Love and Pain lie close together
Just standing in the doorway and holding her for sometime Logan finally reached over her and closed the door, before he walked backwards and sat down on the bed with her on his lap, straddling him and still crying into his neck. He knew he could add this situation to the things he would never forgive himself for. Seeing her suffering so much made him want to kill himself. Beginning to rock her slowly back and forth while he stroked up and down her back, he waited for her to calm down a bit more, which she finally did after an eternity. He didn't mind that his shirt was soaked with her tears, the look on her face was enough to make him wish he could take that pain away from her. Reaching out he gently touched her cheek and met her gaze that was so full of sorrow and misery that it made his stomach turn. She began to lean into his touch and closed her eyes for a moment, sending more tears down her already red cheeks before she looked at him again. "I'm sorry…," she mumbled, but he shook his head sadly. "You're mad with me now…"
Staring at her with a frown, he shook his head again. "No! What makes ya think I'm mad with ya? I'm worried about ya that's all…"
Heaving a deep breath, she sat up a bit, biting her lower lip hard and playing with his shirt. "I'm sorry…," she mumbled again and pulled a face all of a sudden before she cried into his shirt again.
Sighing Logan pulled her close once more. "Sorry for what, Jean?" he asked calmly and stroked through her hair. "We both thought it through… There was no other way, you said it yourself."
"I couldn't do it…," Jean sobbed into his chest. "I'm sorry, Logan, but I couldn't do it…"
Beginning to frown first, he quickly cupped her face and made her look at him. "What did ya just say?" he asked her urgently and accidentally made her bite her lip even harder since she thought he was mad.
"Please, I couldn't do it," she said again and shook her head crying. "I can't do that…" Looking down, she felt how he touched her chin to make her look up again.
"So it's still there?" Logan asked barely audible and switched his gaze briefly to her belly where she laid a protective hand and back into her eyes. "It's there?" Receiving a weak nod from her, he let out a relieved sigh and pulled her close. "Thank God…"
"What?" Jean asked confused and pushed him away a bit. "But you said… You said you don't want…"
"Why do ya think am I wearin' my jacket and was about to storm out?" he asked her with a weak smirk. "I wanted to stop ya…" Not knowing what to say, Jean could only stare at him. On the whole way back from the gynecologist to the hotel she had thought about just running away, since she had expected an outburst from him, had stood, after she had found the courage to go upstairs, in front of the door for minutes and had cried even heavier in fear of going inside and telling him the truth and now he surprised her with being relieved and even telling her that he was about to stop her. She was at a complete loss of words. "What happened?" Logan suddenly asked and reached out to wipe her tears away. "What made ya change your mind?"
Shrugging, Jean began to play with his shirt again. "I went inside and talked with the doctor. He wanted to know the reasons and I told him that I can't take care of it and that it would kill me to give the child up and know that someone else raises it. So he accepted and told me to come back tomorrow morning, but I told him I wanted to get it over with now…"
"And then?" he asked softly and moved backwards to rest against the head of the bed, still with her on his lap.
"I think he was surprised that I wanted the abortion so fast. So he demanded to know if it really was my decision or the one of someone else," she replied and kept her eyes fixed on her hands. "I convinced him and he agreed. But when I sat on the stool and he prepared everything, I became scared…" Beginning to shiver as tears began to fall again, he pulled her close when he noticed it. Clinging to his shirt, Jean closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed hard. "I didn't say anything first, but when the nurse gave me the anesthesia, I panicked and said that I don't want it…"
"So he stopped it?" Logan asked, but she shook her head, which made him frown in confusion.
"It was too late for that. I passed out and when I awoke I began to cry since I thought it was gone, but then he told me that he didn't do it," she went on sobbing. "And then I was scared to come back… I knew you'd be mad with me…" Raising her head, Jean gave him a look. "And I still don't understand why you're not."
"'cause I'm an idiot…," he replied and stroked over her cheek gently. "You know…," he went on after a moment and shifted his position into a more comfortable one. "…it's just somethin' I never thought about. But actually I could have figured it out on my own that you're pregnant."
Being completely confused now, Jean sat up a bit. "How? Do you have x-ray vision all of a sudden?"
Chuckling a bit Logan shook his head. "No, but you're scent's different. I just didn't know before how a pregnant woman smelled, so I thought it had somethin' to do with your change of mood."
"Well, now you know…"
"Yeah…," he nodded and pulled her close again.
"What do I smell like?" she mumbled into his chest after a moment. "I don't stink, do I?"
