AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This chapter grew and grew and grew! I apologize for the length. I really appreciate those of you who have sent me PMs and written reviews. It is always nice to know that someone else is reading my story. Again I just want to say how much I admire those who are fighting, have fought and won, or stood along side those who do. No one fights alone, and the struggle leaves its fingerprints on all.
***R***
"Why are you in here?" Kate Danko peered into the closet she shared with her sister Amy.
"Go away." Amy said angrily. She sat on the floor in the closet, hugging her knees to her chest.
"Stop acting like a baby! Why are you hiding?"
"GO AWAY!"
"You tell me or I'll go get Mommy."
"Mommy's sleeping and if you wake her up Daddy will spank you." Amy stuck out her chin defiantly.
"Why are you hiding in the closet? Are you scared?" Kate found her younger sisters exasperating.
"She's going to the doctor on Friday." Amy said.
"Daddy explained. They have to take the bad cells out."
"But it is Friday. It is Friday afternoon!" Amy said dramatically. "And he promised. He said he'd be there no matter what."
"Your soccer game? Amy! But this is a big deal! He can't leave Mommy! He can't! You know that."
"He promised." Amy repeated angrily.
"Amy, you know what it means, don't you? Cancer. It isn't like a cold. It is a bad thing." Kate shook her head at her sister.
"I know that, but it's finals. We'll be the champions, and besides HE PROMISED!"
Kate sat back on her heels unable to think of a way to explain things. Amy was just sixteen months younger than her but sometimes it felt more like a million. Of course, Kate had gone to the library and read every book she could find about cancer. She had quickly exhausted all the resources in the children's section. So then she snuck into the adult side of the library and was reading more books there, until a librarian had kicked her out. She understood far more than anyone knew.
"Amy! You are being selfish! Mommy's having surgery! Surgery! Daddy has to be with her! You'll have more soccer games next year!
"Go away! I don't want to talk to you! Go read a book."
Sighing Kate left Amy alone. She tiptoed down the hall past Lizzie's room where her baby sister was taking a nap. She hesitated outside her parent's room peering through the doorway which was left open a crack. She could see her mother asleep. Her father sat on the other side of the bed, his head low. She didn't have to see his face to know he was crying. There was no way she was going to go in and tell him that her mother's surgery was scheduled for the same day as Amy's championship soccer game - no way. She hesitated a moment longer and could just see the side of his face; he looked so sad. He looked so lonely. She chewed the corner of her lower lip and went back down the hall to the kitchen. Climbing on a chair, she found the school directory. It took three calls to finally get the right number. She glanced down the hall to make sure no one was coming, as she waited while the phone rang.
"Hello! Nolan residence."
"Coach Nolan? This is Kate Danko."
"Kate! How's your Mom doing?"
"Okay but we've got a big problem."
"What's wrong? Amy isn't sick is she? She's one of my strongest forwards. I really need her for the big game Friday."
"Friday is the problem." Kate said. "Mommy's got surgery."
"Oh." Her coach hesitated and she could hear the disappointment in his voice. "Well, we can do fine without Amy. Tell her not to worry."
"Amy can go. She'll be there. Grandpa can drive her. That isn't the problem."
"Well, what is?" Coach Nolan asked.
"Daddy won't be there and Amy is really upset. It might not seem like a big deal to a grown up, but it is to Amy. She really wants Daddy there. She is really, really upset."
"This game has been planned for over a month, honey. We can't change the date. It isn't like an after school scrimmage. This is the district championship. It's a really big deal. And even if everyone on our team agreed to change it, there's the whole other team."
"People on our team would change it. You know they would."
"They probably would Kate, but the Titans might not feel the same. They don't know your Mom. They don't know Amy." Coach Nolan explained gently.
"Daddy says most people are nice if you give 'em a chance."
"I'm sure he's right." Coach Nolan sighed. "Kate, is your Daddy home? Can I talk to him?"
