this is the first asari world I've seen and it is easily the most impressive. If this is how their transport terminals look I can't wait to see the rest of the world, the older, more ancient part. The thought of it fills me with a tingle of excitement but first….
"Come on Li, slow down just a bit."
"Li?" Her pace slows; she faces me, a tint of something unreadable in her ocean eyes. "You've never called me that before."
"It's…" Letting out a nervous chuckle I run my hand through the back of hair. "It's just something I'm trying, do you like it?"
"I do." Her eyes glint. "Maybe I'll start calling you Jackie."
"You better not, I'm perfectly happy with Shepard."
"As am I." Liara brightens but it doesn't last. She's angry at me, hurt. I can't say I blame her but her pace does ease at least till she's walking by my side instead of a few steps in front. "The examination room is this way. A few of the passengers are there, it looks as though Kian Astra has been released from custody."
"Oh…really?" Hopefully the way I avert my gaze from her is not to noticeable, I shuffle, resist the urge to scratch my scar. "How are…how are they?"
"Scared, apprehensive. I can't say I blame them, Thessia can be a very intimidating place for newcomers, I've forgotten how…" Her eyes go around the lounge, stopping briefly on a few asari that we pass. "How restricting it all can be."
There's something different about her here, her movements are tighter, her back straighter, she's more controlled in her gestures and mindful of her words. Whether it's because of an event that has happened while we've been apart or maybe because of what I said I don't know, but she is different, I can feel it coming off of her in waves.
"Did you get everything sorted out? Are we allowed to, er board? Is that right the word? I'm not planet-side that often, I tend to forget the terrestrial terms."
Her calm face betrays her with the hint of a smile before returns to it's proper state more easily than I'd like.
"Yes, I've negotiated out passage, and contacted the estate. One of my Mother's acolytes is sending a car we'll be able to leave as soon as you've been treated."
"Great, good, other general words of agreement." I mumble as the examination room appears before us. With a sigh I drop my head. "Guess I should get this other with."
"I know why you're reluctant to go in there Shepard." Liara says to me warmly, grazing my fingers with the barest of touches. "No one blames you for what happened; in fact I think they all know they owe you their lives."
"Yeah, I bet."
Taking a deep breath we enter into the room.
"Get your creepy reptilian hands off me salarian I ain't hurt."
Kian Astra's words slap me in the face the moment we pass through the clinic's doors. The air is cooler in here, purer; in fact that's true of the entire room. Every surface is cold, metallic, clean, irrefutably medical and although it looks exactly like any other med bay it has a feel all of its own. There's a different taste to the air, a smell or as is more accurate a lack of the two. The familiar smell of disinfectant and antiseptic is missing, its absence makes the room feel very alien.
Standing in the temperature controlled unit I feel a shiver caress my skin as I look around myself and Liara. The room is huge, easily the size of the Normandy's entire lower deck but much more sparsely furnished, it can't contain more than ten or twenty beds most of which are vacant. Despite this the few passengers injured aboard the Promethei are grouped together in a distant corner, whether by force or some sense of camaraderie is unclear. An asari in a crisp green and gold uniform approaches us, her hands clasped behind her back.
"Sia T'Soni welcome back," they exchange a formal greeting, hands extended and heads nodded, "and this must be the esteemed Commander Shepard, my name is Doctor J'tayl please, if you'll follow me."
The doctor moves ahead of us, her coat swaying with each elegant step she takes. We move through the clinic to a glass framed room towards the back, passing the passengers of the Promethei as we door. Their conversations are as clear as iced crystal no matter how much I try to block my ears to them.
"You deaf or what now grey skin? I said I ain't hurt..
"Protest futile. Examination required by Thessian law following incident." The doctor shakes his head, his purple tinted grey skin a stark contrast to the bright white coat he wears. "Please remain seated Mr Astra. Physical exam will only take a moment."
On a bed Tania Calfee cradles her daughter Dina in her arms, tears staining her drawn out face. She talks angrily to a young asari.
"He's my son, I…I….he's my son." Her words drown in her throat as more tears come. "You have no right!"
A shriek comes from a few beds down.
"My hand, damn, argh," An older man screams as a nurse tends to him, I never learnt his name. "I'm a mechanic you can't…You can't take my hand!"
The anguish in their words cut at me, the sight of the poor man struggling against the biotic restraints impossible to watch. I lower my eyes, roll my jaw, wishing I was anywhere but here. Liara sticks close to my side, her hand brushing against my lower back as she guides me passed them, her touch rousing me and I realise that Doctor J'tayl is talking.