"No," Logan smirked and began to stroke through her hair. "Actually, ya smell sweeter. And I can smell my scent on ya, too…" Nodding Jean closed her eyes, still feeling tired due to the anesthetic. Noticing it, he rolled over a bit to lay her gently down. "Jeannie?" he asked softly and met her eyes when she opened them again. "I'm sorry for bein' such an ass. I shouldn't have asked this of ya…," he said calmly and stroked over her cheek. "I'll call some friends of mine and ask them for help. Maybe they can do somethin'." Bending down to kiss her, he tucked her in. "Sleep a bit. I'll be right back." Logan closed the door behind him quietly and went down the stairs and out of the building on the search for the next phone. He found one in a side street and entered the phone booth. After dialing a number while he kept on looking around with a strange feeling of being watched, he waited for someone to pick up. It didn't take long and a male voice echoed through the receiver. "Hey, James, it's me…," he began and stared at the object in his hand after the man on the other side had just hung up. Not knowing what to say, he guessed his friends were obviously mad that he hadn't contacted them in quiet some time and hung up, too, to leave the booth again. Cursing, he slammed the door shut. They were the only people he could think about for help. About to walk down the street again, he turned with a frown when the phone inside began to ring. Not thinking twice he went back in and picked up. "Yeah?"
"Sorry, but we had to switch to a secure line," a male voice explained.
"Why a secure line?" Logan asked confused and closed the door behind him. "Are ya doin' secret service stuff again?"
"Actually because of you…," the man called James replied.
"Why me?"
"What have you gotten yourself into, Logan?" he went on and made Logan's frown even becoming bigger.
"James, I have no idea what you're talkin' about, bub," Logan replied and leant against the wall.
"We are kept under surveillance by some US guys. They didn't want to tell us everything, but they said that you helped a dangerous murder to escape to Canada. They are looking for you, so what the hell happened?" James demanded to know and Logan couldn't help but give a laugh. The whole situation was even becoming more ridiculous than it already was. "You think that's funny?!"
"Nope, but ridiculous," came the grunted reply.
"What happened?" the other man asked and Logan could hear other voices in the background. "Why are they looking for you?"
"First, I helped a friend to escape since my old group wanted to kill her, second, she ain't dangerous and not a threat. At least not more than I am, Logan explained with a growl. "Look, I called since I need your help. We have to get away from here, but we'd need faked ID's. Can ya do somethin' about it?"
Hearing a heavy sigh, he listened in to a brief conversation between a woman, he instantly identified as Heather, and James. "What are you up to, Logan?"
"Nothin'. I only want to get away from here and walk down a street again without bein' afraid that they shoot us," he grunted. "I need to go to Madripoor first. So can ya help me?"
"Alone?" James asked and he heard how he obviously began to work on a computer.
"No, with Jean."
"Why don't you travel the usual way? You always used a ship and stayed below deck."
"I would if I was alone, but I can't expect her to do that;" Logan sighed and checked his surroundings again.
"Why not?" James asked. "She wants to stay alive, so where's the problem in doing that?"
"'cause she's pregnant," Logan grunted and heard the whistle on the other side. "And I wanna do this under the radar!"
"What do you want me to say?" his friend asked. "Oh shit or Congratulations?"
"Oh shit will do, pal…" Hearing how the typing stopped on the other side, Logan waited for James to say something.
"You are where you always are, right?"
"Yeah," Logan said.
"It will take us some time, could even be month with them in our back, but we will get those ID's for you," James went on and Logan sighed in relief. "Listen, just think about the fact that some birds are more beautiful than others, okay?"
Smiling, since he knew who James referred to, Logan turned around in the booth. "Can do that. Thanks, pal and greet the others!"
"Just try and stay under radar, Logan. Oh, and try to keep away from any other trouble for once, okay? And don't even dare not to tell us when the kid's born, because Heather is already making plans for a gift," he heard James saying and chuckled. "Bye!"
Hanging up, Logan quickly checked his surroundings again and headed back. The news that they were already searching for them in Canada was something he first had to let sink in. When he reached the hotel room again he opened the door quietly, but found Jean sitting on the bed, obviously just after a shower, and watching TV. "Hey…," he greeted her and got rid of his leather jacket after he closed the door again. "I thought you were sleepin'." Sitting down next to her, she shook her head.
"And?" she asked hopefully but frowned when he shrugged.
"The good news is they'll get faked IDs for us, the bad news is it can take some time," Logan replied and noticed that she bend forward a bit.
"And what else?" Jean asked knowingly that there was more behind it, since he looked more than concerned.
"The other bad news is, it takes some time because they are kept under surveillance," he replied truthfully and saw her eyes narrowing first before they widened. "They are already lookin' for us in Canada. The good thing is, no one knows where my cabin is, except me and ya and that Alpha Flight has its headquarters far away from here."