She could hear the anxiety in Coach Nolan's voice. She had gotten used to it. Since her mother had become sick she had learned that lots of times adults didn't know what to say or do.
"No. He's taking care of Mommy. I'm taking care of this."
"Kate, you are ten years old and you can't . . ."
"I'm nine."
"Pardon me?" Coach Nolan asked.
"I'm not, ten. I'm nine. Now, can I please have their coaches' number?"
***R***
Jill insisted on tucking the girls into bed the night before her surgery. Mike followed along behind her feeling weary and on edge.
"You girls have any questions?" Jill asked sitting on the edge of Amy's bed, and glancing across at Kate who was already tucked under her covers.
"When will you be home?" Amy asked.
"Probably by Wednesday or Thursday." Jill said. "But Grandpa is going to stay here, and Aunt Amanda will be here, too. Uncle Terry will come by every day. You won't be alone."
"Will it hurt?" Kate asked quietly.
"A little bit. But it won't make me sick like the other medicine. I'll just be sore and tired." She glanced at Mike. "And I won't look exactly the same."
"Will it change your face?" Amy asked in a small voice.
"You are so dumb." Kate said angrily. "The surgery's on her chest not her face, stupid."
"Kate!" Mike said sharply. "Don't be unkind! Not everyone is a nurse like you and your Mommy." He winked at her to soften the blow of his correction. "Amy, Mama's chest will be different, but you won't be able to tell right away. She'll have bandages. You can't touch her there. It would really hurt her."
"But it will heal and then it won't bother me at all." Jill said. "It is just that when they cut out the bad cells, they will take some of my chest with it. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Mommy." Amy said softly. "Will it happen to me someday?"
"What?" Jill asked.
"I heard Mrs. Crandall talking after school and she told Becky's Mommy that families get it, and she hoped I never did."
Jill bit her lower lip. "No, Amy. You probably won't get it."
"That isn't true." Kate said quietly. "I read about it. It is hereditary, or at least that's what they think, and I heard Aunt Amanda and Daddy talking. Grandma had it too."
"Grandma has cancer!" Amy asked with wide, fearful eyes.
"Not Grandma, Danko." Jill said gently. "She means my Mommy." She crossed the room and sat down beside Kate. "You read some books, didn't you?"
"At the library." Kate said softly.
"Kate! I told you. Just because you are smart enough to read the words, doesn't mean you are mature enough to understand them. How long have you been thinking about this? What are you thinking?" She looked down at her oldest daughter's face. "You think you are going to get breast cancer too?"
"The study said . . ."
"The research is inconclusive, Mary Katherine! That means it isn't clear yet. And even if it runs in families it doesn't mean you are going to get it." Jill reached out and ran a hand through Kate's hair. "Why can't you just be nine?"
"I dunno." Kate said quietly. "I'm sorry, Mommy."
Jill shook her head, and opened her arms, as Kate sat up and wrapped her arms around Jill's thin body.
"What are we going to do with this one?" Jill asked looking up at Mike.
"I dunno." He said softly, but winked at her. "You think I should spank her?"
"Daddy!" Kate said looking up shocked, but seeing that her father was smiling at her, she relented.
"No, that punishment's too easy." He said answering his own question. "We should tickle her. That would do the trick." He said crossing to her bed. "You hold her down, Danko, but watch out she's a kicker."
Kate's squeals and laughter was so loud, it nearly woke Lizzie who was an incredibly sound sleeper. "Help me, Amy! Get Daddy!" She called and Amy threw back the covers and jumped on her father's back.
"I got 'em Kate! Run!"
It took them a good forty-five minutes to get the girls settled and tucked into bed. By then, Jill was fairly exhausted. She was reluctant to go to bed though, and kept wandering around the house, fussing here and there.
"Babe, c'mon. You've got an early day tomorrow." He said at last.
"I know. I just . . ." She paused and looked up at him. "I won't be home for awhile."
"It's just a few days." He said. "You've been gone longer when you go to nursing conventions."