"…the end of a newsburst today about the attack on the Citadel, I heard that you were to spend a few weeks on Thessia but I never believed I would have the chance to meet you. It really is an honour"
Great, another groupie; giving her my best facsimile of a charming smile I fold my arms in front of me.
"I don't know about that." I reply without much enthusiasm. Social small talk has never been my favourite past time, particularly when I'm in as bad a mood as I am today but when you're raised around people that you never have time to get to know you do develop a certain affinity for it.
"This is an impressive facility, but I can't imagine you get that many patients. I always thought this side of the galaxy was fairly unexciting."
Doctor J'tayl lets out a small laugh, her eyes crinkling at their corners.
"I guess that is as good a word to describe Thessia as any." Her skin is a darker blue than Liara's, it has an almost purple tinge to it and she has the most intricate markings I've seen on any asari but her face lacks warmth, even when smiling. "We are more accustomed to enforcing the planets strict travel laws, running tests on people wishing to enter, ensuring travellers do not return with mysterious diseases, implementing the occasional quarantine that sort of thing. Nothing as exciting as today."
She pauses at the entrance way to an examination room that is nothing more that a glass lined box, stepping to one side she allows me to enter. Liara moves to follow me.
"This will not take long Sia, if you'll just wait here."
"Oh, yes." Practically jumping away from the doorway Liara replies. "Apologies, I was…was not thinking.."
"You can come in Liara, I don't mind." The way Liara reacted has me worried; the change in her has become more prominent, more pronounced, if she could I think she would have fled by now. She steps away from me and the doctor, arms wrapped around herself protectively.
"No, it is…is…" She sighs, shakes her head. "I have been off world for a long time, I have forgotten the conventions. I'll wait for you here."
Doctor J'tayl inclines her head, whether as a gesture of confirmation or one of disdain I don't know and closes the door. Another motion of her hand opaques the glass, isolating the doctor and myself from the rest of the clinic. The sounds beyond the walls have become muffled, dead, as if I'm sitting in a giant tank of water. It's a bit unnerving.
"So Commander, let's see what we have."
Prising my eyes open into the struggling stripe of blue light above me, blinking as my eyes adjust, and struggling to breathe I groan and shut them tight again.
"Ow."
The world swims around me and my ears ring, a side effect from the depressurisation. My entire body is humming, shaking, my fingers jump up and outwards like they're attached to a defective mass accelerator. It feels as if a vice is clamped around my chest, each breath I take tightens it sending ripples of pain followed by shockwaves of intense agony through me.
"Shepard…." A soft finger traces my face, touches my forehead, cheek, lips before shaking my shoulder gently. "Shepard."
"I'm up." Opening my eyes again I smile at Liara queasily and push myself up from the floor with quivering arms that lift me about halfway before giving in. "Okay not quite up but almost, give me a minute."
"Don't try to move, you might have internal bleeding." The back of my eyelids glow with an orange light and I can hear the soft hum of an omni-tool set to scan. My torso tingles slightly. "I think you're alright but…Goddess Shepard you nearly, you…"
"Hey," I force myself up again, manage to get to a weak sitting position and touch her face. "I've been through worse than this, I'll be fine. I just need…argh." Clenching my eyes closed I shudder as more pain hits. "I just need something to take the edge off. There's a…" A wince. "…a med-pen in the trunk in the cabin and a…field kit.. Can you…" An erratic exhale of air. "Can you get them for me?"
"Alright… yes, yes." Placing a small light kiss on my lips she rests me against back against wayward empty crate. " I will be right back don't move Shepard."
"Some chance of that." Giving her the brightest smile I can muster I wait till she's left the hold to let out a shuddering, pained groan. "Great plan Jac, great plan."
It had been close; it had been very very close. A few seconds, maybe even a fraction of that and it would have all been over.
Taking controlled breaths I begin to examine myself, prodding and probing my fingers along the length of my body. All ten fingers, both arms two legs, my head is still attached to my neck, all good so far. Shoulder throbbing but not bleeding, bullet wound to my left arm, another to my side, just below my arm.
Various scratches, cuts and abrasions, the right side of my face burns.
A little bit lower now, stomach tender but not overly so, now ribs, they're sore but are they…Jesus, I let out a hiss, broken definitely broken. Down to my legs, a rip in the fabric of my trousers, a wet patch, sticky, warm. Sitting forward again slowly, one arm grasping my chest I examine my leg, pulling the scorched, tattered material away from it gingerly. The glint of metal catches my eye; I turn my knee inwards to better see the wound.
"Ah, crap.." A jagged piece of shrapnel juts from me, imbedding deep within my calf, dark red blood seeping through around it. The entire leg of my pants is stained and soiled, completely ruined. "I liked these pants."
