Sometimes life plays out like a movie... except no one's the main character and everything gets fucked up no matter how hard you try to stop it from happening.

As they say, c'est la vie. Such is life. Or more colloquially, life's a bitch.

Neji made a guttural noise in the back of his throat, something akin to a lion dying alone in the savannah and it was too damn tired to care if vultures had already started to peck away at its flesh. He gazed down at his palette without really seeing it, hand mechanically stirring together a drop of crimson paint with a dapple of white.

Pink.

Neji really hated the color pink.

"Pink isn't even a real color," he whined to absolutely no one. His studio was dark save for the single antique lamp he had because he couldn't afford a real light source when he first started painting. It flickered here and there, but Neji never found time to get a new one. "You see any pink in the rainbow?" he chuckled without any humor in his voice. "No, of course not. It's just our brains filling in the space when red transitions to purple. Entirely made up. Like... unicorns." Slouching, Neji took a step back to survey his work with a look of scorn across his face.

Despite it's massive size (eight feet wide by eight feet tall, and nearly an inch thick) Neji had finished the mammoth within two weeks. He looked back on the time he spent, all the afternoons just trying to get it over as quickly as possible so Haruno could leave him in peace. Though Neji couldn't say he hated Sakura as a person, he hated her father, her dumb pink hair and ivory lace dress, and especially this idiotic commission Kakashi had bullied him into.

Unable to look at the beautiful abomination any longer, Neji turned his attention to the rest of his studio. It was a very spacious room; large, with a high roof, but it lacked any windows and the air was two degrees colder no matter what temperature it is outside. There is a heavy wooden table shoved off into the far right, laden with bevies of different papers, paintbrushes, turpentine, kneadable erasers, charcoal, pastels, gouache, spray paint, x-acto knives, rulers, and basically everything else an aspiring artist needed.

Though everything on, underneath, and around the table was arranged meticulously within plastic baskets and otherwise kept extremely orderly, everything else was in complete chaos.

Empty cans, tubes, and random broken equipment were strewn across the stoic concrete floor like a used minefield. Paint streaked along the walls, the floor, the ceiling with wild abandon. Neji couldn't help but focus on some uncooked macaroni superglued to parts of the wall and the ridiculous glow-in-the-dark stars and moons pasted in various areas.

The ends of his lips tugged upwards, but that was all as he finally rested his sights on the furthest corner away from him. That was the done corner. The place he put all of his finished works that he didn't want to sell. None of them were framed or hung up, all neatly perched against the wall like dusty soldiers taking a break. But that wasn't what caused Neji to smile so minutely.

Every single painting was of Tenten.

In the beginning it was other people, expanding upon his abilities with such fervor and speed that he was noticed right away by art critics. But Neji had sold or given away every other painting. He took commissions to pay for his education (his uncle certainly wasn't funding it) and he used them for his portfolio each semester. Yet for those entire two years, twenty-four months, a hundred and four weeks, seven hundred and thirty days, sixty-three million seventy-two thousand seconds,... he kept Tenten.

As if a magnetic force was pulling him, Neji began walking over to the done corner. He hadn't added anything new to it in a month, not since his previous project got cut off, even though he drew frequently in his sketchbook to stave off the dullness. Slowly - tentatively - Neji began to pull out the canvases and line them against the wall from newest to oldest. When he was done and he stood back to face it.

It was Tenten, from the first time he met her to how he saw her now.

In his very first painting, it was so realistic it felt he could have cupped her cheek through the acrylic. It was… eerie how lifeless it was. Ethereally static - it was just a painting of a girl.

Going down the line though, Neji saw the flowering differences. Colors changed from being washed-out and pale to vibrantly saturated hues. There was a light previously not seen within Tenten's eyes, which had begun to be speckled with emeralds, golds, and rubies like a swirling ember. Sometimes her hair had each individual strand painted; sometimes it was suggested with thick corded streaks. Sometimes her hair transformed into bird wings, wrapping around her head protectively as she gazed at the viewer with such self-assuredness you could swear her smirk followed you throughout the room.

His work had life in it. His work had her.

Something in him clicked. No, maybe made a loud clang in his heart resembling the sound of a molten hot blade being smashed into shape with a hammer.

Neji surmised that the metaphor fit rather well, but now was not the time for pondering metallurgy. "I need to get her back."

So without a glance back at his painting of Sakura, he turned off his lamp and strode out of the studio.

like a terrible romance movie

"I need to either get laid or smoke a lot of marijuana."

"Tenten... neither of those things are happening anytime soon and you know it."

"Yeah, but think about it."

"I don't want to."

"Okay, so don't think. Believe."

"Believe in sex and drugs?"

"... well when you put it like that..."

Tenten groaned, rolling around on Shikamaru's beanbag chair. After the crying and snot dripping down her face and eating of all of the good food in the fridge, Tenten had called the only person she thought might be remotely helpful - using Shikamaru's home phone of course; hers was still smashed on the sidewalk.

