A/N: WARNING: This crackfic has drug references and talk of pedophiles. And I've kind of realized how much I actually curse while writing this. So there... there is your fair warning.

Sailor Pothead

In a world, where evil lurks every corner, where danger crosses the path of every human, especially Kyon for some reason, and where... some other third thing... there was one.

Smoking weed by moonlight,
Molesting loli's by daylight.
Never running from a real fight,
He is the one named Sailor Pothead.

I'm on drugs no one can comprehend.
His God, he'll always defend.
Zero's got a restraining order against him.
He is the one named Sailor...

Sailor Yui!
Sailor Ritsu!
Sailor Mugi!
Sailor Mio!

With epic powers caused by drug abuse,
He is the one named Sailor Pothead.

Smoking weed by moonlight,
Molesting loli's by daylight.
With his Loli Scouts to help fight,
He is the one named Sailor Pothead.

He is the one named Sailor Pothead.

He is the one... SAILOR POTHEAD!

"Hey, thanks man," Koizumi said a little cranked, "my powers are almost running out of juice."

Scottie, your typical drug dealer at the park, raised a slight eyebrow at his costumer. "What did you just say?"

"You know. I haven't been able to soar as high anymore, and it's been getting harder to keep the-"

"Wait... are you talking metaphorically, or..." he asked, completely confused.

"Meta-what? What the hell are you talking about?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Scottie asked.

"The citizens of this town need protecting."

Maybe I shouldn't be selling this guy anymore, Scottie thought. He seems really cracked right now, and he says he's been out for a few days.

"Look, maybe I shouldn't be selling this stuff to you, you know? I'll give you a full refund, I just don't think that-"

Koizumi held up his hand to stop him. He raised the bag with his other hand, as to give it back, before yelling, "NO TAKE BACKS!" And running to the other side of the park like a maniac.

Koizumi stopped running when he got by the swings, knowing that now he had the power to be refueled, and that villain Scottie wouldn't dare come looking for him.

He looked behind himself to see Scottie literally only 20 feet behind him.

"That's funny," Koizumi said to himself, "he doesn't look like he's moved himself from that spot at all. Is it possible he's given me some sort of kryptonite?"

Koizumi looked in the bag.

"No. No crystals in here."

Koizumi then sat on a swing in amusement. He would never involve himself with crystals of any sort.

Too expensive.

Koizumi continued to swing, content with his grass in a bag, when he looked over to see a little girl in the distance, who seemed to have fallen off the slide.

Koizumi knew exactly what to do.

He jumped off the swing, a little disoriented, but now was not the time for him, and he knew it.

He began pulling his jacket off to reveal a large black shirt, that had 'SP' written in a very large comic sans font. At first, he wasn't so sure if comic sans was the way to go, but then he was like "Fuck yeah! What other super hero uses something like comic sans!"

Anyway, after revealing his shirt, and wasting a good 30 seconds he didn't need to, he ran over to the small child hurt on the ground.

"Hello little girl! I am here to help you!" he smiled.

"Oh, okay. But uh... I'm a boy."

Koizumi stepped back to do a look-over.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" he said annoyed.

"Oh," Koizumi said a little disgruntled, "Well, I guess that will work anyway. I'm always willing to try something new."

The small boy looked very confused, but took what he learned from school about stranger-danger to discover that this guy was probably a freak. With this new information at his side, he began to back away slowly, no longer caring about the somewhat mediocre scrape on his knee.

"Koizumi!" yelled a very angry and also confused Scottie, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Koizumi stopped. He looked the taller drug-dealer in the eye, trying to scare him off with his intimidation skills.

To his dissatisfaction, it did not work.

Koizumi stuck a facial expression that just screamed these aren't the droids you're looking for, before yelling, "NO TAKES BACKS!", and running into the parking lot to go off on another adventure of serving justice and all that crap.

A/N: Just for the record, I do not own the idea of Sailor Pothead, you can give all that credit to one of my favorite youtuber's, FullmetalChao, who created The Abridging of Haruhi Suzumiya, which is absolutely hilarious. Tots recommend, especially if you're reading TMOHS fanfiction.

Oh, and I'd like if anyone could write a review, just to tell me if I'm even being funny, or if I should just stop. I seriously can't tell if this is comedy gold, or if I'm just crapping all over it.

With it being summer, and me having no school, I'm up for recommendations if anyone is up for that, but whatever, do what you want, I already have plenty of ideas, so I'm not begging.

Thanks for reading!