When it hit me I have no idea, I don't remember it happening but its long and sharp and deadly looking, I'm lucky it missed my carotid artery otherwise I'd already have bled out. The doors to the hold open again and Liara returns, a small, reddish tin clutched to her chest protectively.
"I'm sorry I took so long, Tania Calfee cornered me, she wanted me to look at her son but I'm afraid he…there is nothing I can do for him. A few others need aid, they were hurt in the depressurisation."
"How many applications of medi-gel do we have?"
Opening the tin Liara removes the small cylindrical canisters. "Four."
"Four?" Looking at her aghast I curse myself for not restocking it before we left. "Well that won't go far. Just hand me my med-pen and the field kit. You take the medi-gel and give it to anyone who might need it. Life threatening wounds first. "
"You can't be suggesting that you're going to give yourself stitches?" She makes not attempt to leave, simple stares at me. "That's ridiculous Shepard, use one of the medi-gels on yourself."
"There isn't enough to go around as it is, its better the passengers have it if they need it. Stitches aren't that bad, I've done it before." Extending my hand I take the kit from Liara who crouches at my side, staring at me intently. She has such expressive eyes, the most amazing blue, bright and wide and wonderful but right now they're filled with worry. "If you want to help you can distract me while I do it."
"I don't think you're in any condition for that right now." Liara cracks a wicked smile." but maybe later."
"Oh, there's the Liara that I love, I'll hold you to that." Returning the look I give her a sly wink before grasping the shard of metal in my leg and giving it a firm hard tug. It slides out more easily than I would have thought but the pain is excruciating, my spare hand goes to Liara's on instinct, holding it tight. "Tell me something, anything, a story about Thessia…a fairy tale, you must have those. All civilisations have fairytales."
"I'm not sure about fairytales but we do have stories, antidotes about our history. Did you…Have I ever told you about how the asari got the gift of our biotics?" A strange smile comes to her lips; she places a hand on my knee steadying it as I pierce the flesh with the needle, pulling the plastic thread through with it. "We haven't always been had the ability, at least this is how the story tells it. There was a time, many lives ago, when we still sat around campfires at night and lived in the caves that run under the surface of the planet that we fought our wars with nothing more than sticks and arrows like any other race.."
Her words flow from her like water, effortless and deep, easy to fall head first into, even easier to get lost in. She continues.
"A war had been raging between the ruling tribes of Athaca and Alteria for hundreds of years. Conflicts between tribes at this time was not uncommon but this one in particular was more brutal and bloody than most, thousands died, possibly hundreds of thousands. The true total of death was never fully documented. It came to a point, the tales say, that the Goddess Atheme herself looked down upon us and saw that we were in chaos, that our species needed guidance and in her wisdom gave us a choice continue as we are until nothing survived but ashes and bone or accept from her a gift, one that would change our specie course forever, accelerate us to the highest point of power, art and science. The gift of our biotics. They accepted, of course. It was not as easy a choice as it may sound, old grudges are hard to break and the Goddess gave her gift to us with very strict rules. There could be no more wars between species, we must focus our energies outwards, to building a better, stronger race, to ensure that we progress and evolve. If they ever broke this oath the Goddess would take our powers back and we would return to the uncivilised, barbaric race we were before. But as time passed and the generations grew apart, discovering space travel, the Citadel and the rest of galaxy these promises were forgotten by some and, if the story is to be believed, they were punished."
"Punished how?"
"There is a tree that grows around the region of Serrice, the part of Thessia that was previously Aleria, the Oluja-tica's, the tree of storms', or 'birds of frost and fire', in some dialects it means 'our maelstrom of sorrows' there is no true modern translation. It stands hundreds of metres high with more branches than you could ever hope to count each covered with tiny, purple leaves that are no bigger than you finger tips. The old tale says that if any asari, no matter of their age or what family they descend from kills one of her sisters they do not, as the Siari says return to the energy of the universe but become trapped as one of these leaves, forced to live an eternity this way. The only release comes when the Oluja-tica sheds its leave, something that happens very rarely but is one of the most beautiful sights you will ever see. They say only a few people in the whole universe have the power to force the tree of storms to shed."
"Have you ever seen it?"
"Once, when I was very young. I woke early in the morning and saw my Mother walking among the trees that line our estate, I believe she was crying. She stopped, looked upwards and…it felt as if the air began to shake, the sky lit with lighting and the leaves fell. They began to swim and swirl around her, riding the currents upwards, she said the sensation of hundreds of thousands of these brushing against her made feel as if she was flying. As if she could feel every trapped soul being freed around her." Stopping she looks down at me, frowning slightly once she realises I've finished the stitches on my leg. "It's just a story of course I don't think there's any scientific fact to it at all."
