A/N: WARNING: This crackfic has drug references and talk of pedophiles. And I've kind of realized how much I actually curse while writing this. So there... there is your fair warning.

Sailor Pothead 3

Kyon ran as fast as he could up the stairs. He dropped the phone as soon as he got the phone call.

Koizumi was going to commit suicide.

On top of a tall cliche building stood Koizumi, looking at the ground, legitimately confused why everyone was freaking out and telling him not to jump.

I'm not going to jump, thought Koizumi, I'm going to fly.

Kyon refused to stay at the bottom like some kind of peasant. He knew that in some sort of sick and twisted fucked-up way, he was Koizumi's only friend, and the only one that could possibly convince him to get the fuck down in a safe and elevator-friendly kind of way.

Kyon slammed himself right into the door, just to be stopped because of physics.

God dammit. It was one of those pull-doors and not a push-door.

Kyon threw away his hatred of pull-doors, knowing he had to save, dare he say it... his friend.

"Koizumi!" he yelled when he finally made his way through the wretched pull-door. "Don't do it!"

Koizumi looked back at Kyon, "Oh, not you too! Why can't I just do this one thing?"

"Because it will be the last thing you ever do!" Kyon said. "Don't you want to live? You have so much to live for!"

"Kyon... I must save the lives of-"

"Koizumi- the world would not be a better place without you!" Kyon yelled, still unaware of how high Koizumi actually was, "Do you know how boring my life would be if you hadn't been in it?"

"Kyon... you just don't understand. I must save the lives of citizens. And I cannot do that just from the ground."

"...what?" Kyon asked.

"Everyone is getting so angry. I just wan't to help the people of the city. But I guess you don't want that, do you? In that case, you leave me no choice. I shall attack you with a wave a my loli-minions!"

Koizumi waved his hand behind himself, as if motioning what he thought to be loli-minions to go attack Kyon. But in reality, there were no loli-minions, and they were not going to attack anything to prevent Koizumi from jumping off the top of a building.

Are you fucking serious, Kyon thought to himself. He's high, isn't he?

Well... fuck.

In this case, he was going to have to use the logic of a very high teenage boy.

"But Koizumi," he said, gathering his thoughts, "your... loli's need saving up here. I have tied them up and they need freeing."

"Don't be ridiculous, Kyon. My loli-minions wouldn't be able to be outsmarted by you."

Wow, what a dick.

"Your right, Koizumi. That was just a trick."

If Kyon was going to get through to him, he knew he'd have to get more ridiculous.

"That was a mind trick."

"What are you talking about, Kyon. Don't waste my time," Koizumi answered.

"Your mind is fooling you. This is all the work of the evil... Doctor Mind, who wants to trick you into thinking you're able to fly."

"...go on..."

"Doctor Mind, he uh... has put you in a special part of closed space, where you have the inability to use your powers, such as flying."

"Oh, well I suppose that would make since."

"And, everyone thinks you're trying to commit suicide, and just wants you to come down."

Koizumi stared in awe at his position, and seemed to slowly understand what was going on. He then slowly stepped down and jogged himself over to Kyon.

They held an uncomfortable gaze, until Koizumi hugged Kyon tightly.

"Thank you, Kyon. I cannot express how grateful I am for bringing me to my senses. Maybe a kiss will..."

Kyon then hit Koizumi with the back of his hand, now almost positive Koizumi was just fucking with him, and literally pulled all of this just for the possibility for a kiss.

Kyon then walked away, cursing under his breath when he got once again to the pull-door.

Koizumi sat on the ground, staring as Kyon walked away from him, and out the door.

"Mission failed," Koizumi said, "Lip-to-lip contact was not made." Koizumi then stood up, and pretended to be an airplane as he made his way down the stairs, thinking of a new plan to get Kyon to love him.

A/N: Just for the record, I do not own the idea of Sailor Pothead, you can give all that credit to one of my favorite youtuber's, FullmetalChao, who created The Abridging of Haruhi Suzumiya, which is absolutely hilarious. Tots recommend, especially if you're reading TMOHS fanfiction.

And I'm sorry, but if you don't think this is something Koizumi would do, then we obviously haven't been watching the same anime and reading the same novels.

This is the last of Sailor Pothead for now, I'm gonna start working on some other crack fics I have. But don't think this adventure is over. It will probably most-definitely be coming back some fine day.

Oh, and I'd like if anyone could write a review, just to tell me if I'm even being funny, or if I should just stop. I seriously can't tell if this is comedy gold, or if I'm just crapping all over it.

With it being summer, and me having no school, I'm up for recommendations if anyone is up for that, but whatever, do what you want, I already have plenty of ideas, so I'm not begging.

Thanks for reading!