"But when I come home, everything will be different." She said quietly.
"You still think I don't know how to clean." He said trying to lighten her mood.
"That's not what I meant."
"I know what you meant." He said. "C'mon Baby."
"I'll be different." She continued as though he hadn't spoken.
"Yeah," He agreed moving closer and putting an arm around her to guide her to their bedroom. "Those cancer cells will be all gone."
"Oh, I hope so." She said looking up into his face with eyes bright with tears. "I really hope so."
"Come on, Jill. Come to bed now. I want to put my arms around you and keep you close. Tomorrow, I'll be sleeping in a hospital chair." He kissed her forehead.
***R***
Mike Danko was finding breathing a struggle. He paced the corridor just outside the surgical waiting room of Memorial hospital, trying to take in a deep breath. He glanced at the clock again. It had only been twenty minutes. He was pretty sure he was never going to be able to manage the next four hours. Actually, he was pretty sure he was never going to manage the next four minutes.
"Want some coffee?" Ryker asked as he stepped out into the hall.
"No."
The older man stood where he was as Mike paced up and down the hall. Ryker had come out of the stuffy waiting room which was filled with the Danko's family and friends. Countless doctors and nurses had already come by to see how Memorial's most beloved nurse was doing. Ryker knew Jill would hate all the attention. She was a fairly private person, and news of her illness spread wide over the city embarrassed her. He looked up as Mike passed him again.
"We could walk outside." He suggested. "Then you'd at least have new scenery."
"I don't want scenery!" Mike snapped back, angrily. "What the hell do you think we're here for?"
Ryker said nothing, and Mike stormed off and away from him, resuming his pacing.
"I'm sorry, Eddie." He said when he came up to him again. "I didn't . . ."
"You don't have to apologize to me." Eddie said with a shake of his head. "In fact, if you feel like screaming at someone, go ahead and pick me. I can take it." He smiled at Mike, and reaching out squeezed his shoulder. "You want to sit down?"
"No." Mike said hoarsely. "I want Jill. Here. Well. I want to take her home and go back to our lives. I want to sleep at night and not sit up watching her worrying. I don't want to spend every waking moment praying that I'll have her with me again when the sun comes up. I want to live ordinary days. I want to get in a really stupid argument with her. I want my life back, ya know?" He looked up at Ryker his blue eyes filled with tears, but embarrassed he looked away, wiping his eyes. "Sorry. I . . ."
"I told you, you don't have to apologize to me." Ryker repeated gently.
Mike looked at him again, and thought of all those pictures of Mary Kate hanging up in the lake house. He couldn't imagine it. He didn't want to imagine it. He looked down ashamed.
"How did you survive it?" He finally asked softly.
"Well, first I was drunk a lot." Ryker admitted sheepishly. "But I don't know, I had friends who wouldn't let me quit. I just kept going. I didn't really have a choice, and after a while things were almost okay, and after a while longer, things were pretty good. Your wife made sure of that." He looked up at Mike. "She'll get through this. You both will, and no matter what, there's a room full of people in there who will stand with you."
"Yeah." Mike said looking down. He looked up at Ryker with a piercing gaze, "But I'm sorry Eddie. I am really sorry."
"Oh . . .well, I . . ." Ryker looked away shocked by his own emotions. He cleared his throat. "You sure you don't want any coffee?"
"No." Mike said softly. "Thanks."
"I'm gonna go check on the others." Ryker said reaching out and patting Mike's back. "You hang in there, son. Take it slow, okay?" He turned abruptly and disappeared down the hall, and back into the waiting room.
Mike wasn't surprised when Terry came out a few minutes later. Terry approached him with arms open wide, and Mike accepted the embrace.
"Waiting is a real son of a bitch." Terry said with a shake of his head.
"Got that right." Mike agreed.
"You want anything?"
"No." Mike said. He glanced at his watch. "It's getting late. You're gonna go right?"
