Nerd fight:
A nerd fight is commonly described as a rather pathetic scuffle between two nerds, both classified as pale, thin, and bony. Usually they argue over inane things like World of Warcraft or how hot Leia and her gold bikini are. Or they could be talking about things not sci-fi related, but this is rarely the case.
Now is one of those cases.
"UCHIHA!" Neji stomped towards the dark-haired underclassman with as much intimidation is his 6-foot 7-inch lamppost-like frame could muster. Lividly he towered over the other, uncaring of Naruto's raucous snort on how screwed Sasuke was and Sakura's annoying little gasp beside him.
Coolly Sasuke snapped close the sleek black mobile that had been pressed to his ear. "'How's it going Tall, Dark, and Anemic?" Neji reached for his phone, but Sasuke pulled it out of the way, a smirk worming its way up onto his handsome face. "What's your problem? Frustrated you can't beat the last level of Super Meatball Boy?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow in amusement as Neji fumed.
"I beat that game in middle school," the Hyuuga snorted, holding out his hand demandingly and rising to his full height. "Now give me back my phone. I don't know how you got it or who you were calling, but it is against the law to steal. Or," at this Neji did his own arrogant sneer, "are you trying to get into the thieves' guild in Skyrim?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Oh, get shot in the knee why don't you?" he quipped as he batted Hyuuga's lanky arm out of the way. "Remember during lunch you threw something at moron over here for being a loudmouth; well guess what smartypants, that was your phone. Not my fault you can't control your temper." At that Naruto gave a loud hoot, which was smothered by Neji's impressive glare. Veins seemed to be bulging from around his eyes, the infamous 'Hyuuga gaze' that made them seem really creepy and absolute pricks to work with. Only Tenten seemed to be immune to its penetrating properties... speaking of which...
"You dialed Tenten." Naturally, since Neji had been calling her the whole day, worming her into his schedule at all costs. The last call had really gotten on his nerves though, and he had to cool down. Thinking back on it, Neji deduced that he really should have reeled in his emotions than throw the nearest object at Naruto's insanely wide, blathering face-hole.
Sasuke's smirk got all the more wider as he saw Neji scowl deeply. "The short Chinese girl with the big butt?" Sakura gave Sasuke an incredulous look as Naruto guffawed openly. Neji's angry expression did not change. In fact, it might have gotten worse. But it's hard to tell with Neji, whose expressions range strictly between bored, sardonic pleasure, anger, and creatively constipated. "She was yelling to her granny. Sakura told me she and Shikamaru were in the country this week to help out on a farm or something. Didn't think those two would be a thing, you know? But maybe Shikamaru's into the bigger girls rather than twigs like Ino and Temari?" Sasuke shrugged uncaringly whilst completely aware of Neji's rage boiling the air.
"Give. Me. The. Phone."
The petulant Uchiha shook his head, and to his surprise Neji lunged for him, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and reaching for the phone. Sakura yelled as Naruto's eyes widened, but Sasuke got past his momentary bout of confusion to keep the phone out of range. "Nope, first you have to beat me as Mario Kart," Sasuke said cheekily. "And maybe get down on your knees and kiss my ass."
It proceeded from there, right in the courtyard during passing period, where Sasuke and Neji began to 'brawl'.
Sadly, neither were part of a sport nor of any real muscle strength (with those skinny white arms? Puhleeze) and thus it ended up looking like two wet noodles slapping each other with their wiggly appendages. The group of students that had bothered to find if any real harm would be happening were disappointed to find the two scrawny boys wrestling on the floor and spouting out internet phrases and video game references to one another until Neji found enough sense to stop pulling Sasuke by the ear and wrench back his phone.
He quickly ran off post-haste, using his incredibly long legs to his advantage. Behind him Naruto was laughing his ass off at the ridiculous confrontation as Sakura was looking over Sasuke like a worried hen.
"Next time Hyuuga loses his phone, I'm calling his girlfriend and telling her he ditched her for Zelda!" the lone Uchiha vowed darkly, then pushed Sakura away as she tried to place a band-aid on his cheek. "I was fighting Hyuuga, not attacked by some homicidal pitbull."
And that is how you have a nerd fight. Anymore questions?
Of course he wasn't stalking Tenten.
"Neji, why are we stalking Tenten?"
Goddammit.
Turning around to shush the black hole one would call Lee's mouth, Neji craned his head around to make sure they couldn't be seen by a certain bun-haired girl. "She invited me to the movies. I think I have a right to go see them with her." Neji intelligently left out the part of Shikamaru being there.
Lee scratched the back of his head. "But you told me that you declined that request because Shikamaru was going to be there too. You even said you had to paint Sakura! Neji, are you a liar?" Lee was gaping at him as if he had just confessed incestuous feelings for his uncle. Neji bristled.
