Like all good Tuesday mornings, Tenten is awoken by her other roommate Lee walking into their shared dorm room. He is dressed in only his ridiculously green boxers and bits of Ninja-O's suspiciously glued to parts of his body. Glitter is sprinkling off from his spiky gelled hair as a plastic gold chain hangs from his neck with the word 'thuglife' attached to it.

Getting up from her remarkably warm couch, Tenten pulled a hand through her mussed hair as she beholds this charming new sight. With the giggling and twitching he is doing, the shit-eating grin on his face, and eyes obscured by hot pink grill sunglasses, Tenten deduces that Lee had sipped something alcoholic while he was out last night - no doubt the idiotic Uzumaki's doing. As well, the police warning for disturbing the peace Lee is waving around proudly is also a good indication of his intoxication.

Pinching the bridge of her nose irritably, Tenten sleepily herds Lee over into his room where she ensconces him in his green quilts and surrounds him with all of his stuffed turtle plushes. Lee passes out immediately, giving Tenten time to get ready and leave the building before he wakes up and unduly laments about how unyouthful he has been. She knows from experience how awkward that is, as Lee has been known to cry into her and Neji's shoulders - whether they are properly clothed or not - and weep deeply as snot dribbles from his nose.

She slips into her room, her head fogged over about the details of last night. She decides a shower will help her remember, as well as freshen up as she decides to go to the studio and dance a little despite having no lessons that day. She also takes some painkillers, swallowing the last two pills and deciding to buy more later. Within ten minutes Tenten's hair is back in their immaculate buns and she is dressed in new clothes and sneakers, her duffel bag slung over her shoulder as she exits the room ready for a new day. She does not even glance back but she has a feeling she is forgetting something important.

...

Neji wakes up alone covered in pancake crumbs. There is glitter and cereal all over his pristine carpeted floor and he feels as if a polar bear had been using his diaphragm as a pillow.

He tries not to cry about it.

Welcome to Candyland, douchenozzle

"Hey Tenten!" Ino called to her from down the school hallways, right as Tenten stumbled out of the girl's changing rooms, Hinata waving shyly next to her. Her muscles were spasming and her skin was still wet from sticking her head in the sink to cool off. She could barely stand, let alone muster up the strength to turn around and greet the owner of the enthusiastic voice. The blond rushed over to give her a bear hug, considering that she and Tenten lived in entirely separate departments and barely see each other, but Hinata thankfully grabbed hold of the back of Ino's blouse and stopped her before she could barrel into the brunette.

Giving the shy girl a grateful smile, Tenten asked curiously, "What is it Ino?" Despite their contrasting personalities, Ino and Tenten were very good friends. The Yamanaka girl was very mature and responsible for her age, even though she was a tad too materialistic and peppy for Tenten's tastes.

"Okay!" Ino exclaimed, clasping her hands together excitedly. "Sakura's having this party at her house to celebrate some giant-ass painting her father bought her and you're invited! Think about it, Tenten! Sakura really idolizes you, you have to come!" Hinata and Tenten exchanged looks, one pair of brown eyes annoyed while the other pair of milky white pearls hopeful and apologetic.

"I don't think Sakura looks up to me that much," Tenten mumbled as Ino began to talk about all of the (expensive) foods and services that will be there. They all knew that Neji had made that painting, and he had probably demanded she be invited so he wouldn't be stuck alone wearing a suit and eating handfulls of cake by himself. He could have done that with Hinata, but last time he complained that if Hinata couldn't eat with her bare hands then she didn't deserve to be his sister. (it was a rather awkward dinner for the Hyuugas that night.)

Ever optimistic, Ino flipped her luxuriously long locks lackadaisically with her left hand. "Sure she does! She talks about you all the time, especially about how hard you work! In fact, she's been wanting to talk to you for a while but has been too scared to do so! Doesn't want to bother a pro, she said!"

"Well she must be talking to a mirror then. I gotta go, I scheduled a date with someone and I can't keep them waiting." Tenten hurriedly excused herself from the premises, pulling out her phone and randomly calling whoever's name came up on the contact list. "Hey, meet me at McNinjas in fifteen minutes. We've got a date."

"Who the fuck is this?" came the gruff reply, no doubt having just waken up.

Tenten rolled her eyes. Everyone she knew on her contacts lived in the city, so there was no reasonable excuse to not go out with her. "Get your ass up if you want some onion rings, I'm paying." And with that, she snapped her phone closed with no idea who she had called and not a care in the world about it. All she had was a duffel bag full of sweaty clothes and a weird sensation that she was missing something.

Down the hall Ino yelled out after her, "You have a date?"

