Annnddd enter Cammie :) Read. Enjoy. Review.
The next day, (when I eventually woke) I decided to break into the hospital. Even though I knew it was wrong and it definitely didn't feel right when I started, I knew I had to do it. I knocked out one of the exiting doctors by his car when his shift was over. Many of the doctors are similar to the R&D guys. They're really smart and the best at what they do, but they'd never last a minute in the real field. I managed to swipe his I.D card and access key. His name was James Cartstaris. After swiping his I.D, I returned home and copied it. The next day, I returned to the hospital and slipped it back into his pocked with a well-preformed hand off. I almost smiled to myself acknowledging that I hadn't lost my touch.
I had managed to scrape up a quick disguise and had called Macey to do the make up for it. My brown hair was tucked under a blond wig and I had mud brown contacts over my dull eyes. I had placed special soles developed by Joe Solomon, which make you appear shorter. I now looked to be about 5 feet 11 inches compared to my usual 6 foot 4 inches. I don't exactly know now it works, but my guess is lots of smoke and mirrors. I had to be careful not to run into anyone who might stare for too long or attempt to talk to me.
Using the I.D. I had swiped and copied I entered the hospital through the back entrance. The hallway was dark until the motion sensor lights turned on. Once I made it to a more populated section of the hospital, I made it my primary goal to find a set of scrubs. They would disguise me more properly and allow me to get around the hospital without arising more suspicion than necessary. Finding the scrubs was not easy. I was almost compromised, but my compromiser was a friend not a foe. It was the nurse that cared for Cammie while she was comatose. I had spoken to her a couple of times and she was a friendly lady. She was a couple years older than I with a sweet smile and old eyes, or at least much older than they should have been.
"I know what you doing." She whispered in my ear as we crossed paths. At that moment, my shoulders tensed and I prepared to make her pass out, however, the hallway was too crowded. She had cornered me on purpose. I could do nothing but wait for either to blow my cover or keep it.
"Don't do this." She said. A group of doctors stopped by us. "The patient isn't ready. His blood pressure is much too high and an operation of any kind could be fatal. It is not absolutely necessary for him to have surgery for another week. Give us five days to try and find a way to help him. If not operate." The group eyed us warily then continued on without giving us a second glance. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. "Don't do this." She said again.
"I need to do this." I mumbled turning in the direction I knew Cammie's room to be in.
"Respect her wishes and stay away, if only a little bit longer." Respect her wishes I repeated the words over and over again in my head. Her wishes. She didn't want to see me.
"Please," I pleaded facing her, "I need to do this." I tried my hardest to hold back my tears but I felt my eyes watering and turned away from the nurse. I turned and kept walking towards Cammie's room.
"She's not there anymore. I'll show you where she is." The nurse said relenting.
"Thank you." I engulfed her in a hug and she attempted to wiggle out. Holding her tighter I let out a shaky breath into her shoulder. Doctors and nurses alike by us stopped and stared. Realizing what I had just done, I released the nurse and straightened out my wrinkled clothes. The nurse did the same and turned to lead me to Cammie's room.
"She's in there, but I'm going to ask you one more time." She pleaded, "Don't do this."
"I don't have a choice."
"There's always a choice. Just think about if yours is the selfish one or the right one." The nurse turned and went to attend to other patients in other parts of the hospital.
I could see Cammie through the windows. Her back was to me and was facing the window. Her arms, legs and face were no longer bound and I could see the damage of the burns. Everything was still tinged pink; the right side of her body was a darker color because it had been more exposed to the explosion. She was bald. The back of her head had puffy scars that were raised from the skin. The parts that were not as badly burned were lighter giving her random patches of light and dark throughout her body. If her situation weren't so serious, I would have made a Dalmatian joke, but I knew this was no time for jokes.
I cracked open her door with a creak and she turn partially to face me. "Is it time for more pain killers already?" I gasped at what I saw. Her cheek was destroyed and I could see the burns scabbing in criss-cross patterns over on her face. They eye I saw was no longer a shimmering blue, but a dead milky white. Her eyebrows were nonexistent and everything about her face was swollen. "Oh now don't be like that. I wasn't going to do anything. I was just stretching. I haven't moved from that bed in a year. I think it'd be okay if I stretched my legs for a minute." Even without seeing her do it, I could feel her roll her eyes. I felt myself give a meek smile but it vanished soon.
When I didn't say anything in response, her face contorted, which I assumed would have been her furrowing her brow, and she said, "You're not the nurse."
"Gallagher girl?" I asked trying to step in the room.
Her breath hitched. "No!" She screamed when she realized who it was. She scrambled for something to throw at me, settling with the pillow on her bed. She chucked it attempting to hit me, but only managed to hit my fingertips. I tried to reach out for her when she screeched again. "No! Go away! Nurse! Doctor! Help! Get him out of here!"
"Cammie stop." I pleaded. I heard my voice crack and I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. Attempting now to scramble away from me, no longer having any ammunition, she ducked into a corner, tripping over the chair much like the one I had sat in for countless days waiting for her to wake up.
"Leave!" she screamed again. "Go! Now!" I tried to step towards her but I found my feet glued to the floor.
