He was with Mary Kate and everything was perfect again. She had her head thrown back in laughter and he could feel her smile; could feel it down to his core. He reached for her holding her close to him and bent low for a kiss. Being close to her; kissing her again after so long was like the Fourth of July - no like Christmas morning and he, a blissful six year old surrounded by presents.
"Mary Kate!" He breathed her name so happy to say it.
"Eddie!" She smiled at him.
"I've missed you so much! Oh, sweetheart! I love you so!"
"I love you, too - I love you for always."
He laughed kissing her again - she used to say that every day as he left for work.
"How is our little girl?" She asked and he felt as though he'd been stabbed.
"I . . . I couldn't . . . She is . . . Oh, Mary Kate, I'm so sorry!" The pain was so intense and he so ashamed. "I gave her to good people."
"I know." Mary Kate's voice was gentle and she rested her head against his shoulder. "She is loved and happy. That's not who I meant, Eddie."
"What?" It was hard to focus; the pain constant.
"You gave our girl to someone with no child, and you were given a girl with no parents. There is balance." Her voice was sweet, steady and calm. She had always been talking to him about balance - especially when he got too involved or his temper got the better of him.
"You know about . . ." He stuttered overcome by emotion and searing pain.
"I'm never far, Eddie. And next time we are together it will be forever but it is too soon, now. You have to go."
"No!" He held her tighter. "Mary Kate! I love you! I don't want to lose you."
"You haven't." She kissed him deeply. "But our girl needs you still; they all do and I," She pointed a finger at the center of his chest. "I am right here." She pushed with her finger and the pain intensified. "I love you, Eddie." She repeated it over and over until he was swallowed up in pain and everything was dark.
***R***
They had been released from the hospital and Jill should have been joyous to be home. The girls vibrated with excitement at seeing their parents and to be altogether at home at last. They were all in Mike and Jill's bedroom. Lizzie was on Jill's lap and Amy and Kate were curled between them. She glanced over at Mike who was absently stroking Kate's hair.
"Mama and I have to talk to you about something." He said softly and Jill's eyes filled immediately with tears.
"The cancer came back?" Kate whispered fearfully.
"No!" Jill said leaning over and kissing Kate. "No, sweetheart." She looked up at Mike gaining strength from his bright, blue eyes. "But Grandpa is in the hospital."
"Grandpa?" Amy asked softly. "Is he alright?"
"Grandpa is very sick. He had a heart attack." Mike explained gently. "They are taking good care of him."
"Will he get better?" Kate asked nestling against her father's chest.
"We have to wait and see." Mike sighed. "But we are praying he gets better and you can too."
"Grandpa?" Lizzie asked and the sound of her sweet, baby voice shattered them both. "He plays dollies with me. I don't want him to be sick."
Mike reached out and held tightly to Jill's hand and looking down at their daughters said firmly, "We are gonna believe that Grandpa will be better soon. He's very strong."
He turned away, too pained to watch his daughters cry over their beloved Grandpa Eddie, and he couldn't possibly meet Jill's eyes. Please God, he prayed silently. Don't hurt them any more. They've endured so much. Let them have their grandfather, please. We need him.
***R***
"I'll just go to the hospital." Terry shrugged not meeting his wife's eyes.
"No. You drop me and the kids off. You can drive them there." She said adamantly.
"Beth . . ." He began.
"Mike can't drive with that leg and Jill shouldn't. So, you are gonna drop me off."
"They won't want me to be there. You don't understand, Beth."
"Terry, don't be a baby. Mike was furious and he exploded on you, but that was temporary. You two are brothers."
"I don't think that's true any more. I let . . ."
"Let? You boys are so macho! It's ridiculous! Jill was right about that. Jill is a grown woman, Terry, despite those big doe eyes of hers, and you didn't let her do anything. If you had been trapped down in that basement, a company of Marines couldn't stop me from coming to you! So strap on your flak jacket and let's go." She held his keys out to him and turning called out, "Now, MJ! If you can't find it, you aren't bringing it. We are leaving! Daddy is waiting." She smiled at him.
"I love you Elizabeth Anne Webster but I gotta tell you, sometimes you are a real pain in the ass." He leaned forward kissing her.
"I love you too, Terrance." She grinned at him as he grimaced at the sound of his name. "And most of the time you are an even bigger one." He laughed at her refusal to repeat the phrase. Beth never swore - her father was a pastor who was without a doubt the most intimidating man Terry had ever, ever met.
"Are we going?" MJ asked impatiently tugging on Terry's pant leg.
"We're going buster. Do me a favor little man, stick close when we get to Uncle Mike's, Daddy needs back up today."