McNinjas... that should be a thing. Shuriken chicken nuggets and fries in the shape of kunai. Ketchup anyone?

It's been twenty minutes and her 'date' had not arrived yet. Tenten was half hoping they would because it looked really lame to be eating at McNinjas all alone. She gave it another five minutes before she finished her ice cream and left.

"You promised onion rings."

Tenten was surprised at whom she had called, even more so that they showed up. It wasn't everyday you see antisocial rich boy Sasuke Uchiha eating at McNinjas.

"Yeah, yeah. Here's fifteen bucks, don't choke on the way back." Sasuke accepted the money and went to order his food, leaving Tenten to return to her thoughts.

She and Sasuke weren't by any means 'friends' but they got along well despite being different ages, in different art departments, and in different social groups. The only reason she had Sasuke's phone number anyways was some complicated emergency backup plan Lee and Naruto had conceived should a zombie apocalypse start up. It basically accumulated to eating Kiba's pet dog and holing up in the Uchiha basement for forty-six years or until a ANBU team arrives. Kiba had obviously been the least enthusiastic of the whole idea...

Sasuke plopped down on the seat across from her, looking rather satisfied with the seven cartons of large onion rings in his arms. He handed Tenten twenty-eight cents and began munching on his ring-shaped cardiac arrests. Tenten went back to her ice cream, wondering how much hair products Sasuke used to keep the back of his head so pointed like that.

"You own a mirror, right?" The Uchiha didn't even bother looking up from his beloved food as he continued shoving rings down his throat.

"Twenty," he said somewhat smugly, despite looking like a chipmunk with his cheeks so stuffed. Tenten analyzed him slightly, noticing how un-rich he actually looked when he wasn't wearing highclass clothes and hiding behind designer shades. He was in just a t-shirt and skinny jeans, ruffled hair resembling fowl fanny, and getting grease all over his slim fingers. How many people see an uprising star in the art community appear so... basic?

Tenten wondered if Sasuke didn't even consider her pretty enough to dress up for, but shrugged it off to chuckle when she watched the ever-so clean young man slurp up his onion ring like it was spaghetti. "What's so funny?" he mumbled, licking his lips of the salt.

Not even bothering to hide it behind her hand (it was far too dainty for her, though Neji does that all the time) Tenten said merrily, "You. You are by far the must unexpected date I ever had."

Sasuke made a very ungentlemanly noise in the back of his throat. "And you are the worst date I've ever had. McNinjas? Even my poorest date could afford something better."

The brunette didn't bother thinking up of a witty retort to that. "I had to get out of Ino goading me into Sakura's party, and saying I had a date was the easiest thing to do for someone like Ino. I would have taken anyone, even Shino's ant farm, if I had dialed him. You just happened to be to be lucky number one, as always Mr. Uchiha." She threw him a grin, which he returned with his own pretentious version of.

"There's just a few things wrong with that though," he said, wiping his fingers with one of the thin napkins on the table. Tenten's eyes narrowed at his haughty contenance; this didn't sound good for her. "One, you just told Ino you were going on a date. I may not know much about you, but I know that your rear end has been voted most likely to be seen from space and that you are second most likely to die alone - right under Hyuuga. You being on a date is like Naruto turning down a free bowl of ramen from Ichiraku. She's going to spread the news faster than Rock Lee on a sugar-induced Monty Python Marathon."

Inwardly Tenten groaned at the realization, the lightning bolt of consequence striking through her. She just wanted to get out of Sakura's party so bad she used the easiest lie she could think of. Who knew it would come back to bite her on her fat ass so quickly?

As if seeing the girl's distress was inversely proportional to Sasuke's happiness, the dark-haired male continued on with a self-satisfied expression on his flawless face. "What more, you are on a date with me, Sasuke Uchiha. Notice how the air had just stilled with the mere saying of my name's first syllable? That is how important I am. You're going on a date with THE Sasuke Uchiha. 'Why am I referring to myself in third-person' you must be wondering? I just love saying it; it has a certain ring to it. Sasuke Uchiha." Stars seemed to literally be floating in the air around Sasuke as he beheld the enormity of his own ego. Tenten watched in disbelief, almost as if the background had dimmed so that a spotlight could be shined down upon Sasuke's scrawny body.

"No wonder your brother leaves for long periods of time. You are insufferable," she whispered to herself as the world seemed to go back to normal. Sasuke, not hearing her, merely took another munch of his onion rings. With a huff, Tenten considered leaving right away so that no one would find her eating with (THE) Sasuke Uchiha. But, knowing how much Lady Fate adored her and all of her love handles, right as Tenten sat up she saw Ino and Sakura entering McNinjas.

