Love and Pain lie close together

"I don't know, Hank," Ororo said while she stood with her arms crossed at the window in her office. "They couldn't find them up to now and there weren't any reports about incidents or strange activities either…"

"I know what you mean, Ororo," he gave back while he sat on the sofa on her right. "But both of them, especially Jean are regarded as enemies of the state by now due to their level of threat. The president has made clear again that he wants both of them either dead or alive and the authorities won't rest until they've found them."

Shaking her head she began to pace at the window. "But they can be everywhere. There's no proof that he has taken her to Canada… It could take forever to find them and maybe there isn't even a reason at all to look for them."

"Just because there was no catastrophe up to now," he replied and met her gaze. "…doesn't mean she's in control of her powers. You've seen what she's capable of. The president has seen it, too. He will never risk that someone as powerful as her runs around."

Exhausted from the sleepless night she had, Ororo sat down behind her desk. "You know Logan, Hank. When it comes to her his brain stops working properly and he'll do the most stupid things to protect her. And if he has to kill a whole army… He'll do it." Bitterly, since she remembered Logan's last words to her too well she stared at the wooden desk.

Not saying anything at all both mutants looked at each other for a moment. "You know…," he said and made her look up again. "Logan can't hide her forever. One day they'll find out…"

"And you know that they won't go down without with a fight," Ororo gave back and looked out of the window once more.

Slowly opening her eyes Jean blinked against the bright sunlight that fell into the room. With her brain still drowsy from sleep she needed some time to get all her senses together. Thinking that her pillow was harder than she remembered, she got even more confused as it suddenly began to move underneath her. Opening her eyes in a rush again she gave her "Pillow" a rather confused look, since it consisted not of white linen any ore as she remembered, but of strong muscles, smooth tanned skin and hair. Raising her head a bit with flushed cheeks she realized that she'd slept on Logan's chest with her arms firmly wrapped around his waist and her right leg entwines with his. Noticing that he'd his right arm around her waist while his free one covered her hand she blushed even more. Pulling away, the redhead leant back a bit and was about to turn around as he let out a protesting groan and pulled her close with both arms again to use her belly as a pillow this time. Letting out a sigh, Jean was convinced that he could hear her heart racing in her chest. Even if they shared a bed in the cabin, she'd never woken up so close to him. Usually he was already up, on the outside or cooking. Being awoken by her daydreams as he let out a satisfied sigh in his sleep, Jean's eyes switched towards the television. Not knowing what to do since she also didn't want to wake him, she finally switched her gaze towards the magazines on Logan's bedside table. Summoning them towards her with her powers she began to read in them, while he moved once more and made her shiver due to his touch. She couldn't lie to herself… Even if she stared at the pages and turned them Jean had no idea at all what she was actually reading. Putting the magazines away in frustration she finally decided to turn on the television and tried hard to concentrate on what she saw. Being so close to him while something deep within her responded to him, the redhead became more and more restless. She wanted to get away from him to calm down again, at the same time she didn't and in fact couldn't since his weight pinned her to the mattress. Finally deciding that the TV didn't help, too, Jean turned it off mentally and looked down on his peaceful and sleeping form. About to reach out she quickly withdrew her hand as he suddenly raised his head and turned a bit until he was able to give her a look. "Sorry…," Logan apologized as he noticed her stress and withdrew from her. "Why didn't ya wake me?" he asked and sat up a bit to run a hand through his tired face.

Playing with the blanket on which her eyes were fixed, Jean shrugged. "You were deeply asleep… You didn't even notice that I watched TV for a moment…"

"Hm…," he made and had to smirk when his eyes caught the sight of the magazine she'd been reading before she'd fallen asleep and which laid now next to her on the bedside table. Recalling the title he'd read the night before, he couldn't hide his smirk and his urge to hit on her. "Went on reading?" he asked and nodded at the magazine. "You've fallen asleep while doin' it yesterday…" Seeing the shocked look she gave him it was hard for him to suppress a chuckle. He knew that she was fully aware of what she'd been reading yesterday. And he could tell, due to what he picked up from her, that she hoped he hadn't read it, too.

"Ehm…," Jean stuttered and looked away quickly. "Yeah… I was too tired obviously…"

"Yeah, I've seen that," he nodded as innocently as he could while her fast beating heart roared in his ears. "Somethin' interestin'?"

"No…not really…," she mumbled and got out of bed. "I go and shower."

"Ah, Jeannie…," Logan chuckled and shook hi head when he heard the water running in the bathroom. Turning around he picked up the receiver of the telephone to get something to eat for them.

When Jean came out of the bathroom again, drying her hair with a towel, she stopped in surprise as she saw the tray on the bed. "Come on," he said and beckoned her to sit down, too. "The sooner we check out and get food the earlier we're back in the mountains. It looks like snow."