"You need back up?" MJ asked surprised.
Beth laughed and lifting Jenny, who was sleeping on the couch, opened the door. "You can protect Daddy, MJ. He needs all the help he can get."
***R***
The ride to the hospital was uncomfortably silent. Jill rode up front beside Terry while Mike rode in back his leg stretched out across the seat.
"Thank you, Terry." Jill said quietly. "You and Beth have helped us so much lately."
"You can return the favor when child three makes their arrival. I don't know how will manage. We've had a fair fight up til now. Three tips the scales their way and we are outnumbered." He said nervously avoiding glancing in the rearview mirror, afraid to meet Mike's eyes.
"Jill's got a theory that only people with three kids are really parents." Mike said and Terry could hear the nervousness in Mike's low, gravelly voice.
"It's true. People with one kid - that's not parenting! That's just a cute accessory you can carry around. Two kids - a little more impressive but you've got a one-to-one ratio. It's three kids that earns you your parent badge." Jill said smiling and meeting Mike's eyes in the rearview mirror. "You know it's true, Babe." She winked at him.
"Don't crush him, Baby." Mike said to her. "Webster will learn soon enough."
***R***
They could only go in two at a time, and only for a few minutes every hour. Mike would've held onto Jill's hand as they entered the ICU, but his crutches wouldn't allow it. He hadn't been to see Ryker until now, and was shocked at how pale; how sick the man looked. He glanced at Jill who fussed over Eddie, making adjustments here and there - clearly comfortable with all the medical equipment that surrounded him. He was amazed by her; how smart she was. She was a great nurse - everyone at the hospital always told him that. She had to know and understand so many different things. He couldn't believe all the things she kept straight. When he commented on it she had laughed and confessed she didn't know how he managed all the things he did at work.
"Me? My job is simple. Chase the bad guys. Protect the innocent." He'd laughed.
"Mine's simple too," She said joining his laughter. "Don't let people die."
She leaned over Eddie now, running her hand over his forehead. "Mike's here too, now. They finally let him out of the hospital. So," She hesitated her voice shaky. "You got the whole family here."
Mike crutched closer so that he stood beside Jill. Using Eddie's hospital bed for support, he was able to keep a crutch tucked under his arm and put his arm around Jill, squeezing her shoulders.
"We're here, sir." He said softly. "We're just waiting for you to open those eyes of yours and reprimand us for hanging around doing nothing." He smiled, but felt tears pool in his eyes. "You hurry it up too, my baby girls miss Grandpa." He leaned over so that his chin rested on Jill's shoulder.
They stayed like that, looking down on him and whispering encouragements, until they finally were told to leave. They didn't respond to the first request, but quickly left after the second stern nurse shook a finger at them warning them that they wouldn't be allowed back if they didn't go.
He crutched past the angry nurse, thinking that Jill would never respond to a family like that, but recognizing that his view of Jill might be slightly skewed by his blinding love for her. "We're sorry." He apologized. "It's just difficult."
The cranky nurse softened. "Yes, I understand, but your father needs to rest."
Father.
He didn't correct her. They only let family in the ICU for one thing, and it was mostly true anyway.
They had set up a kind of base in the chapel. It wasn't that they were particularly religious, although, Beth had a strong, quiet faith that both he and Jill had come to rely on during Jill's long battle. He knew that Beth and Jill often prayed together, and he had no quarrel with it. His own experience with faith was to be dragged to mass twice a week by his mother and father. They never talked about religion at all other than, "It's time for mass." Mike had found it confusing as a child and wondered why they had to go since they never prayed at home. But Beth had written scriptures on cards and given them to Jill and he found himself reading them and taking comfort in the words penned so long ago. He had one he still kept tucked in his wallet - it spoke of wings filled with healing. It comforted him greatly.
"I'm gonna check on Chris." Jill said kissing his cheek as they reached the dim chapel. "You sit down for a minute. You shouldn't be up on that leg too much."
He was about to say, "I'll go with you." when he saw that Terry was inside the chapel. He sighed.
"You never fight fair, woman." He said to her.
"Nope." She agreed grinning at him. "Go on, Mike." She nudged his shoulder gently, and kissing him one more time, left them alone.
He crutched slowly over to where Terry sat staring at the cross in the front of the chapel. He lowered himself into the pew beside his oldest friend.
"You go see Chris?" He asked.
"Yeah, he's sleeping now." Terry said. "He's holding his own. They are actually starting to talk hopefully now."
"Those over-cautious bastards actually admitting he might live?" Mike said but cringed realizing he'd just cursed in the chapel. He glanced around nervously.