"Cammie." I pleaded again. "You're breaking my heart." I told her.
"Leave me alone! I don't want to see you!"
"Gallagh-" I never got to finish my sentence. Before I could, hospital security grabbed my arms and hauled me out of the room. Cammie was still screaming in the room when I left. The doctors grabbed syringes from the nearby tray tables and injected it into her arm. She screamed in pain then slowly fell asleep.
The security escorted me to a separate room where I was tied to a chair (cliché I know) and handcuffed. Both of the guards stayed with me to watch over me. I recognized them from my early days with the agency. They were both in my year but could never successfully fulfill mission. I never knew why but my guess it's what landed them here on hospital duty. They didn't seem to mind, or more importantly recognize me. I didn't struggle to escape from the chair although it could have been done easily. I deserved whatever was coming next.
"Zachary Goode. Or should I say James Cartstairs" A man said holding a clipboard. He was a short man with a bowler hat and a mousy moustache. His brown hair stuck greasily to the sides of his head and his small eyes looked me up and down once. I could see he was not a field agent from the size of his gut and the porky rolls on his neck. Why did interrogators have to be so…disgusting?
"Yes sir." I replied. As much as they revolted me, interrogators could easily get you kicked out of the agency and given tea to. Some members, and hopefully I wasn't one of them, were given "special treatment" because their minds were too resistant to the tea.
"Son," he said. I noticed he had a slight southern twang to his voice. "Why are you breaking into a CIA hospital? You're one of the top agents we have to offer." As I stared at the man more, he seemed more recognizable. I had seen him around the offices a couple of times. At one point, I remember hearing someone say he was too soft to be an interrogator. This made me let out a internal sigh of relief.
"I wanted to see my wife sir."
"And why not just go see her like a normal person, going through the front door and asking what room she's in instead of knocking out one of our best doctors in the middle of a parking lot and stealing his I.D? " Bowler Hat wrote some quick notes down on his clipboard, made a face, the looked at me once again.
"She didn't want to see me sir."
"You could be charged with assault of an agent, breaking into private property and above all, treason. Is seeing your wife before she gets released in a couple of days really worth that?" Yes. He sighed and continued, "You will be placed in front of a council and your punishment will be decided. Your trail will commence in two weeks time. In the meantime, your escort is here to take you home." The man slammed his pen onto his clipboard and excused himself from the room. Once he was gone I groaned and rubbed my wrists as the two security guards uncuffed my wrists and untied my bindings.
"Zach." Joe Solomon said walking into the room. "Why must you do things like this?"
"Because I like trouble." I replied shrugging my shoulders and attempting to joke. Joe didn't smile though. He gave me a stern look, grabbed my irritated wrist and pulled me out of the room.
"Zach, this is serious. You've breached CIA security. You could be tried for treason. They don't take treason lightly Zach. God. How could you be so stupid?"
"I had to see her Joe." He shook his head and led me down the halls of the hospital.
"I know Zach. It's just you're like a son to me and seeing you hurt like this and ruining your life is hard for me. I know that you need to see her. I'll be back." Before I could even open my eyes from blinking Joe was gone. I sat down against the wall with my head in my hands. If the council decided that I was guilty of treason I would be killed. I really didn't think this through. I ran my hands through my hair then placed them on my knees. I don't know how long I stayed like that because my internal clock had been lost long ago. I know that I was sitting for a long time before Joe came back though because when I got up when he returned; I felt my knees and back aching from no movement.
"Come with me." I nodded silently and followed Joe down another set of hallways. The area didn't look familiar but I knew to memorize each turn we made.
"Don't do something stupid." Joe warned before disappearing behind a door. He was gone for five minutes before returning once again. He opened the door and let me in.
The room was different than the one she was in before. That one was big with windows and covered with flowers and get well soon cards. This room was bleak. It's walls were the same sterile white the entire hospital was. There were no widows, only the florescent lights that harshly shone from the ceiling. There was a small TV mounted on the wall, which she clicked through not even seeing what was on each of the channels.
"May I come in?" I asked softly. I stood in the doorway not daring to take a step in without permission.
"I'd prefer if you didn't but I don't think I have a choice anymore." She replied not making eye contact with me. I entered and sat in the chair next to her. Reaching for her hand like routine, I stopped short. I didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was. She continued looking forward but I could see the whites of her eyes were bloodshot and the bags under her eyes had become more prominent.
"You know Gallagher Girl." I said trying to make some conversation. "You'd think with all the sleep you got you wouldn't look so tired."
She mumbled something after which I couldn't hear. "What?" I asked trying to get her to talk to me. "I wouldn't know." She snapped facing me. I recoiled for a second at the sight of the damage. I had seen some of the extent before but now I was face with it full on. Her right side of her face was the same as it had been when I saw her the first time. Severely scared and burned; the skin was lighter from the lighter burns and the third degrees that had burned off the skin completely healed into raised scars that tore angrily at her face. The left side had a long, wide, white scar running from her collarbone, up her neck, along her cheek to the inside of her nose and up to her hairline. One of her eyes was the same milky white I had seen before while the other one was a cloudy blue. He lip was sewn into a permanent snarl.