"Shut up. It doesn't matter because I am going to make sure Shikamaru keeps his lazy hands off her and I am going to do it at a distance that may seem stalker-ish but is in no way stalker-like," Neji whispered gruffly as he dragged Lee to the ticket booth and bought them seats. To his chagrin, only now did Neji realize that the movie Tenten was going to was some romance/comedy every girlfriend in the city was forcing their boyfriend to see. And she was taking with Shikamaru.
"I've seen that movie in commercials! I love the lead actor, he has such nice cheekbones compared to the female lead!" Lee exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of his feet as the ticket lady gave the duo a rather peculiar expression. Neji herded his roommate as quickly as he could to the snack stand.
"Buy whatever you want, just make sure you mouth is too full to say a single word that might blow our cover," Neji said as he pushed some money from his pocket into Lee's hand before turning away. "I'm going to get a seat. And if you barge in calling my name, I will eat your decrepit, flaky turtle." Lee rapidly shook his head, his shiny black mop of hair bouncing around like a large mushroom cap. Satisfied at that reaction, Neji left the other to go find Tenten.
He walked into the theatre, taking time for his sight to adjust to the dimmed lights, before scouring the area. Unsurprisingly, it didn't take long to find two familiar heads, one with buns and another with a spiked ponytail. They were sitting in the middle, obtained the best seats to view the movie and coincidentally the best seats to be spied upon at all angles (not that Neji was stalking them or anything).
Neji sat behind the duo several rows away so he could easily estimate the distance between both of their silhouettes without being detected. It was a good five inches too close for his liking, especially when they were sharing a bag of popcorn.
After ten minutes of mindless previews and the lights turned off so the patrons could enjoy the movie (what was it called again? "Stab me in the Heart with a Fucking X-acto Knife"?) Lee plopped down beside Neji. Well, Neji assumed it was Lee, but he couldn't tell because the green-loving youth was holding so many bags of popcorn, candy, and soda it appeared to literally be a wall of carbohydrates.
Neji quickly checked his pockets and found out belatedly that he had just let Lee buy fifty dollars worth of junk food. As if fate was mocking him, one of Lee's arms stretched out from the mass of crap he had bought and gingerly deposited nineteen cents into his general direction. Neji let the coins (a rusted dime, a century-old nickel, and four moldy pennies to be exact) clatter to the floor as he tried to smother his face into his palm at his own stupidity. It was no wonder they had to eat Chinese take-out every week.
When Lee passed him some popcorn, Neji felt like swatting it to the floor. Not because his roommate was handing him a heart attack in an ugly white and yellow-striped bag, but because Lee had the audacity to think that Neji was ever going to give him money for food again. The Hyuuga seethed in the dark theatre as the movie finally began to start. He wasn't paying attention though as he scrutinized Shikamaru and Tenten throughout the entire film.
All seemed to be going well actually. From what Neji saw, it was two friends hanging out with a sappy chick-flick. He and Tenten did that all the time last summer, especially when Lee went to acting camp (though he was sent home two weeks earlier because he tried hoard all of the shampoo). Neji sighed and let himself relax at that satisfying fact, but then cringed at the reality of it. He and Tenten will never be more than just best friends. Tenten wasn't interested and Neji didn't have the guts to try and make a move. Neji was a smart kid; he had analyzed all of the signs and made up logical conclusions for each one.
In the beginning he had thought she had a crush on him, but he was too busy with making a name for himself in the artist community that he refused any distractions (though a certain sexy one that resembled a milk chocolate panda liked to pop up in his dreams from time to time). When he found out how much he depended on his friend emotionally, her admiration had simmered down and he wasn't sure anymore.
From what he could tell Tenten was concerned for him, especially when he forgets to eat or sleep or any of that mortal business Neji believed he was above, but she does that for Lee as well (if not five times more). She went to every one of his gallery openings and made him seem less of an antisocial jackass when others were around, cheering him on in even his biggest art blocks and staying up with him late at night just so he could finish a painting. For as long as Neji knew her, Tenten had always been by his side. To have her claimed by someone else - be it male, female, dog, alien, or 2D anime character - made the frostbitten clump of lead people called Neji's heart to tighten painfully.
Tenten had never expressed a big interest in dating, leading Neji to believe she was as work-oriented as he was or that she was asexual. Or, she was a lesbian, which Neji still had doubts about due to her rather... intense rivalry with a woman named Temari from their old high school. The two met on different women's basketball teams and a fierce hatred ignited their passions, ultimately leading to many rumors of angry hate sex behind the gymnasium at night that only died down when people thought Shikamaru and Temari were a couple. With nothing coming to pass for either scenario, it was dropped like all childish high school priorities. Other than that, Neji had never seen Tenten pursue a romantic relationship.
Well, she did say she'd give her virginity to some freak-show named Deidara, but he was in an entirely different continent and Neji would sell his soul for it to stay that way.