"How did they find them?" Jean asked slightly scared and hugged her legs.
"They've probably figured that I worked for them years ago and thought I'd went there if I needed help," Logan said. "What matters is, if ya see a snowy owl in the mountains close to the cabin, wave to it."
Looking at him as if he'd lost his mind, she shook her head. "Why do you want to me to wave to an owl?!"
"She's a mutant and will bring the new IDs," he replied with a smirk, since he could guess how ridiculous it must have sounded. "Anyway, here's the plan." He leant back against the headboard. "With the IDs we first head to Madripoor."
"What's there?" Jean asked and laid down next to him, supporting her head with one arm.
"I have some guys there who take care of my finances. I lived and worked there for some time, ya know, so I think by know there should be enough money for us to convince some Australian guys to give as a visa," Logan explained.
"But that's not possible," Jean intervened. "You said it yourself, I was dead and don't have an ID anymore…"
Thinking about it for a while, since he had forgotten about that problem, he shrugged. "Well, we could pose as husband and wife. And I could convince some guys in Madripoor to give a faked ID with your name…"
While she looked down on the bed and began to play with her towel, she tilted her head a bit while he waited for a reaction. "I wouldn't mind to marry you…," she finally said and thought he would chuckle and think about as a joke, but when she looked up he shook his head.
"I want ya to have a real wedding," Logan only replied and noticed that her eyes became sad.
"Well, that's not possible anymore without and friends with whom we can celebrate…" Breaking eye contact to look at the screen, she sighed. "I wouldn't even mind to marry you in jeans."
"Nah," he made rather disgusted and made her turn her head with a frown. "I want ya to marry in white."
"Only if you wear a tux," Jean gave back with a smile and moved over to sit down on his lap. Resting against him she took his hand and began to stroke over it, not seeing his smirk.
"Who's proposin' to whom right now, darlin'?" Logan asked amused and made her smile.
"I don't know," she shrugged.
"It's my job, ya know," he scolded her playfully.
"Well, then go ahead," Jean replied, taking it as a joke and looked up when he touched her chin to raise her head. Seeing that he was completely serious all of a sudden, she raised an eyebrow.
"Will ya marry me?" Hearing it she sat up in a rush and stared at him still skeptical, but with her heart nearly bursting her chest. "I ain't the going on my knees-kinda guy, ya know," Logan added since she showed no reaction at all. Just sitting there like a statue she finally understood that he was serious and wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him, before she began to cry into his chest. Smiling, he pulled her close and rested his chin on her bare shoulder. "We can get the rings here, but I want to marry ya in Australia. To start a new life… Is that okay?" he asked and she only nodded still sobbing. "Jeez, someone's really prone to tears lately, eh?"
Letting go of him, Jean wiped her tears away with a smile. "Hormones…get used to it," she mumbled and made him chuckle. She heaved a deep breath to calm down again before she met his loving gaze. Reaching out to stroke over his cheek, she couldn't believe that she'd been afraid of telling him that she would keep the baby only minutes ago. Now he'd even asked her to marry him… Thinking about it, especially that he told her three times what he felt for her, she began to feel bad. She realized that he didn't know…
"What's wrong?" Logan asked and covered her hand with his since she was staring holes into his eyes. With furrowed brows he watched how she cupped his face and bend forward to kiss him softly.
"I love you," Jean said barely audible and bit her lip. "I don't know what I'd do without you…"
Shrugging playfully, he briefly looked around the room. "You'd be bored, would watch this weird show of yours nonstop while ya turn into a couch potato and would turn into a Super Size Me version of yourself," he concluded an wobbled his head. Nevertheless, his heart had made a jump after finally hearing the three words he'd hoped for so much.
"I turn super size me because of you soon enough," she gave back with a look and crossed her arms but he only grinned.
"I'd love ya in super size me-style, too." Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her close into a kiss, when she used her powers to push him down onto the bed. "Can we do that?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow, watching how she pulled her towel away first and began to push his shirt up next.
"Of course we can," Jean smiled and began to place kisses onto his belly.
"Ya sure they gave ya an anesthetic?" Logan asked and received a look. "It was you who was tired only minutes ago…"
Crossing her arms while she gave him a playful look, Jean couldn't hide her smirk. "From your reaction, I'd rather think it's you who's too tired for it," she mocked and had time to hear his playful growl before she was pinned to the bed with him on top. "As I thought," she smiled and pulled him down into a kiss.
That's it for today. Hope you guys enjoyed it! ; ) Thanks for the nice reviews again!!! I always love to read what you think about the weird stuff I come up with. LOL Anyway, I'll try to post again soon! Please review!! ; ) See ya!