It was no surprise that Sakura was head over heels infatuated with her roommate, despite strict student code forbidding roommate-relationships (and hence why Tenten hadn't jumped Neji's bones months ago), and so Tenten watched in slow-motion as the beautiful Haruno's face twisted into shock, understanding, grief, and then anger unlike any other she had ever witnessed. It burned hotter than the rage Neji had against an upperclassman named Kidomaru, who psychologically bullied him all throughout middle school. The molten lava within Sakura's twin emerald orbs was so intense Tenten felt herself break out into a cold sweat and her flight-or-fight response immediately telling her to run, run, run the fuck away right now.

Adrenaline erupted through her system and Tenten booked it as soon as she saw smoke erupt from the younger girl's nostrils. "He really likes onion rings!" she shouted as she swept by, swearing profusely as she sprinted for her life. Knowing how strong the other girl could punch, Tenten really did feel as if her life was in danger.

A scream much like a pterodactyl caterwauling was heard, causing Tenten to jump in astonishment at the ferocity and trip over her own two feet. She stumbled, scrapping both her knees on the road, and scrambled to get back up. Pulling her phone out of her duffel bag that she thankfully didn't leave behind, Tenten called the only person who might be able to forge her illegal passports to across the country.

"Shikamaru! This is Tenten! Red alert, motherfucker! Are you listening?" she kept throwing out abusive and offensive words about Shikamaru's weak physical build and sexual attraction to his own deer until she heard the loud beep and a sleepy 'what?'. "Shika, I just fucking stepped on the lion's tail! Do you undertand me? The shit has hit the fan! My ass is deep fried! The fish that flies upstream blind is skewered first! He who smealt it, dealt it! The bitches doth protest too damn much, methinks!"

It took a bit of explaining and ramblings about many nonsensical idioms until Tenten finally began to slow down and properly word the situation. She made her way to Shikamaru's house sluggishly, her poor amygdala, having been so stressed out from overdosing on fear, seemed to have worked itself into a coma as the adrenaline wore off and she was practically limping.

Her day couldn't have gotten any worse at that moment, with the knowledge that Sakura Haruno was out for her blood and the nagging feeling that she had seriously forgotten something from that morning, until a familiar ringtone played. It was Neji's.

"Tenten, did you leave me with Lee?" it wasn't a question and it wasn't his happy voice. His words were passive, almost softly, but you could easily tell he was a tidal wave just ready to come crashing down.

She scrambled for words, excuses, lies, anything to appease her roommate's mood. The nagging feeling she had all day finally became so obvious she wanted to grand jeté off a cliff for her idiocy. Never leave Neji alone with a hungover Lee. Birds dropped dead mid-flight, rivers dry up into deserts, and the earth splits into never-ending abysses.

Usually both she and Neji would leave to let Lee get over himself, but she had not anticipated that Neji would still be in the danger-zone when the bowlcut-haired young man woke up. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"I am so sorry Neji, I-" he cut her off with a low, penetrating growl.

"No you are not. You are never sorry for anything you have ever done and I do not expect you to begin now. Do you want me to tell you what has transpired during your little date with Uchiha?" At that Tenten couldn't help but wince. He knew. Ino must have texted him the second she fled. "Do you?"

It wouldn't make a different either way. Taking a deep breath, having to lean against a nearby lamppost to support her bleeding knees, Tenten asked quietly, "What happened?"

And then the metaphorical dam burst apart.

When Neji is genuinely mad at someone, he does not swear, he does not raise his voice, and he does not take walks to cool himself down. He speaks sternly, icy cold words ripping apart a person with just his tone of voice. Tenten braced herself as best she could, but it still felt like he was beating her heart in with a hammer as he began ranting.

"I was cleaning up the mess you left behind, too busy to go parading with your new date I suppose, when Lee burst into the room in only his boxers and hair full of sparkles. He would not stop crying. He would not stop rubbing snot on my face. He would not put any clothes on. I let him use me as an extra-absorbent hanky for two hours before his headache was killing him so badly he was moaning into my feet - I mean literally moaning into my feet because he would not let go of my ankles. Then - then, Tenten are you listening to me? - I realized there was no painkillers because you had taken the last and forgotten to buy more despite it being your responsibility in case an incident like this happened. I had to bring Lee with me to get more, and all he was able to wear was his oversized lime-colored raincoat.