"Following his advice, Jean kneeled down in front of the tray in the bed while he sat cross-legged opposite of her. Her eyes looked over the food and finally she took a croissant into her hand, beginning to eat it. "You're kiddin', right?" Logan asked her with a cocked eyebrow and received a questioning look. He shook his head and went on putting strawberry marmalade onto his croissant. "It won't kill ya if ya put somethin' on it, ya know…," he went on and held her his right under her nose. "Taste it…" Smirking since she hesitated first, he smiled even wider when she bit into it. "And?" Logan asked and bit into it, too. Watching how she began to put marmalade into hers, he nodded playfully and filled her cup with tea. "Good girl!" eating in silence, he could tell that she gave him at least as often furtive looks as he gave her. Playing the game for a while he decided to just keep on looking at her and to see how she'd react. And Jean did it just as he'd thought. Meeting his gaze, she blushed slightly and looked down again while she swallowed the rest of her croissant, just to startle a bit as he reached over to wipe marmalade from the corner of her mouth with his thumb gently. As a reaction she couldn't help but swallow hard. "I go and get ready and then we'll leave, 'kay?" Logan asked her and only received a weak nod after a moment. "Can ya pack our things together while I shower?"

"Yeah…," Jean nodded and held her head lowered while she looked at the tea in her cup. She was more than grateful that he wasn't able to read her thoughts. If she only recalled which page she'd been reading before she'd fallen asleep she immediately wanted to become invisible for the rest of her life. It was too embarrassing, especially since she knew he'd read at least the title of that page if not even more. Sighing, she put the empty cup on the tray and walked over to her backpack to get dressed before she began to pack their things.

It was hours later after they went to a supermarket to buy new food, something to drink and other things that they reached the cabin as it began to storm on the outside. Logan quickly closed and locked the door before he began to heat a fire since it was freezing cold in the rooms. Watching how Jean put the bags and her backpack onto the table, beginning to unpack them, he got up and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Change into dry clothes first. I'll do it," he said and she looked at him for a moment before she nodded and went over to the bedroom. After he'd packed everything away into the shelves and fridge, he began to heat some water for a tea; knocking on the bedroom door only minutes later. "Jeannie?" he asked carefully and went inside since she didn't reply. "Jean?"

"Yeah," the redhead suddenly said and came out of the bathroom.

"What did you do?" he asked and put the tea onto the bedside table when he saw the cut on her arm. Carefully taking it into his hand he stroked over it. "How did that happen?"

"I don't know," Jean shrugged and gave him a look from aside while he took the wet cloth into his hand to clean the wound. "Must have been a branch. I didn't notice it first."

"Ya didn't notice that?" he asked in surprise and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Sit down. I'll get a first aid kit."

"It's not necessary," she protested but sat down with a sigh due to the look he gave her. It didn't take long and he returned with a kit, proceeding to disinfect and dress the wound. "Thanks…," she said calmly and he nodded at the tea next before he took a blanket to wrap it around her shoulders.

"Warm up, I'll make dinner." He gave her a brief smile and pulled a strand out of her face as she suddenly leant forward. Breaking the kiss he stared at her slightly shocked about the sudden move she'd made. One look at her was enough to tell him that she was as stunned as he was. Instantly her cheeks flushed and she looked away, feeling obviously more than embarrassed.

"I'm…I'm sorry for kissing you," Jean mumbled and was about to move away when he quickly placed a hand at the back of her neck to pull her closer again.

"Well, I ain't," Logan replied huskily and kissed her softly again, but soon deepened it when he gave in to the desire. After a while he began to caress her lips with his tongue, begging her to let him inside before she finally parted her lips a bit. He heard a whimper when their tongues met for the first time, feeling how she slowly sank down on the mattress to have him on top of her next. Following her lead, Logan placed his left hand now on the back of her neck, licking and kissing her lips, then her neck and collarbone, while his free hand slipped under her shirt wanting. "Ya sure ya want this?" he asked panting but another kiss of her was answer enough for him. Pulling into a straight position he got rid off her shirt first before he pulled his over his head, too, just to go on caressing her skin everywhere.

Breaking another kiss Logan placed his right hand under her hip and pulled her leg up a bit. While he did so, his eyes where constantly on her glassy ones and flushed cheeks. Seeing her laying underneath him with a slightly open mouth was already enough to pull him over the edge. It was all he'd ever wanted and longed for and the animal within him couldn't wait anymore to take what it'd always considered as rightfully his. He'd always known, right from the moment he'd laid eyes in her, that she was the one. His equal partner, his mate… Logan bent down to kiss her lips softly and cheeks before he shifted his position once more. "Relax okay?" he whispered into her ear since she practically overwhelmed him with her nervousness. Her hands rested on his back when he began to push in as slowly as he could; knowing that he would hurt her a lot if he did it as Wolverine wanted. It took all of his strength to stop when she let out a hiss all of a sudden and clung to him. "You alright?" he asked concerned and met her heated gaze worriedly, but she only nodded with a weak smile and pulled him down into another tender kiss.

