Short and silly

Maybe he could just retire and not have to say anything? The other alternative was to see if someone would clone him. He could leave the clone in Washington and go off and get married and no one would know any differently. He sighed. Unfortunately, Thor had messed with his DNA and he couldn't be cloned. Damn – who would have thought that he'd be upset by that?

Abduction by aliens? Hmm – that was a distinct possibility and one they'd believe. He could call Thor and ask him to beam him up – right about now. He sighed. He hadn't heard from his little friend in a while so that probably wasn't going to work and he didn't have the phone number or email address of any other aliens.

He tried to stretch but his uniform felt stiff and itchy today. It was one of the things he hated about working in the Pentagon – he could no longer wear the much more comfortable BDU's. He pulled at his collar and took a deep breath and opened the door into the outer office.

"Good afternoon General O'Neill. President Hayes will be with you in just a moment. Can I get you a cup of coffee?

No – but how but a tall whiskey? Of course he just thought that and instead said a simple. "No thank you Mrs. Fields."

She gave him a super-efficient smile and told him to have a seat. She then returned to her computer. Jack wondered if she ever became flustered over anything. He supposed not. One of the marks of a good secretary to the President was the ability to remain completely unflappable no matter what the situation. Although he figured Thor appearing – or beaming him up – might cause her to lose her composure slightly. He'd have to see if he could arrange it for the next time he dropped in at the White House.

He almost laughed out loud at that. Oh, he wished his parents were still alive so that they could hear him thinking about the next time he was at the White House. They would be so proud! And then there was his tenth grade Civics teacher who would fall over in a dead faint. He'd told a young Jack that he'd never know squat about US politics and would probably end up in prison. Well I know plenty about US politics Mr. Stevens – and I know plenty of politicians, including the President -"

"The President will see you now General." Mrs. Fields smiled at her and he almost disgraced himself by staring at her blankly. Oh yeah – he was here to see Hayes.

"Uh, thank you Mrs. Fields." He stood and carefully straightened his uniform – he bet she was used to seeing that – and once sure he looked impeccable he entered the hollowed Oval Office.

"Jack!" Henry walked around his desk with his hand held out. "It's good to see you. Still keeping us safe from little gray aliens are you?"

"Well actually, the little gray ones are our friends. It's the creepy white ones and a few left over overdressed arrogant ones that I worry about."

Hayes laughed and gestured for him to sit in one on the couch. He then took a seat across from Jack in one of the arm chairs.

"I hate sitting behind my desk when I have a friend here", he explained. "Makes me feel like my High School Principal!"

Jack raised his eyebrows at that – first at being classed as a 'friend of the President' and next at the fact that he always felt like he was seeing his High School Principal when he sat across the desk from the President.

"Thank you Sir", was all he answered. "This does feel better."

"So Jack –tell me what Homeworld has been up to lately? I haven't heard much so I assume it's good news?"

"Yes Sir. Things have been relatively quiet in the universe lately." He leaned forward and gently tapped the coffee table for luck. "Although it can change at any moment and often does. Still, we've managed to get rid of most of the snake heads. There appear to be only a few outliers left and we're dealing with those pretty quickly." Jack was aware that in actual fact Hayes knew all of this. He sent briefs on a regular basis and knew that the President's staff kept him up to date. Still, it was nice to be asked.

"Good, good. That's what I like to hear. Of course the bad news is that when things are going well congress decides you don't need all the money you're been allocated and then tries to make cuts."

"I know Mr. President. I spend most of my days fighting battles for budgets now, rather than battles for Earth. I think I preferred the latter – the enemy was a lot more straight forward and easier to deal with."

"Yeah – I sometimes wish we could simply use one of those – what do you call them – Zatter guns, and get rid of half of congress!"

"Zat guns – and I guess I don't have to ask which half of congress that would be!"

Henry laughed. "No, I'm sure you don't. Just think how much easier life would be if we had a congress of intelligent people who actually worked together for the good of the American people rather than for campaign donations." He sighed. "It sounds like heaven."

Jack grinned and leaned back – glad that he only had to deal with the Appropriations Committee and not the full congress. He was pretty sure he would zat the lot of them. He definitely wasn't made to be a politician.

"So Jack – you wanted to see me? It sounds like things are going pretty well at Homeworld so what's up?"

"Uh nothing bad Sir. In actual fact I'm here on a personal matter." He coughed lightly and took a sip of water from the glass the President's assistant had poured for him. "I've already spoken to the Secretary but he suggested I needed to speak with you.

"A personal matter?" Henry sat forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped under his chin. "This sounds intriguing. I don't think you've ever approached me about something personal before." He suddenly got a frown on his face. "You're not suddenly going to come out of the closet or anything are you? Not that I care, but I just hadn't heard that you were -."

"Uh – no Sir", Jack said, choking on a sip of water. "Nothing like that at all. In fact, it's kind of the opposite."

"Opposite? What? You're here to tell me you're not gay?" Hayes took a sip of his drink and grinned.

Jack laughed and rolled his eyes – which he supposed was a major protocol faux pas, although he couldn't really care let. "No Sir – I mean, yes Sir, I'm not" he shook his head, confused. "What I was here to tell you was that I am planning to get married and - to a woman – and would like your permission to take some extended leave."

"Married? I had no idea you were even dating General – not that I keep up with the love lives of my friends. I leave that to my wife – and my staff. Who's the lucky lady?"

"It's – uh – Colonel Carter Sir. I want to make clear there was never anything inappropriate between us while we served together. It was only after I moved to DC, a few months after to be exact, that we began dating. I've asked her to marry me next weekend and would like some time off after that."