It was Jill who had remembered that Amy's soccer game was also on the 17th. She'd been putting together a bag to take the hospital late yesterday afternoon, when she'd sat down on their bed suddenly cursing.
"Oh, holy hell!" She said.
"What?" Mike said instantly panicked. "What happened? Are you hurt?"
"No! Amy's game! It's tomorrow Mike! Oh my God! She didn't even say anything."
"Her what?" He asked trying to regain his balance. "Jill! I thought you were hurt!"
"The championship! She's been talking about it for months! You've got to go." He must have stared at her for a full five minutes trying to process her suggestion.
"What the hell are you talking about? You are having surgery tomorrow! I'm not . . .Terry can go, or Amanda. I'll call them later. Baby! I'm not leaving that hospital. No way! No chance in hell that's gonna happen!"
Now, less than twenty-four hours later, he did feel a bit conflicted over it. He knew Amy wanted nothing more than to see him cheering. He sighed and repeated his question to Terry, "The game? You better head out now."
"Nope." Terry said flatly.
"I know you want to stay here , but I'm sorry. It's just too important." Mike said. "I promised Amy I'd be there and now . . .and Jill's never missed a game; not one."
"The game was postponed."
"What? When did . . ."
"They confirmed the change last night. Sunday at 2:00 and you better be there." Terry said. "They won't change it twice."
"But why . . . how . . . thank you, man! How did you even think of it?"
"You are thanking the wrong person. I didn't think of it. None of us did." Terry said.
"Coach Nolan?"
"Mary Katherine Danko." Terry said calmly. "She called every parent on both teams herself."
Mike felt his legs slide out from under him. He slid down the wall and sat down, hard on the floor of the hospital corridor.
"Katie Bug?" His eyes filled with tears. "She's just like her; just as good - just as sweet."
Terry knelt in front of him. "She didn't want to bother you or Amanda or Eddie, so she fixed it." Terry swallowed hard. "And if you don't buy her a goddam pony for her next birthday, I will."
"The only thing she asked for this year is for Jill's cancer to be gone." Mike said quietly. He hung his head and his shoulders heaved with sobs.
"I asked for the same damn thing." Terry said firmly. He sat down beside Mike, one hand resting on Mike's shoulder saying nothing, just waiting as Mike's tears subsided.
"What am I gonna do?" Mike asked his bright, blue eyes wide and fearful.
"Breathe in and out for the next ten seconds."
"And after that?"
Terry shook his head and answered softly, "Too far down the road, brother. We'll face it later."
***R***
Jill Danko was aware of a dull aching sensation. She moaned a little, stirring slightly and opened her eyes.
"Hey, beautiful."
Her eyes adjusted and she saw Mike sitting beside her in a chair that he had pulled close to her bed. His face was covered in stubble and his shirt wrinkled. He ran a hand over his face, stretching. He looked exhausted. Seeing her awake, he moved closer.
"How do you feel?" He asked taking her hand in his.
"Thirsty."
"Oh! I'll get it." He turned and she could hear him fussing clumsily. He returned with a cup of water and a straw. She couldn't even lift her head - too weak, too tired and too sore. He gently cupped the back of her head with one hand, lifting her slightly and with the other helped her take a sip. He turned then setting the cup back on the table beside the bed.
"You'd make a good nurse." She said to him.
"I doubt it." He smiled good-naturedly and with a sigh, ran his hand along the side of her face.
"How did it go?" She asked at last; afraid to hear the answer.
"Dr. Peterson said it went really well. He thinks he got it all. They took the lymph node, too. We should get the results back soon." He sat down gingerly on the side of the bed.
"Well, that's good then." She said turning to look away. It was too hard to see the fear and pain in his clear, blue eyes.
"Do I look . . ." She began, turning to face him again, tears pooling in her eyes.
"Baby, you are beautiful." He interrupted her. "You are all wrapped up in bandages, but he said he did a neat, clean job." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "You aren't getting vain on me now?"
"I sure hope you're a leg man." She said trying to tease him but tears spilled out all the same.