"Imaginary cat Suzie got your tongue Blackthorn boy?" She held no compassion in her voice like she used to, only resentment and hate. I didn't recognize her at all. She was too different than the person that used to be with me. I truly was lost for words. I couldn't find the words to say for once in my life. "They told me that the explosion was not a normal one. The chemical that exploded released gasses that ate away at my skin once the fire that burned me had died down. When they were finally able to kill all the chemicals my skin had been too badly burned. I had to receive numerous-"
"Skin grafts." I fished for her. "I know. They told me all about it." I replied. Again I wanted to reach for her hand but found myself reluctant to make any physical contact.
"You know. When I woke up that night and didn't see you there I was so scared that you abandoned me. But then, I realized, I didn't see anything. I woke up in a frenzy and the doctors had to sedate me again. When I woke up the next time, I was barely able to see out of my left eye. Everything was blurry but I could see. They say the chemicals burned my retina beyond repair and my other one was damaged but they were able to partially reconstruct it. You didn't come for days and I got worried. They said that you tried but they wouldn't let you. At first I was furious that they would keep you away, but, when they showed me the mirror even I didn't want myself here."
"Cammie…" I said. I couldn't think of what to say. "Can I… can I hold your hand?" She held her hand out to me and gingerly grasped it. Once I felt her hand in mine the tears began to pour out. I've never cried this much. I was Mr. Tough-guy. I didn't cry.
"I just…I didn't know what to do with myself when they told me they didn't want me to see you." I managed to choke out in between sobs.
"I just couldn't stand the heartbreak Zach." She said back. I felt her turn in the bed. She was now lying on her side, which must have been extremely painful. I felt her smooth back my hair.
"What are you talking about?" I asked tried to calm myself. I had managed to stop crying but I was still taking in shaky breaths. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and tried to give Cam a smile but it fell all too soon.
"Zach. Don't lie to me. I know I'm hideous. I can barely look at myself. I can't imagine how you feel. I can barely see you for Pete's Sake!" I opened my mouth to contradict her, but she stopped me. "I know what you're going to say. 'Oh Gallagher Girl'" She said in a sarcastic voice, "'you're beautiful on the inside that's what matters. You're safe and okay and that's all I care about. Bull shit." I recoiled a bit dropping her hand. She sighed and sat back up in the bed. She turned her face towards the wall opposite to me trying not to make eye contact. "Don't try to protect me. I know what all this means and I know what happens after this. I'm not going to drag you along."
"Cammie, you know that's not what I think. I don't care about how you look. I never have. You're the chameleon. You're not meant to stand out. You've prided yourself on your ability not to be over the top gorgeous because that's who you are. You're the person that blends into the crowd and gets the job done. If I need a debutant I'll get Macey. If I need an exotic model I'll get Bex. But, if I ever need someone who will love me unconditionally, who will listen to me cry without judgment, who is the most amazing person I've ever known not because of how she looks but because of how she loves, then I will come to you. Do you want to know why? It's because that's who you are. You are strong. You are beautiful in a way that surprises me every day. You're the girl that helped take down the Circle. You are my Gallagher Girl and I am your Blackthorn Boy. No amount of scarring or hideousness can drive me away from you."
"Speaking of hideousness…" Cammie trailed. She tried to smile but winced when she felt her mouth pull on the stitches that held it in place.
"I'll admit," I said letting go of her hand and placing mine in a defensive position, "I've looked better." She let out a small chuckle, which soon turned into a coughing fit. I helped her sit up in bed and lightly patted her on the back.
"Sorry," She apologized, her voice now hoarse, "The doctors said my lungs were slightly charred so I'll be coughing for a while."
"You have nothing to apologize for," I said retaking her hand. "It wasn't your fault." She smiled at me and lay back down.
She closed her eyes and attempted to hum but found it too difficult so she settled for rubbing my hand wit hers. We sat there for what felt like minutes, but when I checked the clock turned out to be hours. "I should go soon." I said.
"Okay."
"Why'd you let Joe come and see you but not me?" I asked her.
"Because Joe…well Joe would love me no matter what. He would care for me because that's the promise he made to my dad. Even if I did something unforgivable by every single human being on this earth, Joe would still have to love me because that's what he vowed. You…" she paused, "you could have any girl you wanted, so why would you stay with me? I just couldn't deal with losing everything I knew so fast."
"Cammie," I said, "I vowed to love you forever. I vowed to love you until the world collapses and even beyond that. I vowed to love you beyond our physical lives. I vowed- nay- I vow always to love you no matter what you look like, how you act, or how much you love me. Even if you don't love me at all, because I love you and that's all that I know."
"Sometimes I feel like I'm still in that coma and you're not really here. I feel like what they say is true: that guys like you only exist in movies and in books. I heard you, you know." She said slowly beginning to close her eyes. "I heard you talking to me every day, except for when you were gone for a while. But I heard you when you talked to me."
"Come home with me Gallagher Girl. Come home." I said soothingly.
Her eyes fluttered shut and turned her head away from me when she replied, "I just don't know where home is anymore."