When Jean awoke hours later she realized that she was alone in the bedroom. Sitting up rapidly she tried to hear any noises from the bathroom first and got up with a blanket around her shoulders next. In the end she found him sitting on the sofa in the living room and staring into the fire. "Hey…," she said calmly, knowing that he had heard her way before she'd even gotten up.

Logan only turned his head briefly to give her a look. "Hey…"

Frowning, the redhead wrapped the blanket closer around her shoulders and sat down next to him. "Something wrong?" she asked carefully and watched from aside how he stared into the fire again, the flames playing with his features.

"No… Nothin'."

She didn't need his abilities to know that he was lying or that something was clearly bothering him. "Logan, please. I know you're lying," Jean said after a moment and hoped he would look at her, but he didn't. "Tell me what's wrong all of a sudden."

Putting the cup, he'd held in his hand, down onto the table he stared at her closely. "What was this for you?" Logan demanded to know and focused his senses on any changes in her body.

"What was what?" she asked innocently and began to play with the blanket when she heard him sigh in frustration.

"Last night. I need to know what it means to you, where we stand…"

"I don't know…," Jean replied truthfully with a shrug. "But I don't regret it…"

Rolling his eyes a bit, he turned to look into the fire again. "What I am for you, Jean?" he asked calmly and made her look up again.

"My friend. The only one I still have."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Only a friend?" Logan asked, meeting her gaze and trying hard to show his upcoming disappointment. Since she didn't reply he got up in frustration and ran a hand through his messy hair before he looked out of the window. "It can never be sex only for me, Jean. Never. Not with you," he admitted after a moment and looked at her over his shoulder. She had her eyes fixed on the blanket, was still playing with it and it shattered her nerves that she stayed so calm while he was boiling from within. "Would ya say somethin', please?"

"I just… I think…," the redhead began and heaved a deep breath before she shook her head. "I'm afraid…," she said with a look at him.

"Of what?" he asked in confusion and walked back towards the sofa to sit down again.

"You can have anybody…," he heard her saying and gave a brief snort.

"And?" Logan asked challenging while he crossed his arms. "Do ya think I'm sleepin' with any girl that looks at me?"

"No, what I mean is," she stuttered and her eyes widen when she noticed that he was moving closer with an odd look in his eyes.

"That I'll leave ya? That I had ya and show ya the door?" he went and nodded at it. "Well, there it is." Realizing that his eyes suddenly were cold as ice, Jean swallowed hard. "'Cause I want ya t'leave if this really didn't mean anythin' at all to ya, Red!" Moving away again, he felt how she grabbed his hand quickly.

Noticing his raised eyebrow and tensed look, she broke eye contact for a moment. "It does mean something to me. It's just…" She shook her head sighing and ran a hand through her face and hair before she began to sob all of a sudden. Completely confused now, Logan couldn't help but stare at her from aside. "I don't deserve this…," she went on crying and looked at him in despair. "I don't deserve being treated like that after everything I've done…"

Sighing, since they had that discussion before months ago, he shook his head and pulled her close. "I don't deserve to feel happiness after killing so many people… After killing the Professor…and Scott…"

"I told ya before that this wasn't you," Logan mumbled into her hair and cradled her in his arms. "You and her are two different things, Jeannie. I've seen your suffering back then…"

Sitting up, she shook her head. "You don't understand!" Jean cried and looked away. "I lured Scott back to Alkali Lake back then. I wanted him to come because I needed his power… I did it on purpose!"

He didn't say anything first before he made her look at him again. "Also killing him? Was that planned, too?" he asked knowingly and she shook her head. "Then what are ya cryin' about, Jean? You can't change what happened anymore. Ya got a second chance in life, so use it!"

"But I still don't understand why," she replied in a whisper and sobbed even heavier. "And I'm afraid that it will happen again. That I'll hurt you…"

Only shaking his head he kissed her briefly and pulled her close again, allowing her to cry into his chest. "You said it yourself that ya don't have any problems with your powers anymore. And even if…I'm here to help ya." Using the blanket to spread it over both of them, he held her close while he slowly laid down on the sofa with her on top of him. "And now stop cryin'," he added calmly while he stroked over her back soothingly. "I don't like it when ya do it…" Smiling a bit, Jean wrapped her arms around his waist and cuddled up to him, feeling happy and protected once more. She didn't see the smirk which suddenly appeared on his lips. "Just one more thing, though…"

"What?" she asked and raised her head to look at him.

"Does the result of that nice little test in your magazine match the reality?" Logan asked with an even wider smirk as she blushed. "Otherwise…," he purred and pushed his groin against hers with a low chuckle. "…I can try to convince ya a bit more…," he added with a wolfish grin and pulled her close.

That's it for today, I'm currently doing parallel writing on this one and Changes while I'm studying for college. LOL Up to now it works. ; ) I stop writing everyday at 6 p.m. and go on reading books for my B.A. exam until late at night, then it's typing again. I am more satisfied with such a schedule than I'd have been with typing on Sundays only as originally planned. And I think you guys like it more, too, huh? Anyway, I hope you liked that chapter here! ; ) Please review!!! And see ya soon I hope!