"I'm a Jill man." He said with a smile. "Only one girl for me." She said nothing, but tried to give him a smile. "Are you in pain?" He asked fearfully. "I'll get a nurse."
"No, it isn't too bad." She whispered. "Don't leave me." Her voice was small and frightened and it reminded him of when the girls called out to them at night with bad dreams.
"Okay, Babe. I'm not going anywhere. Let's just push that little button and see how fast your friends come running. You know, seven nurses volunteered to work this floor today. They all showed up and a few extras beside. There's a whole gaggle of 'em just outside the waiting room."
"I don't want people staring." She said quietly.
He leaned in, and put his hands on either side of her face, "You listen to me, Jillian Elizabeth Danko, everyone here loves you. They love you. You've been there for them and now they want nothing more than to be here for you. They don't care about anything else - but you well. You get that straight, Baby. I know it is hard. I'm sorry it is so hard. You know I'd do anything in the world to change it." He drew in a deep breath and she reached out, even though it caused her pain, and wiped a tear from his face.
"Okay, Michael, okay. Shhhh." She said. The pain too great, she let her arm drop back down, wishing she was well enough to cling tightly to him.
"And as for me, I'll take you anyway I can. I don't give a damn if you are bald, one-eyed, one-legged or have only one breast - hell, I don't care if you have no breast at all. You are so damn beautiful you make my heart hit double-time every time you so much as smile at me. And this," He paused to gesture around the room, taking in all the equipment, "This a temporary stop for us. You're the toughest girl I know, and there's no way in hell that cancer's gonna take you down. No way. You and me are gonna have a hundred years together, and even when that comes to end, I'll still want more."
She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by his love and the anguish of wishing;longing for his words to be true. But she was a nurse and had been for nearly eighteen years. She'd seen couples just like them - deeply attached; deeply in love - torn apart by death. She feared it more than anything; to be taken from him terrified her.
He was kissing her lips now and sat back his face just inches from hers. "I love you, Jill." He whispered. "And there's no knife that could ever cut deep enough to ever come close to your beauty. Beautiful is who you are."
"I love you, too." She said softly.
The door opened and they both turned to see Liz Conners, step into the room. She smiled seeing Jill awake and crossed to the hospital bed.
"Sorry to interrupt you two newlyweds." She said with a wink. "But I came to check on Memorial's most popular patient. How are you feeling?" She leaned on the rail of the bed, standing beside where Mike sat.
"I'd give you a hug Liz, but I'm a little slow moving just now."
Liz smiled and rested a hand briefly on Mike's shoulder. "She's always lazy isn't she?" She said to him with a laugh. She leaned over and kissed Jill's forehead. "How's the pain?"
"A seven a guess." Jill said through clenched teeth.
"Hmm . . ." Liz considered. "Your seven is probably a nine for everybody else. Let's see if we can't get you a little bit more comfortable. I'll be right back."
She turned and disappeared out the door.
"She was supposed to retire last month. She'd been planning it forever." Jill said. "But she pushed it back. She said she wanted to be on the floor when I had my surgery." Jill's brown eyes clouded over with pain and tears. "This whole thing is so crazy! I can't believe . . ."
"Shhh . . ." Mike said leaning in closer. He rested one hand against her right shoulder, and with his other brushed his fingers along the soft, smooth skin of her face. "Shhh. It's okay. You just close your eyes, and rest Baby."
Liz Conners came back in and immediately gave Jill some pain medication.
"Shhh." Mike continued watching Jill's eyes drift closed again. "It's okay, Baby. I'll be right here." He held her hand in his and leaning over kissed her fingers. "Go to sleep now. Just rest."
"She'll probably be out for a few hours." Liz Conners said softly to Mike. "I'll get you a blanket and some pillows."
"I should call and check on the girls." Mike said running a hand over his face.
"Melissa and Ellen were headed over to your place." Liz said. "It's okay, Mike. Why don't you give yourself a little time?"