"We're alone." Terry said with a chuckle. "Good thing, Beth's not here!"
"Good thing." Mike agreed.
They sat together and the silence between them filled him with anxiety.
"Mike, look, I can go. I can wait somewhere else. Beth was just so . . ." Mike could hear the fear and grief in his friend's voice.
"Determined woman, huh? Trying to fix things?" Mike shook his head. "I got one of those myself." He glanced at Terry. "Look, I should never have . . ."
"Mike, if you apologize to me . . .I can't take it, okay? Everything you said was true. I shouldn't have let her even talk about being taken. It was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done."
Mike said nothing for a long minute considering. "I don't know, Terry, I've know you a long time. I think you've done lots of stupid things." He grinned at Terry whose eyes' widened in surprise at his friend's generosity and forgiveness. He brushed at tears.
"I'm sorry, Mike. I am really, really sorry."
"I am too." Mike sighed. "I don't know what I would have done if it had been you. Beth would do anything to make sure they found you. And Jill, well she's a force to be reckoned with. She's stubborn as he - heck."
"That's true. Stubborn women." Terry said relaxing at long last.
"You're gonna think this is crazy, but I had a dream about Willie." He glanced at Terry. "We were just talking you know, sitting around shooting the bull. It was like old days. And he told me I was gonna have to forgive you, and remember how stubborn she was."
"I dream about him, too." Terry said softly. "He usually gives me advice - tells me when I've screwed up." He sighed thinking about Willie Gillis, their lost brother. "He told me Jill would get better." He glanced at Mike realizing he'd never told him that.
"He did?"
Terry nodded. "I dreamt it over and over again. The whole time she was sick. He'd tell me not to worry no matter how bad it looked that she would be well again."
Mike relaxed against the pew contemplating this. "He told me it wouldn't come back. Maybe he knows."
"We should ask him about Ryker next time we get the chance." Terry said.
"Yeah. I sure hope . . .I don't think Jill could manage it." He looked away from Terry contemplating the cross. "What would Beth say about all the hard things that have come her way in the last two years? How does the goodness of God fit into Jill losing a second father to a heart attack?"
"You'd have to ask her." Terry said quietly. "I got my own struggles with that sweet wife of yours dancing on the edge of the cliff of death for ten months."
"Still, when she prays, it comforts me." Mike admitted. "I'm glad you married her man. She's a good lady."
"She is." Terry agreed. "You see Megan?"
"Yeah. What do you think?" Mike asked him.
"It would be a lot to forgive." Terry admitted. "But love is pretty damn powerful."
"Damn straight." Mike agreed. "Time will tell."
***R***
Chris was still sleeping when Jill checked on him. She stood beside him checking his vitals and was so intent that it was only as she turned to go that she saw Megan sitting in the chair beside his bed.
"Meg!" She said hugging her.
"I'm so glad to see you looking better." Meg said hugging her tightly. "You looked so awful when they brought you in." She stood beside Jill who wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"I'm so sorry, Megan." Jill said. "If it wasn't for . . ."
"If it wasn't for those two crazy brothers, he wouldn't be here." Megan said stopping Jill. "This has nothing to do with you; not really." She glanced up at Jill. "It has to do with a good man trying to set things right."
Jill nodded and squeezed Megan's shoulders. "He is a good man." She kissed Megan's cheek. "He just lost his way for a bit."
"I don't know what it all means." Megan said wearily. "I know I'm exhausted and everything has been so intense, but I also know . . ."
"You love him." Jill finished as Megan's eyes filled with tears.
"I do." Megan said. "You must think that I'm foolish and weak."
"No. I think you are brave." Jill said with a smile. "Although, I am a little ticked off at you."
"Because I'm willing to consider taking him back?" She asked in a small voice.
"No, because I'm gonna have to admit Mike was right." She sighed. "He believed that Chris was worth trying to save, and now I have to tell him he was right." She smiled at Megan. "I really, really hate doing that."
Megan laughed. "I owe Mike for this. He never gave up. Everyone else did. I did."
"You had reason too. You took care of your boys and that was the right thing to do. Besides, I think Chris paid off your debt, and then some."
"I must be out of my mind with exhaustion, I feel so happy just now." Megan said shaking her head. "Now, we just need that grumpy, Deputy Chief to wake up."
Jill nodded unable to speak, her voice choked by tears and anxiety. Megan glanced at her and wrapped both her arms around Jill, pulling her into a hug. "It's okay, Jill. Let go of it for a minute." She whispered and held tightly to her friend as she sobbed while gruff and gentle, Eddie Ryker battled to stay alive.