Sighing dejectedly, Neji stopped watching the two lovestruck teenagers in the movie having sloppy making out to check on Shikamaru and Tenten...
Only to see their faces pressed so close to each other one would swear they were making out.
Her body, her mind, her heart. Zero out of three ain't bad, right?... Right?
"Shikamaru, you smell like a burnt wedding cake made out of gasoline and rabbit piss from those nasty cigarettes you keep breathing. Get out of my face," Tenten hissed into the Nara's ear as their cheeks were smooshed together uncomfortably when Shikamaru suddenly leant in closely.
Instead of removing his face from hers, Shikamaru merely rolled his eyes. "I heard from Naruto who heard from Sasuke who heard from Lee while he was crying about the ending of the Teletubbies that Neji's painting a really big portrait of Sakura. You jelly?"
Tenten swore profusely under her breath. "Does the five fucking pounds I've gained in the mere two weeks Neji's been on this project count as jelly to you? If so, then I am the world's largest fucking jelly-filled doughnut in existence, double-stuffed with jelly so intense you could be suffocated by my rage. I am topped with the delicious, sugary powder of envy and coated in sprinkles made of resentment. My grape-filling is so full of enmity it gushes out of both sides in rivets of sickeningly gooey malice. Yes I am jelly, are you fucking happy yet?" Shikamaru made a face at her description.
"You could have just said yes," he drawled. "So I'm guessing Neji's moving on in his career, leaving you feeling abandoned, lonesome, and overweight?"
Sighing somberly, Tenten nodded as she sunk down in her seat. The movie on the big screen no longer interested her. "He said it was a commission by her father, but why else would he do it? Neji's never cared about the money, he's obviously doing it to impress her. And who wouldn't be? He's one of the best artists in the city and he hasn't even learned how to parallel park yet. Heads spin when he enters the room, girls swoon when he bends over, and even Lee's turtle is sexually attracted to him! He and Sakura both share the same headstrong qualities he'd be a dumbass for not fathering her illegitimate children! Ugh! Fucking Sakura and her goddamn size three waist!" Tenten curled up, hiding her face in her knees as she ignored the surprised from the people around them.
Shikamaru calmly patted her on the back as she vented. "Don't beat yourself up too hard on this. Your own self-esteem issues are bleeding into your perceptions on what is really happening. Who knows, maybe Neji likes whales." Tenten groaned like a dying animal. "I didn't mean that, you know. I simply brought the whole thing up anyways because this entire Sakura debacle is giving you some serious depression issues. I'm telling you to do something about it before it gets a hold of you. Because I care - and because it'd be too troublesome to manage the farm if you died of a broken heart."
"Like what?" came Tenten's muffled question.
"I don't know. Why not have sex with him?"
"Asshole!"
The Nara couldn't help but smirk a bit. "Think about it. Neji means screw in Japanese, right? Screw? Neji? Ha. Also, sex releases dopamine. It really would make him happy if he got laid. Doubt he even knows what his testicles are for anymore."
"I am so done with this this," Tenten said, getting up all of a sudden. "This movie sucks anyways. Also, if you ever have to borrow five dollars again then think back to this conversation and realize the answer will forever be no." Disgruntled, the brunette girl left as quickly as possible.
Shikamaru relaxed leisurely over the seat Tenten had occupied, stretching out between both of them with his arms over the backs and his legs spread apart as if he was a king. "That was way too easy," he concluded to himself as he saw from the side of his peripheral vision a reedy figure shoot up from its spot only five rows behind and follow Tenten out of the theatre.
Neji really needed to work on his stalking skills.
I am running out of words to describe how thin Neji is
Cereal for dinner at 2 in the morning?
A o-fucking-kay.
Tenten could feel her eyelids sliding closed as she drowsily attempted to pour the milk into the plastic red bowl without it spilled too much. When she had gotten home, uncaring that she had left Shikamaru stranded at the movies because they had both taken her car, Tenten went straight to her room and locked the door. She needed privacy and Beethoven. The only reason she was awake was due to her increasing hunger from not eating anything the whole day besides a bag of greasy popcorn. Neji might like to starve himself like insecure high school anorexics but Tenten appreciated food and it appreciated her back.
"I forgot the fucking cereal."
She smacked herself on the forehead as she stared down at the bowl full of milk. Why was she was so pathetic?
After checking the cupboards, Tenten found that they had no cereal whatsoever. All that was left of it was a note from Lee saying that he had taken their three boxes of Ninja-O's to a drama-party at Naruto's apartment. There will be no cereal for Tenten that night.
"I could make you something to eat if you want." Tenten looked over to see Neji opening the door to his room. She didn't know what he had been doing the entire day, considering he wasn't slathered in paint for once. Maybe he was with Sakura.
