Jill Danko hovered just outside of the ICU, waiting for another chance to go in and see Ryker. Her brief visit hadn't really reassured her in any way that he would recover. When the nurses had left the station, she had snuck over and read his file. She'd been horrified to learn that he had flatlined, not once, but twice during surgery. She understood how truly dire his situation was. It was times like this that she hated being a nurse. She longed to be just an ordinary person without any knowledge or understanding; she could remain blissfully hopeful.

Sitting and waiting to see if he would survived reminded her so much of the death of her father. She'd been twelve when he had his heart attack. He hadn't survived the surgery, so he wasn't in the hospital very long, but she did spend several hours sitting in a hard plastic chair waiting.

She was not quite six when her mother had died, and she had a few beautiful memories of her, but her father was never really far from her thoughts. After her mother's death he had been her whole world. She thought of him often - especially since the birth of the girls. How he would have adored his three granddaughters.

Ryker hadn't immediately reminded her of her father. It had taken time for her to see past his gruff exterior, but over time she began to realize that his gruffness wasn't all of his character. He had a gentle, kindness that he kept tucked away and hidden. It was Ryker's tenderness that reminded her of her father. Despite the fact that he looked nothing like her father, who had been lean, tall and long-legged just like Jill, there was something at his core that made her feel like a small child, safe under someone's watchful loving gaze.

Her mother and father hadn't married young. They'd been older when they'd met. At twenty-nine, her mother had been considered an old maid. Her father had been thirty-four. Perhaps their age was the reason that they were both calm and patient with their daughters. Her father had been surprisingly open about his feelings - a modern man born in an age where men hid everything.. She never knew if it was because he was left with two little girls after her mother died, or just his nature. He was warm, loving, and infinitely patient. She could still, even after all these years, remember the feeling of being lifted up into his arms, as he kissed her forehead and told her how much he loved her. He was the first one to call her "Jilly" - actually, he used to call her his little "Jilly Bean". At the time, she'd found the nickname embarrassing, but later after his death she longed for the sound of it; his warm, loving voice whispering, "I love you, Jilly Bean." The very first time Mike had called her "Jilly" she'd burst into tears, leaving him perplexed until she had explained it.

Mike reminded her of her father, his warm eyes, and gentle voice - the very first time she'd gazed into this beautiful, kind blue eyes she felt herself relax as though she were finally home at last. She hadn't realized at first, how similar they were - distracted by her physical attraction to Mike, but over time, she'd come to realize that she'd married a man very similar to her father; loving, faithful, hard-working and kind.

Losing her father had shattered her. She was twelve, Amanda just seventeen. They had been sent to live with their Aunt Lou - their last living relative. She wasn't even their aunt but rather their mother's and at seventy-eight already beginning a rapid decline into constant confusion. And so, instead of being taken care of by her, they adjusted to a life of looking after Aunt Lou - hiding her illness so that they wouldn't be separated. It was such a lonely time - maybe that's why she had continued to date Cleave, overlooking his flaws. It was only when he had tried to hold her back - trying to convince her to forget about nursing school that she finally broke free of him.

Now, she felt like that lost twelve year old girl all over again, sitting in a plastic hospital chair, waiting. She had been so comforted by the presence of Eddie Ryker. He'd held her hand more times than she could count - when Mike had been shot or hurt. It seemed that whenever she was frightened or worried - he would appear, a strong arm around her shoulders. It was like being lifted up into her tall father's arms again.

She remembered vividly handing him Kate for the first time and watching his face change as he looked down into her dark eyes. She remembered his emotional response when they'd explained that they had named her for his beloved wife - lost so long ago. She thought of the first time they'd let him babysit Kate and came home to find him asleep with a peacefully sleeping Kate in his arms - looking so content and comfortable. The sweetness of it - her baby girl secure in the arms of her grandfather. It seemed if she looked back on her life, Ryker was always there, in the background; loving and supportive. She couldn't imagine moving forward without him; wasn't sure she could endure losing her father again.

She glanced at the clock and moved to stand at the doorway leading into ICU. She dutifully put on the mask they were making her wear - to protect her from all the germs. A compromise she had to make so that they would let her in. She waited impatiently until the doors opened for her.

"You really ought to get some rest, Mrs. Danko." The ICU nurse said without looking up.

"I will."

"No, you won't. My supervisor said that after this visit - you need to wait three hours before coming back."

This news explained the lack of eye contact. "But . . ."

"I know, but she's adamant. I don't know how things work upstairs, but around here - the boss' word is law."

"Can I see him now?" She asked angrily.

"Of course."

