A/N: WARNING: This crackfic has drug references and talk of pedophiles. And I've kind of realized how much I actually curse while writing this. I'm pretty sure I could also unintentionally hurt the feelings of the LGBTQ community, with a tiny little joke, so I just want to put it out there that I'm pansexual and don't want to start a riot because some people can't take a joke. ItsuKyon has been my OTP since middle school, so even though this is a crack/in no way romantical- I just wanted to a reference. It's probably not even a big deal. Stop reading this incredibly long warning and have fun you crazy kids. So there... there is your fair warning.

Sailor Pothead- Part 2

Kyon walked down the street quietly, with a just as silent Nagato by his side, silently cursing at himself for agreeing to do this.

During this past week, Koizumi had been leaving the clubroom early for very vague reasons, and today, the young esper didn't come to the clubroom at all. So, Haruhi decided it called for splitting up and going to find him.

It's not like we could just go to his house, or confront him about it tomorrow, no, let's randomly search in the streets for hours on end so we can maybe, possibly, find the least important member of the SOS Brigade.

Yes, this was very logical.

Just as Kyon was about to give up on the search and kindly tell Nagato she could just go home, he looked over to see a sight he wasn't expecting to see that day.

He saw a boy in a North High uniform, kneeling down to talk to four girls, who all appeared to be in middle school. And of course that boy just had to be Koizumi.

Damn that Koizumi!

Before deciding to confront the group, Kyon stood in amazement at how easily Koizumi obviously had it with the ladies.

BUT WAIT! AREN'T THEY MIDDLE SCHOOLERS?

Kyon made his way over to Koizumi, Nagato silently following, though not really providing much for plot development or emotional support.

"Oh, hello Kyon. Surprise seeing you here."

Kyon just stared unamusingly, waiting for his explanation for appearing to be picking up chicks, all of which looked under the age of twelve.

"Oh," Koizumi said realizing his terribly rude mistake, "Kyon these are my... friends." He then began pointing to each of them as he named them off, "Yui... Mugi... Ritsu... and Mio."

"Right," Kyon said nodding, "And how do you know these four middle schoolers?"

Koizumi gave Kyon a look, making it seem as though Kyon should have been embarrassed. "Oh, Kyon. These girls are in the same grade as us. They may be shorter in stature, but that is no reason to treat them poorly."

Kyon was a little surprised, "Really?" he asked turning to the girl with brown hair and a large instument on her back.

"Oh, um... yeah! We go to Sakara High on the other side of town."

"Really, um... okay." Kyon then turned back to the mysterious dick-bag who didn't show up to the club room the current day. "Koizumi, what's got into you lately? Haruhi is going to tear the world apart if you don't get your ass back to the clubroom."

"Live with the times, Kyon. I'm tired of Suzumiya."

"Are you... are you fucking serious?"

"Yup," Koizumi said, now leaning into Kyon's ear to whisper, "I've got four totally cute loli's that I think I can get to have sex with me if I try just a little bit harder, you know?"

"What?!" Kyon said, surprised Koizumi would ever tell him something like that.

"If you want," Koizumi said still whispering, "You can have two of them. I see your date has left."

Kyon looked over his shoulder to see Nagato had left what seemed to be ten minutes ago, not at all caring of Koizumi and his decisions to try to get laid with four girls who look like they couldn't be much older than 10 years old.

Kyon stepped away from Koizumi, motioning for him to take a step back as well, though he continued to stay uncomfortably close.

He looked back to the four cute girls, sighing with the knowledge that he was somehow linked with the pretentious asshole known as Koizumi.

"Sorry, girls. It seems my friend here has much different ideas of what is going on here, so you should probably try to avoid him unless you want your pride stolen from you.

Three of the girls seemed to completely understand what he was saying, and tried to walk away, but one, the one he had talked to earlier, seemed very confused at the strand of words Kyon had just put together.

"Come on, Yui," said the one with black hair, "I'll walk you home." As they all walked away, the one with long blonde nodded to Kyon, as if thanking him for getting them out of an uncomfortable situation.

When they were finally out of their sight, Kyon looked over to Koizumi, who looked like he had just lost a precious object of his.

"Bro! Why'd you let them leave!"

"First, I'm not your bro. Don't ever fucking call me that again." Kyon said, not ready for Koizumi's bullshit. "And second, they were not going to have sex with you."

"Oh, and how do you know that?" Koizumi said sarcastically, getting into Kyon's face.

"They didn't even look like they knew what sex was!"

Koizumi scoffed, "Well, I hope you'll be willing to pay the consequences for what you've done, and learn a valuable lesson why you don't cockblock Sailor Pothead."

"What?" Kyon asked. "No. I hope you get help so you never do something so ridiculous ever again."

"No one cockblocks Sailor Pothead and gets away with it." Koizumi grumbled.

"Come on, Koizumi, I'll walk you home," Kyon said, not wanting Koizumi to make victim of a girl who was charmed by Koizumi good looks.

Did saying Koizumi was handsome make Kyon gay?

Maybe.

A/N: Just for the record, I do not own the idea of Sailor Pothead, you can give all that credit to one of my favorite youtuber's, FullmetalChao, who created The Abridging of Haruhi Suzumiya, which is absolutely hilarious. Tots recommend, especially if you're reading TMOHS fanfiction.

Oh, and I'd like if anyone could write a review, just to tell me if I'm even being funny, or if I should just stop. I seriously can't tell if this is comedy gold, or if I'm just crapping all over it.

With it being summer, and me having no school, I'm up for recommendations if anyone is up for that, but whatever, do what you want, I already have plenty of ideas, so I'm not begging.

And did you see that gay-joke I was talking about. Not even a big deal right? I bet you didn't even notice it since you probably didn't read the warning you sneaky clever-bastard. But I love you for that.

Sorry, I'm just trying to apologize in advance for all of the things I say that will most likely offend a large group of people.

Thanks for reading (and for hopefully not hating me)!