We spent another hour because Lee couldn't chose with medication he wanted. One made him see fuzzy ponies from his dreams. One was orange-flavored. One had a picture of a bee on it and he was afraid. Throughout the entire time I was in line, he was talking to a little child. I don't know what he said, but the kid freaked out and we were expelled from the store without the painkillers. On the car ride back Lee kept whispering sonnets to my belly button because he couldn't see straight anymore. Do you know what having a half-naked man talking to your navel does to a person, Tenten? It reminds them of their impulsive, selfish roommate ditching them after covering them in disgusting pancake crumbs because she can't even keep it in her mouth properly. I actually had taken what you said to me that night to heart - I thought you meant something in those words. But as soon as I woke up, I was alone and ditched for Uchiha. I don't want you coming back to the dorm today. I just don't feel like I can see you without spitting into my paints. Even the thought of knowing you are on the end of this phone call is like a stab to my drawing hand. You can crash with Sasuke, or even Shikamaru, but I can't deal with your childishness right now. I'll be at the studio putting on the finishing touches to Sakura's painting. It's the only thing I can think of that might make me feel better. Good day."

The phone slipped from her hand the moment the call ended, hitting the pavement and cracking the screen in half. It was an ugly wound, one large split going diagonally through the glass with many smaller cracks clumped together like a spiderweb. Tenten felt just like that crack at the moment, one final strike that brought together all of the smaller cracks into one big clusterfuck of emotion.

She left her phone there and continued trying to get to Shikamaru's.

She tried not to cry about it.

when the guy you love is angry at you and you know it's all your fault...

"Just let it all out."

"No."

"It'll make you feel better. It's a known fact."

"No."

Shikamaru sighed irritably. "At the very least curse me out. You being so meek and well-mannered is starting to scare me."

Tenten huffed and turned her head to the side. "No." The male brunette rolled his eyes and gave up, continuing to apply disinfectant to the cuts on her legs. He kept eerily silent, working so meticulously that Tenten began to fidget nervously. She decided to speak up, "So who are you going to Sakura's party with? Ino or Temari?"

Trying not to hide the monumental groan, Shikamaru grumbled, "Neither. I'm taking taking my cousin. It'll be too troublesome trying to decide between the two. I considered you, but I don't want to give them impression that there is anything between us. It would be too -"

"Troublesome." Tenten smiled slightly as Shikamaru once again made an annoyed sound, but his stiffness was easing. It wasn't every day the strong, independent girl you've known from the country comes to your apartment with bloody knees, no phone, and about to burst into tears.

Placing a band-aid on Tenten's right knee, now matching her left one, Shikamaru helped her stand up from her seat on the edge of his bathrub and lead her back to his bedroom. She proceeded to limply fall into one of his enormous beanbag chairs, curling up dejectedly.

"So, what happened?" he inquired even though he knew fully well what chain of events might have caused this. Ino was a very fast informer.

Cocoa eyes filling glassy with tears, Tenten ran a hand through her unkempt, sweaty hair as she revisited her conversation with her roommate. "I... Lee got drunk last night, and I've told you what happens afterwards... I went to the studio though and left Neji. I-I thought he'd wake up sooner! But now he's angry - really, really angry, Shika - and he says not to go back to the dorm." She sniffed, swallowing thickly as she tried her damnedest not to shed a single tear. "I don't even want to imagine how he sees me now that everyone thinks I went out with Sasuke. Especially not what Sakura thinks! This is such a mess and I have no fucking clue how to fix it. How can so much shit accumulate in just a few hours?" She gave him a pleading look, once again asking him for the answers.

Shikamaru tapped his digits against his knee, knowing full well that he wasn't a miracle worker. He was already so entrenched in trying to get a job at the country's most well-known newspaper, was caught in some sick love-triangle between two blond women he couldn't help but love both, and trying to support his late-teacher's wife and only son. "I... " he desperately needed a fucking cigarette "I don't know, Tenten. You need to solve this by yourself. You can stay the night though, but I'm going out for a bit."

He could have said a lot of things. He could have given her a life-altering epiphany or some shit that only happens in movies. But this was college, and more importantly, this was real life. He didn't know what to say and he couldn't help her when he had no idea how to help himself at the moment. He didn't know everything...

Mutely, Shikamaru got up and walked out of the room.

A/N: personally I think the ending's a little weird, but I didn't want to have Shikamaru explain everything like last time. Plus, he probably has a lot on his plate right now too. Sometimes people try but they just can't give enough - you know the feeling? I already have general ideas of what to do for the remaining chapters but I won't know how long this will continue until I write them down. I realize I am no good with comedy because I always add in stuff to make it more 'realistic' and that just ruins it sometimes but I'm still encouraged enough with this story to continue it than abandon like the others.

Anything sounding weird please tell me.