His skin was so pale that it shocked her every single time. He had wires and tubes everywhere and it pained her to see him looking like this.

"Hi, Eddie." She said softly, brushing away tears that fell. "Mike's awake now. I guess it is good that you can't talk because he's pretty ticked off at both you and Terry. I'm not sure he'll forgive Terry any time soon." She sighed, gently stroking the back of his hand. "I wish you'd wake up. I can't . . ." She cleared her throat. "We love you so much, Eddie. Please, just get better, okay?"

She sat holding his hand, her lips moving in silent prayer, until they told her that she had to leave. She rose then slowly, knowing that they wouldn't let her back for a few hours.

"I'm going now, but just because they are kicking me out for a bit. I'll be back. You hang in there, Eddie. Keep getting stronger." She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I love you."

***R***

No one was more surprised about his recovery than Chris Owens. He had decided that saving Mike and Jill would be his last redeeming, sacrificial act. He had hoped that at least in death he would - if not undo his past mistakes - at least prove those who had kept their faith in him were not mistaken.

He felt horrible - couldn't breathe without experiencing pain. When he had first awoken, he hadn't felt anything, but now just thirty hours later, he felt worse than he ever had in his life. He'd been shot twice - in the chest and abdomen. There wasn't an inch of him that didn't ache. But more than anything, he felt confused. He didn't know how to move forward. He had expected to be dead already.

He was trying to ignore the pain, and contemplate the future when Terry Webster stepped into the room.

"You're awake!" Terry said with a grin.

"Yep." Chris said. "Imagine my surprise. How are the lovebirds?"

"Better. Although, I recommend staying away from Mike." Terry sighed, a heaviness settling over him.

"He's pissed?" Chris asked.

"That doesn't even begin to describe it." Terry said pulling a chair up next to Chris' bed and sitting down. "He threw me out. He threw me out forever."

"Give it time." Chris said. "You'd be surprised what Mike can forgive." An uneasy silence settled between them, as Terry struggled to hold onto his emotions.

"Did I ever say sorry for all the crap I put you through? I don't remember any more."

"You did."

"Well, I'm sorry still. The farther I get from those days, the more I understand how much damage I did. I'm really sorry, Terry. You covered for me so many times! And I was such a jackass to you!"

"It's the past, man. It's over. 'Sides, I could've done a better job of helping you." Terry sighed.

"You did more than enough. I was too stubborn to ever admit that I wasn't managing it. I was so determined to prove that I could be as good a cop as you and Mike! God! What an idiot!"

"You are a good cop, Chris. It's a hard job." Terry put a hand on Chris' arm.

"No. I just stuffed it all inside. You kept telling me I needed to process it, but I wouldn't listen. I thought it would show that I was weak, you know? I thought it meant I couldn't hack it if I admitted that it bothered me. You were right. I should have listened."

"Everyone thinks that at first - - that they aren't supposed to ever admit it gets to them." He sighed. "And I'm the one who couldn't hack it. I had to get out." Terry rose and stood at the window looking out. "There's so much darkness out there. It can swallow you up, if you let it."

"You were smart, Terry. You got out before it hurt your family." Chris sighed. "I wish like hell, I'd been tough enough to do the same." His eyes filled with tears. "I lost them because of my pride."

"They aren't lost." Terry said turning and facing him. "Megan's sitting out there in that waiting room every chance she gets."

"No. I could never . . .that's over." Chris said sorrowfully.

"How long did you drink?" Terry asked.

"I don't know . . . three years, I guess - maybe four. It's hard to remember when it really started. I denied it for so long. Why?"

"Three years is a long time." Terry said thoughtfully. "Undoing that damage might take a little bit of time." He raised an eyebrow and continued hopefully, "But a good woman might be worth the time it takes."

"Terry . . . don't. I can't manage false hope."

"You don't think Megan's a good woman?" Terry asked him.

Chris shook his head, laughing. "You are relentless, Webster! You and Danko are a couple of hopeless romantics!"

"We are men in love with our wives. We just want the same for you and for her. She deserves happiness, don't you think? Even if it takes the rest of your days to make it happen."

"Yeah. I guess, you're right." He sighed, so tired suddenly. "Speaking of things that take time, don't worry Terry, Mike will forgive you."

"I don't know man. I let his wife walk straight in the arms of a madman. You heard what went down in that room." He shook his head. "I don't know if I can forgive me!"

"I don't know much about anything," Chris said. "But I do know this, Jill's a hurricane - you can stop her once she starts and Mike knows that better than any of us. If you had said no, she would've just snuck out on her own - you know that and so will Mike once he really thinks about it. You've been through too much together. He'll forgive you. Trust me, I know about Mike Danko and forgiveness."