He nodded his head, his bright blue eyes, shimmering with tears. "Yeah. I hate seeing her in pain. I hate it." He said huskily.
"Me too." Liz said swallowing. "I'll get you that blanket and pillow." She rested a hand briefly on his shoulder and left the room.
Mike rose slowly, wiping tears from his face. He straightened the covers, tucking them around Jill, carefully. He studied her face. Her features had relaxed in sleep. In the two weeks that she had been free of chemo, her hair had begun to grow back, and her head was covered with soft fuzzy hair, that reminded him of when the girls were newly born. Her face, always thin, was even thinner; her soft features more angular than usual. It was only after her hair was gone, that he'd realized how much he'd loved the soft, silky touch of it. He had never realized how often he would reach out and run his hand through it, or push it back so he could see her face better. He missed it, and longed for the day that it would return. He sank into the chair beside her bed, overwhelmed with guilt. She was fighting for her life, and he was thinking of her hair. His shoulders sagged, burden by shame.
"Here." Liz Conners came back into the room and handed him a blanket and pillow. "You know you don't have to worry. She's got a least thirty people keeping an eye on her right now. Close your eyes and rest."
"Thanks, Liz. You've been a real good friend to her; to us." He smiled.
"Well, she's easy to love, isn't she?" Liz said and Mike nodded his agreement. "Oh," She added. "This one followed me in, and won't leave." She indicated Eddie Ryker who stood just behind her.
"That's okay." Mike said. "He's stubborn."
She nodded and left. Ryker stood beside Mike, his hand resting on his shoulder. "The girls are doing fine." He whispered. "Amanda's with them now. I just wanted to see . . ." He cleared his throat. "I needed to see she was alright."
"It went well." Mike began, but Ryker cut him off.
"We talked to the doctor. Don't worry about me. You look like hell. You rest. I'll just sit with her for a few minutes, okay?"
"Sure." Mike said fighting sleep. He hadn't really slept well in the last two nights - hadn't really slept well in the last six weeks. He hunkered down in the chair his eyes drifting closed. "Wake me up if she needs anything."
Ryker moved to the opposite side of Jill's bed, pulling a chair close to her bed. But he didn't sit down right away. He stood beside her watching her sleep. He sighed and gave her cheek a kiss before settling into the chair. From where he sat he could see both Jill and Mike as they slept. He rubbed the back of his neck and stretched trying to ease some of the tension.
It was just a few hours later that Jill began to stir, and Ryker rose standing beside her, and holding onto her arm.
"Jill?" He whispered with a glance at Mike who was snoring. "Jill, you alright?"
She opened her brown eyes, and seeing him smiled.
"What are you doing here? Aren't you some sort of big deal Deputy Chief?" She smiled at him.
"Well, you are never too important to look in on the little people." He teased her.
"Visiting the sick and injured." She said softly. She glanced at Mike asleep.
"How do ever sleep with all that racket?" He asked indicating Mike's snoring.
"The trick is to fall asleep first." She hesitated, sighing deeply. "Thanks for being here." Her eyes filled with tears, and he swallowed down his own tears.
"Honey, where else would I be?" He said his voice thick. "You need anything? Are you in pain?"
"No, I'm okay. The girls are doing alright?"
"Amanda's with them, and I think Melissa and Ellen were headed that way. They are doing okay."
"I'm glad you were with them." She said.
"Me, too." He agreed. "Why don't you close your eyes and rest some more? You look tired."
"So do you."
"Well, chasing Lizzie is no small thing." He admitted. "Why is every single child you have bound and determine to run everywhere?"
"Blame him." She said with a grin. "I was a very calm child."
"I doubt it." He said with a chuckle. He reached out and ran his hand over her cheek. "Close your eyes and rest, honey."
"I bet you gave them ice cream for breakfast." She said softly, her eyes drifting shut. "Those girls have got you wrapped around your little finger." He watched her face relax as she began to drift back to sleep.