Leaning forward I brush my lips against hers, savouring her scent and taste. With a sigh I lean back again.
"Enough lazing around, I should go see to the passengers." Resting my weight against her shoulder I push myself upwards, testing my injured leg tentatively. "Not to bad if I say so myself."
"I wish that sometimes you would just slow down Shepard, give yourself time to breathe."
"That would be nice wouldn't it?" Grinning weakly I begin to limp towards the door. "Maybe next year, I think I have sometime in my diary then."
"You joke about these things but you could have been killed here Shepard. If I hadn't come you would have..." Liara stops me with a hand to the arm. "What you did was stupid and reckless and not at all like you. I have to ask you Shepard, I have to know…"
xXoXx
The door to the examination room opens in front of me as I step out into the central section of the infirmary, buttoning up my shirt as I do. Doctor J'tayl follows closely behind telling me things I've heard a thousand times before.
"As long as you try to keep strenuous exercise to a minimum and finish your course of antibiotics you will be just fine Commander."
Because I was worried there for a moment, I think wryly but smile and nod my head at her instead.
"Thank you Doctor." Searching the room for Liara the asari's presence becomes completely inconsequential when I fail to find her.
"Do you know where Liara T'Soni went?" Approaching the salarian doctor I ask, eyes still roaming the room for her, a knot of worry forming in my stomach. "She's about yey high, blue eyes, freckles?"
"Yes well aware of the physical attributes of Sia T'soni but must apologise that I do not know where she is at this current time. Excuse me."
With a raised eyebrow I watch the salarian rush away before going back to my search for Liara. She isn't here, I'm certain of it.
"Well if it ain't the hero of the damn hour." As voice says behind me, closing my eyes I turn, hard faced to Kian Astra. "You must be pleased with yourself, all this is just more free publicity for you ain't it?"
Rolling my jaw I give him what I hope is a tactful smile. "I'm sorry about your brothers Kian, I don't know if it helps but none of these people would be alive with out them."
"Yeah right, you think I give a shit that Tanton and San'del died in some heroic fucking act? Few days time all those people gonna be back doing their normal thing and they ain't gonna remember my brothers, all they're gonna think 'bout is how the wonderful Commander Shepard flew in on her magic fucking carpet and saved the day."
"That isn't going to happen."
"Sure it ain't. I've been looking you up Shepard, you're a bigger deal than I thought you were, might be able to make a cred or two from all this."
"I'm so glad." I reply tightly.
His upper lip curls in to a conceited smirk. "This kind of stuff happens to you a lot don't it? Ambushes and attacks and that? You'd think by now people would stop following you around, then I guess if you weren't sleeping with the blue even she woulda left by know right?"
I stare at him, hard and deep, can feel the mixture of ice and fire that has come to my grey eyes, wishing I could regain some kind of control over them but knowing I'm far past that when it comes to him.
"Is there something I can do for you Kian?" Trying to contain the hostility in my voice; I'm better than this, I'm better than him. "Or are you just here to whine about how unfair life is to you?"
"Hey yeah screw you bitch. You know fuck all 'bout me Alliance. Fuck. All."
He's right of course, there was no reason for that, it was petty and childish of me and I berate myself for it.
"Sorry, that wasn't necessary."
"Right, sure." He grinds his teeth, scratching at the dark stumble on his face. "You know what Shepard? I'm tired of you acting like you're so much better than me 'cause you ain't. You're nothing more than an Alliance brat, brought up in this nice warm little bubble, away from any of the real danger. You ain't ever had to run in a gang or split a chicken between eight people 'cause the harvest failed. You ain't seen what happens to you're town when batarians decide that they deserve what your parents worked their fingers bloody building. Everyone thinks you're some kind of god damn hero 'cause you saved a load of higher ups and politicians. Well you know what? You ain't no hero, all you are is a dog, you sit, you stay, you wipes the well off's asses."
"That's not true." Restraint is becoming difficult, the thought of connecting my fist against his jaw a welcome one. Who is he to pass judgement on me; he understands nothing, sees only the tiniest glimmers of the bigger picture. He knows nothing.
"See, that's where you're wrong, Commander. This stuff that's happened? The stuff that suddenly makes you all important and that? Its bull shit, worse has been happening for years out in the terminus, to your own people. Colonies get attacked, ships hijacked, just last week an entire planet went silent you ain't done nothing 'bout them. You know why? 'Cause we ain't rich, we ain't important, we ain't big wig aliens. All we are is human. The Alliance don't give a damn 'bout us."