Feeling her chest contract, Tenten returned her gaze to her bowl of milk. "It's alright. I can find something myself. Go back to sleep..." She waited for him to shrug and leave, but instead he began to walk over and inspected her 'dinner'.
Arching an eyebrow Neji said, "I think you're the one who needs some sleep. You were out pretty late... watching that movie with Shikamaru." Something in his voice strained at the end, but Tenten was too busy trying keep her vision from blurring to figure it out.
"That movie sucks and Shikamaru sucks and you need to stop being a virgin like right now," she grumbled as she began to look for a funnel to pour the milk back into its carton. If she simply poured it down the drain they wouldn't have milk for the entire week.
Neji remained silent as he watched his roommate open drawers and cabinets, hair completely tangled and wearing only a tank top and boy shorts. From the way her brow was slightly crinkled, she was distressed about something.
"So I'm guessing Shikamaru did something to upset you?" he inquired with forced nonchalance. A kiss, perhaps?
"I think the countryside has turned the inside of his head into one giant deer turd," Tenten huffed, closing the last of the cabinets and still no goddamn funnel. "Or I'm the grumpy one because I haven't eaten a single good fucking thing this whole day. I don't get how you do it Nej, my stomach is about to swallow my internal organs if I don't appease it with nourishment soon."
She heard a soft chuckle, somehow closer to her than she would have guessed. "I think we have enough materials to make something. How do pancakes sound to you?"
Skeptically she looked at him, her heart fluttering at the expression he was giving her. If she was delusional enough (and she was, partially) she would have assumed his visage was a mix of relief, adoration, and shyness only someone like Neji could pull off without dropping his 'better-than-you' personality. "You can cook?"
He shrugged, opening the fridge and searching for the pre-made pancake batter. "I had to find a way to feed Lee when you were gone. Plus, you like pancakes." Neji placed the bowl of batter onto the nearby counter, putting the milk in its place instead. "You go lay on the couch. If you can fall asleep before I'm done making them, I'll take you out to eat in the morning. We don't have classes, right?"
Tenten stared at Neji as he maneuvered around their small kitchen. Now it was him pulling out the frying pan as she watched, a bit surprised at how generous he was being. Neji only made pancakes when he had overworked her, a small apology for making her pose for him at extended periods of time. Never had he straight-up offered them as anything else. As if pulled by her heart and not her stomach, Tenten deposited herself onto the lumpy couch in the connected living room and listened to the sound of the stove being turned on.
She could have gone to sleep, which was pulling incessantly like a whiny two-year-old. If she only closed her eyes she could be drifting across dreamland, but she didn't want Neji's efforts to go to waste, and so she sat still on the sofa for the entire fifteen minutes it took Neji to make dinner. When he came back over to her, his eyes widened a bit as if he had expected her to fall asleep the second she sat down. Tenten bashfully outstretched her arms for the plate, shaking Neji out of his confused state as he handed it to her.
A bit timidly he spoke, "It's a little hot since it's right off the - " Tenten interrupted him by picking up the pancake, folding it in half like a taco, and taking a large bite out of it. She chewed, noticing that there was egg shells in it. It was a lot better than last time though, when Neji mistook black beans for the chocolate chips.
Smiling blearily at Neji's flabbergasted face, Tenten pulled him onto the couch with her as she devoured another part of her pancake. "It's delicious," she said as she boldly leaned her head on his shoulder. Something about being exhausted, as well as Shikamaru's words spinning around in her head, was making Tenten uncharacteristically courageous.
"I'm glad you like it," her white-eyed roommate replied after a tense few moments, his body slackening as he let Tenten get crumbs all over his shorts. She consumed the pancake within four to five more bites, which Neji was not exactly counting as much as he was gazing unblinkingly at her face. Her mocha eyes were half-lidded and unfocused, leaving him to believe she was completely out of her mind when she set the plate on the floor and wrapped her arms around his midsection, pushing her weight forward to make him lay down on the couch with her on top. "Tenten, what are you doing?" His voice became dry, entire body going rigid like a board.
For Tenten, she only squeezed him harder and rested her head underneath his chin. "I'm going to bed like you said I should," she slurred, completely content with her belly full of food and her arms full of Neji. "What better way to go to bed than to fell like you're mine?" she giggled as she finally closed her eyes and slipping off into rest immediately.
Neji stayed wide awake for a while afterwords, trying to decipher her words. Her hold on him had loosened when she fell asleep, but Neji was having difficulty finding a reason to leave her.
Instead, he closed his eyes and held her closer to him, pretending that she was his as well.
A/N: Most people stereotype college as that time where no one gets any sleep. I'm going with that.
I know I am a bit confusing with my sentences because it is hard to review your work unless from an outside source, so tell me if anything sounds weird.
Also, I don't want this to be a long-multi fic so I'll find a way to wrap this up within two-three more chapters.