"Okay, so what am I supposed to do Hinata? Your bro tossed me out of the apartment like a bad puppy. Lee's probably wrestling with his blankets hallucinating they're trying to eat him. Sakura and Ino think I'm boning Sasuke. Sasuke himself is a greasy, unmotivated sack of flesh full of onion rings. And Shikamaru's going to Choji's to smoke himself into a grave." Tenten took a long moment to reflect on the people she called friends. "Hinata, we are seriously fucked up."

On the other side of the phone line

Hinata turned gaze to the bathroom, where her two roommates were buck-naked and trying to clean their dog Akamaru. Only, Kiba was drowning in the tub and Shino was performing a ritualistic sacrifice dance in the mirror as hordes of ladybugs swarmed around the room. The dog in particular was sleeping by her feet at the bed, dry and still covered in her unused sanitary pads no one could get off for some reason.

Back to Tenten

"I think my life is pretty average," Hinata told her.

Tenten flipped over onto her back, letting her bangs obey gravity. "Aren't you the special one. Sorry it doesn't run in the family, since the rest of you Hyuuga's are balls up the walls in lunacy."

A giggle.

A sigh. "But seriously, what am I supposed to do? I feel like such a bad friend, not to mention a bad friend with a nasty longtime crush. I should have thought this through instead of leaving Neji asleep on the couch. I spilled a secret to him and then I just run like the cowardly lion, except when I defeat the wicked witch of the west there's no bravery for me to get, there's just the uncertainty that Neji doesn't think we'll work out."

Hinata bit her lower lip. "Do you think you'll both work out? There's that tangible attraction you both feel, but are either of you willing to make the jump?"

At that Tenten chortled bitterly. "I've deduced my worst-case scenario is a World War breaks out and Neji's studio gets blasted to smithereens by an enemy missile. That, or I don't tell him and grow up alone with thirty-eight cats. Other than those theories... I'm not sure." Another sigh, almost forlorn in its weariness. "I know I'd like the thought of holy matrimony, but can he envision the idea of being with me for the rest of his life?"

He doesn't envision, he outright prophesizes, Hinata thought to herself with another secretive eyeroll.

"I'm sure Neji had indicated he would."

"Maybe I need glasses then," Tenten snorted, returning to lying on her stomach. "Or maybe Neji's weirder than I thought."

Hinata pleasantly reminisced a night of her dashingly handsome cousin in a tuxedo for once, the dark silk contrasting nicely to his sharp alabaster features whilst complimenting his smooth brunette hair... his hands holding up gobs of french vanilla cheesecake and barking at her to eat some or he'll tell Hanabi that Santa Claus really is a myth bastardized by the media to fuel their delusional economy.

"He's certainly needs some other type of ADD medication," the Hyuuga heiress told herself, mind running back down memory lane.

"What I'm trying to say is," Tenten interrupted, "Neji isn't going to make a move even if I make-out with him as volcanoes erupt around us, birds of paradise gather like a hurricane of swirling colors up into the sky. He's going to be awkward about it and try to disappear for a while by jumping out a window to make up any bullshit excuse he can."

At that Hinata immediately returned her attention. "Is this from experience or assumptions?"

The brunette groaned and buried her face into the beanbage. "He's a gigantic limp dick sometimes!"

Hinata sweatdropped.

Flashback a year and a half ago

"I've been wanting to incorporate my studies on avians with my realistic paintings," Neji said abruptly, lifting his head so that he wasn't staring at his pizza. For a moment Tenten was really worried he had become enraptured by the grease and cheese, and would end up painting the food rather than eating it. Knowing he just came back from one of his campouts in the forests, Tenten was sure he hadn't eaten in two days. He probably doesn't care either, which irritated the food-loving brunette to no end.

She raised an eyebrow as she consumed another spoonful of Ninja-O's. "Ooh, sounds fascinating." Indeed it did. With Neji it was always a surprise no matter what he proposed to combine because he never created something you would expect. It was what made him such a mystery.

Something in the Hyuuga's eyes seemed to sharpen, contracting and dilating in the blank white depths as he looked at her. "Yes," is what he replied with. "Though, I can't get a regular model because they cost too much and most think I want to have sex with them." The look was gone then, concealed by obvious disgust and nauseousness. Tenten tried not to laugh in his face at the plight.

(It was all genetics, that Hyuuga charisma that's been passed down just as long as their eyes and silky hair have been. Even though Neji had a malnourished, stork-like body he was still desirable by a good portion of the people. Somehow, the ego that floods out of his pores in tidal waves allows people to overlook his more jerkass tendencies.)

Neji continued on, his next words causing a shift in their relationship forever. "It will broaden my subjects and maybe get those critics off my back. And... I've always wanted to... paint you, so... will you?" he ended somewhat lamely, but the message was still there.

Tenten was flattered to say the least, cheeks turning into ripened apples. She didn't want to stutter, but the words her head thought weren't properly being transferred to how her mouth would say them. "Y-you-you're really sure about me being the... model?" Weren't models either busty blond vixens with hourglass figures or wrinkly old bags full of gusto?