"That's not true." I say again, hating the fact I'm repeating myself but it's the only thing I can think to say. "The Alliance cares...I care about what happened to San'del and Tanton."
"You think that's what this is about? It ain't I'll tell you that for nought. Like I care 'bout either of those inbreed bastards. They didn't give a shit 'bout me. You think big brother came rushing to my back when the bartarian's raided Millor 'cause he din't. More important that he got poor little San'del out of there, I din't even cross his mind."
"I'm sure that's not true."
"Like hell you'd even know. Soon as the first shots fired Tanton ran off to find him, left me standing in the middle of the field like a chump, never even looked back. I got out of there 'cause of me, I fought off the bastards, I survived 'cause I was smart enough to. Just like I survived today 'cause I was smart enough not to follow you. You might not like it but my brothers died 'cause they trusted you, 'cause you got this big, slick mouth and convincing words that idiots like them fall over themselves to follow. How many people you talked into they're deaths Shepard? You even have a fucking clue?"
"Careful Kian." A few more words and I'll rip his head from his shoulders and hate myself later for it. "You just be careful what you say."
"Yeah? You'll what hit me?"
"As a start, yeah."
"I ain't afraid of you Shepard, I've seen worse than you." Stretching outwards he rolls his neck. "So yeah, boo fricken hoo that my so called family's dead but from where I'm standing it's fantastic that I ain't 'cause hanging round you I think that makes me in the minority."
Shoving past me he rams his huge shoulder into mine, antagonising my wound, my mind and my poorly hidden rage. If I wasn't surrounded by people I'd rant and rave, thrash outwards with my fists, throw bottles and books from shelves, sweat and yell and scream till my mouth turned blue, but I can't. Such an expression of emotion is a weakness, it belittles what has happened here, what some of these people have lost but more than that it let's Kian Astra know he's gotten under my skin. Instead I bite my inner cheek, twist my hip in away that my ribs throb and shriek in response and let my fury dissipate into pain. A bad habit to start.
"Tania Calfree looses a son, Mr Ripley looses a wife and Kian Astra lives. The universe has an interesting sense of morality."
Liara says at my side, I hadn't even noticed she'd appeared or where she'd appeared from.
"I learnt along time ago the universe has no sense of morality at all. Where did you disappear to?"
"Oh I….well if I'm honest I've never been very fond of asari medical facilities, their examinations can be quite extensive." She rubs the back of her neck. "I wanted to see if I could find Mr Ripley, it seems he hasn't been released from custody yet, do you know why?"
And there it was, after all the time spent avoiding it, the direct question I was dreading.
"Tell me about Benezia Ripley."
Jim Ripley's old eyes meet my more youthful ones but I fear the wiriness in them is equal.
"You know? Aye I don't imagine anything get's passed you now do it lass. You've got that way about you so you have."
"Cut the crap and the bluster; tell me how the geth got on this ship. Tell me about Benezia."
My tone cuts through the fog around him, making his eyebrows raise, shoulder tighten. Too many people have died recently for me not to be frank; too many people have been betrayed; I need to know why, what could possibly have warranted this?
"You think we knew what was in those crates? You think we wanted this?" All I do is pin him with my eyes, it's enough. "We din't, I promise you that Shepard, we had no more idea what was in those boxes than you did. But 'bout three months back May'ia gets word from one o'her sisters, there's a message waiting for her from the Matriarch. She picks it up and tells me we got to take a detour to some uncharted moon, pick up a few things. I told her not to trust the bint, after what we heard happened but she says she owes to her, after what she did to her she owes her at least this."
I find that my brow has lowered, my fidgeting stopped. What ever it was I expected him to tell me this wasn't it.
"What do you mean?"
"Parently hundred or so years ago, she knew the Matriarch quite well, wouldn't say they were friends or nought but they went round in the same circles, had the same friends. She never liked her, or so she says, they never got on."
This heading somewhere I don't want it to, somewhere too personal, too close. My stomach knots.
"May'ia din't like to talk about it but I think she had a thing for her bondmate, they'd been friends since they were nippers, did everything together. Never took their engagement well. Benezia was, well… she was with child when May'ia convinced…."
I don't hear the rest of what he says, it's all white noise against the drumming of my heart beat.
Moving my eyes away from her I find my mouth is dry, tongue tied with indecision and cowardice. I've fought horrors worse than those in vids, confronted things from nightmares I wish were never real and not flinched but faced with breaking Liara's heart again I find I am simply not brave enough.
"No. No idea."