"Well, they are just following in their mother's footsteps then." He said softly, straightening the covers over her. "Sleep, sweetie." He kissed her and moved to settle back into the chair.
"Eddie?" She asked sleepily without opening her eyes.
"Yes?" He asked.
"Thank you for everything. I'm so . . ." She yawned. "I love you."
He blinked several times, unable to speak at first. He wasn't a man for the free exchange of emotions and feelings. It had been part of his hesitation when he'd been asked to head up the new program all those years ago. He wasn't sure he was the right man to lead a group of social worker, citizen officers. When he'd agreed, he had no idea how much it would change his life; not only altering his view of what made a good police officer, but completely transforming his personal life. He wouldn't be Deputy Chief of Police if it hadn't been for the successes of the program and his officers. He certainly wouldn't be sitting in this chair right now, holding the hand of one of the sweetest and strongest women he had ever known. He glanced over at Mike who still slept, thinking again that Mike Danko and Terry Webster were probably two of the finest officers that city had ever had serve, and they never would have been recruited if it hadn't been for the very program that he'd been so unsure of.
He squeezed Jill's hand, releasing her fingers so that she could rest comfortably. She had fallen asleep before she'd even finished speaking to him. He felt badly that he hadn't quickly answered her back, but still, he knew she understood him. He couldn't think of anyone who understood him as well as she did - not since Mary Kate. Even after all these years, he missed his beloved Mary Kate deeply. Sometimes watching the Dankos, filled him with an aching. He had recognized for the start that they were a couple truly in love, and it made him remember his days with Mary Kate; coming home from a long difficult day on the beat to her warmth, love and understanding. She had been a haven for him - away from the dark world he policed. He remembered early on being concerned when Mike had faced a very difficult day on the cold city streets. He'd gone after him, finding him in the locker room.
"Hey, Danko. Why don't you take tomorrow off?" He had said.
"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Mike looked up from where he sat tying his shoes.
"No, nothing like that. It was just kind of a tough day. You alright?" Ryker had shifted uncomfortably.
"I'll be fine." Mike said with a sigh. "I just feel bad for that girl's parents, you know? I guess I should feel that way all the time. Everyone who gets hurt or robbed is someone's kid. So are the ones who do the hurting come to think of it. It's just worse when the victim is young. It wasn't a fun day - that's for sure."
"Your wife working tonight?" Ryker asked.
"Yeah, but she's off in about an hour," He said glancing up at the clock. "I'm gonna go wait for her."
"Why don't you take her out to dinner." Ryker said. "Someone gave me this." He handed a small square of paper to Mike. "I'll never use it."
Mike looked down at the paper in his hand. It was a gift certificate for a local Italian restaraunt - one that was definitely out of their budget.
"You sure?" Mike asked surprised.
"Yeah, I been hanging on to it for weeks now. Go take that pretty wife of yours out. You'll forget about today with her smiling at you."
"That's for damn sure." Mike said, looking again at the paper in his hand. "Thank you, sir. Thanks a lot." Ryker strode quickly away reassured that Mike would be fine. His wife would see to that. He hoped Mike wouldn't notice that the purchase date on the gift certificate was for today - not from weeks ago. He didn't know why he couldn't just tell Mike that he'd felt bad about all that had happened, and wanted to do something nice for the poor, hard-working rookie.
Now, all these years later, he recognized that he hadn't changed all that much - he was just as slow to say what he felt. The only person he'd really ever been able to be truly open with had been Mary Kate, and after losing her . . . He let a slow ragged sigh, hoping that Mike would never, ever have to experience the searing pain of losing Jill. He pushed all his dark thoughts away and instead offer up his ten millionth prayer that Jill would be well and whole, and free of cancer. He was sure he could not survive another deep loss.
"I love you, too." He whispered at last, wishing that he were a braver man who could say what he felt. He settled back in the chair resigned to wait; wait for her to awaken again; wait for test results; wait for words that would allow him to finally, after months exhale. If only . . . he thought. If only. . .