"God, I really hope so, man." He sat back down in the chair saying nothing. He sat there a long time just being with Chris as he drifted back to sleep; two friends lost in thoughts of hope.

***R***

"You feeling good enough to fight, yet?" Jill asked.

"Jill, stop it." Mike said wearily from where he sat in his hospital bed. She rose from where she was sitting and stood beside him.

"You need to listen to me, Michael." Her voice held irritation.

"No, I don't, Jillian." He rubbed a hand over his face, sighing in frustration and exhaustion. "Listen, we've got enough going on, don't you think? We can fight later."

"No!" She said stubbornly. "You won't really rest until you get this sorted out. Mike, I was going no matter what. I would have climbed out the window."

"I'm not talking about this right now. You don't understand."

"I don't understand? I don't understand?" Her voice rose angrily. "No, I wouldn't know what it is like to watch someone you love down to your very core march straight into danger. I don't know what it's like to let them face down the barrel of a gun while you have no choice but to sit back and wait! I have no idea what it is like to feel powerless, and useless while the very heart inside your chest, aches knowing that someone you care about is facing danger. I wouldn't know one damn thing about that!" Her brown eyes grew dark with fury. "Mike! It is over! We did what we had to do! You are alive and I am alive! Let's just be grateful."

"Ah, damn it, Jill!" He said angrily. "It's my job to keep you safe and I screwed it up - just like I did before!"

"How? But not being able to predict what a crazy person was going to do?" She sighed her anger fading. "You believed me then - even when it seemed like I was crazy. You listened and you believed me. I'm the one who was stupid - I knew it wasn't standard procedure to get a phone call like that. I should never have gone - especially without calling the station first. And you did protect me - he didn't hurt me."

"That's not a cast on your wrist? You don't have bruises? You don't wake up crying just like you did back then?" He asked. "You don't understand, Jill. I just . . . I just want you safe - always. It's more important that anything. It's more important than me. I'd rather he kill me and just leave you alone."

"He was never going to leave me alone. You know that, Mike." She took his hand in hers. "And you dying - that would hurt me - it wouldn't be keeping me safe at all."

"We can't talk about this!" Mike's voice rose angrily. "He never, ever should have let you go. Never!"

"Let me go! What am I some helpless woman from the fifties? I'm not a little girl Mike. I do what I want. If it had been the other way around - you would've walked right into that room!"

"I'm a police officer!"

"Well, congratulations!" She said bitterly. "But if you had stormed in there, it wouldn't have been as a cop - it would have been as a husband." She paused allowing him time to process what she was saying.

"Jill, I can't . . ." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "The things he said . . .the things he did . . . Baby, I can't just let go of how angry I am."

"Then be angry at Lee Borden! He's the one who said those things. He's the one who did those things! Terry didn't." She sat down beside him. "I understand that we did something you would never have agreed to, but we had no choice. You were too important to us; to me. Be pissed off at me!"

He shook his head at her. "I am. Did you think of the girls at all? Jill, they would have been left with no one. You, of all people, know how hard that is."

"I thought of them standing beside the grave of their father wondering why someone didn't do something to save him. And I thought further down the road, Borden wouldn't have stopped at killing you - he would have come after me! They would've been alone either way."

"I am too tired for this." He said completely exasperated. "Let's leave it alone."

"Promise me you will at least think about it, Mike."

"Jill, you are pushing me too far."

"Who do we have left?" She asked him pointedly.

"What?"

"Who do we have left from the beginning?" She reached out and put a hand on his face so that he was forced to meet her eyes. "Half your graduating class has moved away. The others either quit or died. Willie's gone."

"Hey, Jill," He said gently.

"No," She said her eyes filling with tears. "If Ryker dies . . ." She paused unable to speak.

"Baby, hey, it's gonna be . . ."

"If Eddie dies, Terry will be the only one left who remembers what it was like when it all began . . . the only one who knew us then. He was there the first day. He stayed with me so many times when you were in danger, Mike. He stood by your side through so much. I can't bear any more losses." She looked up at him. "I can't, Mike. I'm not strong enough."

He sighed, and wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed against his shoulder. "Eddie's gonna be fine. He's gonna be alright, Baby. Shhh." He kissed her again and again, trying to calm her and reassure her. "Okay, sweetheart, you win. You're right. I can't promise . . .I'll try, Baby. I'll try and make things right with Terry, okay?"

"I don't want to lose anyone else." She said sobbing still.

"I know, Babe. I know."