If it were possible, Neji himself seemed to be flushing at the prospects. "... you don't have to be nude," he added, though his attention had shifted to his soggy, neglected cup (they had run out of clean bowls) of cereal. He sounded almost disappointed, though Tenten's head was pirouetting so rapidly in place she couldn't have possible heard it.

It's no big deal, he's just asking a favour, Tenten told herself. She coughed and began to eat her slice of pizza, stalling desperately for an answer.

Neji appeared to have gone catatonic, merely waiting for her to reject his proposal.

Meanwhile, Tenten finished her pizza and was drinking the rest of her cereal by picking up the bowl and slurping down the contents. Okay, maybe it is a big deal... to me. Neji could probably find someone else if I say no. But I've never had someone draw me before... what if those statistics off the internet are true and I really do see myself fifty-percent prettier than I really am? Goddammit, did I just eat my entire breakfast in three minutes?

Tenten set her empty bowl back down, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. Slowly, mind you, because she was still fighting with indecision. She tried to say something - anything - that won't come off as a complete refusal.

"I'd say yes if I wasn't so fucking self-conscious."

"That's awesome but couldn't you pick a better model? Like, say, the entire female population at this school?"

"You want a cheap model? Go to the zoo and paint the elephant. We practically have the same waistline!"

Tenten grimaced at her horrible joke, staring up at the ceiling as she bit her lower lip. It was either say no, and never have another chance to be as close to Neji, or say yes and have all of her physical flaws and deformities immortalized on paper. She swallowed thickly and lowered her gaze to tell Neji the final verdict...

Only to find him intently looking at her with that creepy expression in his eyes again.

His eyes seemed to be rippling with emotion. An emotion she had no idea what to call.

Killer intent?

Uncontrollable passion and desire?

... constipation?

Whatever it was, it was compelling. Enough for Tenten to blush all over again and divert her attention to the window, hyper-focused on the little bits of dust floating around in the air.

"F-fine. O-okay?" she said, pouting slightly at how foolish she felt for her indecision. She knew it would never mean as much to Neji as it did to her. "Bu-but don't think I-I'm doing it for y-you, okay you idiot? I'm just trying to help out y-your art career, you g-got that?" She huffed for extra emphasis, crossing her arms in front of her chest stubbornly.

The entire room seemed to still for a moment.

"... you don't know how much that means to me," a low voice breathed near her. Really near. Tenten faced the direction of the voice, only to feel something smoosh against her face (somewhere near the mouth region; as if someone had targeted her lips and missed horrendously) and nearly push her off her chair with the suddenness.

Well, she did fall, but that was mostly from shock.

"Fuck! Why'd you do that?" she yelped, scrambling around on the floor like a flipped turtle. Her statement was from falling over, but Neji didn't know that at all. He recoiled, standing immediately whilst knocking his own chair over as his fists clenched and his body trembled. Tenten, recovering from her surprise, looked up at him with confusion. "No, seriously, what was that?"

Neji cringed, eyes piercing anything but his brunette roommate until they fell on the window. He walked over hurriedly, opening it up and promptly throwing the upper half of his body outside.

Tenten caterwauled in shock, pointing to opposite side of the room. "The door's over there, fuckass!" Neji, the mature, cool-headed young man that he was, merely replied by propelling himself out of their second-story window without another word.

There was a loud thump heard, and then the noise of dogs going batshit insane while car alarms went off.

Then, the sound of a heartbroken twenty-one year old running for his life down the street in only his t-shirt and boxers.

And finally, Naruto laughing so hard he doubled over in pain.

Cue Lee waking up and screaming like a beached whale - end of flashback

"I mean, who tosses themselves out the window when they knock another person out of their chair?" Tenten shook her head. "He came back... well, I bailed him out of jail when the cops arrested him for disrupting the peace, but he was really timid about the whole thing. I guess he really was nervous about asking for a model."

"I can't imagine why... hey, Hinata? You still there?"

She wasn't.

The shy, timid, no-backbone Hyuuga heiress had put her phone down to throw a tantrum of epic proportions. She had turned face-down on the bed she was sitting on, flailing all four of her limbs and screaming so hard her face turned a striking tomato red. Profanities of several languages and vulgarity spewed from her mouth as she vehemently cursed the cluelessness of her friend and appalling cowardliness of her half-brother.

Sadly, it wasn't enough to detract Kiba nor Shino from... whatever the fuck they were doing to come and help their other roommate, who seemed to have just busted a cap in her sanity.

"So is that a no in helping me?"

A/N: Blah blah blah Neji's dead. The little snot could have offed himself a million chapters ago and I would still continue writing about his nonexistent love-life.

Fuck you Neji.

This chapter isn't funny nor intelligent I feel but now that I'm so close to a resolution (a shitty, cliched one) I feel no obligation to stop. See ya for the (hopefully) final chapter next time!