"I – see. Colonel Carter? Samantha Carter? Jacob Carter's daughter? The woman who served with you for what – six years?"

"Eight Sir", he clarified. "And yes, that Colonel Carter."

"Jacob Carter's daughter! I certainly miss him – but you were probably smart to wait until he was no longer here to kick your ass before deciding to marry his daughter." Hayes sat contemplating the man he'd known for years and who they'd lost so recently. After a moment his attention returned to O'Neill. "Wow Jack, when you pick em, you pick em. She's brilliant and dedicated a helluva soldier and – I know I shouldn't say this – she's stunning. "You're very lucky!"

"Thank you Mr. President. I am. So - ?"

"So, I guess since you're not in her direct line of command anymore it's okay, although you realize there'll be rumors?"

"Yes Sir, we know. We're keeping it low key but the fact is, we love each other and if people have a hard time with that they can go – uh – away."

The President laughed, knowing very well what O'Neill wanted to say. "Best way of looking at things Jack. After a while it'll die down although unfortunately it may come back up any time Carter is up for promotion. I hope she knows that?"

"Yes Sir, she does and she doesn't care. Sam's not particularly worried about it although it infuriates me when people accuse her of sleeping her way to the top!"

"I can understand why. It's worse for women officers still – although I expect it happens with men too. I bet some have even accused you of sleeping your way up", Hayes smirked.

"Well Sir – anyone who has seen my commanding officers over the last twenty years wouldn't even think of suggesting that. I mean really – General Hammond? General West? Of course, in my case they probably really mean sleeping!"

This time Hayes laughed hard, knowing the reputation O'Neill has worked so hard to develop – that of a not very bright jokester who hated all things paper. After a moment he stopped and carefully regarded the General across from him – the man who he knew was incredibly brilliant, if a little unorthodox. "So married? Wait! You have asked her to marry you already?"

"Oh yeah", Jack laughed. "I may sometimes be clueless, but I did remember to ask her. In fact she's planning the whole wedding, next weekend. It'll be perfect." Of course he wasn't just saying that because he was in love, but because Sam was in charge and she was the world's biggest perfectionist. She'd make sure the wedding was perfect.

"Well I'm happy for you Jack! It's about time you found some personal happiness after all you've given to this country and this world. I know you and Colonel Carter will make a lovely couple. You already make one helluva team!"

"Thank you Sir. I appreciate that. So – what about the leave?"

"How much time are we talking?" Hayes looked at him suspiciously.

"Well, since I haven't really taken many vacation days I was thinking I'd like to take some real time off. As we said earlier, things are slow for now. Any this would give Barrerra a chance to take over for a while and learn the ropes."

"And the Secretary is okay with this?" Hayes wanted to make sure he wasn't going to tick off his Defense Secretary by giving the go-ahead.

"Yes Sir, he's fine – just wanted to make sure you were also okay with this. Uh, I'd like to take a two month leave Sir", Jack said. "I've barely had a chance to spend any time with Carter and we'll be living apart so -"

The President looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Two months? That's a long time."

"Not really Mr. President. I'll be back before anyone misses me."

"Oh, probably long before that", he chuckled. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Fine, under two conditions."

"And those are?"

"One, if there's a major crisis and/or a threat to Earth you'll come back immediately."

"Of course. And two?"

"You'll name your first child after me."

"Uh well – I don't think I'd better promise that Sir. I'd have to talk to Carter and – uh, how about my dog?"

"You'll name your dog after me?"

"Uh yeah." When the President still looked slightly stunned he explained, "I really like dogs Sir."

Hayes shook his head but then grinned. "Okay – but it better be one helluva dog!"

"It will be Sir", O'Neill returned the grin. "And thank you Sir! I really appreciate it and I promise you won't regret it."

"I'd better not." The President stood up. "I'm sorry Jack but unfortunately I have a meeting with the South African Ambassodor right now. It was good to see you and again, congratulations!" Henry watched as Jack left the office, his step light and a small smile on his face.

It was only when the door shut to the Oval Office that Hayes allowed himself a full grin. He turned and hurried to the desk and picked up the phone. He gave the operator the number and waited.

"Walter? It's Henry Hayes. You were right– in fact, they're getting married next weekend. So, do I win?" There was a short pause while Hayes listened to the man on the other end. "Mmm hmm", he murmured. "Just hold on to the winnings until I can figure out which charity to send them to. Oh, and you can tell Hank he now owes me $500 bucks and a bottle of Scotch! Tell him I'll collect the next time he's in DC." He was silent again for a few minutes listening to Walter and then he grinned. "Put me down for April next year", he said. "Hey, they're neither of them young so I don't expect they'll wait long. Yes, April – and a boy. Thanks Walter!"

Henry was whistling when the Ambassador was admitted to the Oval Office.

"So, what did he say?" Sam was on the end of the phone, munching on something (he was sure that it was something thoroughly disgusting. Pregnant women – geesh)!"

"I've got the time off."

"Oh, that's great Jack. How much time did you get?"

"Well actually, I took a bit of an extended leave so I have time enough for a honeymoon and then some. I'd thought I'd spend a few weeks with you in Nevada, if you don't mind of course."

"Mind? You're crazy. I would love that."

"Great, and I figure Walter knows and has probably already started a baby pool so we could get going on helping someone win …."

"A baby pool? You're kidding, right?"

"Uh – about the baby pool? Probably not. About getting going - well – do you want me to be kidding?"

There was a pause on the phone and then a small laugh. "I think we should talk about that when you're here."

"All right", he answered agreeably. "Oh, by the way, we have to get a dog", he told her.

"A dog?"

"Yup – I promised the President. How do you feel about the name Henry?"